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Author Topic: Roll to Make Lunch  (Read 3475 times)

Elephant Parade

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Roll to Make Lunch
« on: August 26, 2016, 08:40:08 pm »

You are standing in your kitchen. It is 12 PM, a time more frequently referred to as "noon". It is lunchtime, clearly, but what will your lunch be?
« Last Edit: August 27, 2016, 10:18:59 pm by Elephant Parade »
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Yoink

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Re: Roll to make lunch (minimalist)
« Reply #1 on: August 26, 2016, 08:44:45 pm »

Steam some potatoes.
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Booze is Life for Yoink

To deprive him of Drink is to steal divinity from God.
you need to reconsider your life
If there's any cause worth dying for, it's memes.

AkumaKasai

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Re: Roll to make lunch (minimalist)
« Reply #2 on: August 26, 2016, 08:48:10 pm »

Make stew from previous user.
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Coolrune206

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Re: Roll to make lunch (minimalist)
« Reply #3 on: August 26, 2016, 08:48:32 pm »

Mash some potatoes.
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"You are a shameful gaggle of cowards who has made a mockery of the challenge, but you have avoided death. Sit and eat."

crazyabe

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Re: Roll to make lunch (minimalist)
« Reply #4 on: August 26, 2016, 08:55:00 pm »

Dig a Massive pit in my backyard.
((I Has Plan.))
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Elephant Parade

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Re: Roll to make lunch (minimalist)
« Reply #5 on: August 26, 2016, 09:01:25 pm »

Steam some potatoes.
[6] Suddenly obsessed with the idea of cooking the perfect steamed potato, you think back to the countless times you've prepared them before. Though the quality varies wildly, there is one constant: using a cooking pot, rather than a jar of water, improves the final texture significantly. So...

...So a larger container produces a better steamed potato—meaning that the largest container available (your house) should produce the greatest potato of all! You immediately fill your four largest pots with water and put them on the boil, but the steam produced seems to vanish into the air. Next, you set all of your house's faucets to full bore (and the hottest possible temperature) but the results are the same.

Make stew from previous user.
[2] You have no idea where they live—or who they are, for that matter.

Mash some potatoes.
[2] You're not sure how to do that. You try stomping on them, but you just slip and fall, bruising your back. Ow.

Dig a Massive pit in my backyard.
((I Has Plan.))
[1] Your shovel immediately strikes—and pierces!—a water pipe. Cold water sprays into your face; you stumble backwards, shovel dropped.
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crazyabe

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Re: Roll to make lunch (minimalist)
« Reply #6 on: August 26, 2016, 09:04:09 pm »

Perfect! Now to Look for some something to Pipe the Water into Yoink's House...
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Yoink

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Re: Roll to make lunch (minimalist)
« Reply #7 on: August 26, 2016, 09:07:32 pm »

Fill bathtub with boiling water. Plug. Suspend potatoes over that in something. Cover the whole tub with a door.
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Booze is Life for Yoink

To deprive him of Drink is to steal divinity from God.
you need to reconsider your life
If there's any cause worth dying for, it's memes.

ziizo

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Re: Roll to make lunch (minimalist)
« Reply #8 on: August 26, 2016, 09:38:56 pm »

start cutting potatoes
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GG, Ziizo. May my spirit live on in your boobs.

AkumaKasai

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Re: Roll to make lunch (minimalist)
« Reply #9 on: August 26, 2016, 09:44:08 pm »

Temporarily date my hunger with my least favorite digit. Afterwards, find someone to invite over for lunch.
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Elephant Parade

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Re: Roll to make lunch (minimalist)
« Reply #10 on: August 26, 2016, 10:03:10 pm »

Perfect! Now to Look for some something to Pipe the Water into Yoink's House...
[5] You open the door to your shed; a massive pile of tubing tumbles out, nearly burying you. You're not sure when you bought it, but that's hardly unusual—you get drunk pretty often.

Yoink's house is right next to yours, so you should be able to pump it in pretty easily.

Fill bathtub with boiling water. Plug. Suspend potatoes over that in something. Cover the whole tub with a door.
[1] The tub filled, you begin to place skewers across it. In an unfortunate turn of events, you slip on the slightly-damp floor as you set up the third; the skewer slides against the side of the tub as you flail, trying to catch yourself. Failing, you fall towards the tub; the now-diagonal skewer impales your eye, causing you to scream with pain. Half-blind and hysterical, you tumble into the tub—which is, of course, still full of boiling water. This does not bode well for your continued survival.

start cutting potatoes
[4] You do so in a mundane-yet-efficient fashion.

Temporarily date my hunger with my least favorite digit. Afterwards, find someone to invite over for lunch.
[5] The lone digit satisfies you far more than it should—perhaps you should become a cannibal? oh wait, you already are one—and, surprisingly, your wounded hand does not bleed all over the place. After bandaging it up, you phone a neighbor; despite not knowing you all that well, they accept. A few minutes later, you hear the doorbell ring.
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crazyabe

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Re: Roll to make lunch (minimalist)
« Reply #11 on: August 26, 2016, 10:05:58 pm »

Now To Set it up... Perhaps If I just Stabbed One directly into the Broken pipe and Worked my way from there?

What I have to do After that: FIND BOOZE!
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Quote from: MonkeyMarkMario, 2023
“Don’t quote me.”
nothing here.

BorkBorkGoesTheCode

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Re: Roll to make lunch (minimalist)
« Reply #12 on: August 26, 2016, 10:06:57 pm »

Use the +1 ginsu knives to butcher the neighbor's cat.
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Dustan Hache

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Re: Roll to make lunch: who eats potatoes for lunch, anyway
« Reply #13 on: August 26, 2016, 10:09:04 pm »

Find as much alcohol as I can in my fort.
Proceed with task "Attend party"
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I figure at some point, you're just gonna run outta fucks to give and just off yourself whenever you get hurt at all. It's not like there's any downsides to it. Hangover? Suicide will fix that. Stubbed your toe? Suicide. Headache? Suicide. Papercut? Suicide.

NRDL

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Re: Roll to make lunch: who eats potatoes for lunch, anyway
« Reply #14 on: August 26, 2016, 10:09:30 pm »

Order a pizza.
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GOD DAMN IT NRDL.
NRDL will roll a die and decide how sadistic and insane he's feeling well you do.
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