Bob Costa Rica reporting live from Ballet Town, a small town where the legendairy Punchemon train Ash Kickem grew. However as much as we’d like to talk to him about the new game, Punchemon Go Away, tonight we are here to cover the recent election activities.
Campaign!
"Citizens of this nation! It is time to be at least middling-average again! And I am the best person to be middling-average or better! I am a comfortable choice to be supreme dictator, as I do not mandate unreasonable performances and I do not advocate mass murder or torture of citizenry, unlike certain other candidates!
Please make at least a vague effort to vote for me! I would greatly appreciate it!
Thank you!"
Have my ninja assassin team focus on protecting myself and preferably making preemptive strikes against leaders plotting to assassinate me.
((The defense is automatic))
Campaign Roll: 7 -1(no point penalty) + 1(speech bonus) = 6
Electoral Votes: 7
To start things off, Brian the Okish had a major campaign rally today in Ballet town. For such an Okish guy, Brian performed a decent speech. However midway into the event, much to the surprise of those gathered at the rally, Brian was attack by a set of ninjas and a small army.
Behead Brian the okayish and parade his skull around the city on a pike for daring to challenge me and my right to rule!
Assist this action, but have my PR team (or myself, depending on how understaffed my campaign is) claim credit for the killing and describe it as an indication of the hard line my reign will take with such wimpy, un-patriotic subversives!
Campaign!
"-blah blah blah, pointless drivel, blah blah, stuff whatever nonsense he thinks blah blah blah-, as I do not mandate unreasonable performances and I do not advocate mass murder or torture of citizenry, unlike certain other candidates!
Please blah blah pathetic whining!
blergh!"
Behead Brian the okayish and parade his skull around the city on a pike for daring to challenge me and my right to rule!
Brian: 5 + 2(stat bonus) = 7
vs. LERIN: 5 + 2(Stat bonus) = 7
and Gothang: 6 = 6
Luckily for Brian, his ninja defense force successfully fended off his attackers and while neither group of attackers has been caught yet, police say that they are certain that they will find the culprits soon.
{Brian: Gain +2 bonus on next turn for all campaign rolls.}
{Gothang and LERIN: -1 to all Assassination attempts next turn as secret service help to defend All candidates from assassination squads headed by your campaign team}
Campaign?
"Dear citizens of whatever this land that we live in is called, I believe that advancing Beard Scientology will greatly show our superiority to the uncivilized and unethical Unbeards! It hurts me deep inside to even utter such a name, please my dear people vote for me so we can fix all the beards in the world and finnaly win the Beardlimpics for the first time n our nations history!
Holds up a sign
Beard Is Love Beard Is Life
Have a good day because I know I will!"
Campaign Roll: 6 + 1(Speech Bonus) + 2(Campaign Slogan) = 9
Electoral Votes: 9
Atian the Elephantman God also held a rally in Ballet Town today. His message and charisma appealed to a wide audience, including much of the mustache’d minority and everyone from Duck Dynasty. Today Atian proved to the elctorate that he knows how to oppress a country. Indeed Atian is a worthy candidate.
{Atian: Gain +1 on every campaign roll on turns when you successfully integrate the phrase “Martin Van Buren’s Hairy Sideburns”(successful integration is judged by me)}
Campaign
"Mr's and Missuses of our beautiful country, -yeahcouldyoulowerthemikestandformethanks- I stand here today in front of all of you. I say stand because I believe that for the good our nation, we must return to our natural state, the way God intended.
Think, if you will, the great creatures of our planet Earth. What are some of the most hardworking, the most industrious, the most true blue beasts of burden? The horse, the cow, the bull, the donkey, do you know what they all have in common?
THEY WALK ON ALL FOURS! Join me, my dear fellow men and women of all ages, creeds and colours, descend from the great lie that is bipedalism, and take YOUR place, and make this nation the most hardworking it has ever been, and ever will be. God bless *insert nation name here*."
Campiagn Roll: 7 + 1(Stat bonus) + 1(Speech Bonus) = 9
Electoral Votes: 9
Another promenent Candidate, Nix the Everchosen, also emerged with big gains following their rally in Ballet Town. His message appeals to those who are upset about the economy. Of course, its not like there is any research linking walking all fours to the economy, but its common enough for candidates to make up their own "facts." All in all it was a highly successful night.
{Nix: Gain Mastery Over Farm Animals: You gain a squad of very loud cows who mask the sound of your ninja assassin team. +1 to all ninja assassin rolls}
Campaign!
Dear citizens I have been told my methods are wrong that fire is dangerous.
To that I have to ask if is fire is dangerous why we use it warm our homes in winter? why it kills the bacteria in our food making it edible? why do we use it to burn our enemies?
The answer is simple fire isn't dangerous, these people are just idiots looking reasons to complain!.
Both the church and scientist only have good things to say about fire, how it can purify the soul or is a important part of any environment. why would two so different groups lie to us? the answer is simple they don't!
So vote for me, vote for your right of being warm at winter!, your right the warm your food before eating it!, your right to reduce everyone that opposes you to ashes!.
Let us reignite this country and turn it into a great bonfire again!
Campign Roll: 2 + 1(stat bonus) = 3
Electoral Votes: 3
Last and most definitelt to hold a rally in Ballet Town was Sikhateri the Everburning. Despite his efforts to ignite the crowd by holding a massive bonfire mid-rally, Sikhateri seemed all burnt out and the energy of the crowd never rose above an ember.
Oh? Whats that? My co-host is saying that we’re all out of time. Signing off for the VDC, this is Bob Costa Rica. See you next week!
This Broadcast Brought To You By your the VDC (your Vote Doesn’t Count).
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Topic: Roll To Campaign To Be Elected The Next Supreme Dictator For Life: Turn 1 (Read 2918 times)