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Author Topic: Coming Out; How to?  (Read 673 times)


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Coming Out; How to?
« on: March 13, 2017, 04:42:20 am »

Hey there.

After a long time of thinking, and waiting, and coming out to my parents and some others, and being a part of communities, the time may have come to come out at school.

The situation is obviously a lot more complex than I can, or am willing to, express through this post.

But, in short, I'm trans, and I want to join the girl's softball team. My counselor has talked to the sports office, and they are cool with it, plus the school has policies in place for changing uniform.

That's not really the issue. I really want this, and I'm sure of that. But the fear of other people, how my teachers and classmates will react... That's scary.

I'm scared enough to post in the Life Advice thread, so that should give you some sort of idea. Considering I rarely post in this board, it's pretty big. 
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Re: Coming Out; How to?
« Reply #1 on: March 13, 2017, 06:23:06 am »

Digi! :3
(spoopy pumpkin = DigitalDemon by the way; the one with an amazing FPS avatar :I)

So this is me being uncertain of your context because it's missing out much stuff :P But New Zealand school given the context, your teachers would generally (if they're anything I assume are either a public/private school) be accepting and totally okay with it if your administration is anywhere exactly as described. [/alsoI'mjealousinagoodway]
Your classmates given the general grade/year you're in may be a mix of ??? :o :D :-\ or pretty much anything, however, people who support LGBT and otherwise will remember what you did because apparently as far as you've said on the IRC [and not here :P], is you probably are the first? Either way, people who care will notice--and it will generally be a good thing! \o/

That and it'll not be anything bad whatsoever about you as there cannot or ever will be a 'PUBLIC SHUNNING' as if the administration is supportive, then it reflects the quality of the school [seriously that reminds me of the top schools we've got in our city and country here, you go girl!]
And otherwise, you will probably be used as an empowering story to other people who are pretty shy and in the closet and stuff.
Contextualize your teachers and classmates though! I can only assume that in that system; you've got really awesome folks (and teachers are a very varied sort--they however have all been exposed to these and also in handling the people in class; if you have any D:, you can report them, but that's what I expect will least happen--any staff personnel attacking you or anything aligning with that fear).

To illustrate, I remember my best friend telling me (since I'm in college) about how a transwoman changed the strict rigidity of the climate in the MedTech course in my university [since I'm in a university using the city name as its name]. What she did at the start was inquire at the [student administration office] of what she could do and if it was okay to do [this]. [This] included wearing her hair long (but of course using safety nets/ties during lab hours) and dyeing the hair, and they said 'yeah sure'. In the years that passed during her course, lots of people got talking, there was concern in a way, and the school [departmental] board and the head teachers convened to talk to her, she stood firm and told that one basic thing {Administration finds no errors in what I do}, as basically the concerns were 'dyeing your hair in Medical Technology?!//having long hair' [we all have black hair here :P] . Summary in short, she's the reason my best friend explained that MedTech is pretty much a lot better [balance of strictness and understanding] these days. :P

That said, keep at it~ As someone who passed through the years of college being everywhere in most departments [because yay HR jobs!], the sports office is usually a bunch of pretty experienced folks who convene with local and even national events and all and head the whole thing (your school's sports events), and while MOST OF THIS is assuming from my position here as I don't know how New Zealand schools are...

Keep posting here. :) Real happy for you Digi. If you've any concerns you can talk about it over the IRC or in other words: Wherever you're more comfortable (even PMs on Bay12), but keep the thread updated if possible. :P
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Re: Coming Out; How to?
« Reply #2 on: March 15, 2017, 12:17:29 am »

Looking at the recesses of my mind, I actually got an anecdote of a transgender person in my classes. Unfortunately, unlike Tiruin's account, this account is a lot less clear and generally negative :/
It was a new semester of my orchestra rehearsal class and there was a rather ambiguous gendered person in my class. I quickly formed suspicions that this person could be trans, but not wanting risk clocking them out, I decided not to think about that stuff. As the semester progressed, I finally assumed this classmate was just a very feminine man as the professor kept referring to the viola section as "guys". Come post-semester, I found in my school's student publication an anonymized account of transwoman being harassed at my institution. After the initial surprise of this happening at in my own school, the real shock came when I read about a music professor misgendering her and incomprehensibly giving them a D (all you had to do was come to the rehearsals and everyone in class pretty much did that).
So, what can we learn from this? StrawBarrel is too naive and trusting, thus rendering the poor sap vulnerable to the evils of the world.

Your fears are not unfounded unfortunately, there are unaccepting, uncaring, transphobic people in the world. But that doesn't mean you have to live within those fears. Coming out to your school is a very formidable task; that being said, it sounds like you already taken many important steps with the school administration. If they're supportive, then it's probable that many others at your school will share the same sentiment. Although no one can know for sure whether they will encounter positive, negative, or neutral experiences, or friend or foe each new day, they can be willing to face the unknown despite its nebulous holdings. You already showed much will and determination by coming out to your friends, family, and this internet community. Those are not small feats.

Like Tiruin said above, keep us posted. There's nothing wrong with telling us about your problems and, of course, successes. People are cheering for you champ. :)

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Re: Coming Out; How to?
« Reply #3 on: March 16, 2017, 12:40:14 pm »

I don't have particular advice but I wish you only the best of luck.
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Re: Coming Out; How to?
« Reply #4 on: March 20, 2017, 03:51:49 pm »

First off, Congrats on the coming out, and all that jazz! It's a big step, and big things follow. It's definitely a good thing.

I would only advise caution. If it's a situation like Tiruin describes, and I think it may be from what you have told us and how the administration responded to you, it will probably go great. Be aware though that there are a lot of places and a lot of people who really can't deal with this kind of thing, and they can be dangerous if you aren't careful. I don't want to be putting a damper on this cause it really is a good thing, but safety first ya know? Take care of yourself.
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Re: Coming Out; How to?
« Reply #5 on: March 20, 2017, 04:36:21 pm »

On one hand, high school is an excellent test bed for coming out as any variety of things because these are, with very few exceptions, people you will never, ever have to interact with again after graduation. So it's a great place to learn about how best to come out in order to apply it to future experience, and it'll probably make you feel fundamentally better to have done so.

On the other hand, schools aren't exactly known for being hotbeds of tolerance and humanity. You should have a good idea of your overall class dynamics though - if you feel like the people around you are already generally disrespectful to you (for whatever reason) it would be reasonable to expect that they'd on average become more so post-coming out. If they're cool people though, you should be all right. Apply your best judgment on whether you should have any faith in your peers (based on how they act toward you and especially toward others) and then act accordingly.