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Milk

16 (45.7%)

Cookies

19 (54.3%)

Total Members Voted: 35

[CABL]

I guess If those Sorcerers will not re-open the portal, I'm going down...

Spoiler:  !!GM ONLY, PLEASE DON'T LOOK!! (click to show/hide)

Before charging towards the Men of Iron, order to one of the Raptor Squad to stun Yoink for 1 turn.

[Smoke Mirrors]

OK

Name: Andre Anderson
Description: Average guy
Reason for milk: Dietary requirements

First action: Gather up all my important belongings from my house and bring them to my white van. We're gonna hit the road.

Before EP posts you may want to change yourself into War. I have a feeling the four horsemen will be showing up soon, no reason someone can't play as one.

[Gwolfski]

OK

Name: Andre Anderson Real name: War
Description: Average guy Horseman of apocalypse
Reason for milk: Dem bones.

First action: Gather up all my important belongings from my house and bring them to my white van. We're gonna hit the road.

OK.
Before EP posts you may want to change yourself into War. I have a feeling the four horsemen will be showing up soon, no reason someone can't play as one.

good idea

Name: Andre Anderson Real name: War
Description: Average guy Horseman of apocalypse
Reason for milk: Dem bones.

Action: Gather up stuff and head to my van.
Fluff. As Andrew got up, he saw it was one of those days. With a sigh, he retrieved a black cloak and his weaponry from his wardrobe. Sure, sabres and pump action shotguns weren't traditional, but they were functional. War left his house for the last time, and mounted his stead got into his white van. Way more powerfull than any horse.

[Smoke Mirrors]

OK

Name: Andre Anderson Real name: War
Description: Average guy Horseman of apocalypse
Reason for milk: Dem bones.

First action: Gather up all my important belongings from my house and bring them to my white van. We're gonna hit the road.

OK.
Before EP posts you may want to change yourself into War. I have a feeling the four horsemen will be showing up soon, no reason someone can't play as one.

good idea

Name: Andre Anderson Real name: War
Description: Average guy Horseman of apocalypse
Reason for milk: Dem bones.

Perfect

[spazyak]

Be a man, a man in a polo shirt and jeans with one mission, that mission is to find the best milk shake in the world

[Glass]

Name: Andre Anderson Real name: War
Description: Average guy Horseman of apocalypse
Reason for milk: Dem bones.

Action: Gather up stuff and head to my van.
Fluff. As Andrew got up, he saw it was one of those days. With a sigh, he retrieved a black cloak and his weaponry from his wardrobe. Sure, sabres and pump action shotguns weren't traditional, but they were functional. War left his house for the last time, and mounted his stead got into his white van. Way more powerfull than any horse.

You, sir, are hired as the US Secretary of Defense.

[Enemy post]

TURN 23

ITHADTAMMMMM
WHYYYYYYY
This wasn't supposed to happen... I... I just wanted a friend, a companion for when things go awry...

Why did you have to do this?

quickly sign ATHATH's offer, then KILL THEM. KILL THEM ALL. BRING THEM TO THEIR KNEES. SHOW NO MERCY. DO WHATEVER I MUST. DON'T STOP FIGHTING UNTIL EITHER EVERY LAST MINION OF CHAOS IS SLAIN, OR I DIE.

(The power is represented by you being able to near-singlehandedly fight the entire Chaos force with no penalties.)
4vs5

"Word Bearers, rejoice! Gulliman is dead! Keep fighting and we'll capture the city for the Dark Gods!" Screamed Eliphas to his troops. He noticed that the portal is gone, so he orders his Chaos Sorcerers to concentrate on re-summoning the portal, while he and his Terminators charge at the Men of Iron.

Destroy the Men of Iron once and for all, then finally capture the city for Chaos.
Order Goatsby to immobilize Rethi-Eli. If Goatsby fails, attack Rethi-Eli anyway.
Kill Rethi-Eli.

Chaos Havocs with Multi-Meltas (main army): Evaporate Imperial Stormtroopers.
Chaos Marines (main army): Assist Eliphas in destroying the Men of Iron.
Decimator Tank & Nurglite Sorcerer: Corrupt milk creatures, turning them into blight milk creatures. If it fails, Decimator shall roll over them.
Chaos Sorcerers (main army): Re-open the portal.
Squad Gamma 1: Raid the mall for milk. If it doesn't have any milk, drive to the local supermarket again, and loot it for milk.
Squad Epsilon 3: Shoot from the rocket launchers at that Angel/Demon guy.
Squad Epsilon 4: Destroy the police station via artillery barrage.
Chaos Land Raiders (main army): All weapons on Angel/Demon guy.

A lot of actions this time.
(Eliphas vs Men of Iron)4vs6
(Chaos vs Followers of Milk)3vs6,6vs1
(Chaos vs Stormtroopers)5vs3
(Chaos vs Rethi)5vs5
(Sorcerers)3
(Squad Gamma 1)6
(Squad Epsilon 3)2vs3
(Squad Epsilon 4)6
(Chaos vs Diablo)5vs5

Dismount dire ostrich. Command it to go after Rethi-Eli while attempting to turn Rethi-Eli's muscles and joints into goo incapable of supporting his movements.

(Dire Ostrich vs Rethi)4vs2
(Goatsby vs Rethi)3vs6

FINALLY, FREEDOM!

Summon darkness in the shape of a cone and throw it down towards earth, aiming for something important. Then fly down to earth ready to beat the !$%# out of those *&%^%ing Chaos people

5,2vs4

"I could give you the strength to destroy any force of Chaos that comes your way... if you promise to later help me bring about the milkpocalypse. What has this primitive, valueless world ever done for you, anyway?"

Summon a contract (and a functioning, ink-filled pen) and present it to this guy for signing.

"Just sign on the dotted line, and vengeance will be yours."

4

Rethi stands shaking with rage over the fallen giant. Chaos closes around him. In the background, most of his stormtrooper guards fall. The police station shudders under artillery fire and explodes. The portal reopens as the sorcerers chant. The Decimator tank smashes the milk monsters under it's treads. Eliphas clashes with the Men of Iron personally. Then, ATHATH arrives with a deal for Rethi. Vengance now, Armageddon later. Rethi takes it without hesitation. Rising into the air, Rethi gains terrible new power. His eyes and hands glow with flames. Then Rethi charges at the main Chaos lines. He tosses the Chaos Marines around like ragdolls, and they batter him with their bolters. A dark shape momentarily blots out the sun as Diablo enters the battle. A spike of concentrated evil destroys the portal again. Chaos retaliates with admirable speed. Diablo telekinetically slaps aside a barrage of missiles, but a lucky bolter round to the back of the head prevents him from killing anyone just yet. Diablo lands beside the ghostcowman-powered human.

Send milk creatures to seek more milk and take over the city.

4

Your followers go out and bring you an offering of milk, which they gather in the main hall of your castle. They go out for another gathering, but then they get rolled over by tanks. Being milk, they thankfully aren't dead. Just stuck to the bottom of the tank's treads.

I let Lincoln to do whatever he wants to do, informing him of what the button does.
Then I go and try to find some milk.

3+1

Lincoln says goodbye and walks off toward the White House. You go your own way and find a local grocery store that sells milk.

So, off to see about the President...

4

For his part, Lincoln reaches the gates of the White House complex. His armed guards cause some alarm, but he orders them to stand down and hand over their muskets.

...fine.

Give the Giraffia UN representatives US backing and try again.
Remove the hell bovine threat.

6+1,5(+1 for McDonalds donation)vs4

Giraffia is accepted into the UN at remarkable speed with US backing. You deploy the US military against the Vermont invasion. The bovines resort to guerrilla tactics, but with your defectors and vast advantage in numbers you start picking them off. The cows will need a source of reinforcements soon.

While making a call from the Oval Office, President Spades receives a few new pressing reports. The city of Genericville, NH is under siege and the National Guard troops deployed against the attackers was easily demolished. Also, there's a man outside who looks exactly like Abraham Lincoln accompanied by some guards in realistic Civil War uniforms. They had period-accurate guns, but handed them over on demand. The man who claims to be Lincoln is asking for an audience with you. He seems to think Trump is still the President however.
 

wonder why you are paying for Oichi vacation then shrug and search for a nice hotel.

4

You find a place to stay at a nice hotel near Place Guillaume II in Luxembourg City. Oichi immediately goes to sleep as soon as she has a room.

Continue working ritual, and turn milk ash to high-strength powdered milk. As in, strong enough to turn the seas to milk.

5,1

The safe just explodes. Whoops. However, your other spell is complete. The curse takes hold and people start getting turned.

"Blast."

Walk to boss.

"Boss. There's something you should see. Find a window and look out of it. Then help me get our employees back under control. They all ran off when they saw the portal."

3

Your boss goes and looks out the window. "What? I don't see anything. Just the good ol' Genericville winter." The portal has been closed, it seems. Your boss is infuriated your colleagues abandoned work. He assigns you to call them back to the office immediately and storms off.

"THIS... IS... MILKDRINKER!
DRINK MILK AND HAIL SATAAAAN!"    

TURN THE AMPS UP TO 666 (OR HOWEVER HIGH THEY GO) AND THEN, WITH THE ABOVE INTRODUCTION, LAUNCH INTO A BLISTERING UKULELE METAL ASSAULT, SCREAMING IMPROV LYRICS INVOLVING THE MIGHTINESS OF SATAN, THE DELICIOUSNESS (AND NUTRITIONAL VALUE!) OF MILK AND MOCKING THE LAMENESS OF BOTH THE GOD-EMPEROR AND HIS WIMPY CHAOS COUNTERPARTS

ZOO STAFF, VISITORS, TOURISTS, POSERS, CHAOS MARINES, OTHER PLAYERS, COWFOLK, MY FANS AND INNOCENT PASSERSBY ALIKE, NONE SHALL ESCAPE THE POWER OF MY MUSICAL ONSLAUGHT

ALSO POINT OUT TO GM THAT, AS CURRENT IN-GAME SEASON IS WINTER, ACTIONS INVOLVING THE PERFORMANCE OF GRIM, FROSTBITTEN BLACK METAL (INCLUDING BLACKENED UKULELE METAL OF COURSE) SHOULD RECEIVE AT LEAST A +1 BONUS

4+1

I guess If those Sorcerers will not re-open the portal, I'm going down...

Spoiler:  !!GM ONLY, PLEASE DON'T LOOK!! (click to show/hide)

Before charging towards the Men of Iron, order to one of the Raptor Squad to stun Yoink for 1 turn.

4vs4+1
Snow starts to swirl around. The power of the Blackened Ukulele is unleashed. You rock the zoo. The bars of the cages rattle with the sound. A squad of Chaos jump troops attacks you mid-song, but you dodge around their shots and incorporate the impromptu pyrotechnics into your act. Then, a rival chord sounds from the entrance to the bat caves. Spacelaser is here with his own ukulele. 

Name: Andre Anderson Real name: War
Description: Average guy Horseman of apocalypse
Reason for milk: Dem bones.

Action: Gather up stuff and head to my van.
Fluff. As Andrew got up, he saw it was one of those days. With a sigh, he retrieved a black cloak and his weaponry from his wardrobe. Sure, sabres and pump action shotguns weren't traditional, but they were functional. War left his house for the last time, and mounted his stead got into his white van. Way more powerfull than any horse.

3

You get up, brush your teeth, get your coat, and get ready for War. You head out to your van. It rattles and sputters to life. Your phone rings. It looks like the new President of the United States has a job for you.

Be a man, a man with one mission, that mission is to find the best milk shake in the world

3

Your mission begins. With a Google search. Apparently Wendy's has a nice milkshake.

[spazyak]

QUICK!Find a car! then OFF TO WENDIES!

[Rethi-Eli]

PRESS ONWARDS.

[Mallos]

"LOOK AT THESE CHUCKLEFUCKS! CAN'T THE OUTSIDERS MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS FOR ONCE?! IT'S JUST A PLANET WE'RE CONQUERING HERE, GEEZE..."

Spoiler: !!GM ONLY!! (click to show/hide)

Use my power as God of Beasts to call magical beasts from all planes of existence to serve the forces of Chaos. Have these beasts attack the enemy, if they don't come then throw some powerful offensive spells around (provided I have the time)

[Imic]

Purchase the milk with my moneys.

[CABL]

Eliphas sees how Rethi-Eli smashes his army, and decides to charge with his Chaos Terminators at Rethi-Eli, while screaming "Chaos calls for your destruction!" Meanwhile, another Dark Apostle plans to attack the biggest military base in New Hampshire...

Draw daemonic powers before charging, giving Eliphas and his Terminators +1 to attack for 2 turns.
Kill Rethi-Eli.

Havocs with Multi-meltas (main army): Shoot at Angel/Devil guy.
Decimator Tank & Nurglite Sorcerer: Go and help the main army. Nurglite Sorcerer will try to summon Plaguebearers.
Chaos Marines (main army): Hold against Rethi-Eli.
Land Raiders (main army): Shoot at Angel/Devil guy from all the weapon available, including Havoc Missile Launcher.
Squad Gamma 1 & Squad Epsilon 4: 1 Chaos Marine will grab all the looted milk, and abandon the battefield through the portal to Hell-Forge. Dark Mechanicus will try to use the milk in order to improve geneseeding process. Then both Gamma 1 & Epsilon 4 will regroup and change their composition:
9 Chaos Marines & Land Raider will guard Chaos Basilisks from now on, while 2 Chaos Predators will go and help the main army. Then Epsilon 4 will barrage both Yoink and Spacelaser (ugh, that was a long action).
Squad Epsilon 3: Destroy the Men of Iron with rocket launchers.
Chaos Sorcerers: Aid Goatsby, then re-open the portal.
Chaos Raptors: Throw Melta-bombs at the audio system of Yoink. If Yoink survives the artillery barrage, take him as a prisoner.

Dark Apostle Anak's forces*:
Attack and destroy the military base, no prisoners!
If the base is destroyed successfully, drive to Concord and overthrow the state government.


Notes: GM, please correct previous action of Decimator Tank to "Decimator smashed the milk monsters under it's treads". It's a Chaos' Baneblade analogue, not super version of Chaos Dreadnought. Also, please give the other Dark Apostle a name. I'm too lazy to come up with the name for him.
* His forces consist of 8 Chaos Dreadnoughts, 20 Havocs, 70 Chaos Marines, 7 Rhinos with Heavy Flamers, 16 Khornate Berzerkers, and 6 Chaos Predators.

[Dark One]

Telepatically order milk creatures to get inside the tank through any holes in it's hull and destroy it for being too stompy.

[CABL]

Telepatically order milk creatures to get inside the robot through any holes in it's hull and destroy it for being too stompy.

It's a tank, actually, not robot. I've even said this to GM in my current post.

[Dark One]

((Read it but still written that it's a robot in my action... Fixed now.))