Welcome to Bay12, Zefermcdwarfpants and Mintyboi.
TURN 28Give substantial bonuses to anyone willing to put in extra work on the laser, so as to speed up construction and such.
Remove the Chupacabras with military force. (damnit CABL)
The scientists of Giraffia begin work on Dimensional Shielding devices, so as to prevent any of us from ever being forced into a hostile dimension ever again.
(Laser R&D)
3+1(Remove Chupacabras)
4vs6(Dimensional Shielding)
3Your political skill gets results. With the added incentives, your researchers finish and deploy the laser. It is just about to fire when a small figure flies up next to it and teleports it to another dimension. Giraffe magitechnicians work on the dimensional shield. They deploy it, but it isn't as powerful as expected. It gives the Earth resistance to dangerous teleports, but not immunity.
The Giraffian-US force battles the perfectly normal chupacabras. The chupacabras prove a more difficult fight than their alien predecessors. They hunger for the blood of the giant goat-like giraffe officers, dragging some of them away to their lairs.
Banish all who wish to stop or slow the approach of the NEOOOOOOOO-DOOOOOOOOOM MUUUUUUUUG to some nightmarish dimension of DOOOOOOM or something. Also, hasten the approach of the NEOOOOOOOOO-DOOOOOOM MUUUUUUG.
(I'm not going to let you just attack every player in the world who acts against you, but I'll let you interfere with the most potentially successful effort.)
(Banish the laser)
5(Hasten the NEOOOOOOOO-DOOOOOOOOOM MUUUUUUUUG)
4-1 to impact.You push the Mug along, but then your ghostly senses detect a giant death ray targeting the NEOOOOOOOO-DOOOOOOOOOM MUUUUUUUUG! You rush over and send it away before it can fire.
Hurl a powerful milk-spear at the mug.
3You hurl your spear. It strikes true, knocking it back some distance. You are then forced to dodge back as a flash of light briefly engulfs the Mug after it is nearly hit by a human missile.
+0.5 turns to impact."BEHOLD! GAZE UPON THE ETERNAL SERPENT, AND DESPAIR! THE MOST POWERFUL CREATURE OF CHAOS, OUROBOROS!"
THE GREAT GOATSBY bleats laughs maniacally. With the Eternal Serpent flying above, he knows victory is certain.
COMMAND OUROBOROS TO STRIKE ANY NEARBY ENEMIES MAD WITH THE SIGHT OF IT'S ETERNAL SELF-CONSUMPTION. ATTEMPT TO FORCE THE EARTH OUT OF THE VOID WITH THE ASSISTANCE OF THE SORCERERS SO THAT REINFORCEMENTS WILL FLOW FROM THE PORTAL ONCE MORE.
"Stealth squad, prepare to take out the enemy general! Main army, retreat towards the portal and prepare for the attack," said Eliphas to his troops via the vox-caster. After giving the orders, Eliphas goes for the guy who repaired the sound.
Give out the orders above, then go and kill the audio guy.
Order to the Fellblades to use their flamers to burn the angry crowd to ash, then send Terminators after Milkdrinker.
When the military will attack us, Nurglite Sorcerer shall send Ithadtam in the front to take all enemy fire on himself.
((Stealth squad has cloak device and sniper rifles.))
FROM WITHIN EXHIBIT I WAS THROWN INTO, HAMMER OUT ANOTHER BEASTLY BLACKENED-DEATH METAL RIFF AND INSPIRE THESE "EXOTIC" FRUIT BATS TO DO BATTLE SAME AS I DID THE OTHERS
HAVE MY COMBINED BAT-FORCE SWARM ELIPHAS, PLUCKING HIM OFF STAGE INTO AIR AND DROPPING HIM INTO ENCLOSURE OF ALLIGATORS/CROCODILES/OTHER DANGEROUS CREATURE, WHILST I AD-LIB SOME TERRIFYING LINES ABOUT THE WEAK BEING RENDED APART BY THE FANGS OF THE SCALED ONES OR SOMETHING ALONG THOSE LINES
MEANWHILE, SPACELASER WILL ALSO CONTINUE PLAYING, HOPEFULLY STAYING IN TIME WITH ME, AS WELL AS ENCOURAGING THE CROWD. IF MORE ENEMIES ATTEMPT TO GAIN ENTRY TO STAGE, HE WILL KNOCK OVER STACK OF AMPS TO CRUSH THEM.
SOUND GUY WILL ATTEMPT TO INCREASE OUR VOLUME SOMEHOW, TO DRAW IN A LARGER FORCE OF METALHEADS FROM ACROSS ALL OF GENERICVILLE. HELL, ANYONE NOT ALREADY DEAD WILL PROBABLY COME SEE WHAT THE NOISE IS, AT WHICH POINT THEY CONVERTED TO METALHEADS BY THE IRRESISTIBLE POWER OF BLACKENED UKULELE METAL, TOO
Meanwhile Belphegor notices some creature missing form his zoo and sends Leviathan to investigate(Get ready to get what's coming to your Goatsby).
(MilkLaser's music)
1+1(Fellblades vs Crowd)
3vs6(Bats vs Eliphas)
3vs1(Sound guy)
1(Eliphas vs Sound guy)
2vs1(Terminators vs Milkdrinker)
2vs4(Ouroboros vs Crowd)
6vs5(Sorcerer assist)
2(Goatsby's attempt to change dimensions)
1(Earth vs the off-target attempt)
6vs3(Demon summoning Leviathan)
1Goatsby exults in his inevitable victory in the center of the Ouroboros. Some of the crowd go utterly mad watching the serpent. However, they were already metalheads. Goatsby and the sorcerers attempt to set the Earth back in its place, but the spell misfires. A portal to the Elder Plane starts to open, but Earth's new dimensional shields protect it. A demon becomes annoyed with Goatsby taking his pets and tries to send Leviathan after him. However, Leviathan being a sea creature causes it to appear miles away in the ocean instead.
In the crowd, Eliphas continues attempting to silence the music. The Fellblades spout flames into the crowd, but their targets dive for cover. The roar of the flamers does interfere with the sound of the ukuleles, preventing them from inspiring anyone. Eliphas stomps over to the sound guy as Milkdrinker is picking himself up. The sound guy starts to meekly turn down the volume before being knocked out cold by a backhanded strike from Eliphas. Eliphas then turns when Milkdrinker's ukulele rings out in defiance. At the rocker's command, thousands of bats lift Eliphas off his feet and toss him back into a
gharial pit. The Terminators assault the stage, but Milkdrinker and Spacelaser trip them on the cables of their ukuleles like Imperial walkers.
(Chaos vs Military)
5vs6The military continues gaining ground in Genericville. They, and the remnants of the police and Rethi's forces, have formed a ring around the Chaos headquarters where City Hall used to be.
Anak and his opponents spend this turn recovering from the Concord seige.
Drive, not fly, to Area 51. Acquire giant laser.
Call Russian, inform of death mug and propose nuking it.
"Hail, comrade. I regret to inform that the glorious Russian Motherland is uhder threat from a dirty capitalist pig device. May I humbly suggest that you strap some nukes to a rocket and fire it at the Doom Mug? Thank you, comrade"
Use my War powers to persuade him to do so.
(Go to Area 51 and get laser)
3(Call Putin)
4You pull out your phone and make a call to Putin on the way to Groom Lake. With the help of your War powers, you persuade him to launch an ICBM at the Mug. It slows it down nicely.
+1 to impact.You make it to Area 51. Some guards stop you at the gate and let you in after verifying that you are indeed the Secretary of Defense. However, the anti-Doom Mug laser was already launched several minutes ago. The only laser weapons they still have here are the armaments of the old Roswell UFO in the hangar.
Let the key under a plant, text Oichi with it's location and use Telekinesis to fly towards Genericville. Now that I have powers and not only a magical I actually have a chance to save the city.
1After sending your message to Oichi, you fly off to save the day. However, you fly so fast you can't see where you're going. You end up bouncing off a passing 747 and get lodged in the Eiffel Tower.
!!SCIENCE!!Y ANTI-NEO-DOOM-MUG ACTION!!!
1Hmm, the Tractor Beam Tractor would make more sense as a farming implement than a repulsor.
-1 to impact.Groan. Materialize a suit of magic-proof battle armor, as well as a portal that can warp beings from other dimensions into this dimension. point out to GM that my thugs should still be shooting at the Chaos guys since they were never explicitly stated to be dead
2,1You have some trouble getting your old conjuration powers to start up. Must be the shift back from the powers you got from ATHATH's deal.
Go rob a store
(A lot of 1s today.)
1You donate to charity instead.
Welp. Ok, what weapons do I have. Is the Emperor near? Can I get weapons from nearby? Dying after just waking up sounds terrible.
2,3,5You assess the situation as you crush some Rippers underfoot. You have a Lasblaser that the Eldar provided to you. The Emperor is not on this planet, but you could potentially contact him if you used the settlers' communication equipment stored in their town hall. However, the Tyranids have cut them off from it. You see a Chainsword embedded in the hide of a Hive Guard currently engaged in demolishing houses.
Recruit the dinosaurs into the army by offering them the blood of our enemies
3You recruit the dinosaurs, but the cloning equipment is ruined. The cows begin picking out which dinosaurs will be suitable for mounts. The Chaos detachment you were sent requests orders.
Use my Magicks to stop the mugapocalypse.
2+1+0.5 to impact.The universe seems to be annoyed with you for the massive time paradoxes you created earlier. Thankfully, Lincoln's Hat provides you with the extra boost you need to push the Mug back a bit.
Name: Saitama
Description: The True one punch man
Why do you want milk? It's on sale.
You're a guy who became a hero for fun. You have a few roommates. The Horseman of War has left for work, Spazyak went out for a milkshake, and 0cra_tr0per is engrossed in playing Minecraft. You look out the window. Seems like you're needed today.
Name: The One Majestic Flying Whale
Description: The name speaks for itself. One great whale in the midst of others. Just your ordinary majestic flying whale.
Why do you want milk? Milk is so rich and delectable, and if harvested from the correct source (the great Mother Whale) it can lead to glorious new purpose.
Fly through the sky, mind own business looking for some milk
6You float through the upper atmosphere, listening to a telepathic communication from the Giraffe Overmind. You see a cloud of milk floating by, but it's full of skysharks.
"Can't keep this split going much longer" "Agreed, time to get back together" "As our duties are said and done, we shall use our power to once again become one."
Angelo and Diablo re-fuse and begin the plan once more, send earth and us back to our dimension.
(Dimensional shift)
1(Earth vs dangerous plane shift)
2vs6The angel and the demon merge again. Angelo is now dominant. You try to send the Earth home, but a minor error results in the Earth going somewhere else entirely. The shields fail to stop the transportation. The Earth and its neighbors are transported to the
Food Dimension. A plain of various delicious meals-as-landscape stretches out below the Earth as it sails through an unimaginably vast sky.
5 turns to Neo-Doom Mug impact.
Poll
16 (45.7%)
Author
Topic: Minimalism and Milk (Read 220495 times)