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[stillrabbit730]

while playing in dwarf fortress, I opened a tavern, nothing special. then a message appeared that a "plump helmet man bard was visiting" I have many questions, the first being an obvious one to veteran players, "how can a bard be a bard without the ability to speak?". Plump helmet men do not have mouths, so they lack the ability to speak.
theories and discussions in the replies below, im looking forward to reading some of the more "dwarfy" theories.

[oldmansutton]

Perhaps they are excellent musicians, and communicate their stories through gestures.

Oh god... Plump Helmet Man Mimes! 

[stillrabbit730]

that is actually night mare fuel.

someone please draw a picture of a "plump helmet man mine" and post it, that would make my week

[Thisfox]

Please tell me you're going to invite him to stay in your fort!

Perhaps they are excellent musicians, and communicate their stories through gestures.

Oh god... Plump Helmet Man Mimes!

...I found that I couldn't live without sigging that. I hope that's okay?

[stillrabbit730]

he will always have a place in the tavern, and its cool dude

[Shonai_Dweller]

Worldgen is full of singing, orating, storytelling plump helmet man bards and lords ('created the position through force of argument' is a fantastic image). They only lose the ability to speak when they turn up at a fortress or in an adventurer for some reason. Pretty sure there's a bug report on it somewhere.

[stillrabbit730]

In the raws themselves they do not have mouths, so the speaking before adventure/fort mode is the bug

[Cathar]

that is actually night mare fuel.

someone please draw a picture of a "plump helmet man mine" and post it, that would make my week

I will do it, you'll have it tomorrow

[stillrabbit730]

a Saint you are sir, please post it here, cant wait.

[Shonai_Dweller]

In the raws themselves they do not have mouths, so the speaking before adventure/fort mode is the bug

Yes. That's what I meant. Plump helmet men aren't supposed to be able to speak, but worldgen doesn't notice.

This report seems the closest, although the title is a bit misleading. Plump Helmet Men become necromancers, live in towers, teach apprentices, but can't actually perform necromancy as it requires CAN_SPEAK.

http://www.bay12games.com/dwarves/mantisbt/view.php?id=9517

[stillrabbit730]

Truly a sad life for the plump helmet man necromancer. He was skilled enough to fight his way past all the zombies, killing the necromancers, actually having the ability to read, only to be thwarted by biology, and the inability to speak...

Still a better love story than twilight

[Shonai_Dweller]

Truly a sad life for the plump helmet man necromancer. He was skilled enough to fight his way past all the zombies, killing the necromancers, actually having the ability to read, only to be thwarted by biology, and the inability to speak...

Still a better love story than twilight

I'd love to see a scene visualized in which a plump helmet man teaches his apprentice the secrets of life and death through the art of mime.

[stillrabbit730]

Truly a sad life for the plump helmet man necromancer. He was skilled enough to fight his way past all the zombies, killing the necromancers, actually having the ability to read, only to be thwarted by biology, and the inability to speak...

Still a better love story than twilight

I'd love to see a scene visualized in which a plump helmet man teaches his apprentice the secrets of life and death through the art of mime.

Internet, please do your thing and make this a reality

[Cathar]

Of course you need to talk to make corpses rise. If you don't tell them sweet words they feel neglected and stay to bed

[Salmeuk]

Of course you need to talk to make corpses rise. If you don't tell them sweet words they feel neglected and stay to bed

That image makes me deeply uncomfortable. I think it's the tightness of the pants.