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How fun is SPAMKINGDOM series?

Mind-bogglingly popular game series that you follow from early on and cannot stop, waiting for new installment like a drooling addict.
Long-runner soap opera you're too invested into to just stop watching it.
A fun little comic strip in the daily newspaper that's been around forever.
3/6
Who said it's fun? I didn't for sure.
I'm just waiting here for it to die horribly already so it will stop showing on my Unread Posts list.

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Author Topic: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin IV of Methiant-Cydwyl!  (Read 720135 times)

Blood_Librarian

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Cyl II of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #14625 on: September 05, 2018, 03:39:30 pm »

a
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if you want something wacky
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Weirdsound

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Cyl II of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #14626 on: September 05, 2018, 03:40:44 pm »

C

They will understand. We have +2 towards making them understand.
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Hotfire90

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Cyl II of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #14627 on: September 05, 2018, 03:40:54 pm »

C
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Criptfeind

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Cyl II of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #14628 on: September 05, 2018, 03:41:08 pm »

A
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TankKit

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Cyl II of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #14629 on: September 05, 2018, 03:42:39 pm »

C
+2 to charisma.
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“I would stop you from doing unholy experiments with my people, but I don’t actually care about their well-being and I kinda want to see what happens”

Spoken like a true god TankKit.

Twinwolf

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Cyl II of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #14630 on: September 05, 2018, 03:52:43 pm »

A. We really shouldn't risk his life this quickly and they'll understand someone as old as Cyl not being able to make the trip safely.
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Sigtext!
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mightymushroom

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Cyl II of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #14631 on: September 05, 2018, 03:58:46 pm »

A
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Weirdsound

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Cyl II of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #14632 on: September 05, 2018, 04:05:12 pm »

A. We really shouldn't risk his life this quickly and they'll understand someone as old as Cyl not being able to make the trip safely.

We know the old man isn't going to live long anyway. We need to abuse his CHA as much as possible in the meantime. It would be a huge waste to pass up the opportunity to fraternize with the Heliste Monarchy at a wedding. We could get a profitable trade deal, military alliance, and/or spouses for our remaining child and grandkids if we go.
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Prophet

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Cyl II of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #14633 on: September 05, 2018, 04:05:54 pm »

A
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.... You've doomed us all. Granted. Everyone except for traps are executed. Random sci-fi nonsense is required to be taught in schools.
A cute intersex harem with everyone in love with the androgynous king and smart and useful enough into pushing the kingdom forward.

helmacon

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Cyl II of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #14634 on: September 05, 2018, 04:17:35 pm »

A
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Science is Meta gaming IRL. Humans are cheating fucks.

Maximum Spin

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Cyl II of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #14635 on: September 05, 2018, 04:18:22 pm »

C
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ZBridges

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Cyl II of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #14636 on: September 05, 2018, 04:33:39 pm »

C
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birdy51

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Cyl II of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #14637 on: September 05, 2018, 04:35:17 pm »

A

Old man winter go home.
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BIRDS.

Also started a Let's Play, Yu-Gi-Oh! Duelists of the Roses

Haspen

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Cyl II of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #14638 on: September 05, 2018, 05:34:57 pm »

You decide to send Ciri on her way, whilst the healers will take care of you in this quaint roadside inn.

1196 AD, Next Evening

Quote
4

As the fever takes toll on your body, by the evening you feel a surge of strength.

Maybe the illness is going away?


Quote
1

When you wake up, you notice that the room is dark. You do not see any sunlight around the curtains, and the lit candles beside your bed make you realize that it is possibly past midnight. Someone seated near you stirs, probably noticing that you have awoken.

You grab their arm and an old man, looking like the Advisor himself, leans to your face.

"How's the Empire?" You ask, and the man smiles.

"It is doing fairy well, Emperor."

"Good, very good... and Prince Cidric, is he well?"

"Prince Cidric is doing well and is of good health, Emperor."

"I see, that's good... and the council? Are the aristocrats not arguing for once?"

"Emperor, the noblemen are working hard to keep the Empire safe and well."

"That's reassuring, yes..."

"Emperor, you must rest."

"Of course, of course."

So you fall back into the comfyness of sleep - sleep that you do not wake up from again.


You are Cidric, son of Yoe IV, the late Emperor of Methiant!

Since the unfortunate passing of your grandfather, Cyl II, during a trip to attend wedding of your aunt Ciri to Prince (currently King) Sigurd of Helliste, the Empire has been run by regency council comprised of Methiantese and Cydwyllian noblemen.

The other branch of the family, in Eldrican, is doing fairly well. A terrible fire of Eldrican palace at the turn of the century has killed Queen Irvalina and two youngest of Hein's children, also rendering Hein's face horribly disfigured. By 1205, he has decided to abdicate in favor of Prince Feir, whose charisma and speech skills helped him unite Eldrican peoples under his rule, and he enjoys popularity just as much as Eldrican Kingdom enjoys economical prosperity, having found new sources of Fireblood ingredients in the nomad plains in the northwest; the mines are so productive that there's enough to supply Eldrican forces as well as sell excess minerals to Rucusians.

Speaking of Kingdom of Rucus, it has established a military alliance with Eldricans, and is bound to absorb Lametania into its territory. King Arrus I of Rucus is brother of childless - and most possibly, impotent - King Ivos I of Lametania. The latter has decided, just half a year ago, to issue a proclamation that upon his death, his brother Arrus will inherit the Lametanian throne. This is just a safeguard, for both monarchs are only in their mid-twenties, and thus, plenty of time for things (and potential kids) to happen.

Helliste and Albionese has turned away from the inner parts of the continent, going as far as stopping the selling of furs to Methiant, and are now unprecedented wealth and prosperity thanks to selling of silver and steel to Chia, which is in return supplying them with clayware and fabrics. Under rulership of King Sigurd, a wise man and learned astrologer, the Helliste managed to convince even the Rosamanas, led by Queen Rostana I, to allow westerners into their borders for trade and settlement, although traffic, as it is, is rather meager. Albionese gave up their raiding traditions and has begun commerce with the islands of Dvar peoples in the north, as well as exploring and colonizing the northwestern Straight Coast and the Frozen Sea, and the ice-lands north of them, apparently maintaining contact with part-elven 'Kingdom of Sylevessef', and few of their captains claiming they've managed to reach Prawlantese shores by sea all the way from harbors of Helliste.

As for Empire of Cydwyl-Methiant, well... where do we begin with all the bad news?

Firstly, the ancient and reliable silver mines of Methiant finally ran out of the precious ore early in 1201, it's last load of ore given to Dwarves in exchange for cleaning of Blade of Puncturing, which refused any treatment by Methiantese alchemists. Then, an ancient beast, sleeping under the rock of gemstone mines of Methiant, called Tyllytech the Rancid Deathsap, a mouthless screaming pigeon of enormous size (beware its venomous spit!), woke up and destroyed the mines in 1204, rampaging in the local area for half a year (Wizards didn't show up again) until a group of adventurers hired by the regency council killed the oversized chicken, as the Army was busy in Parsia.

The instability in Parsia has endured on for almost a decade; riots against Methiantese authority or against encroachment of Pantheonist religion has led to numerous riots, culminating in Parsian Revolt of years 1204-1206 AD. The Army had to intervene against the local population, and whilst effective, it had rather disasterous effect on local population and settlements; many minor villages were wiped from the map and several important cities, including the old capital of Karasau, lost all of their prestige, wealth and power.

In the power vacuum of that risen from Eleven Graces waning influence and resistance to Pantheonist teachings, Alldivinism, of all things, has taken firm roots, its philosophical principles and regional origin helping it spread amongst Parsians. All but easternmost provinces have Alldivine majority in them, with Graces and Pantheon being minority faiths, the native religion of Parsians maintaining its strength and numbers in the aforementioned lands in the east. However, elsewhere in the Empire, the Pantheonism stands strong; the passing of Advancement of Religion Act in 1199 AD by the Regency Council assured that this faith will keep up with changing times and will be better suited to adress arising instability, heresies and new doctrines.

While trade with Sim Empire continues, the treaty for spices was cancelled, as the aromatic roots and powders became in short supply, and once again Mahjar Sim decided to prioritize someone else over Methiant. T'chai leaves still arrive in great quantities however, and the Treasury still obtains hefty profits from proxy-sale of this luxury resource. The elderly emperor is currently busy personally quelling some instability in the far east of his Empire, and if anything bad happens, his adult son, Mahjar Tum Brah, is ready to replace him.

The worst blow to Imperial integrity was the political turmoil that arrived shortly after Cyl II's death. Without his charismatic persona and mediatization, conflicts arose between powerless Methiantese noblemen, the plutocratic councilmembers, and the priviledged Cydwyllian aristocracy. Corruption scandals of recent years eroded Imperial authority and set the two nobility groups apart, culminating in Aristocratic Schism; the Cydwyllians, in return for not tearing the country apart in two, were given autonomous duchies in the north, lodged between important locations, colonies and lands still under direct rule of the Crown. While you're still their ruler and wield the respective ducal titles, the noblemen families running them enjoy autonomy and traditional priviledges of Cydwyllian aristocracy. These duchies are: Ionith and Donuth shortways north(east/west) from capital of Methe, then distant Duchy of Dahnia in the north, bordering Helliste, as well as newly-created Clochtoir Duchy in far east, encompassing flatlands and rocky plateaus north and northeast from land of Tiftit Hurthlings, a vast but still sparsely populated area.

Speaking of Hurthlings, a strange variation of the usual plague sprung up in 1207 and ravaged their valley for three years. Whilst humans were also susceptible and also fell victim to the sickness, the little ones made as much as 90% of casualties. According to various estimates, somewhere between ten to twenty thousand Hurthlings remain in Methiant. Living in small agricultural communities, they tend to themselves and their families, no longer really adding to the wineyards and other farmlands there. Worthy mentioning is the Springwine; its delicate fruity flavor has found many connoiseurs in Damdamian Republic, and Methiantese Treasury earns nice profits from sending hundreds of barrels yearly to the Damdamian republicans.

Fortunately, the last two years were rather kind for the Empire; the Treasury is growing steadily, conflicts and catastrophes avoided the lands, and its people feel happy and respect the government. Furthermore, the Cartographers of Methiant ventured southeast and northeast, bringing some knowledge about the lands of both Simians and Rosamanas, in 1197 and 1207 AD, respectively.

So, troubled Prince, this is the situation of the Empire! And what do we have to say about you?

Quote
1

Whilst no genius like your father, you do have an inherent aptitude for combat, and your martial prowess impressed even the most demanding of your tutors. The court believes that if any threat arises, the Army under your leadership will have no problems eradicating it.

You ponder about a regnal name for a moment.

You're not a great administrator or talker like the Cyls, and hedonistic scandals of your father, Yoe IV, still linger in the memories of your people. Looking up your family tree to find a good name, you notice another martial man, who, despite his short reign, was respected and liked by both the court and the people.

Therefore you settle on the name of Houlandin!

Long live Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl, King of Felonsein, Ceodwell and Parsia, Prince of Eval, Duke of Dahnia, Donuth, Ionith and Clochtoir, Sovereign of Tiftit!

Here comes the Advisor. The old man is carrying in his ancient hands the Scrolls of Kingdom Status, just as equally ancient.

Happiness: 7
Population: 7
Economy: 7
Army: 9
Imp.Authority: +1

Those are some nice numbers, although you don't understand much from what the Advisor is babbling about them. Moving on!

1211 AD, Spring

Aren't you some most-sought-after boy cake, huh?

Few days into ascension and already a marriage proposal arrives by letter! One of Cydwyllian noble families from Clochtoir, led by Ówyn Astleinn, is offering the hand of his only daughter, Mirinda, for marriage. He claims that she is of exact same age as you, and possesses beautiful body and equally pretty singing voice.

A) I will pass, thanks.
B) H'okay, send her over!
« Last Edit: September 06, 2018, 12:49:51 am by Haspen »
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Maximum Spin

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Re: SPAMKINGDOM#: Emperor Houlandin III of Methiant-Cydwyl!
« Reply #14639 on: September 05, 2018, 05:44:55 pm »

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