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Author Topic: Shitty writing of mine.  (Read 628 times)

SaberToothTiger

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Shitty writing of mine.
« on: October 07, 2017, 05:27:41 pm »

As I clearly have too much free time on my hands, I sometimes write shit, and I think it'd be a great idea to waste someone else's time by making them comment on my writing.

Anyways, if I do any other stuff I'll probably dump it here.
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I gaze into its milky depths, searching the wheat and sugar for the meanings I can never find.
It's like tea leaf divination, but with cartoon leprechauns.
There are only two sure things in life: death and taxes and lists and poor arithmetic and overlong jokes and poor memory and probably a few more things.

SaberToothTiger

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Re: Shitty writing of mine.
« Reply #1 on: October 07, 2017, 05:29:21 pm »

Spoiler: Amusement Hub (click to show/hide)

Originally written in MS Word and I kinda copy pasted it so italics and bold is removed. Anyways, plopped this a few minutes ago.
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I gaze into its milky depths, searching the wheat and sugar for the meanings I can never find.
It's like tea leaf divination, but with cartoon leprechauns.
There are only two sure things in life: death and taxes and lists and poor arithmetic and overlong jokes and poor memory and probably a few more things.

Fniff

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Re: Shitty writing of mine.
« Reply #2 on: October 08, 2017, 08:47:04 pm »

I'm disappointed! I came in expecting shitty writing, and I got some pretty good stuff.

Joking aside, you're on the right track. You got a good voice (I'd have to see me of your work first, though) you know how to build up tension and keep the reader going, and overall you've got potential.

For this story, it's a damn good creepypasta. I have one or two problems with it (I'd drop the stuff about the tape recorder, it doesn't fit) but nothing that couldn't be solved with a second draft.

To conclude... Keep at it!

AzyWng

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Re: Shitty writing of mine.
« Reply #3 on: October 09, 2017, 05:52:05 pm »

Basically what he said, but a lot more informally.

Seriously though, this thing drew me in the way a piece of writing hasn't drawn me in for a while.
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SaberToothTiger

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Re: Shitty writing of mine.
« Reply #4 on: October 14, 2017, 03:40:19 am »

To be honest I didn't know where to go with it. I felt that ending was shitty, really shitty, but I didn't really know how to conclude this. Thanks for the advice, guys. I am too shy to show my writing to anyone privately, so posting it in the best forum is one of the few ways that I can get criticism.
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I gaze into its milky depths, searching the wheat and sugar for the meanings I can never find.
It's like tea leaf divination, but with cartoon leprechauns.
There are only two sure things in life: death and taxes and lists and poor arithmetic and overlong jokes and poor memory and probably a few more things.