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[Dermonster]

: Still being a little shit eh?
: We're going to church and we're going to scream at the gods.
: All month long, constantly telekinetically making the gods lives a living hell.
: Because they made this situation happen so fuck them.
: Later I might go raid the kingdoms treasury because holy fuck WHERE IS MY MONEY!?
: Need it for MAGIC TRAINING.
: I'd do it myself but hahaha no.

[E. Albright]

See, this is why the first month should always be going north to pull a katana out of a block of ice. And then selling it. 'Cause Daddy's got needs, knoimsayin?

[Dermonster]

: Listen here you fragmented piece of my conciousness; if you think you can do better just fuckin' try me
: I already usurped one demon of his power and I'LL DO IT AGAIN.

[E. Albright]

So angry. WeYou wouldbn't be so irritable if weyou spent more "usyou" time at the Sleazy Bar instead of being some kind of a Wretched Condor Dad and hovering over wise, mature, self-reliant, bread-winning Nullaria every hour of the day.

[Maximum Spin]

: We're going to church and we're going to scream at the gods.

: WE SUPPORT THIS PLAN

: PERHAPS LATER, BABYSITTING

[Rockeater]

Will join reading

[Karlito]

Maybe some more time off for the poor girl.

[E. Albright]

I agree! All this work isn't letting Nullaria be the child she still is, and that's just awful. Next month she should go camping down at the lakeside and look for fairies!

[EuchreJack]

Yeah, she needs time off, and a Stern Lecture.  Just look at her face!

[IronyOwl]

Update 5: Everything Fixed Forever

Spoiler: Part 1: Groundwork (click to show/hide)

Time for a stern talking to!


"You gotta start bringing in that cash I ain't made of money."


Wait it worked?


Giving her a lecture very slightly reduces stress?


Maybe it was a lecture about how bad girls get sent to the sanatorium.


As usual, Cube isn't so sure about our parenting style. That's why he's a butler and we told somebody to hold our ale before soloing a demon lord.

Possibly also why he likely gets paid more than we do.

Spoiler: Part 2: Miraculous (click to show/hide)

Soul cleaning service, eh?


Nullaria is not very motivated.

Fortunately her gains don't rely on good service, only her paycheck, which was always gonna be crap.


The butler then takes care of her for two and half weeks because we're not made of money. Somewhere between screaming at Heaven, resting, and getting a stern lecture she cleans up her act!

Current on left, last month's on right (or bottom, if your screen is narrow). +9 Morality, +18 Faith, +2 Sensitivity from a block of church-going.


Her measurements are also getting slightly larger, but I assume that's less relevant for comparisons.




As a special bonus, today we're viewing the inventory for the armory! There are many shops in town, and all of them require money which we don't have! Nonetheless, it might be nice to take a look at what we can work towards.

[Maximum Spin]

: SEND THE GIRL INTO THE NORTH

: ONWARD AND UPWARD!

[Dermonster]

: Quick, nab the sword. It's inferior to magic, but until you start bringing home some actual treasure to pay those EXTORTIONISTS AT THE ACADAMY no wonder I burned the place down It's your best bet.
: And then it's off to the- NO not the stupid north! The forest! You go to the forest!
:And then you get to play with the cows on the farm! By grabbing their dangly bits until delicious white fluid comes out.
: ...
:The things we do for ice cream.

[E. Albright]

No weapons! It will only make her think she can fight monsters, and she plainly can't.

No forest! 'Tis a silly place.

To the north! To the north! Climb to great heights, then fall to great depths! Then, and only then, brandish a real sword - 'cause real swords have curves, knoimsayin? - and scamper home home to milk cows or something.

[IronyOwl]

Update 6: Savage Beasts



Do we look like we're sure of anything we do?

Spoiler: Part 1: Solid Ice (click to show/hide)

Let's do this.


Attempting to "fall from a high place" doesn't work on the left, but we do meet...


The Nice Hat Strangler!


He recommends we and our "tender flesh" take a nice camping trip out west.


The right also contains anti-jumping measures, but we get to meet...


A wizard's fetish!


Shockingly it's not very fast on a cold surface. Imagine being made of tongues in winter.


Up the stairs, the Mountain Patrol has some strong opinions on our parenting style.


Further up still, we find...


>Steal Coat


He's fast for a chubby thug in thick furs!


I mean, this doesn't look THAT bad? He only has 50% more health than us.


*polite applause*


*crowd gasps*

*that one guy shouts "get FUCKED!" from the stands*


Hey, that's our daughter-shaped food!


Just another day in the life of a winged butler.


Just another week in the life of a starchild tossed into the arms of an adventurer.

Spoiler: Part 2: Crushed Ice (click to show/hide)

This time Nullaria knows exactly where to run, but she still can't escape...


THE LAW


THE LAW reminds us that he is THE LAW


Nullaria finally makes it to the top and finds MAD CASH.


Also RAVENING WILDLIFE.


Somehow a ten year old girl can't outrun a wolf in two feet of snow.


LET'S DO THIS


The fluffy woodland critter is immune to our vile sorceries.


Nullaria is not equally immune to the fluffy woodland critter's pointy teeth.


The wolf is also immune to our ten year old girl boxing prowess.


That's a knockout.


SILENCE, MOON MOON


He does this a lot, doesn't he?


I still think this should count as rest or something.

Spoiler: Part 3: The Cow Goes Moo (click to show/hide)

Time to harass cows.


It goes pretty well. Nullaria seems to like and/or be good at doing farm work.


Aw yeah, more cash.


Aw yeah, more sass.

This month we'll be checking out the tailor!


Look at all those sweet threads.


Current on left, last month's on right. +9 Str/Sta, +2 Sensitivity.




So! Two failed attempts at the mythical Blade of Frost and one successful quest to Milk A Cow. Now what?

[Dermonster]

:  WHO FORGOT TO GET THE SWORD!?
: I blame the butler.
: I don't give ANY flying fucks about some secret sword in the mountains, you're getting a sword right the hell now.

: AND SOME ARMOR!
: This is some nice coinage, by the way. What is this, first century mint? Nice job, Nullaria, very good. Now Do it again.