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Author Topic: Terrible Suggestions Thread  (Read 464281 times)

methylatedspirit

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #165 on: February 06, 2019, 10:25:20 am »

Non-alcoholic beer.
Easy, that just makes any dwarf that consumes such a blasphemy of a beverage berserk. Failing that, it pushes the stress levels of the victim consumer up from "(unstressed)" to "Stressed", "Stressed" to "Haggard" and "Haggard" to "Harrowed" by generating multiple strong negative thoughts.
Every time this occurs, an announcement "The dwarf Urist McOops has become {new_stress_level}!" is printed in magenta text, because that may as well be a death announcement in the current version.

But wait, there's more! For some reason, non-alcoholic drinks are the product of a dwarf with low (negative in a future version?) Brewing skill trying to brew drinks. The lower, the more likely. Anyone using DFhack's labormanager or autolabor is just screwed.

To push this firmly into 'terrible' territory, these non-alcoholic drinks cannot be sorted using a stockpile.
« Last Edit: February 06, 2019, 11:10:17 am by methylatedspirit »
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BigUglyWorm

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #166 on: February 06, 2019, 12:21:28 pm »

I actually love the idea of novice brewers failing to create any actual alcohol, and whole barrels ending up full of what is basically stale wheat-water or fruit juice.

I'd also propose that elves would bring it for trading, because of course they would.

"What's wrong with this beer you sold us? I've had five mugs already and somehow I feel less drunk."

"Oh, haven't you heard? It's near-beer."

"Come again?"

"There's no alcohol in it! :D"

[5,000 years of war]
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Criperum

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #167 on: February 06, 2019, 01:42:18 pm »

And then they got beaten. And then the whole fortress got beaten. And kitties too
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methylatedspirit

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #168 on: February 06, 2019, 10:44:42 pm »

The next step would be to allow the player to cut alcohol with water (entirely different from selling non-alcoholic drinks, mind you) while exporting alcohol to dwarves. Doing this, and then going ahead with the trade causes them to declare permanent war on you. If your civ declares war on you for this reason, you are no longer eligible to get migrants, dwarves from your civ will attempt to kill any visitors in an attempt to stagnate your population growth and they will invade every month. Also, unless you have not razed every single fortress/hillock that belongs to your civ, you cannot retire your fortress, only abandon it. Iff you have destroyed your civ, you are now able to declare yourself as a new civ, with all the nobles that would imply.

To be honest, the last sentence sounds like something that could happen in worldgen.
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thompson

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #169 on: February 06, 2019, 11:37:13 pm »

Villainous dwarves, visitors and diplomats could cut drinks as well, which can lead to civil unrest, or worse, fortress wide work stoppages. The dwarves will then unionise and demand better pay, which you can't offer because the economy doesn't exist yet.
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Criperum

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #170 on: February 07, 2019, 08:29:30 am »

Or bad brewers make alcohol with methanol and all your military got blind after a huge party.
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methylatedspirit

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #171 on: February 07, 2019, 09:05:51 am »

I know nothing of DF modding, but methanol-induced blindness sounds like something entirely within the scope of the game, assuming that 'necrosis of both eyes' is a close enough approximation of 'destruction of the optic nerve'. I'd guess methanol-laced alcohol would just be alcohol with a negative quality level, with lower quality levels corresponding to increased amounts of methanol.
« Last Edit: February 07, 2019, 09:33:48 am by methylatedspirit »
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BigUglyWorm

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #172 on: February 07, 2019, 12:59:02 pm »

-deliberately setting up a steady flow of low-skill brewers to make methanol booze
-setting out methanol booze as bait for gnomes and drink-stealing animals
-trading methanol booze to civs you hate
-leaving methanol booze in stockpiles set up for nobles and useless visitors to passively thin them out

We may be getting dangerously close to a good idea.
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Fish Preferred

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #173 on: February 07, 2019, 03:50:35 pm »

If a dwarf's brewing or cooking skill is between 1 and 2, their creations have a 20% chance of causing salmonella or botulism. If skill is less than 1, there's a 50% chance. If the cook hasn't washed with clean water and soap recently, any unfortunate diner has an additional 30% chance of getting sick. There is no way to identify which meals are tainted or poisoned, and they're always displayed as a higher quality than they actually are. No skill is gained from producing tainted food and drink, even though it's shown to increase, and each job will produce double or triple tainted products whenever the player isn't watching.

Also, if dwarves with a herbalist skill of less than 3 pick wild carrots or any kind of mushroom, there's a 30% chance for one of the carrots to cause hemlock poisoning and a 50% chance for a mushroom to cause multiple organ failures for anyone who eats it or a meal made from it.

Any item or workshop made of cinnabar, realgar, or orpiment will give a lethal syndrome to any dwarf who uses it. Toys and food containers made of lead will increase the rate of skill and attribute rust with every use.

Every 1000 steps, the game checks if there's a cat occupying your food stockpile. If so, the most valuable prepared meal with a [FISHITEM] or [IMPLIES_ANIMAL_KILL] ingredient will decrease in quantity by 1 for every cat that is present. If no cat is present, one unit of food will become tainted for every vermin within 10 tiles of the stockpile.

On a similar note, any dog that leaves it's pasture zone will immediately sprint for the most valuable food item it can path to and decrease its quantity by 5 for every 50000 steps that it is loose. After 150000 steps it will also coat every adjascent tile with piles of vomit.
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Criperum

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #174 on: February 07, 2019, 06:01:01 pm »

Just make every animal require food, no magical vermins on stone floors. Animals use smell to find your food storages and eat everything because they don't know when to stop. And they die then of overeating
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methylatedspirit

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #175 on: February 07, 2019, 09:25:32 pm »

And they die then of overeating
Does that include pets? If so, that's just brutal, if my understanding of the stress system in 0.44.12 is correct.

-snip-
So, that's just DF, if it was so realistic, that !!FUN!!, burns away to !!XXFUNXX!!.
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Criperum

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #176 on: February 08, 2019, 05:12:35 am »

Expecially pets. Brutality is FUN

So owners have to feed their pets regulary to prevent this behaviour. And we need a labor cattledwarf that will feed other animals.
« Last Edit: February 08, 2019, 05:14:24 am by Criperum »
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methylatedspirit

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #177 on: February 08, 2019, 06:00:09 am »

Pets are now considered citizens of the fort, and all of them need some kind of room to stay in. Pets of nobles need high-quality rooms, and will also implement mandates.
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Criperum

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #178 on: February 08, 2019, 09:16:40 am »

This  thread is turning into "Actually awesome suggestions thread"
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SixOfSpades

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #179 on: February 08, 2019, 10:44:48 am »

And we need a labor cattledwarf that will feed other animals.
Animal Caretaker.
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