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Author Topic: Terrible Suggestions Thread  (Read 463958 times)

SixOfSpades

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #780 on: September 02, 2019, 12:10:15 pm »

In order to purchase the game online, players must submit proof of dwarfism, such as a scan of medical records stating that they, the player, actually has achondroplasia.
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Dwarf Fortress -- kind of like Minecraft, but for people who hate themselves.

Bumber

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #781 on: September 02, 2019, 02:05:11 pm »

In order to purchase the game online, players must submit proof of dwarfism, such as a scan of medical records stating that they, the player, actually has achondroplasia.
Or enough stupid accidents to qualify as an honorary dwarf.
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Reading his name would trigger it. Thinking of him would trigger it. No other circumstances would trigger it- it was strictly related to the concept of Bill Clinton entering the conscious mind.

THE xTROLL FUR SOCKx RUSE WAS A........... DISTACTION        the carp HAVE the wagon

A wizard has turned you into a wagon. This was inevitable (Y/y)?

PlumpHelmetMan

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #782 on: September 02, 2019, 04:45:58 pm »

In order to purchase the game online, players must submit proof of dwarfism, such as a scan of medical records stating that they, the player, actually has achondroplasia.
Or enough stupid accidents to qualify as an honorary dwarf.

Or just sufficiently impressive facial hair. A combination of all three will even earn you a discount on the game.
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It's actually pretty terrifying to think about having all of your fat melt off into grease because you started sweating too much.

nezclaw

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #783 on: September 02, 2019, 06:40:28 pm »

2) Dwarfian organ donation and life support.

A chief medical dwarf has to level up to perform certain operations correctly, doing so by dissecting fallen dwarfs and intelligent creatures (men-creatures or captured goblins). Eventually, they learn how to make dwarfian life support with pump mechanisms. This allows a dwarf to stay alive even when multiple body parts are destroyed.  After a while and after plenty of research (the ethics and extent of which is a law setting), the dwarfs learn to make advanced artificial limbs and perform organ/limb donation. The register can be maintained and stocked several ways. Through justice, dwarfs can be placed on the register for committing crimes or be sentenced (if serious enough) to be harvested or dissected for research (all executed dwarfs have their bodies donated to medical science). A nobel or patrician can demand a transplant (automatic if needed) and this is performed by the chief medical dwarf (either in the fell mood/ vampire way or randomly picked like failing a mandate). This is from the lower and selects peasants first. A dwarf can be designated to be a preferred organ donor and will be harvested if required. By organs, I mean everything, from eyes to limbs.

medical dwarves who are skilled enough can even graft parts onto themselves, earning the title of Igor. Body parts of fallen dwarves can be kept on ice indefinitely, however there is a chance they will get mixed in with the food stockpile.
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Dawnthunder: It menaces with spikes of tetanus
After the fire had burned down all of the wooden next boxes on the surface, Mottled Petrel was reluctant to replace them with more wooden nest boxes. Instead, he placed the remaining store of wooden nest boxes in the dormitory for any aspiring koopa mothers.

The nest boxes were immediately overrun by helmet snakes.

nezclaw

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #784 on: September 02, 2019, 06:48:35 pm »

In order to purchase the game online, players must submit proof of dwarfism, such as a scan of medical records stating that they, the player, actually has achondroplasia.
Or enough stupid accidents to qualify as an honorary dwarf.

Or just sufficiently impressive facial hair. A combination of all three will even earn you a discount on the game.

what about a fondness for playing in the dirt and collecting rocks.
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Dawnthunder: It menaces with spikes of tetanus
After the fire had burned down all of the wooden next boxes on the surface, Mottled Petrel was reluctant to replace them with more wooden nest boxes. Instead, he placed the remaining store of wooden nest boxes in the dormitory for any aspiring koopa mothers.

The nest boxes were immediately overrun by helmet snakes.

delphonso

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #785 on: September 02, 2019, 07:03:20 pm »

First come, first serve.

Dwarves no longer /know/ which item they'll use for any job nor do other dwarves not touch that item because its reserved. Watch as all your dwarves rush to the stockpile to try and get that last log for their own personal project. See dwarves cancel jobs as the last non-economic stone is used to make a necklace instead of a mechanism. When a new pair of pants is made, all dwarves de-robe and sprint to the clothier's shop hoping to be the first to get there.

Lunardog15

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #786 on: September 03, 2019, 01:34:16 pm »

First come, first serve.

Dwarves no longer /know/ which item they'll use for any job nor do other dwarves not touch that item because its reserved. Watch as all your dwarves rush to the stockpile to try and get that last log for their own personal project. See dwarves cancel jobs as the last non-economic stone is used to make a necklace instead of a mechanism. When a new pair of pants is made, all dwarves de-robe and sprint to the clothier's shop hoping to be the first to get there.

this is just black Friday but !!fun!!
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everything is fine
 everything is on fire
I see no difference between these two phrases.
only at modded hell does this make sense

LexJackle

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #787 on: September 03, 2019, 06:51:06 pm »

Dwarf fortress runs in real time.

In adventure mode, you're responsible for *all* bodily functions. You have to remember to correctly manage your spleen, bile ducts, heartbeat etc or face bad consequences. Heart rate set too low? Pass out. Too high, have a nice heart attack or stroke looser. Thats before your poor bodily management results in endless kidney stones, ulcers and other health issues.
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Bumber

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #788 on: September 03, 2019, 11:34:52 pm »

Dwarf fortress runs in real time.

In adventure mode, you're responsible for *all* bodily functions. You have to remember to correctly manage your spleen, bile ducts, heartbeat etc or face bad consequences. Heart rate set too low? Pass out. Too high, have a nice heart attack or stroke looser. Thats before your poor bodily management results in endless kidney stones, ulcers and other health issues.

In fortress mode, you're responsible for all your dwarves' bodily functions.
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Reading his name would trigger it. Thinking of him would trigger it. No other circumstances would trigger it- it was strictly related to the concept of Bill Clinton entering the conscious mind.

THE xTROLL FUR SOCKx RUSE WAS A........... DISTACTION        the carp HAVE the wagon

A wizard has turned you into a wagon. This was inevitable (Y/y)?

BigUglyWorm

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #789 on: September 04, 2019, 06:50:33 pm »

Dwarf fortress runs in real time.

In adventure mode, you're responsible for *all* bodily functions. You have to remember to correctly manage your spleen, bile ducts, heartbeat etc or face bad consequences. Heart rate set too low? Pass out. Too high, have a nice heart attack or stroke looser. Thats before your poor bodily management results in endless kidney stones, ulcers and other health issues.
Manual Samuel with the DF user interface.  It is terrifying.
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We must prepare for the Vomitpocalypse.

BigUglyWorm

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #790 on: September 04, 2019, 06:54:25 pm »

First come, first serve.

Dwarves no longer /know/ which item they'll use for any job nor do other dwarves not touch that item because its reserved. Watch as all your dwarves rush to the stockpile to try and get that last log for their own personal project. See dwarves cancel jobs as the last non-economic stone is used to make a necklace instead of a mechanism. When a new pair of pants is made, all dwarves de-robe and sprint to the clothier's shop hoping to be the first to get there.

this is just black Friday but !!fun!!
"In other fortress news, four dwarves died and seven more suffered injuries when a swordsdwarf went on a rampage through the clothier's workshop, desperate to claim a pair of masterwork silk socks that had just been produced.  Witnesses were quoted as saying that it was both inevitable and terrifying."
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We must prepare for the Vomitpocalypse.

Naturegirl1999

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #791 on: September 04, 2019, 07:00:30 pm »

Dwarf fortress runs in real time.

In adventure mode, you're responsible for *all* bodily functions. You have to remember to correctly manage your spleen, bile ducts, heartbeat etc or face bad consequences. Heart rate set too low? Pass out. Too high, have a nice heart attack or stroke looser. Thats before your poor bodily management results in endless kidney stones, ulcers and other health issues.
Manual Samuel with the DF user interface.  It is terrifying.
What is Manual Samuel?
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King Zultan

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #792 on: September 05, 2019, 02:44:07 am »

What is Manual Samuel?
Its a game, where you have to do everything manually.
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The Lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch.
Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
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Can I have the sword when you’re done?

Naturegirl1999

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #793 on: September 05, 2019, 06:18:45 am »

It looks cool
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delphonso

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #794 on: September 05, 2019, 10:57:05 am »

Lovingly modeled sexual reproduction system for all animals including dwarves. With detailed descriptions that pop up unannounced.

Game pauses, camera zooms. Witness the miracle of copulation.

- Nickname effects:

Dwarves get negative thoughts if they don't like the nickname they get. Likewise, dwarves who interact with a dwarf with a nickname get bad thoughts until they are given a nickname of their own. Although partially based on preferences, whether a dwarf likes a nickname or not is entirely up to dwarven logic.
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