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Author Topic: Terrible Suggestions Thread  (Read 474279 times)

Fikilili

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  • "Elves make no sense, change my mind."
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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #2580 on: November 18, 2020, 07:04:35 am »

Broker dwarves will empty the banks, fill your fortress with banks, and make a bank-running operations with his banks.
"...but Urist, weren't some of those banks?"
"Lemme tell you boys something about the secrets of life and death."
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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"Military? What's that? Something to eat?"

muldrake

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #2581 on: November 18, 2020, 07:12:43 am »

Just as evil regions can rain blood, slime and filth, good regions can be generated as candy-themed.  Gumdrops and syrup rain from the sky and trees are edible - not the fruits, the trees themselves.  These areas can be inhabited by candy people and animals.
The candy next to the fun stuff is actual candy.  Weapons and armor made out of it are as tough as currently, but dissolve in rain.  Also they can be eaten.  So you have to keep other dwarves away from your military lest they eat their weapons and armor.
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Bumber

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #2582 on: November 18, 2020, 04:44:00 pm »

Hearing or reading the term "the secrets of life and death" is now sufficient to learn the secrets of life and death.
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Reading his name would trigger it. Thinking of him would trigger it. No other circumstances would trigger it- it was strictly related to the concept of Bill Clinton entering the conscious mind.

THE xTROLL FUR SOCKx RUSE WAS A........... DISTACTION        the carp HAVE the wagon

A wizard has turned you into a wagon. This was inevitable (Y/y)?

Egan_BW

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #2583 on: November 18, 2020, 04:46:36 pm »

Now you will know why you fear the secrets of life and death.
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Fikilili

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #2584 on: November 18, 2020, 05:50:03 pm »

Teenage dwarves have a chance to go through a "phase" (although they claim not to be one) during which they will mostly dress in black clothes, not work, participate to popular events, read loads of book, medidate on death, suicide, corpses and murder, and attempt to fall in love with a vampire with the end goal of becoming one.
Growing up, dwarves affected by this "phase" will contemplate on their past deeds and feel uneasy or nothing.
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"Military? What's that? Something to eat?"

King Zultan

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #2585 on: November 19, 2020, 04:21:45 am »

So that means necromancers aren't evil overlords, but actually a bunch of edgy emos that hang out in towers, wight loads of books about how bad life is, and surround them selves with corpses.

This makes them less of something to be feared, but instead something you should feel bad for.
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The Lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch.
Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
Quote from: Leodanny
Can I have the sword when you’re done?

BigUglyWorm

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #2586 on: November 21, 2020, 02:47:35 pm »

New type of spellcaster: the natalomancer, polar opposite of the necromancer.  They know the secrets of life and birth, and seek to fill the world with dumb, squishy babies that they control as their personal army.
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We must prepare for the Vomitpocalypse.

A_Curious_Cat

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #2587 on: November 21, 2020, 08:00:43 pm »

New type of spellcaste: the pinomancer.  Sits in your tavern and makes your booze disappear.
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ChaosPotato

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #2588 on: November 22, 2020, 12:13:43 am »

New type of spellcaster: the repeatomancer. Sits in your thread and continues chains of intentionally stupid ideas.
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King Zultan

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #2589 on: November 22, 2020, 01:47:13 am »

New type of spellcaster: the pineapplemancer, they know the secrets of pineapple and will seek to fill the world with pineapples that they control as their personal army.
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The Lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch.
Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
Quote from: Leodanny
Can I have the sword when you’re done?

MaxTheFox

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #2590 on: November 22, 2020, 04:02:55 am »

Add bodily waste to manage in fortress and adventure mode. Because that would totally add something to the game and totally wouldn't be gross and annoying.
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Woe to those who make unjust laws, to those who issue oppressive decrees, to deprive the poor of their rights and withhold justice from the oppressed of my people, making widows their prey and robbing the fatherless. What will you do on the day of reckoning, when disaster comes from afar?

Luckyowl

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #2591 on: November 24, 2020, 12:09:47 am »

When a dwarf child reaches the age of 12. The child and the child's father will have a meeting. In this meeting the father will explain to the dwarf child about the birds and bees. 
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BigUglyWorm

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #2592 on: November 24, 2020, 10:11:05 am »

When a dwarf child reaches the age of 12. The child and the child's father will have a meeting. In this meeting the father will explain to the dwarf child about the birds and bees.
"...so y'see, son, bees are good cuz they make honey, which makes mead.  But birds are a mixed bag.  Most of the ones we keep are good, what with the meat and the eggs, and that covers your chickens, ducks, geese--"
"So which birds aren't good, dad?"
[extended flashback of rocs and giant keas overlaid with bird screeches]
"...Dad?"
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A_Curious_Cat

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #2593 on: November 25, 2020, 02:39:36 am »

So...

Basically, Toady One should implement new "Fashionable" weapons and armor, that provides no real benefit (and often a detriment) to the user except to be "Fashionable" and boost the player's ego.  Perhaps, services could exist to modify (e.g. by adding skirts to swords, for example) existing gear for the new fashions (maybe ruining said gear in the process).
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BigUglyWorm

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #2594 on: November 25, 2020, 10:54:14 am »

So...

Basically, Toady One should implement new "Fashionable" weapons and armor, that provides no real benefit (and often a detriment) to the user except to be "Fashionable" and boost the player's ego.  Perhaps, services could exist to modify (e.g. by adding skirts to swords, for example) existing gear for the new fashions (maybe ruining said gear in the process).
I'm very much here for DF having absurd JRPG weapons.
"I call this one 'A Song in the Night'.  As you can see, compared to last season's model, it has 20% more pointy bits, an extra 3 feet of chain, and 5 more zippers, plus cave spider silk frippery, crystal glass baubles, and a bottle opener!"
"That's great, but how do I hold the thing?"
"Do what now?"

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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