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[King Zultan]

Go grab a brick and throw it at malific man.

[Rockeater]

Trow the pin at him

[anaphaxeton]

Suddenly, his eyes widen, and he looks to the right, gasping. All of your faces quickly turn around too, and suddenly, as you're looking to the right, the bastard starts running to the left!!

Malefic Man: 7/10 HP. Currently running at full-speed to the right!!

Alright, clearly space and time is broken. As such, the longer the bastard spends running, the more likely it is for him to be damned by an error in space and time. Wait. Maybe demand an explanation from the GM as well. Explanation acquired. My darling Trickle is a goddamned liar.

[TrickleJest]

Episode 2 - SpaceᕒTime
Sometimes, things just don't work right. Doesn't mean they don't work, right?

I tell Maelfic Man I don't actually want him to death. however, i know of someone similar, with about 15* as much maximum HP as he, who i do want to death, and if he can find a way to cause the temporal snarl around the guy to vanish and allow me to continue making the guy with 15* as much MHP death, I'll do my best to help him against everyone else.

The Malefic Man has no idea who you're talking about! There is only one main maniacal dude in this universe, and it's him!

>Make a laser pistol materialize in my hands, and burn the Malefic Man's balls off with laser blasts from said laser pistol.

The laser blasts hit the fleeing Malefic Man's balls, but once again, his balls prove more powerful! The blasts bounce off from the back of his balls, flying off and hitting the barrel! It explodes, violently erupting as giant chunks of seeds fly everywhere. "Ahahah, told you! Nothing can defeat my balls!" the man says, now covered in seeds, and continues running.

Hurl the gear like a flying Frisbee of Death and take off Malefic Man's head,

You hurl the gear as far as you can! Just like one of those carnival games, you manage to get his head right in the hole. The giant gear stuck on his neck slows him down quite a bit, but he still continues running!

Slide-tackle the Malefic Man's legs, making sure I'm not in the way of any gear-related offensive actions.

You slide-tackle his legs - however, now that he's walking rather than running thanks to the huge gear stuck on his neck, you fail to topple him down on the floor, and instead simply deal 1 point of damage to his legs! "You mentioned gear-related offensive actions, but no gear-related defensive actions! Hehehehehe!" the man cackles, stomping you on the stomach while you're down, and takes off again.

arise from the pile as the party cleric from some group that got TPK’d. Heal EVERYONE. including the malific man.

You arise from the pile, and prepare to cast a healing spell on everyone! The Malefic Man, however, realizes that it would probably be a cheap way to gain his HP back, and throws a small pebble at you while you're casting. Suddenly, your PTSD kicks in, and the pebble makes you remember how your entire party was wiped out by falling rocks. You end up just having a panic attack.

grab Dustan Hache by the legs and Hammer Throw him at the malific man!

You grab Dustan Hache and throw him at the Malefic Man! However, Dustan just ends up getting his body hit on the gear that is currently defending the Man, and he falls on the floor, now with a double panic attack.

Dramatic anime realization
"TrickleJest is GMing this game?!?"
"Wait. TrickleJest has a Bay12 account?!?!?"
"Wait. JOEbob has a Bay12 account?!?!?!?"

Run forwards out of the alley and then run towards whichever direction he's running, trying to outflank him.

...I'm pretty sure we both played in like 3 forum games at the same time on Bay12 at this point. I mean, before you even joined the DTG server.
Anyway! You rush up to the Malefic Man, but end up tripping on Dustan's twitching body on the ground. Falling right on top of him, both of you end up rolling onto the Man, basically creating a huge clusterfuck.

Go grab a brick and throw it at malific man.

You throw a brick at the Malefic Man. He flicks his finger, sending the brick flying off into the sky, far above the atmosphere. In a few seconds, you can't even see the brick!

Trow the pin at him

You throw the pin at him. Likewise, the Malefic Man flicks his finger into the air, just like with the brick, and sends it flying into the air. "Pfft? Really? A brick and a pin? Yeah, as if that-" he tries to say, but suddenly, the brick falls back down right onto his skull, dealing 2 damage! He yells, trying to get up, but finds that the two bodies on top of him are preventing him from doing so. As he does that, the pin falls back down, impaling itself right into his forehead and dealing an additional 1 point of damage.

Suddenly, his eyes widen, and he looks to the right, gasping. All of your faces quickly turn around too, and suddenly, as you're looking to the right, the bastard starts running to the left!!

Malefic Man: 7/10 HP. Currently running at full-speed to the right!!

Alright, clearly space and time is broken. As such, the longer the bastard spends running, the more likely it is for him to be damned by an error in space and time. Wait. Maybe demand an explanation from the GM as well. Explanation acquired. My darling Trickle is a goddamned liar.

I did say that time and space were broken!

"Confused about the nature of space-time, you look behind yourself, and see the back of your own head, and the back of your own head, and the back of your own head, and the back of your own head, and the back of your own head, and the back of your own head, and the back of your own head... And you quickly snap back, vowing never to look back again."

As compensation for insulting your glorious dictator, my darling Anaphexaton, the Grim Reaper appears right before you! "Yo. It me. Death and shit." he says, handing you a paper. The paper says "YOU ARE SENTENCED TO DEATH. FOREVER. NOT NOW, BUT SOMETIME." You question what this means, considering everyone dies at some point. "Shhh. Don't think too much about it." he pats you on the back, kicks you on the balls, and disappears in a puff of marijuana.


"Why the hell are you doing this?! What did I even do to you?? Ngh... Bastards! You won't get away with this!" he squirms, as Dustan Hache and The_Two_Eternities lie atop him, and the gear doesn't make it any easier to stand up. However, suddenly, in his most dire moment, he sees an opportunity...

"QUAAAAAACK!!!" he quacks, somehow perfectly imitating a goose, and suddenly, from within the corner, a flock of geese fly by, quacking vehemently! Using this as a distraction, the Malefic Man slowly gets up and covers himself in the spilt seeds from the broken barrel. The geese, these aren't just normal geese, no - they're flying geese - notice him, and surround him with their feathery bodies. "SO LONG, SSSSSSUCKERS!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" he cackles, as the geese carry him away into the sky!! Shit! You were so close, too!


Malefic Man: 3/10 HP. Currently being carried away by a flock of flying geese!
Flock of Flying Geese: 52/52 HP. Act as one being, for some reason.

[TricMagic]

"The... The..... The POWAH!!"

Suddenly, Lightning Strikes from all the S/T friction, right at the metallic gear currently ungrounded in the air. Around his neck...

[IndigoFenix]

Rise out of the pile. Attempt to take the form of a giant bird and fly after the flock of geese.

[The_Two_Eternities]

Throw Dustan at the Malefic Man. I will make that into a running gag.

[Rockeater]

Throw The_Two_Eternities at the Malefic Man, I will be the first to subvert this running gag.

[anaphaxeton]

Geese, the famous... non-flying bird? Okay, reality's broke, and I am its debtor. Ask for money to rain from the sky, into the completely abnormal flying geese.

[Dustan Hache]

use the power of empathy to stun the geese with my PTSD, and keep them on the ground!

[crazyabe]

Keep throwing Dustan at Malefic Man, This time I'll launch him up from below straight up into that swarm of geese!

[MedievalParadox]

I snipe the Malefic guy from across the map

[WyrdByrd]

Realize the truth: There never was only  one Malefic Man. Rummage through the pile for the others.

[King Zultan]

Grab and throw ALL THE BRICK at Malefic man.

[TrickleJest]

Episode 3 - When Geese Fly
When will the Malefic Man stop thinking of shitty ways to escape? So many questions. So little answers. So much flavor text for ultimately inconsequential details.

I ask the Maelfic man what the most regal being ever was.
If his answer is anything other then "Spalthos Jr, the regal blobfish, he of hair beyond any other blobfish and with regal muscles and arms and legs", then I open my mouth really wide and suck up his soul.
as for how i'm keeping up with him? you can't run away in the middle of a friendly conversation! since we're just conversing politely, me walking along at a completely normal rate is enough to keep up with him.

The Malefic Man thinks for a moment. "Uhm... What was it again... "Spalthos Jr, the regal blobfish, he of hair beyond any other blobfish and with regal muscles and arms and legs"? Yeah! That's it!" he yells down from the flock of geese carrying him away. Since it's obvious that he didn't know about anyone named "Spalthos Jr", he probably read your mind or something like that. Considering that he did give you the answer you wanted, you don't suck out his soul. He laughs in triumph.

I fart

me too

"The... The..... The POWAH!!"

Suddenly, Lightning Strikes from all the S/T friction, right at the metallic gear currently ungrounded in the air. Around his neck...

The Malefic Man gets zapped- Err, sorry, the geese around him get zapped! Unfortunately, since the geese are covering him from all angles, the only way to actually strike him is to get an attack through them. 7 damage dealt to the geese, however! One lone goose falls from the sky, landing right on the pile of bodies. His final word, uttered as he burns to death - "...quack". He shall be remembered.

Rise out of the pile. Attempt to take the form of a giant bird and fly after the flock of geese.

You rise like a phoenix from the asses, flying up into the sky! Unfortunately, it is known to everyone that birds are not particularly intelligent. As you have chosen to manifest as a being that is admittedly majestic yet also apparently not very good at following commands that are willed from its own brain, you end up flying aimlessly around the alleyway.

Throw Dustan at the Malefic Man. I will make that into a running gag.

You throw Dustan at the Malefic Man! The geese form a gigantic cavernous orifice, slowly engulfing him inside them, and continue on their merry way. You aren't even sure how his entire body could fit in there.

Throw The_Two_Eternities at the Malefic Man, I will be the first to subvert this running gag.

You prepare to throw The_Two_Eternities at the Malefic Man, but find that upon throwing him, you are the one that is flying straight at the geese! You groan, complaining about how shitty space-time operates around here, and how much it was better during your time, until you get sucked into the flock of geese. You suddenly find yourself in a rather spacious area made entirely out of feathers, complete with a fancy-looking desk with way too many quills on it, a bunch of pillows with feathers sticking out, and even a fireplace, constantly erupting feathers from within itself. The Malefic Man sits in the corner of the room, and you see Dustan on one of the pillows. You suddenly have no idea what the fuck is going on.

Geese, the famous... non-flying bird? Okay, reality's broke, and I am its debtor. Ask for money to rain from the sky, into the completely abnormal flying geese.

Money flies at the geese! The geese engulf the money, and it falls into the room inside of them. The Malefic Man gets rich, and buys your soul from the Internet. It will be collected in approximately twelve to thirteen business days by none other than Mr Zuckerberg himself. God bless the technology that allowed you to upload your entire consciousness online. Whoever thought of that has to be the world's most benevolent person.

use the power of empathy to stun the geese with my PTSD, and keep them on the ground!

The geese are impervious to your PTSD! They are simply too underdeveloped to feel the complex emotions you are feeling. To nudge them along, you throw a rock at them, hoping to make them get the same flashbacks you did. Instead, you just kinda knock one out of the sky. 7 damage. The goose does freak out, but probably because he's dying.

Keep throwing Dustan at Malefic Man, This time I'll launch him up from below straight up into that swarm of geese!

You demand for reality to allow you to throw the already thrown Dustan! Instead of bringing Dustan to you, however, it decides to bring you to Dustan. You blink, suddenly finding yourself in the vast chamber that lies inside the geese. You look around the room, locating the Malefic Man and Rockeater, and finally - Dustan! Lo and behold, it is him! You rush to him, grabbing him, and then demand reality allows you to launch him straight up into the geese. Of course, it complies, and summons another flock of geese inside the flock of geese, just because it's feeling extra kind today. You throw Dustan at the inner Nested Flock, and watch as he gets consumed into yet another inner goose chamber. "Oh, shit! That's a thing? That's a thing that happens?!" the Malefic Man says, staring wide-eyed at the Nested Flock. Smiling mischievously, he hops into it, getting engulfed into the nested inner-inner chamber. This is going just splendid.

I snipe the Malefic guy from across the map

You snipe the flock of geese surrounding the Malefic Man! However, you fail to compensate for the fact that these very geese have had their parents shot by guns, and even their grandparents, and every generation before that. They have already developed very specific measures against guns, these measures being swallowing the bullets instead of actually enduring them. It dawns on you that you were outfoxed by a flock of geese. Flying geese, no less.

Realize the truth: There never was only  one Malefic Man. Rummage through the pile for the others.

You rummage through the pile, discovering yet another Malefic Man sitting at the bottom! He takes a deep breath, and hops out of the trash can. "I... Uh... What the fuck am I doing here?! H-hey... Wasn't I just... Didn't D tell me to get rid of these bodies...? How the hell did I end up in... Agh, you know, never mind! Who the hell are you, any-" he says, but stops before he can finish. Suddenly, his intuition tells him that he should probably stab you with his knife. He stabs you with his knife. And runs away.

Grab and throw ALL THE BRICK at Malefic man.

Which Malefic Man? Reality is confused at your nonspecific command, and instead ends up scattering ALL OF THE BRICK across the multiverse. There are suddenly a shit ton of bricks everywhere. Luckily for you, one of the bricks falls on the second Malefic Man, summoned by WyrdByrd just moments prior! Of course, we have already settled that a brick would deal 2 damage against the Malefic Man. It would be nonsensical, and frankly entirely silly, for the brick to deal any other amount of damage - like, per se, only a single point. 1 damage is dealt!

>Delete the Malefic Man from existence.

Reality flings you back into this post! You must have a purpose here! It is up to you, you must change the past to change the present to change the future to change reality! Make everything great again! MAKE REALITY GREAT AGAIN!!
Or, you know, just abuse it for your own whims. Your choice.


Whoop-dee-doo! We now have two Malefic Men. Ah, yes. I can always count on the players to screw themselves out of a good situation. It appears that the Geese Chambers are getting a little confusing. Perhaps a chart is in order?

Outside, trademarked: Everybody sans those who are mentioned below.
First goose chamber, residing inside the flock of geese: Housing Rockeater.
Nested/second goose chamber, residing inside the flock of geese inside the first goose chamber inside the flock of geese: Housing Dustan and the first Malefic Man.

Now, however, we have to deal with an entirely separate Malefic Man. "God damn it!! I knew I shouldn't have trusted D... That bastard was always full of shit. To think that he'd have the nerve to pull a set-up like this! Ngh... I'm gonna need some help." he says, looking around, and finds that reality is literally crumbling at his feet. "Look at this cheap second-hand reality! Can't even handle a few reality benders in a single spot. Oh well. Not that it matters. That just goes to show this isn't really much of a joke..." he sighs, reaching a scarred and hairy hand into his coat, and violently rummaging around until he finds something, and latches onto it like it's his very soul. He pulls it out, revealing a small cellphone.

"Fuck. She's probably still mad at me, isn't she?" he frowns, and looks at all of you, and you tilt your heads, not really sure of what is supposed to be happening. Sighing again, he dials a number on the cellphone reluctantly. "H-hey honey! Uhm... Could you... Err... Oh, heh, yeah! It's going g-great but... I uhm... I think it was kinda, maybe, a bit of an, ahem, uh, set-up? You know that your, uhm... Well, yeah, of course I should've listened to you, honey! I-I promise I will n... Aw, come on, don't start this here!" he says shakily. You can feel the second-hand cringe emanating from within him. "Listen, I really need you here right now. I... uhm... I know I'm not always there to protect you, but if you don't get over here, there's a very high chance I'm gonna get my ass kicked into unreality... B-busy?! No, no, come on! This isn't a joke! I need this, p-please! WHAT DO YOU MEAN "A SHITTY WAY TO GET ME TO COME OVER"?! This isn't a ploy! You better get over here soon!" he groans, facepalming, and holds his phone out of his hand, allowing you to unintentionally listen into the conversation. "Ugh. Fine, dad." the voice says. This is pretty surprising for exactly one of you, but the other however many people are reading this won't even care one bit. That's just how it goes.


Malefic Man: 3/10 HP. Currently in the nested goose chamber!
Second Malefic Man: 9/10 HP. Oh god, there's two of them?
Flock of Flying Geese: 38/52 HP. Act as one being, for some reason.
Nested Flock of Flying Geese: 26/26 HP. Completely implausible.