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Voting closed: December 23, 2018, 05:57:41 am


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Author Topic: A CHRISTMAS MOVIE: A (COMPLETELY) MINIMALIST ARGH TIDDY!  (Read 7273 times)

CABL

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A CHRISTMAS MOVIE: A (COMPLETELY) MINIMALIST ARGH TIDDY!
« on: December 21, 2018, 04:21:27 am »

WELCOME TO THE FUCKVILLE CITY: RIGHT NOW, IT'S A JOLLY TIME, A CHRISTMAS TIME! HOWEVER, A BIG MEGACORPORATION CALLED NMBAA (NOT MORALLY BANKRUPT AT ALL) HAS BUILT A LOT OF TESTING FACILITIES (AND A LOCAL HQ, OF COURSE!) ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF THE CITY THIS AUTUMN, AND RIGHT NOW, DURING THE CHRISTMAS EVE, SOMETHING WENT WRONG DOWN THERE, RESULTING IN EXTRADIMENSIONAL PORTALS, CYBORGS, ANNOYING BOBCAT MASCOTS, VIDEO GAME BOXES, AND EXPLODING BIRDS CAUSING HAVOC ACROSS FUCKVILLE CITY! YOU'RE SIMPLY ORDINARY CITIZENS, BUT HEY, SOMEBODY MUST STOP THIS MADNESS!

YES, THIS ONE IS ACTUALLY FULLY MINIMALIST! NO NEED FOR CHARACTER SHEETS: JUST JUMP DIRECTLY INTO THE ACTION!
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Pounded in the Butt by my own Government... oh wait, that's real life.

A Viking's Tale - Come and plunder!

Now that our benevolent government has passed the "Internet isolation law", I'd ask you to not worry if I disappear for a month: This probably means that the Runet got separated from the Worldwide Web.

Doomblade187

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Re: A CHRISTMAS MOVIE: A (COMPLETELY) MINIMALIST ARGH TIDDY!
« Reply #1 on: December 21, 2018, 04:23:54 am »

Pterodactyl from D79 wants pizza. I look for pizza.
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In any case it would be a battle of critical thinking and I refuse to fight an unarmed individual.

CABL

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Re: A CHRISTMAS MOVIE: A (COMPLETELY) MINIMALIST ARGH TIDDY!
« Reply #2 on: December 21, 2018, 04:50:26 am »

Pterodactyl from D79 wants pizza. I look for pizza.

(5) YOU'VE FLEW TOWARDS A PIZZA STAND WITHOUT BEING SHOT DOWN! BUT SINCE YOU'RE A PTERODACTYL, YOU CAN'T TALK TO THE SELLER! (3 VS 1) YOU STEAL PIZZA FROM THE SELLER: SHE TRIES TO TAKE HER PIZZA BACK FROM YOUR TALONS, BUT SHE RELEASES HER GRIP UPON REALIZATION THAT YOU CAN LIFT HER UP INTO THE AIR (SHE'S ACROPHOBIC) ALONG WITH THE PIZZA! (1) UH-OH, IT SEEMS THAT A SWARM OF EAGLE .GIFS HAS FORMED NEARBY, AND THEY FLY TOWARDS YOU! (4 VS 3) THE CATASTROPHE IS NARROWLY AVOIDED BY YOUR EXCELLENT MANEUVERING, AND SO THE PIZZA IS SAVED! (2) YOU'VE DISCOVERED THAT THE PIZZA IS RATHER COLD AND LACKS SALAMI: YOU STILL EAT IT, THOUGH. HAPPY NOW?

NPC TURNS:

Quote from: BIRDEMIC BIRD SWARM
BOMB THE RESTAURANTS AND FAST FOOD STANDS, THEN STEAL FOOD!
(3 VS 3) THE BIRDS' EXPLOSIONS BROKE VARIOUS WINDOWS, BUT THE GUARD OF THE RESTAURANTS FENDS THEM OFF! THE BIRDS ARE SOMEWHAT MORE SUCCESSFUL TARGETING FOOD STANDS, KILLING THE PIZZA SELLER FROM EARLIER AND SOME OTHER ONES!

Quote from: NMBAA PARANORMAL SECURITY TEAM
KILL THE DEMONS!
(5 VS 6) THE PARANORMAL SECURITY HOLDS THE DEMONS OFF FOR A WHILE, BUT EVENTUALLY GETS COMPLETELY WIPED OUT AND RESURRECTED AS ZOMBIES!

Quote from: THE DEMONS
CREATE MORE PORTALS!
(3)(5) THE DEMONS SUMMON A COUPLE OF BARONS OF HELL AS A REINFORCEMENT!

CITY POP: 212,977,2
DEAD: 84
« Last Edit: December 21, 2018, 06:55:32 am by CABL »
Logged
Pounded in the Butt by my own Government... oh wait, that's real life.

A Viking's Tale - Come and plunder!

Now that our benevolent government has passed the "Internet isolation law", I'd ask you to not worry if I disappear for a month: This probably means that the Runet got separated from the Worldwide Web.

Yoink

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Re: A CHRISTMAS MOVIE: A (COMPLETELY) MINIMALIST ARGH TIDDY!
« Reply #3 on: December 21, 2018, 05:03:56 am »

"ARGH!"

FALL OFF CHAIR CLUTCHING MY AFFLICTED TIDDY   
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Booze is Life for Yoink

To deprive him of Drink is to steal divinity from God.
you need to reconsider your life
If there's any cause worth dying for, it's memes.

Doomblade187

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Re: A CHRISTMAS MOVIE: A (COMPLETELY) MINIMALIST ARGH TIDDY!
« Reply #4 on: December 21, 2018, 05:20:13 am »

AVENGE THE PIZZA SALESPERSON!
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In any case it would be a battle of critical thinking and I refuse to fight an unarmed individual.

Dustan Hache

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Re: A CHRISTMAS MOVIE: A (COMPLETELY) MINIMALIST ARGH TIDDY!
« Reply #5 on: December 21, 2018, 05:55:58 am »

GO FIND MY EMERGENCY EXTERMINATUS BUTTON
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I figure at some point, you're just gonna run outta fucks to give and just off yourself whenever you get hurt at all. It's not like there's any downsides to it. Hangover? Suicide will fix that. Stubbed your toe? Suicide. Headache? Suicide. Papercut? Suicide.

CABL

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Re: A CHRISTMAS MOVIE: A (COMPLETELY) MINIMALIST ARGH TIDDY!
« Reply #6 on: December 21, 2018, 06:52:34 am »

"ARGH!"

FALL OFF CHAIR CLUTCHING MY AFFLICTED TIDDY   
(3 VS 4) FALLING OFF THE CHAIR, YOU CLUTCH YOUR LEFT CANCEROUS BOOB IN PAIN, FEELING HOW IT MORPHS INTO SOMETHING ALIVE! (1) THE BOOB TEARS ITSELF AWAY, LEAVING A HOLE EXPOSING YOUR RIBS AND LEFT LUNG: THE BOOB THEN FINALLY TRANSFORMS INTO BOOBSY THE BOBCAT, WHO'S MADE FROM CANCEROUS BREAST TISSUE! (1) OH NO, IT CAN SPEAK: HEARING ITS VOICE, YOU BREAK DOWN INTO TEARS, OPEN YOUR WINDOW AND TAKE YOUR LAST BREATH IN THIS WORLD! YOU FALL OFF ONTO A AUTOMOBILE, (4) SPLATTERING YOUR BRAINS ON ITS ROOF! YOU'RE DEAD, BUT HEY, AT LEAST YOU'LL NEVER HEAR BOOBSY'S VOICE EVER AGAIN! OH, AND THE WITNESS IS TERRIFIED, TOO!

AVENGE THE PIZZA SALESPERSON!
(2 VS 1) TAKING A VOW OF VENGEANCE, YOU KILL A COUPLE OF BIRD .GIFS! THEY'RE TOO BUSY CAUSING HAVOC ON THE STREETS BELOW, FOR THEM TO NOTICE YOU!

GO FIND MY EMERGENCY EXTERMINATUS BUTTON
(4) YOU FIND A BUTTON IN YOUR APARTMENT, AND THERE'S WRITING BELOW IT IN COMIC SANS, "EXTERMINATUS". (4) YOU PRESS IT SUCCESSFULLY, (6) AND YOU HEAR A FEMALE VOICE SAYING, "YOUR REQUEST IS ACCEPTED. PLEASE, WA-WA-WA-WA-WA-WA--- SIX HUNDREDS AND SIXTY SIX! LUCIFER, OUR LORD!" THEN (1) A BARON OF HELL APPEARS IN YOUR APARTMENT, AND YOU DECIDE TO FEND IT OFF WITH A WARMONGER TITAN MINIATURE! (5 VS 6) YOU DELIVER A COUPLE OF POWERFUL (FOR A HUMAN) STRIKES TO THE BELLY, BUT THE BARON OF HELL GRABS YOU BY A LEG, TEARS IT OFF, AND THEN TOSSES YOU INTO A BATHROOM! (2) THE HEAD TRAUMA IS TOO MUCH FOR YOU: YOU DIE FROM THE IMPACT WITH YOUR SINK!

NPC TURNS:

Quote from: BIRDEMIC SWARM
REGROUP AND CAUSE ROAD ACCIDENTS BY EXPLODING INTO AUTOMOBILES!
(1 VS 2) TRYING TO REGROUP, SOME MORE .GIFS DIE FROM AEROSOL AGAINST PREDATORY BIRDS! (6 VS 2) ONCE REGROUPED, THEY DIVE IN AND BLOW UP MULTIPLE AUTOMOBILES AND SOME TRUCKS, CAUSING PEOPLE TO ABANDON THEIR VEHICLES IN PANIC!

Quote from: BARON OF HELL
STOMP MYSELF ONTO FLOOR BELOW ME!
(5+2 FOR BIG AND POWERFUL STATURE) AFTER DEALING WITH DUSTAN HACHE, BARON OF HELL JUMPS AND STOMPS A FEW TIMES, RESULTING IN IT FALLING THROUGH ONTO THE NEXT... FLOORS. THE STOMPING WAS SO POWERFUL, THAT THE DEMON HAS FELL RIGHT TO THE FOUNDATION OF THE APARTMENT BLOCK! (2-1) IT DIED BURIED UNDER RUBBLE, LINOLEUM, AND WOOD!

Quote from: THE DEMONS VS NMBAA'S SECURITY SYSTEMS
THE DEMONS: GET OUTSIDE! NMBAA SEC SYSTEMS: POWER UP EMERGENCY SHIELDS AND TURRETS!
(5 VS 5) THE TURRETS HAVE MANAGED TO HOLD OFF THE DEMONS LONG ENOUGH IN ORDER FOR THE EMERGENCY SHIELDS TO RAISE! THE DEMONS AWKWARDLY SCRATCH AND THROW FIRE AT THE SHIELDS TO NO AVAIL!

Quote from: BOOBSY THE BOBCAT
LAY LOW FOR NOW: WHEN THE POLICE CHECKS OUT THE APARTMENT, JUMP ON ONE OF THEM AND SPREAD THE CANCER!
(1) BOOBSY CAN'T CONTAIN HIS GLEEFUL LAUGHTER, AND SO THE NEIGHBORS OF NOW-DECEASED YOINK CALL FOR THE POLICE TO INVESTIGATE!

CITY POP: 212,965,2
DEAD: 204
« Last Edit: December 23, 2018, 10:14:47 am by CABL »
Logged
Pounded in the Butt by my own Government... oh wait, that's real life.

A Viking's Tale - Come and plunder!

Now that our benevolent government has passed the "Internet isolation law", I'd ask you to not worry if I disappear for a month: This probably means that the Runet got separated from the Worldwide Web.

0cra_tr0per

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Re: A CHRISTMAS MOVIE: A (COMPLETELY) MINIMALIST ARGH TIDDY!
« Reply #7 on: December 21, 2018, 07:20:42 am »

I'm just going to plop this sheet from your previous RTD here. Let's say the portals teleported me here.

Name: 0cra
Appearance: Typical early 21st century civilian. Has green eyes.
Gender: Male
Wounds: None, they were all healed in the epilogue of RTFC. At least for now.
Other: Has a M249 light machine gun with an underbarrel shotgun and flashlight.

For my action, I guess I'll just aim to kill 25 people so I can call in a nuke to blow up this RTD.
« Last Edit: December 21, 2018, 08:01:58 am by 0cra_tr0per »
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Sigtext
Latest quote:
It's illegal to make a move that would immediately result in failure? Jeez, what kind of tyrannical hell game is this? I propose that we go play connect 4 instead.
Overlength quote count: 2

Yoink

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Re: A CHRISTMAS MOVIE: A (COMPLETELY) MINIMALIST ARGH TIDDY!
« Reply #8 on: December 21, 2018, 07:46:56 am »

(3 VS 4) FALLING OFF THE CHAIR, YOU CLUTCH YOUR LEFT CANCEROUS BOOB IN PAIN, FEELING HOW IT MORPHS INTO SOMETHING ALIVE! (1) THE BOOB TEARS ITSELF AWAY, LEAVING A HOLE EXPOSING YOUR RIBS AND LEFT LUNG: THE BOOB THEN FINALLY TRANSFORMS INTO BOOBSY THE BOBCAT, WHO'S MADE FROM CANCEROUS BREAST TISSUE! (1) OH NO, IT CAN SPEAK: HEARING ITS VOICE, YOU BREAK DOWN INTO TEARS, OPEN YOUR WINDOW AND TAKE YOUR LAST BREATH IN THIS WORLD! YOU FALL OFF ONTO A AUTOMOBILE, (4) SPLATTERING YOUR BRAINS ON ITS ROOF! YOU'RE DEAD, BUT HEY, AT LEAST YOU'LL NEVER HEAR BOOBSY'S VOICE EVER AGAIN! OH, AND THE WITNESS IS TERRIFIED, TOO!
...



......

.........WTF DID I JUST READ? AND WHY CAN'T I STOP LAUGHING? OH GOD THIS IS IT, I'M GOING TO DIE OF LAUGHTER AREN'T I...



ANYWAY! RESPAWN AS YOINK'S OTHER TIDDY!
MORPH INTO
MOOBERTMOOBIS THE MOGGY, ATTEMPT TO MATE WITH BOOBSY TO PRODUCE A HORRIFYING BAP-CATSPLOSION THAT WILL PLUNGE THE ENTIRETY OF FUCKSVILLE INTO INEVITABLE FPS DEATH! ALSO THEN FLEE FROM THE COPS!    
« Last Edit: December 21, 2018, 08:55:02 am by Yoink »
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Booze is Life for Yoink

To deprive him of Drink is to steal divinity from God.
you need to reconsider your life
If there's any cause worth dying for, it's memes.

TankKit

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Re: A CHRISTMAS MOVIE: A (COMPLETELY) MINIMALIST ARGH TIDDY!
« Reply #9 on: December 21, 2018, 07:53:54 am »

ACTIVATE BECOMEGOD.EXE!
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“I would stop you from doing unholy experiments with my people, but I don’t actually care about their well-being and I kinda want to see what happens”

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King Zultan

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Re: A CHRISTMAS MOVIE: A (COMPLETELY) MINIMALIST ARGH TIDDY!
« Reply #10 on: December 21, 2018, 08:48:13 am »

Go find one of those bobcat mascots and beat the shit out of it with a shovel.
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Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
Can I have the sword when you’re done?

ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES

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Re: A CHRISTMAS MOVIE: A (COMPLETELY) MINIMALIST ARGH TIDDY!
« Reply #11 on: December 21, 2018, 08:59:46 am »

Pratice one punch a gazillion times!
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Doomblade187

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Re: A CHRISTMAS MOVIE: A (COMPLETELY) MINIMALIST ARGH TIDDY!
« Reply #12 on: December 21, 2018, 03:36:31 pm »

RESURRECT MY FALLEN PTERODACTYL BRETHREN FROM THE DEPTHS OF THE EARTH!
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Failbird105

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Re: A CHRISTMAS MOVIE: A (COMPLETELY) MINIMALIST ARGH TIDDY!
« Reply #13 on: December 21, 2018, 05:34:50 pm »

Awaken as a gingerbread man just in time to prevent myself from being eaten!
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The_Two_Eternities

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Re: A CHRISTMAS MOVIE: A (COMPLETELY) MINIMALIST ARGH TIDDY!
« Reply #14 on: December 21, 2018, 06:35:18 pm »

Go build a Beaver-Inator. It turns humanoids into beavers with beaver instincts.
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Dare I ask how you (inadvertently at that) created the psychic equivalent of a false vacuum event?
"I don't Know mysterious voice but I will"
Professor Oak will try to replicate the Physic false vacuum event.
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