I decided to investigate the history of our civilisation a little now that the elves are coming after us again. Here's what I found:
Imagine a defenseless dwarf. Now imagine that defenseless dwarf being beaten into a bloody pulp by a horde of elves, over the course of 3 years. That is the history of
The North Syrup.
The War of Murders (fitting name) began in late winter 87, with the unprovoked pillaging of Cudgelbrands by
The Basin of Fastening, who are quite frankly a bunch of arseholes. Lead by
Vadane Leapdrilled, princess of their civilization (she's still alive and still their Princess, by the way), 208 elves accompanied by 55 elephants among other warbeasts utterly curbstomped the 26 dwarves and 15 goblins of Cudgelbrands.
The North Syrup retreated immediately, evacuating and abandoning
Blothame and
Oilyfed before the elves even arrived. Both were conquered without casualties on either side. Then the elves once again returned to Cudgelbrands, crushing what meager resistance the Northern Syrup had managed to put together. 15 dwarves and 13 goblins died buying time for
Tinrelic and
Boldjaw to be evacuated.
It was clear to the dwarves that they were doomed, that this was a war of extermination on the elves part, and so they enacted the Last Hope protocol. The Deepholds were founded, and dwarvenkind abandoned the surface. 9 brave dwarves were lost at
Oiledscaled, and 9 more at
Minedshort, but their sacrifice bought another year, during which the dwarves vanished from the surface. When Vadane Leapdrilled arrived at
Shovefurnace, the final dwarven bastion, she found it abandoned.
But she didn't know of
Anklemine. Destroyed in 75 by the Brush Titan Strasnu Boatsseason the Creature of Dells, the tiny hillocks had been quietly repopulated, and it was chosen by the Last King of the Dwarves,
Kivish Lensportal, to be the entrance to the Deepholds.
And so the The War of Murders never actually ended, and continues to this day. And now dwarves walk the surface once again, and the Basin of Fastening knows it.
Oh by the way, Vadane Leapdrilled, our ancient enemy, journeys with many pets, but one stands out in particular...
Denied the satisfaction of ending the dwarven race once and for all, never knowing what had become of them, Vadane Leapdrilled gradually grew bitter, resentful and paranoid. Once the famed general who had defeated all of dwarvenkind, she gradually lost the trust of her subordinates and allies as she retired to Fogdanger, spending all her time taming wild beasts and dwelling on the insult to her pride. Over the years, irritation gradually gave way to obsession.
She could trust nobody, confide in nobody except her pets. She knew it was a source of much rumor among her subordinates exactly how close she was with her war animals. But quite frankly, she could
trust them. Especially her giant hamster. Yes. Especially him. Some days, it seemed like he was her only friend. Her only friend.
She would find the treekillers one day. Yes. The dwarves would return one day, and she would
end them.
She lovingly stroked her pets short fur, thinking of genocide, when an elf came running through the tree's carrying a letter. Word from the scouts. It would be the same as every year, of course. No word of the foul dwarves. Was that the truth, though, my darling, or were they keeping the truth from her? Could she truly trust anyone? She could trust her hamster, of course. He was her only friend.
"Princess! Princess! We have word!" the elf was gasping, and appeared to have run many kilometers to reach her.
"Word, soldier? What word?"
And then, he said it. At long last, someone finally said the words she had waited centuries to hear.
"We found them, princess! The dwarves! There's a settlement deep in the valley, behind the mountains. They're
farming!"
Vadine's frown slowly turned into a smile, and widened into a terrible gash. The laughter came unbidden, starting as a hysterical giggle and rising to a cackle. The time had finally come to finish what she had started all those years ago. She caressed her hamster, her only friend, who was bearing his teeth at the mention of their ancient enemy.
"Come, Mutkugusno!
We have work to do."
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Topic: Cheesesplatter: A Succession Farm (Read 47772 times)