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Poll

Pump Stack magma or Build right above magma sea?

Pump Stack
- 4 (30.8%)
Piss Beer all over the magma sea
- 4 (30.8%)
Fuck it, use coal
- 2 (15.4%)
Just build the forge there
- 3 (23.1%)

Total Members Voted: 13


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Author Topic: Beerdump: Where even the Beer's a Dump  (Read 3493 times)

The_Saladman

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Beerdump: Where even the Beer's a Dump
« on: March 20, 2019, 04:07:41 am »

20th of Felsite 2019
Archaeologists find a diary of an overseer near a ruined fortress. All craftsdwarfship is of the lowest quality. It is labeled with a primitive masking tape saying "Trash". The first page says, "Written with Macintosh Ink" in small font. Some historians say this was written by a fraudulent overseer who slaughtered an entire fortress by flooding it with magma.

Welcome to Beerdump, a low production value telling of a boring ass standard fort, no fancy annotations in images or anything like that, with a poor work ethic (See you next millennium!). I will probably forget this and never update ever again.

My main goal is start a mass production brewing facility up and running, but I guess I'll never make it past the temporary fort cause I have forgotten all about this. Feel free to request dorfings, I'll probably not fulfil them.



Spoiler: Dorfing List (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: March 25, 2019, 03:52:15 am by The_Saladman »
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methylatedspirit

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Re: Beerdump, The Fortress with Shit Production Value
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2019, 04:15:07 am »

Beerdump: where even the beer's a dump.
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snow dwarf

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Re: Beerdump, The Fortress with Shit Production Value
« Reply #3 on: March 22, 2019, 12:18:28 am »

PTW and requesting a dwarf named Snow that only makes cheese.
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Here at Bay12 we excel at Theoretical Biology. Need to know the value of Merbone? Check. Need to know the density of a thrown Fluffy Wambler? Check. Need to know how a walking Mushroom can theoretically talk? Check.

The_Saladman

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Re: Beerdump, The Fortress with Shit Production Value
« Reply #4 on: March 22, 2019, 07:07:46 am »

Beerdump, Coming Spring of 250 in an arena near you

Embark
Spoiler: Embark Location (click to show/hide)

This is your normal everyday, no aquifer region.

Spoiler: Items (click to show/hide)

Your average run of the mill item screen...

15th Granite

Spoiler: Wagon Dorfs (click to show/hide)

We have finally arrived at the edge of a cliff, but haste! It is raining and snowing at the same time HOW IS THIS FUCKING POSSIBLE and we must make shelter!



Ah, that's more like it, I can already taste the beer coming out of here in this cave.

A few days later

We've started work on this temporary workshop area while we dig down deeper to find magma to kill everyone with to fuel our forges.

Spoiler: Workshop (click to show/hide)

A beer printer is made for our precious dwarves to chug on through our project.


End of a Spring Beginning

Spoiler: Driveway (click to show/hide)

We are finally starting work on the actual Beerdump! Starting with our staircase and driveway!




Well, see you next century for another update from
Beerdump: where even the beer's a dump.

methylatedspirit

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Re: Beerdump, The Fortress with Shit Production Value
« Reply #5 on: March 22, 2019, 07:13:22 am »

There's just huge amounts of apathy just exuding from this. I love it.
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Iduno

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Re: Beerdump, The Fortress with Shit Production Value
« Reply #6 on: March 22, 2019, 11:15:47 am »

I'd like a dwarf who drinks, but contributes nothing of value to society.

I'd request it, but eh...
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No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality

Sanctume

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Re: Beerdump, The Fortress with Shit Production Value
« Reply #7 on: March 22, 2019, 01:03:15 pm »

I'd like to count seeds and prepare lavish meals out of them.

The_Saladman

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Re: Beerdump: Where even the Beer's a Dump
« Reply #8 on: March 23, 2019, 01:34:46 am »

Beerdump, The Number 1 Tale to Watch in the Summer

1st Hematite

Spoiler: Ruh Roh (click to show/hide)

Oh no our wagon yaks are dying, may they not die in vain or something, I don't know.

I've started on defences and removed ramps around our hill.


Some migrants have arrived... All of them are useless, one of them, "Iduno", does nothing at all and just drinks our wine.

A month later

Ok fine... After many complaints I have finally carved out a small living space, with a kitchen, dining hall, a dorm and all of your "needs".

Spoiler: Double Ruh Roh (click to show/hide)

Oh Ruh Roh.


After days of work, I finally got your stupid needs fulfilled. I also got one of the migrants, "Sanctume" to cook, for some reason he gets real excited about the seeds...


Spoiler: Magma Madness II (click to show/hide)

Liason day

So, uh, the liason came by, I just realised, I fucking forgot to build a trade depot. I really don't care what the mountainhome wants from us...

Spoiler: Trade Depot Blues (click to show/hide)

A few days later

Spoiler: MAGMA MADNESS ULTRAAAA (click to show/hide)


Well sheeeit, now I have to build a burial site for the greedy bastards to ease everyone's minds.

Spoiler: Crazy Cavern Crap (click to show/hide)


Welp, I should've probably brought weapons to start a functioning military...



Will this be the end of Beerdump? Will the still cease pissing beer? Will we ever get to the fucking magma sea? Hotel? Trivago.

Find out in the next update of
Beerdump: where even the beer's a dump.

Spoiler: New Dorfings (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: March 23, 2019, 01:37:08 am by The_Saladman »
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methylatedspirit

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Re: Beerdump: Where even the Beer's a Dump
« Reply #9 on: March 23, 2019, 01:53:52 am »

You breached the caverns in the first year, around 4 months after the fort started? Without a military? You absolute mad lad.
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The_Saladman

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Re: Beerdump: Where even the Beer's a Dump
« Reply #10 on: March 23, 2019, 02:10:02 am »

You breached the caverns in the first year, around 4 months after the fort started? Without a military? You absolute mad lad.

*Clears Throat very hoarsely*

As the intellectual Seymour Skinner once said "...Yes."

Sanctume

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Re: Beerdump: Where even the Beer's a Dump
« Reply #11 on: March 23, 2019, 08:24:05 am »

Crunchy Crundles goes well with Beerdumps

The_Saladman

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Re: Beerdump: Where even the Beer's a Dump
« Reply #12 on: March 25, 2019, 02:51:07 am »

Beerdump, Coming in a Burial Site near you!

Since we found warm stone, I'll send the miners to their deaths to mine around there. Oh, the dead dude? He was a guy, may he rest in peace or whatever.

I am finally making a trade depot for weapons for a military.

Spoiler: Useless later on. (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: Well sheeeit (click to show/hide)

I am a fucking idiot, the still's been extracting plants, not brewing...

Spoiler: True Magma Madness (click to show/hide)

Let the madness begin!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Uh, I hope they're stuck in some tree somewhere drinking to death...



Sorry for stub update, had little time to play...

Anyways, see you after the death of the universe in,

Beerdump: where even the beer's a dump.

methylatedspirit

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Re: Beerdump: Where even the Beer's a Dump
« Reply #13 on: March 25, 2019, 03:30:30 am »

Two deaths, and they weren't related to the caverns? This fort's off to a great start!
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The_Saladman

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Re: Beerdump: Where even the Beer's a Dump
« Reply #14 on: March 25, 2019, 03:50:45 am »

Three deaths actually, one of them is hard to read.
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