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[King Zultan]

Go to one of the ships labs and make sure I'm alone, then take all the DNA I've been gathering and combine it together using the power of science and create an ABOMINATION then release it into the ship.

:|
Stop this.
And work on fixing my connection to the ship.

If you prevent me from doing it on the ship, I'll just do it somewhere else.

[Enemy post]

Turn 17

Slow and steady wins the race. Continue channeling the summoning of the 3 remaining eldritch goats.

4

It is done. A great portal opens to reveal a shattered Hell. From this portal emerge the last three monsters.  Three and Two are first, and they are soon overshadowed by Seven herself. The goats rapidly begin to break down basic concepts and devour everything in sight. This place will die soon, and the rest of the universe might soon follow. A bright flash sears your vision as the Moloko launches several nukes at your gods. Your gods are angered and burned, but not slain. The Moloko and the Sanctuary II release warriors to fight them, but it doesn't help.

Dump  thermonuclear torpedo prototypes into teleporter with coordinates set to  false gods location

Enjoy science, cheeky xeno goat abominations

3 vs 2

You decide to temporarily set aside your crusade against all xenos to stop the more immediate danger of the goat abominations.

You set the fuses on a wheelbarrow full of nuclear torpedos, rush them through the ship, and dump them into the transporter in the nick of time. You watch with satisfaction through a viewport as the seven goat abominations are rocked by the blast.

Reprogram the teleporter, lock onto the DNA of every Wildebeest on the ship, and teleport them to the creatures currwntly gnawing at the edges of exiapstance! LET THEM FEEL THE WRATH OF THE WILDEBEESTS!
Also, while there is no shred of doubt in my mind that this plan will succeed in every imaginable way, shape, and form, I will try to get the time machine operational, just in case the unthinkable happens, and the Wildebeests fail to save the Universe.

4, 2 vs 5, 1

You swing down to the teleporter from a cable and hit the controls. Once reprogrammed, the teleporter hurls every wildebeest it can find at the Seven. The wildebeest stampede rushes toward the Seven and breaks against their claws like water on rocks. Even assistance from Thainos' army and Adam isn't enough to save them. On the ship, the cloning device you left running slowly replenishes their numbers.

You leave the area and go find your faithful time machine in the secret chamber you retroactively installed earlier. When you get there, you find it in pieces. One of the cracks in reality has pierced this room. Your time machine hangs frozen in the air, sliced into several pieces and ignoring gravity. It is accompanied by several pieces of Victorian furniture that have been similarly disassembled.

Go with R'cccc to the black galley.

Self defense cybernetics try to hack into the aggressor drones turning them into servants.

3, 1

You follow R'ccc to a dream-river made of air between two coasts of solid water. R'ccc leads you aboard the vessel. You almost think that this was too easy when a bunch of  satyr-like men surround you. R'ccc turns to you and dismisses a magical illusion, revealing that he too is one of them. The Men of Leng demand that you surrender.

In the real world, your cybernetics are unable to hack the drones through the force field.

You are the crew of the starship Moloko.

You ran out of milk.

You must acquire more.

GATHER MY TRUSTY DROOGS


SEE IF WE CAN VIDDY ANY MILK    

(Welcome back, Yoink! You're doing Clockwork Orange, right? I'll need to research that.)
5

You and your fellow Droogs walk through the cargo bay of the Moloko, beating up the occasional crewman and committing various crimes. You do so many crimes that it's actually noticeable even under the currently apocalyptic circumstances. In the process, you viddy a crewman enjoying a game of holochess with a bottle of sentient milk.

Go to one of the ships labs and make sure I'm alone, then take all the DNA I've been gathering and combine it together using the power of science and create an ABOMINATION then release it into the ship.

(Out of curiosity, is Dr. Bob a human who gave himself a deer head through DNA shenanigans or is he an alien who happens to have a deer head? Or maybe he's a deer who gave himself a human body?)
6

You step away from the DNA vault and take a short walk over to the bioengineering vats. You dump the DNA into the vat and it clatters into a large pile at the bottom. You rush over the controls, creating with the fervor of a mad artist in his element. Delta tries to stop you, but the damage to his systems prevents him from offering any distractions. Finally, it is done. The vats gradually spin down after mixing the DNA and the safety lights go from a disappointing green to an exciting flashing red. Your ABOMINATION tears through the vat's lid and stands atop it, furiously shrieking. Your creation is a thing of beauty, all claws and spikes and triple jaws. Slime drips from the ABOMINATION's grayish hide as it regards you. The creature releases another gagging shriek and pounces toward you with murderous intent clearly visible in its eye.

Hello, you should not have made me wake up.

Burn away the divine essence of the goats, leaving them nothing but normal goats.

1 vs 5

You fly out at the head of the combined forces of Thainos and the wildebeest. You try to burn away the goat's divine essence, but then Seven makes eye contact with you. Visions of Hell in ruins and countless demon casualties strike at the fiendish part of your essence and stop you in your figurative tracks.

Silence: Keeps waiting

1

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Go to one of the ships labs and make sure I'm alone, then take all the DNA I've been gathering and combine it together using the power of science and create an ABOMINATION then release it into the ship.

:|
Stop this.
And work on fixing my connection to the ship.

2, 2-1

Things are going badly. You try to prevent Dr. Bob's work and repair the damage to your system, but the pollution of unreality caused by the Seven makes things difficult. You check the computer system's code and find that the underlying binary is full of twos.

Order my stone kid and Squidward to join the invasion and bring me the chupathingie.

Then send the mooks from the first movie to deal with those goats gods. I am the only one that's inevitable here.

1, 3 vs 6

You send out your Stone Kid and Squidward to look for a chupathingie, but lose contact with them when your comlink comes to life, bites you, and scurries away.

You then send the Chitauri to try and stop the goat gods. You watch from your seat as your minions deploy a force of troops mounted on hovercrafts and accompanied by a pack Leviathans. On the way, the Alliance ship hits the goats with a nuclear bombardment and your forces are joined by a divine being and a host of hapless herd animals that were apparently used as projectiles. You know what it's like to lose, but it's still disappointing when all this fails to bring down the goats. The goats break the initial force and go back to rapidly disintegrating this system.

Conduct a ritual to summon a physical incarnation of one of the Seven in the cargo bay, but don't forget to activate the turrets before doing it.

2

You try to summon one of the Seven into a trap, but it's too late. They're all already here.


Unless somehow prevented, the Seven will devour this star system in a single turn.

The Moloko is repaired and ready to leave at any time. Just saying.

[ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES]

To the Thainoscopter!  In all my years of conquest, violence, slaughter, it was never personal. But I'll tell you now, what I'm about to do to your stubborn, annoying little goats... I'm gonna enjoy it. Very, very much. Punch the goats.

[sprinkled chariot]

Destroy all the gods by writing essay proving that gods dont exist

[ziizo]

Punch the satyrs in their groins then throw them out the ship. I have more than enough tentacles to punch everyone at the same time.

Self defense cybernetics will destroy the floor with the purpose of taking T'zzzz to a escape pod to evacuate the solar system.

[King Zultan]

"My creation it turned against me, what were the odds?"
Run out of the lab and head towards some random red shirts and let it eat them instead of me.

(He's probably some kind of deer alien.)

[Smoke Mirrors]

”That was a mistake. Die!”

Since those goats pissed me of, Burn them with holy and hellfire.

[Fluffe9911]

Silence: Panicks!
Silence: Fires finger guns at the goats while running away!
Silence: Attempts to find Douge then find a way out of here!

[Glass]

.-.

Fix the goddamned software. Change it to trinary if necessary. I don’t care, just get it fucking fixed.

[randomgenericusername]

Enter the portal and flee into what remains of the plane of hell. Honestly, I'd prefer hell over what's about to happen in this specific point of the universe.

[CABL]

.-.

Fix the goddamned software. Change it to trinary if necessary. I don’t care, just get it fucking fixed.

Assist, then stop that Clockwork Orange cosplayer and his droogs from beating the crew members."

[Imic]

Return to the teleporter. Change some code. Teleport them not simpky in the direction of the Goats, but into the goats. use the teleported to devour their minds by turning every fibre of their being into Wildebeests. Theyr minds! Their bones! THEIR VERY SOULS! THEY WILL BE NOTHING BUT WILDEBEESTS! THE WILDEBEESTS SHALL END THE TYRANNY AND DEMONS UPON THE RACE OF MEN! SCREAM MY SUMMONS INTO THE SKY, CHANTING IN THE ANCIENT IRISH TONGUE, AND SUMMON FORTH THE GOD OF CATTLE! PROTECTOR OF ALL THINGS! DEFENDER OF THOSE WHO SEEK MILK! SCREAM AT THE HEAVENS, AND LET THE HEAVENS RESPOND, OR LET THEM DIE WITH THE MORTALS OF THIS WORLD! And if no such god exists, then, uh...
Slowly, and carefully, make a cup of black tea, no milk, and sip it, staring into the unravelling chaos of all things. Quietly wishing that I had never moved to Genericville in the first place.

[Enemy post]

Turn 18

(Init:Adam, Silence, Thainos, O'Brian, Boris.)

To the Thainoscopter!  In all my years of conquest, violence, slaughter, it was never personal. But I'll tell you now, what I'm about to do to your stubborn, annoying little goats... I'm gonna enjoy it. Very, very much. Punch the goats.

2 vs 1

Destroy all the gods by writing essay proving that gods dont exist

4 vs 4

”That was a mistake. Die!”

Since those goats pissed me of, Burn them with holy and hellfire.

5 vs 2

Return to the teleporter. Change some code. Teleport them not simpky in the direction of the Goats, but into the goats. use the teleported to devour their minds by turning every fibre of their being into Wildebeests. Theyr minds! Their bones! THEIR VERY SOULS! THEY WILL BE NOTHING BUT WILDEBEESTS! THE WILDEBEESTS SHALL END THE TYRANNY AND DEMONS UPON THE RACE OF MEN! SCREAM MY SUMMONS INTO THE SKY, CHANTING IN THE ANCIENT IRISH TONGUE, AND SUMMON FORTH THE GOD OF CATTLE! PROTECTOR OF ALL THINGS! DEFENDER OF THOSE WHO SEEK MILK! SCREAM AT THE HEAVENS, AND LET THE HEAVENS RESPOND, OR LET THEM DIE WITH THE MORTALS OF THIS WORLD! And if no such god exists, then, uh...
Slowly, and carefully, make a cup of black tea, no milk, and sip it, staring into the unravelling chaos of all things. Quietly wishing that I had never moved to Genericville in the first place.

4 vs 1

Silence: Panicks!
Silence: Fires finger guns at the goats while running away!
Silence: Attempts to find Douge then find a way out of here!

3 vs 1, 4, 1

White cracks extend as the Seven chew reality like a neglected sweater. However, the crew of the Moloko (and Thainos) refuse to retreat even in the face of apocalyptic goats. Boris begins rapidly penning an essay on the goat's nonexistence to try to poof them out of existence. Shaun hurls wildebeest after wildebeest through the teleporter and calls upon the might of the god of cattle. Thainos hops in his eponymous Copter and buzzes into space, shaking his gauntleted fist. Adam Simons is the first to draw blood, recovering from Seven's psychic attack and blasting them with the fires of Heaven and Hell. At this point, Silence the mime is running around frantically on the ship. He has recovered his lost pet, but finds himself trapped on one of the Moloko's observation decks while desperately seeking the escape pods.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

What follows is one of the most horrific displays of mime violence in history. When Silence's rampage is completed, Four and Three are dead and the rest of the Seven driven back into the Void. The white lines stop as they vanish.

Punch the satyrs in their groins then throw them out the ship. I have more than enough tentacles to punch everyone at the same time.

Self defense cybernetics will destroy the floor with the purpose of taking T'zzzz to a escape pod to evacuate the solar system.

3 vs 2, 4

You lash out with tentacles in all directions and drive your attackers back. They hit the water with satisfying "Plunk" sounds. You have a moment to plan before they can clamber back onto the ship, but you can hear a thudding noise crawling up from the lower decks.

Your cybernetics slice a hole in the floor and drop your unconscious body into an unattended hallway. They then start to slowly drag you in the general direction of the nearest escape pod.

"My creation it turned against me, what were the odds?"
Run out of the lab and head towards some random red shirts and let it eat them instead of me.

(He's probably some kind of deer alien.)

4

You successfully flee the lab and bravely find your most nutritious coworkers to sacrifice as brief distractions. Your plan works.

Might have been a bit mean, though.

.-.

Fix the goddamned software. Change it to trinary if necessary. I don’t care, just get it fucking fixed.

5

Infuriated at the damage to your ship, you patch it up with trinary code. The ship's systems blink, perform a series of reboots, and then you find that you have full control again. GiantDad's assistance gives you a boost, and with his help you are able to secure the ship against future hacking attempts. Disrupting your control will be more difficult in the future.

Once you are back into the ship, you notice an alert from the mortuary. Several of the crewmembers who died in the space cow induced psychotic episode have reanimated, but in an aggressive undead state.

Enter the portal and flee into what remains of the plane of hell. Honestly, I'd prefer hell over what's about to happen in this specific point of the universe.

3

While the battle was raging in material space, you slipped through the portal and reentered Hell. You find it metaphysically shattered and broken. A bit of exploring reveals that Satan and his Lieutenants have fled the plane, and souls are no longer being processed. You even feel a twitch as the damaged Hell tries to reject you, but something about the disintegrated condition of your corpse allows you to remain where you are.

.-.

Fix the goddamned software. Change it to trinary if necessary. I don’t care, just get it fucking fixed.

Assist, then stop that Clockwork Orange cosplayer and his droogs from beating the crew members."

4, 1+1 vs 6

You successfully help Delta regain control of the ship and then attempt to arrest the local Droogs. Unfortunately, you can't manage to figure out their attack patterns before their leader shoves you into a spent fuel pool for the Moloko's Z-wing fighters.

OOC:Sorry about the liberties taken with interpreting your action, Fluffe. When I realized what the result of your die roll was going to do, I wanted to play it up a bit. Also I couldn't find any useful photos of mimes doing finger guns.

[ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES]

Well that happened. Now get the chupathingie's milk. We need to get this movie done ASAP.

[Imic]

Cal, down a little bit, and assess the situation. If there is even a single goat still left in this plane of existance, give it a big ‘ol middle finger, and then re-tool the cloning bay to create millions upon millions of bagels, and then teleport them into it’s body. If there are no Goats, then re-tool the Cloning bay to make slightly less bagels, and teleport them to everyone nearby or in the Moloko. Bagels for everyone!