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Author Topic: Dwarven "diet"...  (Read 3057 times)

IncompetentFortressMaker

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Dwarven "diet"...
« on: July 02, 2019, 12:23:51 pm »

Step 1: Make sure your embark is listed as "Scorching". (Some luck is required here.)
Step 2: Shut your prospective dieter outside the fortress, on the surface.
Step 3: Wait for a while... (if your embark isn't hot enough, Step 4 will never happen)
Step 4: Once you see the dwarf leaving behind a trail of blood, your dieter has begun the diet. Wait and see whether Urist McDieter survives.
Step 5: Has your dwarf survived? If so, checking their status should reveal that all fat is gone. Presto! Thinnest dwarf on the planet. If your dwarf has not survived: Engrave a memorial slab in Urist McDieter's name and place it somewhere or entomb him/her in a coffin.
May also be used to "experience" an unfortunate accident if that snotty noble has gotten too annoying. Repercussions not insured against.

Bumber

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Re: Dwarven "diet"...
« Reply #1 on: July 02, 2019, 08:27:14 pm »

Ah, yes, the !!fat!! workout.

I think the survival odds might increase if you do it a little at a time.
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THE xTROLL FUR SOCKx RUSE WAS A........... DISTACTION        the carp HAVE the wagon

A wizard has turned you into a wagon. This was inevitable (Y/y)?

HmH

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Re: Dwarven "diet"...
« Reply #2 on: July 04, 2019, 09:28:14 pm »

I distinctly remember magma showers having been used to do the same, if you have no high-temperature biome available. You just need to make sure they aren't wearing anything flammable while taking the shower.

Magistrum

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Re: Dwarven "diet"...
« Reply #3 on: July 05, 2019, 09:59:44 pm »

This might be a given, but if you guys want to be cool and set up a magma shower and all, remember to set up a extinguisher on the exit too. It was a regrettable mistake.
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Superdorf

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Re: Dwarven "diet"...
« Reply #4 on: July 05, 2019, 10:57:47 pm »

Ooh, that gives me an idea!

+ +

- Mist
- Magma mist
+ - Floor

Set one or two of these in your entrance hall. Happy !!fun!! diet time for your whole fortress!
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Bumber

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Re: Dwarven "diet"...
« Reply #5 on: July 06, 2019, 01:09:57 am »

@Superdorf

How do you avoid obsidianization below?
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Reading his name would trigger it. Thinking of him would trigger it. No other circumstances would trigger it- it was strictly related to the concept of Bill Clinton entering the conscious mind.

THE xTROLL FUR SOCKx RUSE WAS A........... DISTACTION        the carp HAVE the wagon

A wizard has turned you into a wagon. This was inevitable (Y/y)?

Superdorf

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Re: Dwarven "diet"...
« Reply #6 on: July 06, 2019, 02:23:15 am »

Oh. Right. Uhh...

+ + + +

Like that.
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Falling angel met the rising ape, and the sound it made was

klonk
tormenting the player is important
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Feathermind

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Re: Dwarven "diet"...
« Reply #7 on: July 07, 2019, 05:36:48 pm »

Welcome to Glazeskin spa and sauna!  Bask in the sun here at our gorgeous tropical resort!  Enjoy our delicious masterwork meals while the fat melts right off your body!  Or spend your time here in one of our heated spas!  Guaranteed to make you a thinner, happier1 dwarf.  Our weight loss success rate is 100% and our survival rate is within half that!2

1happiness may vary.
2Death by megabeast, goblin invasion, cavern dweller, vampire, demon or kea not included in data.
« Last Edit: July 07, 2019, 05:41:59 pm by Feathermind »
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Fleeting Frames

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Re: Dwarven "diet"...
« Reply #8 on: July 11, 2019, 05:17:41 pm »



Conclusions:

It's likely not possible to boil away all of dwarf's fat in one stroke and have them survive. Bleeding seems necessary part of losing fat.

It is possible to use careful application of heat to remove part of one's fat. Despite the above good-sounding advice, this need not harm even the smallest thread of their clothes.

Setting on fire and quenching is terrible way to remove fat.
« Last Edit: July 11, 2019, 05:21:45 pm by Fleeting Frames »
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IncompetentFortressMaker

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Re: Dwarven "diet"...
« Reply #9 on: July 12, 2019, 01:42:00 pm »

Hey, well, it works for your pack animals... yaks and horses anyway (not being set on fire, being scorched by ambient environment).