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[Naturegirl1999]

Try to figure out if I have the ability to switch bodies, try to move my mind to one of the troops, if successful, attack one of the animals, if I still remain in my body, watch the others to prevent escape from the gazebo

[ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES]

USE GOD POWERS BOOSTED BY OVER A 1000 SOULS TO SEND THIS MALL COP TO THE MORE EXCLUSIVE VERSION OF HELL, SUPER HELL. THEN GET TO WORK BY SPENDING 666666 SOULS TO OPEN THE GATES OF HELL! 

[ziizo]

Get out of the car with my large pipe and challenge the horde to attack me.

[Smoke Mirrors]

...

Cancel his contract. Also, Gate of Hell is under copy write, so by using that name, you relinquish all you power to me, as closest official.

[Avetruetotheimperator]

Woah, large animals? Looks like its a job for the Mecha! Time to kick some mutant animal butt! With my GIANT MACHINEGUN.

[CABL]

Fire Elementals: Rush into Yoink and take him with us via a fiery explosion.
Eat pedestrians. A lot of them, then turn them into fire elementals.

[King Zultan]

October 31, 5:30 PM
It's raining.
Yoink didn't post for the second time so random action.

Fly to a random roof and set up a firing position

(4) You fly around for a bit before finding a good place to setup your firing position, you even find some stuff on the roof that after you move it around works as cover and makes it harder to figure out where you are.

Try to stuff some of the papers into the garbage while nobody's looking.

(5) While your boss isn't looking you take all the papers you ether don't know what to do with or don't want to deal with, and file them in the circular file.

use my shield as a makeshift guillotine and behead the original ninja elvis, thereby causing all the clones to disintegrate!

(3) You raise up your your shield and get ready to slam it down, but as you start it slips out your hands and hits the ninja Elvis's face bloodying his nose.
Then the ninja Elvis begins to glow as he becomes a more powerful Elvis, then he pushes you away from him causing you to hit the ground a few feet away from him, he then says he can help you if you stop fighting him.

Ascend to Super Presley state, and push the knight away. Explain to him that I can feel the desperation in his heart, and that I can help him if we stop fighting.

Before you can do anything the knight tries to hit you in the throat, but drops his shield and it hits you in the face bloodying your nose.
(Ascending to the Super Presley State = 6) Using your Elvis powers you ascend to a higher state, The Super ULTRA PRESLEY STATE, you are now the most powerful Elvis there ever was.
(Pushing the knight away = 4) You then with little effort push the knight away and he lands a few feet away, then you tell him you can help him if he stops fighting you.

Try to figure out if I have the ability to switch bodies, try to move my mind to one of the troops, if successful, attack one of the animals, if I still remain in my body, watch the others to prevent escape from the gazebo

(Figuring our if you have body snatching abilities = 1) You spend several minutes trying to switch bodies with someone, but you never manage to do it, guess you don't have that power.
(Keeping the people in the gazebo = 3) You try to keep the others in the gazebo, but two of them say the aliens are probably going to enslave them so they run past you as soon as the soldiers leave the area.

USE GOD POWERS BOOSTED BY OVER A 1000 SOULS TO SEND THIS MALL COP TO THE MORE EXCLUSIVE VERSION OF HELL, SUPER HELL. THEN GET TO WORK BY SPENDING 666666 SOULS TO OPEN THE GATES OF HELL! 

(Using god powers and 1000 souls to send Smoke Mirrors to Super Hell = 5) You use your god powers and 1000 souls to open a portal under Smoke Mirrors and send him to SUPER HELL.
(Spending 666666 souls to open the GATES OF HELL = 4+1 From lots of souls spent) You then use more souls to open the gates of hell, and a bunch of demons come out and swear loyalty to you sense they are displeased with what happened to Hell after Enemy Post took over and restructured it.
You then receive a message that Smoke Mirrors canceled your subscription to your favorite magazine.

Get out of the car with my large pipe and challenge the horde to attack me.

(4) You get out of your car and yell out your challenge to the animals this causes some to flee in fear but most stay to fight you, then they start to charge your position.

...

Cancel his contract. Also, Gate of Hell is under copy write, so by using that name, you relinquish all you power to me, as closest official.

Before you can do anything a portal opens under you and you fall into SUPER HELL, its like regular Hell but more hellish and stuff.
(Canceling his contract = 1) You try to cancel his contract, but you only manage to cancel his subscription to a magazine.
(Copyright stuff = 2) You try copyright claim ANGRY for saying "gate of hell", but you remember that when Enemy Post took over Hell and restructured it into The Centron Corporation, he took all the copyrights that had anything to do with the name Hell and sold them to Kim Jong-un.

Woah, large animals? Looks like its a job for the Mecha! Time to kick some mutant animal butt! With my GIANT MACHINEGUN.

As your leaving the park you see two of the earthnoids running away from gazebo.
(1+3 For Mecha) You set out to aid the armoured car, and after a minute of travel you arrive at the scene to see dozens of animals trying to get inside the vehicle, and before they can react to your arrival you plow them down with your machine gun, by the time you need to reload you've killed almost all of the animals, the rest start running away in fear of your weapons, you then contact the armoured car and find out that there were no casualties but there were some minor injures.

Fire Elementals: Rush into Yoink and take him with us via a fiery explosion.
Eat pedestrians. A lot of them, then turn them into fire elementals.

(Fire elemetals burning Yoink = 2) Your fire elementals shoot fire balls and miss again this time setting a nearby tree on fire.
(Eating pedestrians = 3) Your hunt for people sees some success as you find and eat two guys that were running from a nearby park, then turn them into fire elementals.
Then Yoink shoots and kills one of your fire elementals.

KEEP SHOOTING THE FIRE GUYS, IF LOSING RUNAWAY.

(Shooting = 5) You shoot at the fire guys again and you manage to kill one of the injured ones.

Spoiler: Character stuff, so I don't forget about stuff. (click to show/hide)

Yoink
Health: SOME DAMAGE / flaming pants / cuts
Inventory: loaded shotgun, some marijuana, a few lighters, some rolling paper

Kakaluncha / Ninja Elvis / entity from beyond / ULTRA PRESLEY STATE
Health: SLIGHT DAMAGE / bloody nose
Inventory: a bowl, several ninja Elvis clones two stabbed in mouth one has been starbeamed one has the knights sword, Regenerative powers

Dustan Hache / knight
Health: SLIGHT DAMAGE
Inventory: slightly damaged Plate armour, shield
Fiefdom: walls damaged, low food, crops in bad shape, low moral, hunting party

ziizo
Health: FINE
Inventory: road atlas,  lime green hatchback with full tank of gas slightly damaged, large pipe, music CD

Naturegirl1999 / doesn't have the power to switch bodies
Health: SLIGHT DAMAGE
Inventory: three canned goods, some bottled water, one person

CABL / Is a house
Health: SLIGHT DAMAGE / knees
Inventory:
Some weird, hellish, 666 degree Celsius, plane of existence: four fire elementals one injured

ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES / Is Angry Halloween Kaiju / soul magic / GOD OF HALLOWEEN
Health: SLIGHT DAMAGE
Inventory: 4000 page waiver that has to be signed to get into the haunted house if you sign it or read it you lose your soul, one soul, posters advertising the GATES OF HELL HAUNTED HOUSE, Smoke Mirrors's ankles, Samhain Attorney At Law, thirty souls, more than six billion souls, a bunch of demons
GATES OF HELL HAUNTED HOUSE V.3.0: 2 HELL 4 YOU: Has real monsters and mutants

The Canadian kitten / ability to fly
Health: SLIGHT DAMAGE
Inventory: several cans of food, can opener, some cans of food, some bottles of water, 9mm handgun, bike, first aid kit with aspirin a few bandages and a first aid pamphlet, knife, shotgun, rifle, .44 magnum revolver

Enemy post
Health: FINE
Inventory: Toothbrush, rock, has a job in a "office" organizing files and papers regarding new species and issues faced by the new world

Smoke Mirrors / Angelo and Diablo / couldn't lose your soul even if you wanted to / one ankle / angel magic
Health: FINE
Inventory:

Avetruetotheimperator / SPACE GUY / in Mecha
Health: FINE
Inventory: one mecha, three armoured cars one group has minor injuries, and a tank, some earthnoids weapons

[Naturegirl1999]

Even so, if Earth is under one ruler, there will no longer be fighting between the various nations, get back here!
Run after them and try to tackle one of them to the ground, if successful, slam their head against the ground to knock them unconscious or kill them, then attempt the same with the other one

[Enemy post]

What can I say except...Kim made a really good pitch at the time, sorry.

[ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES]

USE 10000 SOULS TO GIVE THE HAUNTED HOUSE GATES OF HELL SENTIENCE!

[The Canadian kitten]

Find targets to snipe

[ziizo]

Swing my pipe towards the most close charging animal and prepare to defend myself from the rest.

[Kakaluncha]

DUSTAN HACHE, I HAVE NO REASON TO FIGHT AGAINST YOU! IN FACT, I MIGHT EVEN CONSIDER HELPING YOU

Meanwhile, send the clones to bring me the most powerful beings on this town, so that I'm able to integrate them. If Dustan Hache tries anything funny, take out his head.

((Are my regenerative powers authomatic, or what?

[Dustan Hache]

that’s.. not how shields work most times. they’re strapped to the forearm as well as held in hand...

[King Zultan]

((Are my regenerative powers authomatic, or what?

They work how you want them to, but if you want the power to be automatic I might forget about it.

that’s.. not how shields work most times. they’re strapped to the forearm as well as held in hand...

The only way I could think of the shield guillotine working was for you to grab both sides of it and slam it down, but it didn't work out in the end because of the 3, you still did damage but not as much as you had hoped for.