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Author Topic: Smallhands - nearly 40 years and still tiny!  (Read 408275 times)

recon1o6

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Re: Smallhands - it's like a tiny home but filled with ghouls
« Reply #1080 on: May 19, 2021, 06:54:43 am »

Journal of the Tavern Keeper Overseer 1st of Granite 175

When it comes to electing a new overseer it usually goes like this

1. Volunteers register their request with me at the tavern. Other dwarves before the 28th register their top 3 dwarves for leadership
2. I strike out candidates that have caused sufficient infractions.
3. Votes get counted and any that don't meet the threshold (Number of people in fortress/number of candidates in whole dwarves, eg 50 dwarves, 6 candidates, each candidate would need minimum of 8 vores) are tossed out. Volunteers go through automatically.
4. The drunkards who passed go into a multi exit room with a limited supply of booze. They must then discuss amongst themselves who gets the job. 50% of the candidates must vote for another to have a winner. This is how Elpho and Salmeuk ended up elected against their will.
5. If the booze runs out, all doors in the room will close momentarily, and then a random one is opened. Last out gets the job


This time around it went like this
1. After Dastot's breakdown, I start letting dwarves drink as much as they like to cope with her tyranny of kindness
2. On 28th of Obsidian I remind everyone about their unpaid bar tabs and I will be collecting unless they vote for me
3. I take office once again with 54/57 votes.

Dastot was babbling too much to vote, Auze drunk himself unconcious during the vote and Malfoy as usual voted for himself


After rearranging the decor in the overseer's office to my liking, I looked over the fort's records and maps. Radiofort aside the last few Overseers have been pretty lackluster at best, or haven't really bothered with anything to denote the splendour and glory of Smallhands.
Honestly though, I'm surprised none of them thought to actually check the stockpile records to see if we still needed the cooking and brewing orders, because we have 3720 Urists of alcohol. At least until Auze empties his military issued flask.

food wise, we have food rotting because we aren't storing it in stockpiles since every food stockpile is full or worse, bloated with cheese.
Not to mention some previous overseer decided knocking down the Emergency stockpiles was a great idea

Military squads are frankly, quite bloated. We don't need 52/62 members of the fortress in the military and guard. Especially the guard- KingZultan up until her demise secured the fort by herself, and her replacement Zultanking is almost as good if a possible decendant of a vampire judging by Elpho
Dastot also demanded we wear our armour over our clothing in what I suspect was a petty method of inflicting heat related suffering on the living. No more, military dwarves will replace their clothing with armour.

I am further disappointed upon discovery of my previous project- putting magma on top of the tall bar, has been ignored and the tunnel subsequently flooded.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The lichyard is still left as it was for the last few years. Full of slabs and coffins designed to be insulting towards the deceased and worse, our enemies buried alongside them.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)


Smallhands! The mantle of leadership rests once again upon my shoulders, and that means it is time to get to work and return this fortress to greatness! An easier task than my last reign but that doesn't mean you can start slacking. Now get to work!

My plans for this reign are
1. Make the tall bar able to pour magma on the goblins
2. Fix up the graveyard
3. Update the fortress military


Journal of the Tavern Keeper Overseer 2nd of Granite 175

I kept wondering about Dastot's words. About how the true queen will come for me in my dyers workshop. It is certain Lorsith WeevilMessiah the Regal God speaking through her. Naturally the Queen is Ikud Masterlegend the Unremarkable Idol.

A god and a demon deciding that I am to suffer, that I am to die last?

Recon looses a roaring laughter, fell and terrible!


I must thank you Lorsith, for confirming that I can go beyond the gods!



« Last Edit: May 19, 2021, 06:57:29 am by recon1o6 »
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Radiofort

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Re: Smallhands - it's like a tiny home but filled with ghouls
« Reply #1081 on: May 19, 2021, 08:23:23 am »

Drive me closer, I gonna hit them with my BROOM!

Though I'm not really sure if slab melting will actually destroy contract between Ikud and WeevilMessiah, as vaults was designed for adventurers and there simply may be a lack of code to deal with demons that way in a fortress mode Disregard that, just dunk the damn thing in magma and piss on it. For !!SCIENCE!!

ST for Smallhands' army approaching the vault
« Last Edit: May 19, 2021, 08:26:44 am by Radiofort »
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StrikaAmaru

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Re: Smallhands - it's like a tiny home but filled with ghouls
« Reply #1082 on: May 19, 2021, 10:45:26 am »

Hold up! You can retrieve a slab in fortress mode? I did not know that! Sil Kodor shall suffer benefit from this knowledge (whenever I get back to the poor thing).

And a comment for the past year:
Quote
1. There is a quantum stockpile of shoes, mittens and other garbage right next to the trade depot. You can unforbid it and trade it all away to get rid of it and, presumably, free up some CPU cycles. I didn't get all of them, but I got many. I undumped the remainder and turned everyone's hauling duties back on so as to not make it impossible for the next person to dump specific items.
That looks like one of my 'cleanowned x' targets, right down to placing the thing by the trade depot. Not sure though, haven't had a turn in a while.

...

Screw it, I want a turn. At worst, I'll have to bow out due to lack of time.
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QuQuasar

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Re: Smallhands - it's like a tiny home but filled with ghouls
« Reply #1083 on: May 19, 2021, 06:07:32 pm »

food wise, we have food rotting because we aren't storing it in stockpiles since every food stockpile is full or worse, bloated with cheese.
Hey, if you want to get eaten by the sentient cheese pile be my guest. Me, I learned a long time ago: you don't fuck with cheeses.




Seriously though, I'm pretty sure the problem is raw food production more than cooking and brewing. Stopping cooking doesn't stop the farmers from filling every stockpile with raw food.

I've considered ways to automate farming that in the past, but they always end up supremely convoluted. For instance:

  • A still in a corridor behind a pressure plate. When it's work order condition is satisfied (eg. booze greater than 1000), a dwarf will perform a brew job at the still, and in so doing will step on the pressure plate.
  • The pressure plate opens a drain in a small room. The room drains the water off of another pressure plate in that room, which locks access to the booze production farms.
  • A second still in a corridor behind a pressure plate does the same thing in reverse. It's work order condition (eg. booze less than 500) triggers the pressure plate, which opens the sluices and re-fills the small room.

So, the farms get closed off when booze goes above a certain threshold, and opened when booze goes below. It has a problem, though: dwarves could get locked in the farms. So you also need a one-way exit corridor that opens when the farms are locked, which is itself a convoluted little device.

Or you could just designate more stockpile space, but where's the fun in that?

BluarianKnight

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Re: Smallhands - it's like a tiny home but filled with ghouls
« Reply #1084 on: May 19, 2021, 07:05:43 pm »

Dwarf me whoever you'd like.
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Spriggans

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Re: Smallhands - it's like a tiny home but filled with ghouls
« Reply #1085 on: May 20, 2021, 02:51:00 am »

snip

I like the idea of having your fortress fully automated like this. Not automated by the manager, but by cunning mechanisms :)
Though I would replace water with magma ::)

(btw a less convoluted way would be to use a locked-door instead of water/magma to forbid the access to the farms
As for the poor guys who could get trapped inside... Humm, maybe we could create a one-way path using a drawbridge or something to rescue them. It would not be automated anymore though, it gets convoluted quickly indeed)
« Last Edit: May 20, 2021, 02:57:37 am by Spriggans »
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QuQuasar

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Re: Smallhands - it's like a tiny home but filled with ghouls
« Reply #1086 on: May 20, 2021, 05:05:04 am »

As for the poor guys who could get trapped inside... Humm, maybe we could create a one-way path using a drawbridge or something to rescue them. It would not be automated anymore though, it gets convoluted quickly indeed)
No no, it can still be automated. Doing it properly with bridges and doors and pressure plates is a bit of a pain in the ass if you don't want to risk injury, due to the delay on bridges opening, but there's an easier way. Check this out:



This relies on the fact that minecarts can be ridden through statues, but dwarves can't walk through them. A single-stop hauling route set to "Ride north immediately always", and a minecart stockpile inside the farms does the rest. Keep in mind that you'll need one minecart and one hauling route for every farmer you lock in.

Spriggans

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Re: Smallhands - it's like a tiny home but filled with ghouls
« Reply #1087 on: May 20, 2021, 06:37:04 am »

hoooo, I see ! Didn't know you could clip through statues like that. This is effectively a one-way path then ! :D
And I guess once the locked door unlocks, they will start hauling minecarts back.

Thx for the idea ;)
This "minecart through statues" exploit makes it possible to have different portions of the fortress completely sealed from one another. humm... Juicy ideas !  :)


Edit : Reminds me I actually never did a minecart fortress. I should make one one day.
« Last Edit: May 20, 2021, 06:40:44 am by Spriggans »
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Radiofort

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Re: Smallhands - it's like a tiny home but filled with ghouls
« Reply #1088 on: May 20, 2021, 12:59:21 pm »

That's an interesting trick with minecarts, indeed. Going to try it myself for sure.

By the way, I made some more research in adventurer mode, and it seems necromancers in our world have a power to create ghouls (not raising forlorn ones, but cursing a living creatures to be sentient yet opposed to life and tend to infect others with a poisonous bite). I don't remember anyone reported this power used on our dorfs, and I couldn't test it myself yet (as this ability won't work for adventurers), but if it actually works and if Sinewsabres was in conflict with Dimplesteal before it was destroyed (which is quite likely, as both gobbos and necros are at war with everyone), then...

...I think I found a wonderful new job at the frontline for Spriggans the Sparkly.
« Last Edit: May 20, 2021, 01:05:55 pm by Radiofort »
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recon1o6

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Re: Smallhands - it's like a tiny home but filled with ghouls
« Reply #1089 on: May 20, 2021, 02:02:03 pm »

Journal of the Tavern Keeper Overseer 1st of Slate 175

Before I could charge into the heart of evil, I decided to inspect the military and the rest of the fort. I did not anticipate it taking up a whole beer sodden month!

Why do we have a stockpile of goblins and traitors within spitting distance of a weapons stockpile and their beakdog cavalry?


Who decided that it was a good idea to give Zultanking no less than 4 offices?

Which numbskull thought it was an excellent idea to have goblins be the subject of a masterwork green glass statue?

----

After strenuous bouts of drinking, cancelling unproductive manager orders, drinking, redesignating the tall bar's stockpiles to receive food and drink, drinking and assigning some new work orders for mining so the tall bar can pour magma I decided it was then time to look at the military

I knew it was bad in my squad but this beggared belief. I emptied the last two drinks of strawberry wine and threw the bottles at one of the goblin prisoners out of frustration

The siege breakers had some fort members that were too valuable to lose. I disbanded the Vile goo and the other squad, and rebuilt the overseers army with the best of the none siege breakers.

Equipment was a mess. We don't use wooden shields whichever elf lover did that. Wood is for beds and barrels. Not shields. Shields are made for crushing goblin skulls with the off hand and that means metal. However...there was one wooden shield that is an exception that proves the rule.

Quicknesshawk, the shield of Nogood the Undying. He who sacrificed everything to save smallhands from necromantic doom.

I ended up taking only the Overseer's army with me. my hand picked soldiers with the best equipment. Full steel, weapons of choice, masterworks where we could. I tucked Auze's Overseer notes into my pocket and waited for everyone to get ready. They should help us determine what we're fighting


My right hand held an artifact steel axe, emblazoned with the undead kangaroo that slaughtered our people in the early days of smallhands till it was crushed under a drawbridge. The left, quicknesshawk.
With booze in my bag and beards held high, it was time to strike back against a god.

Journal of the Tavern Keeper Overseer 5th of Slate 175

The further north we went, the more desolate the land became. It didn't take long for us to spot it. An obsidean spike piercing the heavens, its aura warping the sky and the land around us with dark goo clouds and ominous fog. I daren't even speculate what that eerie blue lightning was I saw up there. Despite it being a clear day, the darkness was all around.

Wardpuppets is no place for the living.



I was intending to drink after we had won. Sensing the evil of that place though, I advised everybody to drink up as we were likely to need our strength ahead.
Whoever built this spire had placed a lot of defences within no doubt, Auze's notes indicated angry angelic fighters with eerie equipment
Most people would be at a loss on how to enter without meeting an ambush given it was on a steep hill with no cover.

Fortunately, I had one of the squad had bring a pickaxe and thus did our we take turns hacking at the rock. We dug straight through the outer walls and collapsed a floor, then swept in during the confusion and slew 10 of these...things. These thralls, no they go beyond that...minions of thalldom were no match for the element of surprise.



The next floor had one of these so called angels. It yelled out and pointed its weapon at me in its gibberish. I don't know what it was saying but I do know it was a stupid move as we were all in the middle of a martial trance and promptly cut it down.



As it lay dying I sent the others on ahead to finish the job after my combat trance came down. Stint came back with the slab later




The enslaved messenger gurgled and rose up in a purple light. Then in that horrible tongue, it growled at me. Only a god could do such a thing and there was only one god with a grudge currently.

M̸͈͐ő̷̬̞̍r̸̛̖̂ͅṱ̷̆a̷̛͈̹̎l̷͓̈

"Weevil"

̵̩̆Y̴̧̛͊o̷̧̅͜u̵̗͆r̴͓̺̓̇ ̸̹̬̍́s̷̼͙͋ų̶̤͘p̷̦̮͐p̶̖̏ỏ̷̦͓s̶͔̦͌ȩ̷̲̓̈d̴̜̫̽̕ ̷̝͓̑v̵̛͈̎i̷̞̊ć̶̠̝t̵͎̊̒o̵̩͈̓r̴͓͍̂y̶̥̑̀ ̵̼̚m̸̟̈͘ĕ̷̟ŕ̶̘̇ḛ̵̢̈l̴̦̪̑́ẏ̴̼͝ ̵̝͝͝d̴͆͜ḙ̴̅l̵̳̈̄à̷̲͕͠y̶̩̤̐̏s̴͕̏ ̶͍̍t̸̳͚̀͘h̸̯͒͝e̶̺͕͐̓ ̴͓̃̇i̷̳̟̚n̵̤̚̕e̶̤̰̐͛v̸̧̟̔̈ì̵̫͈t̴̾͐ͅǎ̸̘̌b̸̪͐l̵̰̮̔̒ḙ̵͋,̸̣̺̇ ̶̪́ȧ̵̘̫̌n̶͈͒̋d̸̮̂ ̸͐͋͜d̵͖̭̈̍r̶̩͆͊͜ä̸̠g̷͎̊͘ŝ̴̤͓̕ ̵͕̔t̸̤̏ͅh̸̺͉͋͠ȇ̴̝̹ ̷̨̇̚w̴̜̥̃̍o̴̜̺͂ȓ̸̹͝ṭ̶͗h̸͍̱͊͐y̶̬̹͌͝ ̸̞͒̽f̷̪̌͐ů̷̗r̶̭̩͂͌t̸͓̑̂h̷͕͌̽e̵͍̚r̸̝̄̽ ̶̮͇̎̅t̴̡͖̒͑o̷̡̰͋ ̶͔̈́͠t̵̢̪͐h̷̛̭̙ė̵̪͘i̴̪̞͌͑r̵͍͚̊̕ ̵̥̔d̶͍͋o̵̬̫͑́ò̵̡̒m̶͓̼̓̇.̴͉̑̈́

"Controlling everything between life and death is not inevitable Weevilmessiah, but a mere dream."

̷̳͖͛A̴̛̝͝ͅ ̶͍̘̌̿d̷̖͛r̶͕͚̓ẻ̶̲̂a̴̱̎ḿ̴͚͕̏ ̸͕́̓t̵̘̐h̵̰̃͗ā̶̱͆ͅţ̸̪̊̂ ̵͍̿̉ȳ̸̟͂ó̵̦͓ù̴͓̚ ̵̭̩͌̀f̶͎͍̋́ő̸͕̮̾o̶̟̱̽́l̶̗̈́i̶̡̝̿̆s̵̡̏́h̸͖͚̉͊l̵̛̺̆y̸̻̾̈ ̴̪͌͋d̶̻̒e̷̖͂s̸̛̮͜i̵͇̔̿r̶̪̆ĕ̶̟̈ ̸̢͐͊t̶̛͓̔ỏ̴͜͝ ̴̰̃͝f̴͙̠̓̋ű̸͉͛l̴̞̼̈́͘f̸͍̊ȉ̴̩͋ĺ̷̼̣l̷̦̤̀̓ ̵͍͂͘i̸̗̓n̵̖̥͛s̶̹̪͑t̷͍̱̏ẽ̴͙͎͌a̸͇̕ḓ̵̭̓ ̴̹̙̑͠ŏ̴̥̥f̵̖̈́ ̷̦̐̏m̶̧̐̄e̶̩̒.̴̘̾ ̴̭̈́I̷̢̹̅t̷̘̠͆ ̵̛̥͛ȋ̴̒͜s̴̞͂̚ ̷̲̈̅w̷͓̝͑ḣ̶͙̙̓y̵̫̥̾̓ ̸͉̫͊y̸͉͔̋̋õ̴̺̥̊u̴̢̟͂ ̸̡̈̕s̴̗̫͌͘o̵͎̐u̸̥͋̓͜g̵̨̛̜͊h̸͓̪͛t̵̫̓ ̵̡̠͝ṱ̴̨̀ḧ̵̠́è̶̯̪̐ ̴̝̜̋͘s̴͍̭̈́̔l̵̥̖̽̎a̵̛͕̪̅b̸͎̾.̴̛̲̻

"I seek to lead an age of dwarves, not a playground full of thralls. I will take this slab and incinerate it in a fiery abyss tonight."

̵̤͂̀T̷̖̊͐h̸̹̉e̷͕͂ṋ̶̿͠ ̶͖̍̚Ĭ̷̲ ̵̱͂́s̵̙̃́h̷̹̓͒à̴̺͜͝l̴̦̦̕l̵͈͛̕͜ ̸̩̦̎͘p̶̱͚͒͗e̶̮͝r̴̛̘s̵̤̜̓o̴̯̅n̷̝̪̉̐ả̸̼͔̊l̴̺̮̄l̵̛̜̔ỵ̸̧͒͆ ̵̦̙̂d̴̪̯̋a̷̧̻̽m̴͉̐̃n̴̺̍̇ ̵̝͆̄y̴̻̑o̵̠̓͆u̸̼̟͒ ̶͙̓̕t̴̢̼͐͝o̴͙̘̐̎ ̴̡̈ͅè̵͍̈́v̴̖͘͝ȩ̵̖̏̓ŗ̵͕̎ḻ̷̺̽ȃ̶̯s̶̭̓̌t̸̥̒̑i̸̟̬̎ṉ̷͎̾̌ġ̴̟͖͠ ̴̦̿̅t̶̙͈͆o̵͇̘̒̃r̸͈͍͌m̴̠̝̎e̴̖͖͑̆n̶̼͋t̷̖̏͂!̸͙̀̆

The fallen messenger lunged at me limbs outstretched. A swift uppercut with Quicknesshawk sent it collapsing to the ground in a pool of ichor.
"You had your chance to do so, and you failed. Your threat is as empty as your puppets. An age of dwarves is coming Weevil, and you won't be part of it.

The rest of the squad had arrived. I counted heads then started marching back to Smallhands. Pausing only to stomp on the messenger's head and mangle it for good.
« Last Edit: May 20, 2021, 02:12:27 pm by recon1o6 »
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King Zultan

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Re: Smallhands - it's like a tiny home but filled with ghouls
« Reply #1090 on: May 21, 2021, 03:16:35 am »

Who decided that it was a good idea to give Zultanking no less than 4 offices?
But I need those 4 offices....
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Spriggans

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Re: Smallhands - it's like a tiny home but filled with ghouls
« Reply #1091 on: May 21, 2021, 11:37:14 am »

Hoooo, the story intensifies !

How will we lure Saruman/Sauron/Balrog into the fort though ? Is there an in-fortress-game way ?

If not, I guess we could use an adventurer to make him "go" to the fortress (maybe by aggering him, or something), where we could trap him.
I wonder if it can be done. Going to try that now. It would be Fun to have the Daemon trapped in our fort.
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Radiofort

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Re: Smallhands - it's like a tiny home but filled with ghouls
« Reply #1092 on: May 21, 2021, 12:03:49 pm »

Hoooo, the story intensifies !

How will we lure Saruman/Sauron/Balrog into the fort though ? Is there an in-fortress-game way ?

If not, I guess we could use an adventurer to make him "go" to the fortress (maybe by aggering him, or something), where we could trap him.
I wonder if it can be done. Going to try that now. It would be Fun to have the Daemon trapped in our fort.
I don't recommend to go into adventure mode on shared savefile, as in that case all Smallhands' astonishing glitches, like our undying overseer, disappears and it becomes just an ordinary messy fort. The trapped necros, for some reason, disappears too, so no more ghouls that way, as now we're currently jailing the very last necromancers in a whole world. The last part, though, can probably be couped with adventurer writing a manual about life/death secrets and dropping it somewhere in the fortress, but there's two points about that:

a) I'm not sure if everyone is okay with fortress full of eternally sober, angry and SLOW voodoo beards;
b) even if previous part sounds, actually, quite tempting, I still vote to keep Nogood with us. He made too much for Smallhands to just obliterate him from reality like this.

And, as I wrote before, you better prepare a really good comp before visiting Dimplesteal. In terms of FPS, that shithole is pure evil.

Btw, good job, Recon!
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nezclaw

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Re: Smallhands - it's like a tiny home but filled with ghouls
« Reply #1093 on: May 21, 2021, 04:18:57 pm »

my wife? i have a wife?
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After the fire had burned down all of the wooden next boxes on the surface, Mottled Petrel was reluctant to replace them with more wooden nest boxes. Instead, he placed the remaining store of wooden nest boxes in the dormitory for any aspiring koopa mothers.

The nest boxes were immediately overrun by helmet snakes.

Salmeuk

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Re: Smallhands - it's like a tiny home but filled with ghouls
« Reply #1094 on: May 21, 2021, 10:05:38 pm »

So, would we attempt to steal the artifact ring? Would that trigger some kind of altercation? Or.. would that be suicide?

Lovely update. The saga continues. I was thinking about how lucky Smallhands was to encounter the series of events as it did, manage to survive, and even.. thrive? Not every fortress comes back from the grave the way we did. Also, it should be said that Smallhands has furthered the communities understanding of the new(ish) undead mechanics, and likely contributed to a number of bug reports involving undead echidnas. Never forget those unyielding spines.

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