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Author Topic: VILLAINOUS  (Read 2136 times)

ziizo

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Re: VILLAINOUS
« Reply #15 on: March 30, 2020, 10:05:55 pm »

*Eerie beautiful singing that translates in a two hour rant against the air-breathers and  five minutes of instructions to her minions*

Order attacks against all ships shipyards and pirates coves we shall retake the seas first.
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GG, Ziizo. May my spirit live on in your boobs.

The Canadian kitten

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Re: VILLAINOUS
« Reply #16 on: March 31, 2020, 01:00:31 am »

Gather a loyal army of cats to assist me.
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"Communism is not the solution, Great Leader Joe!" People sing across the streets. Before Joe can realise what's going on Joeville becomes a generous and  sharing Nazi state, with all the non-believers of Joe shall be purged, since they are spiritually inferior.

King Zultan

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Re: VILLAINOUS
« Reply #17 on: March 31, 2020, 04:23:17 am »

Its time to abandon the underground, lead my army to take over the first fort we can find.
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The Lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch.
Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
Quote from: Leodanny
Can I have the sword when you’re done?

HmH

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Re: VILLAINOUS
« Reply #18 on: March 31, 2020, 05:05:16 am »

Grampa Scream turned around to look at his handiwork. It was beautiful.
Not as beautiful as what it'll be when they learn to scream in harmony, but everyone's screams are chaotic at first.
Something didn't give him rest, though.
Something that was floating around his head for a while now.
An... idea.

He pictured that idea as a damselfly, then gave it an imaginary mouth.
THERE ARE 10,000,000,000,000,000,000 INSECTS IN THE WORLD! the idea screamed in his head. YOU ARE DISTRIBUTING MOUTHS AT A RATE OF 17 MOUTHS PER MINUTE OR LESS!
Grampa Scream stroked his beard. "SO?!" he thought back.
10,000,000,000,000,000,000 INSECTS/17 MOUTHS PER MINUTE = 590,000,000,000,000,000 MINUTES = APPROXIMATELY 1000 BILLION YEARS!
Grampa had been healthy for his age - he attributed his longevity to screaming's beneficial effects on the lungs - but he had no illusions that he'll live that long.
"...GODS DAMN IT!"
Q E FUCKING D, the idea responded.
He was about to tell it to shut up, before recoiling in horror at such a heretical thought.
Screaming his rage to the heavens was a far better way to vent.

After the rage ran out, Grampa stood there for a while, surrounded by steadily harmonizing shrieking, thinking what to do.
Then the idea showed him two letters: ex.
After that, his further course of actions was perfectly clear.
"I MUST LEAVE YOU, MY FELLOW SCREAMERS! MY FORMER APPROACH WAS SHOWN TO BE INEFFICIENT!"

Go to my evil lair cunningly disguised as a local university, the CLAMORHALL.
More specifically, go to the LABORATORY OF APPLIED VIVISECTION.
« Last Edit: March 31, 2020, 05:22:59 am by HmH »
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Avetruetotheimperator

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Re: VILLAINOUS
« Reply #19 on: March 31, 2020, 08:59:40 pm »

Who are you?: Bagarin Tilter
What are you?: Space Hitler
Your evil plan: The people of the planet have proven their inferiority, by letting their world devolve into a feudal mystical hellhole. The glorious spacenoid people meanwhile, has obtained a purer form of existence, including various vague psionic powers. Therefore, we are the Superior people, that must liberate our planetbound cousins from the tyranny of GRAVITY and their bad architecture. No, this is totally not just an excuse for me to conquer the planet and rebuild it into my own image. We're complex people, I swear! And with our massive mecha army, spaceships, an pension for orbital based war crimes, we will prove our success. SIEGE TYON!
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Whisperling

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Re: VILLAINOUS
« Reply #20 on: April 01, 2020, 03:59:28 am »

TURN II

(Grandpa Scream sounds to me like what happens when Uncle Grandpa took too many drugs and wants to turn the world into his favorite trip.)

Go and lead my army to the nearest village and kill whoever is the leader there, as well as those who resist our rule

1

Glebnea mobilizes her subjects and leads them to a remote human settlement called Glitzpeg. Slimes pour into the village, but to her horror, they are met by disciplined troops. The people of Glitzpeg, no stranger to the wastes themselves, have disproportionately chosen careers like "monster hunter" and "grizzled veteran!"

They form a ragtag militia and begin slaughtering hordes of her brethren. Glebnea will win this battle - the town cannot possibly hold against her might - but at what cost?

Go and stab vizier whisperling, for REVENGE!!!!
Sophie!...


2

Nah Impartain wanders the land in a haze of grief and rage. He strikes down every being that dares to cross his path, but their lives cannot sate his thirst for revenge. He wanders over deserts and mountains in search of the entity called Whisperling, eternal foe and source of all his misery. The Vizier must pay for what he has done.

His travels lead him into the depths of an underground hive. It is populated by bug-folk and ruled by the Hive King Mandible, but Nah Impartain is here for one person only. He finds Whisperling seated in the Hive's inner sanctum, having taken his place on Mandible's council.

Unfortunately, Nah Impartain has fallen directly into my trap.

The ground beneath his feet crumbles, plunging him into a hole hundreds of miles deep. While he's busy dragging himself back up, I gleefully make my escape!

"What is a drop of rain, compared to the storm? What is a thought, compared to a mind? Our unity is full of wonder, which their tiny individualism... cannot even conceive. We are the Hive! The individual Primate is obsolete! When their kind is extinct, we will cleanse our collective memory of the stain of their wretched existence. Now, we march for the Rodents, for only we can rule the Undergrowth!"

Mandible's Hive will march against the Rodents and their King for full control of the Undergrowth, while their individualism is not as wretched as that of the Primates they still are rivals in their quest for the coming of a New Age of the Hive. Although a few might be spared and kept as pets like with the Hive's Royal Vizier Whispering.

5

Lord Mandible, I am deeply grateful for the seat you have offered me upon your Council of Doom. However, it seems I must depart from your Colony as a result of circumstances utterly beyond my control. Though the Council did not have a discretionary budget, I am certain that you will be accommodating in regard to the bottomless pit.

Yours truly,

Grand Vizier Whisperling the First.

---

Mandible leads the Horde into the lands of King Zultan, which are... completely empty? His subjects waste no time in making these tunnels a part of the Colony, but they cannot find the Rodents anywhere. It is as if the king and his people had vanished entirely.

With control its control of the Undergrowth now uncontested, the Hive expands tenfold. Caverns that once housed Rodents are put to more productive use as birthing chambers for Mandible's armies. The Horde digs new tunnels towards strategically important points on the surface.

Rampage through another village, but leave people alive. Tell them to send their strongest knights and warriors after me. I shall crush them all!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

4

Nix follows a dirt road until it takes him to a place called Charter. He kicks down their wall and stomps on the town hall until it's a smoldering pile of rubble, but instead of killing the villagers he roars a challenge at everyone within earshot! Knights in shining armor come to battle him, but he kicks them off their horses and punches them until their helms crumple.

When it becomes clear that nobody in Charter can stand against him, the townsfolk all cower at his feet. The mayor comes to congratulate Nix on his, er, brilliant performance, truly excellent. Ahem. Er.

*Eerie beautiful singing that translates in a two hour rant against the air-breathers and  five minutes of instructions to her minions*

Order attacks against all ships shipyards and pirates coves we shall retake the seas first.

5

Princess Coral sings the music of the waves. The ocean stirs around her, moved by her deep and passionate hatred for air-breathers and their works. Instructions to her minions are scattered within the tirade. When she's finally done monologuing, the ships and dockyards she railed against are already under attack.

Her merfolk tear every last plank apart, and drown every sailor or pirate within reach of sea!

Gather a loyal army of cats to assist me.

3

Cat Guy wanders through the village and enlists the aid of other outdoor cats. His army gathers at the stroke of midnight, when it is too dark for the lesser races to see. A thousand felines gather behind him, eyes glowing in the darkness. They follow him, but to his dismay, it is impossible to get them out of the town square! Half of his new army has fallen asleep. The other half has decided to take matters into their own hands by shredding human furniture.

Its time to abandon the underground, lead my army to take over the first fort we can find.

1

King Zultan climbs towards the surface, followed by a horde of rats that could be mistaken for a biblical plague. They squeeze into minuscule tunnels and slide between cracks in the rock. A few enterprising youngsters even burrow into holes dug by groundhogs, moles, and chipmunks, which provide them with an even more direct route to the world above.

When Zultan discovers he's too large to fit through any of the holes, his subjects are already gone. The rats abandoned him! Him, their rightful king!

Grampa Scream turned around to look at his handiwork. It was beautiful.
Not as beautiful as what it'll be when they learn to scream in harmony, but everyone's screams are chaotic at first.
Something didn't give him rest, though.
Something that was floating around his head for a while now.
An... idea.

He pictured that idea as a damselfly, then gave it an imaginary mouth.
THERE ARE 10,000,000,000,000,000,000 INSECTS IN THE WORLD! the idea screamed in his head. YOU ARE DISTRIBUTING MOUTHS AT A RATE OF 17 MOUTHS PER MINUTE OR LESS!
Grampa Scream stroked his beard. "SO?!" he thought back.
10,000,000,000,000,000,000 INSECTS/17 MOUTHS PER MINUTE = 590,000,000,000,000,000 MINUTES = APPROXIMATELY 1000 BILLION YEARS!
Grampa had been healthy for his age - he attributed his longevity to screaming's beneficial effects on the lungs - but he had no illusions that he'll live that long.
"...GODS DAMN IT!"
Q E FUCKING D, the idea responded.
He was about to tell it to shut up, before recoiling in horror at such a heretical thought.
Screaming his rage to the heavens was a far better way to vent.

After the rage ran out, Grampa stood there for a while, surrounded by steadily harmonizing shrieking, thinking what to do.
Then the idea showed him two letters: ex.
After that, his further course of actions was perfectly clear.
"I MUST LEAVE YOU, MY FELLOW SCREAMERS! MY FORMER APPROACH WAS SHOWN TO BE INEFFICIENT!"

Go to my evil lair cunningly disguised as a local university, the CLAMORHALL.
More specifically, go to the LABORATORY OF APPLIED VIVISECTION.


5

Grampa contemplates the overwhelming abundance of life. For the first time, it occurs to him that personally providing a mouth to every insect and every blade of grass is a sheer impossibility. Why, by the time he's made a charitable donation to the last mayfly, the first will be a fossil! His quest for a solution brings him to the CLAMORHALL, a venerable university that specializes in Scream Theory.

He descends into the LABORATORY OF APPLIED VIVISECTION, a secret facility accessible through the Department of Hollering and Wailing. There, he finds the brightest and most twisted minds in all the CLAMORHALL, who have taken it upon themselves to supply undergraduates with additional mouths and vocal chords.

Who are you?: Bagarin Tilter
What are you?: Space Hitler
Your evil plan: The people of the planet have proven their inferiority, by letting their world devolve into a feudal mystical hellhole. The glorious spacenoid people meanwhile, has obtained a purer form of existence, including various vague psionic powers. Therefore, we are the Superior people, that must liberate our planetbound cousins from the tyranny of GRAVITY and their bad architecture. No, this is totally not just an excuse for me to conquer the planet and rebuild it into my own image. We're complex people, I swear! And with our massive mecha army, spaceships, an pension for orbital based war crimes, we will prove our success. SIEGE TYON!

Bagarin Tilter stands on the deck of his capital ship, some twelve kilometers above the surface of the planet. Even from space, it is clear that the inhabitants of this backwards world are in sore need of re-education. There are no urban centers, no lights, no civilization worthy of the name. Evidently they have allowed primitive mysticism to stand in the way of evolutionary progress.

Some genocide might be in order.
« Last Edit: April 01, 2020, 01:55:14 pm by Whisperling »
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Egan_BW

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Re: VILLAINOUS
« Reply #21 on: April 01, 2020, 04:15:23 am »

DRIVE A BLADE THROUGH MANDIBLE'S THORAX. THIS INSECT SHALL PAY FOR HARBORING MY ENEMY!
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NRDL

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Re: VILLAINOUS
« Reply #22 on: April 01, 2020, 04:18:25 am »

Eat the mayor, and find a new town to conquer. Tell the denizens of Charter to send any strong warriors they see, after me. If they send any weaklings, I'll slaughter Charter down to the last person.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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GOD DAMN IT NRDL.
NRDL will roll a die and decide how sadistic and insane he's feeling well you do.

Naturegirl1999

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Re: VILLAINOUS
« Reply #23 on: April 01, 2020, 06:42:36 am »

Retreat and surround Glitzpeg, eating the plants and animals around the village. They shall starve
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King Zultan

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Re: VILLAINOUS
« Reply #24 on: April 01, 2020, 07:10:19 am »

"Damn it those assholes left me behind!"
Make the hole bigger so I can get out, then go find my people and kick the ass of whoever decided to leave me behind.
Logged
The Lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch.
Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
Quote from: Leodanny
Can I have the sword when you’re done?

ziizo

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Re: VILLAINOUS
« Reply #25 on: April 01, 2020, 07:55:39 am »

Create Cone Harpoons Guns for my troops, copying the abilities of the Cone Snail (A marine Snail and thus superior to all Terrestrial snails), the Cone Harpoon Guns will allow the troops to shoot poisoned harpoons at high speeds and distances.

This weapon shall prevent the air-breathers from escaping via running further inland or taking to the skies like these damned birds.


Spoiler (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: April 01, 2020, 02:42:57 pm by ziizo »
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GG, Ziizo. May my spirit live on in your boobs.

Avetruetotheimperator

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Re: VILLAINOUS
« Reply #26 on: April 01, 2020, 09:18:34 am »

Yes, this truly is a travesty! This world is beyond backwater. Their obsession with churches and "wizards" have truly lead to such a suffering existence. Their inferiority must be eliminated. Luckily, it will be easy with a powerful planetary invasion force. Lead by my promising Nephew Darma, they will teach these primitives an important lesson in regards to teching up. Let the Planet Drop Operation commence! 
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TricMagic

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Re: VILLAINOUS
« Reply #27 on: April 01, 2020, 10:43:43 am »

I am acidic beyond acidic, when I want to be. And so long as my core is whole, I will not die. Go find a great lizard beast and jump directly into it's stomach before eating it from the inside out.

ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES

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Re: VILLAINOUS
« Reply #28 on: April 01, 2020, 11:25:46 am »

Rip the edgy Primate apart with our many hands, then use the Undergrowth network to infiltrate and invade  Fort Calosus, the most heavily defended location in the kingdom, deploying the might Atlas Beetles and the Red Bull hordes.
« Last Edit: April 01, 2020, 11:31:44 am by ANGRY_DEMON_NOISES »
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The Canadian kitten

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Re: VILLAINOUS
« Reply #29 on: April 01, 2020, 09:38:57 pm »

Set up a little training program for my cats so they are able to competently serve me. After all, if those damn ape slaves can do it to themselves why can't I?
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"Communism is not the solution, Great Leader Joe!" People sing across the streets. Before Joe can realise what's going on Joeville becomes a generous and  sharing Nazi state, with all the non-believers of Joe shall be purged, since they are spiritually inferior.
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