DRIVE A BLADE THROUGH MANDIBLE'S THORAX. THIS INSECT SHALL PAY FOR HARBORING MY ENEMY!
Rip the edgy Primate apart with our many hands, then use the Undergrowth network to infiltrate and invade Fort Calosus, the most heavily defended location in the kingdom, deploying the might Atlas Beetles and the Red Bull hordes.
3v4
Nah Impartain slices apart everything that stands between him and Mandible's throne room. The two villains meet in a storm of steel and chitin. Impartian thrusts his blade towards Mandible's thorax, but it glances off the Hive King's carapace. Mandible tries to rip Impartain apart, but the swordsman dodges his many hands. They fight until they are both battered, and the tunnels threaten to collapse on top of them.
In a particularly desperate moment, Mandible's army comes to his aid. Atlas Beetles that were poised to attack the surface swarm Nah instead, driving him back to the edge of the hive. The Fort Calosus assault cannot continue without them, but the Hive King will live to fight another day.
Eat the mayor, and find a new town to conquer. Tell the denizens of Charter to send any strong warriors they see, after me. If they send any weaklings, I'll slaughter Charter down to the last person.
Who are you?: The Almighty Nix
What are you?: Hulking Brute
Your evil plan: Beat everybody up until they listen to me
3
Nix picks up the mayor and crushes the man between his teeth. The other townsfolk very hastily agree to his demands. They even bring him some hunters who were out in the woods when he crashed through Charter's walls. The men follow Nix at a distance, not quite sure whether they're supposed to serve as warriors or snacks.
He stomps his way up and down the countryside, hunters in tow, but all he finds is a handful of wooden huts. The place isn't even large enough to have a name, much less a militia for him to flatten.
Retreat and surround Glitzpeg, eating the plants and animals around the village. They shall starve
6
Glebnea orders her army to retreat from Glitzpeg. Her slimes form a loose ring around the village, then systematically absorb every plant and animal that they can find. The villagers hold fast, but without farmland or woods to forage from, it will only be a matter of time before they starve.
Unfortunately, the same goes for the slimes. Glebnea's army has eaten every living thing for miles around, which means that they won't have anything to eat either. Nutrient reserves from the feeding frenzy will tide them over for a while, but after they've been used up her forces will become frailer with every passing week.
"Damn it those assholes left me behind!"
Make the hole bigger so I can get out, then go find my people and kick the ass of whoever decided to leave me behind.
5
Zultan smashes through the nearest hole and digs his way to the surface. Finding his erstwhile subjects isn't difficult. The rats ran straight for the nearest human town, where they've been destroying crops and devouring the contents of pantries for the better part of a week. Zultan lurks near them until he spots the new leaders of the swarm: a group of elderly rats who have grown nearly as large as dogs.
The rat-man waits until daybreak to make his move. He slips past a few sentries, picks his way through comatose rats, and then strangles the conspirators in their sleep. When the rodents wake, they are once again his loyal minions.
Create Cone Harpoons Guns for my troops, copying the abilities of the Cone Snail (A marine Snail and thus superior to all Terrestrial snails), the Cone Harpoon Guns will allow the troops to shoot poisoned harpoons at high speeds and distances.
This weapon shall prevent the air-breathers from escaping via running further inland or taking to the skies like these damned birds.
Who are you?: Princess Coral
What are you?: Evil Mermaid
Your evil plan: Flood the world, kill the air breathers, subjugate the rest.
Evil Deeds: Destroyed all ships and shipyards
4
Princess Coral orders a particular sort of aquatic snail brought to her palace. The cone snail is a wonder of nature. It inhabits an aesthetically pleasing shell, perfectly suited to mermaid sensibilities, whilst possessing an utterly deadly poison. Coral uses stone, seaweed and coral to construct a weapon that mimics its biology.
Soon, cone harpoon guns have been distributed to all the merfolk in her armies. A handful accidentally poison themselves while learning to operate the weapons, but that is the price of progress. The rest rejoice, for ducks and seagulls are finally within their reach.
Yes, this truly is a travesty! This world is beyond backwater. Their obsession with churches and "wizards" have truly lead to such a suffering existence. Their inferiority must be eliminated. Luckily, it will be easy with a powerful planetary invasion force. Lead by my promising Nephew Darma, they will teach these primitives an important lesson in regards to teching up. Let the Planet Drop Operation commence!
2
Tilter orders his first planetary invasion force to prepare themselves for descent. He puts his own nephew at the head of the army. Darma is indisputably the best man for the job. The boy is well-schooled, despite his lack of practical experience. More importantly, his presence will ensure that the terrestrial part of Tilter's invasion fleet remains... ideologically pure.
Several minutes later, his admirals inform him of an issue with the drop pods. Apparently the men encountered technical difficulties whilst trying to detach them from the hull.
I am acidic beyond acidic, when I want to be. And so long as my core is whole, I will not die. Go find a great lizard beast and jump directly into it's stomach before eating it from the inside out.
3
Delta wanders through the wastes until he finds a giant salamander. The humans call these beasts Glöntir, and they have been known to swallow entire caravans whole. The royal jelly throws itself straight into its mouth, and wills his body to be as acidic as it can possibly be.
The lizard thrashes and groans, but Delta finds that its stomach is unnaturally resistant to harm. He thrashes from side to side, modifies his own internal chemistry until he should liquefy flesh with a single touch, even tries to starve the beast out by digesting its food, but for now he only succeeds in giving it ulcers.
Set up a little training program for my cats so they are able to competently serve me. After all, if those damn ape slaves can do it to themselves why can't I?
1Cat Guy declares that he will be training his army in the ways of warfare. None of them react. When he tries leading his minions out of the village, most them wander into nearby gardens or curl up in alleyways to sleep. It's impossible to get most of them away from the town square, much less to the boot camp he constructed outside the walls. A few even have the gall to inform him that this is a
confederation of equals, and that they will not be taking orders from anybody.
It's much like herding cats.
"GENTLEMEN!" Scream began. "I HAVE GOT AN IDEA!"
The gentlemen did not look very enthusiastic, so he started drawing to make his idea clearer.
He began with his favorite spiral, and wrote down its function in case anyone forgot.
"WE HAVE PERFECTED THE ART AND SCIENCE OF VOCAL GRAFTING TO THE POINT THAT ANYONE CAN GRAFT MOUTHS IN THE FIELD, AND YET DISTRIBUTING MOUTHS MANUALLY IS TOO SLOW AND UNPREDICTABLE A PROCESS!"
Yes, the blueprint came out pretty well.
And based on the spiral, Scream drew the hand... and the mouth... and then another pair... and another.
"WE NEED TO CONJURE AND/OR MANUFACTURE AN ELEMENTAL OF MOUTHS AND SCREAMING!"
He stepped back from the chalkboard, admiring his handiwork.
The blueprint was of a seemingly disorganized but mathemathically perfect creature, a creature based on the transposition of an exponent's most important properties into the third-dimensional space through Grampa Scream's perfectly sane and rational SCREAM TOPOLOGY based on imaginary numbers in an n-dimensional space where n was assumed subject to the Banach-Tarski paradox.
It had a lot of mouths - though the exact amount would vary. Grampa Scream expected it to run out of mouths every now and again, whenever the subjects' survival rate exceeded expectations.
And naturally, it had enough hands in all the right places to give mouths to the mouthless, yield screams from the stoic, and sew more and more copies of itself from those who did not survive.
Actually... it had so many arms that there was no place to put any legs.
Grampa Scream tilted his head left, then right, then cleared his throat, then scratched at the back of his head.
If it didn't have any legs, how would it outrun the mouthless and especially the stoic?
"EXCEPT," he said, having realized how to correct this obvious mistake, "IN THE INTERESTS OF KEEPING IT FAMILY-FRIENDLY AND APPROACHABLE BY CHILDREN, WE SHALL MARKET IT AS..."
He wrote down the creature's name and turned around.
Then he saw the incredulous faces of his PERFECTLY SANE SCIENTISTS.
"YES, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT WE WILL CALL IT! ANY QUESTIONS?!"
Give my fellow PERFECTLY SANE SCIENTISTS a blueprint and instructions to construct the world's first (but most certainly not the last) HUGS AND KISSES ELEMENTAL!
5
The PROFESSORS OF APPLIED VIVISECTION stare at Grampa's diagram. They break into smaller groups and discuss it among themselves. One of those groups begins scrawling equations on the blackboard. Someone fetches colleagues from the marketing department. Everyone else is tasked with acquiring the requisite amount of UNDERGRADUATES.
The professors work through the night, conducting amputations and lobotomies until the corpse piles overflow. Then they stitch the parts together. Grampa's first HUGS AND KISSES ELEMENTAL is born in the early hours of the morning, when the rest of the world its still. Its screams, and the scream of the PROFESSORS attending to it, are the only sounds in the CLAMORHALL.
It is a truly magnificent chorus.
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Topic: VILLAINOUS (Read 6011 times)