You loot the bodies.You
Suck. You
Suck hard. So hard that it rips the
Assfull Chaps off of one Grobyc and an
Egg Fabricator from another's...you actually aren't sure where the Egg Fabricator came from. Either way, you'll need to get organic hands to replace the piece of shit reprogrammed device in your body with the Egg Fabricator if you want to fire them for some reason. Couldn't be worse than tennis balls though, right?
You also find
6 Ears, the recognized currency of every spacerace! Or at least the ones that matter. And if you're being honest with yourself, the Killbots are the only ones that matter. You're sure Ears are acceptable currency everywhere.
As the last Ear suctions off the Grobyc's head with a satisfying "splort", Nigel and Diz walk back into S.H.I.P. proper.
"Howdy, pardner!" Nigel says as he sees you, "You ain't a bad gunslinger, saved my grits for sure!"
He spots the Assful Chaps you put in your loot pile and swipes them, shaking off the ears you had already neatly piled on top of them and sending them flying. What an asshole!
You lose 2 Ears! He also flatulates explosively.
Nigel quickly leaves before you have the chance to retaliate, probably retreating to a room he saw and claimed in the Cube. This leaves you alone with Diz. He nudges a dead Grobyc with his toe.
"These guys are gonna stink up the ship. Good thing we're not too far from Deadball, we should be able to do a quick dump-off there," he says.
You really hate this guy. Deadball? Everything on that planet is already dead! Why not space the bodies and go somewhere that things are alive so you can kill them? This makes you mad.
Do you:
A) Shoot at Diz.
B) Shoot S.H.I.P.
C) Shoot into the Grobyc Cube.
D) Shoot into the helm.
E) RAMPAGE!
NOW WITH CHARACTER INFORMATION!
Class: Cattle Rustler
Perks: Rootin' (get better loot), Shootin' (good with guns)
Flaws: Tootin' (uncontrollable flatulence), Cowboy (does not understand technology)
Inventory: One-and-a-Half-Shooter (a double-action revolver with a single firing chamber that holds one and a half bullets), Lasso (a snaggin' rope), Can of Beans (Infinite Food. Don't Ask!), Assfull Chaps (provide protection, especially for the ass)
Class: Multiarmed Alien
Perks: Three-Armed (can use more equipment at once), Thicker Skinned (immune to insults, pleas for mercy)
Flaws: Three-Armed, But Bad (cannot equip shirts), Thin Skinned, But Literally Skin This Time (more susceptible to injury)
Inventory: Alien Flashlight (a human flashlight - it's alien to Diz), Pilot's License (allows access to S.H.I.P. controls), Spanner (A tool that fixes everything!)
Class: Repurposed Killbot
Perks: Grenade Launcher (can fire grenades from it's left arm), Inhuman (doesn't need O2)
Flaws: Reprogrammed Ammo (Grenade Launcher fires tennis balls), Rage (limited diplomacy options)
Inventory: Grenade Launcher Arm Lv2 (Suck), Ammo Fabricator (Equipped), Egg Fabricator (Eggs can Poison/Goop/Bleed in addition to normal effects), 4 Ears
Class: Spacefaring Hull/Intelligent Personality
Perks: Predictive A.I. (choices better foreshadow outcome), Scanners (more info on locations)
Flaws: You're A Ship (you rely on NPC crewmembers to keep you alive), Absolutely Shackled (chance for those idiot crewmembers to screw things up and do the opposite of what you tell them to)
Inventory: Anti-Recovery Device (a self-destructing nuclear warhead), USB Backup (a backup of yourself in a drawer - requires crew to use), Medbay (Heals Organic Crew after combat), Rockbreaker Gun (A puny gun better for killing rocks than other ships)
Author
Topic: A Serious Space Hoedown Of Legendary Events (Read 2931 times)