Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[monk12]

Ah heck, this is too fun to pass up.


Creaking away in his rocking chair, Cranky Kong snorts in disgust as the latest MKL news updates from Jim and Bob blather out from his antique radio.

Bah! Racers these days, with their Shields and their Armor Shells and their Compensators! Back in my day, if your Kart soaked up every banana peel on the track, you raced it and were thankful for the potassium! Why, I oughtta drive down there and show those whippersnappers a thing or two!

So saying, Cranky Kong bashes the radio with his cane and sits up, looking out the window at an old, decrepit Diddy Kong Kart Classic held together by little more than withered vines and good intentions.

The old Speedy Pete! Can't remember why Junior stopped racing with it, some hoo-haw about it being a deathtrap. Nonsense! Nothing an experienced hand like myself couldn't handle, I'm sure! In fact, I think I'll get ol' Petey fixed up and go show these younguns how it's done!

With that, Cranky Kong swings down from his tropical treehouse straight into the Speedy Pete and sets off for MKL HQ!

Cranky Kong (monk12)
Points- 0
Fame- 0
Coin- 2

Kart
Name: Speedy Pete
Paint Job: Mahogany Brown and Tree Vine Green

Module Installed: Streamlined
Module Hiccups: Hiccups? Bah! Junior just lacks gumption! _{The youth today, thinking a thing is broken if it doesn't have "power steering" or "roll cages" or "seatbelts," they don't know how good they have it, why back in my day...}
Permanent Hiccups: None
Races: 0

[Dwarmin]

The master becomes the student, the student becomes the master 

...

Cranky Kong
Coin -3 (Now 2)

Streamlined
Poor Handling
Module: Kongo Jungle Coconut Spoiler
Kongo Jungle Coconut trees are a common source of wood in DK Country, used in practically every facet of construction-including karts! This spoiler is attached to the rear of the kart, and dramatically increases slipstream ability. Unfortunately the poor quality control of uneducated apes hammering wood together is apparent-the fine handling of the Kart is adversely affected by the rickety nature of the device and stray bananas which occasionally fall from the two oversized barrels which act as air mufflers.

...


News from the racefloor, Jim! Attempts to shoo an old ape off the track and direct him to the nearest nursing treehouse have failed, as he is driving what looks like a decrepit motorized wheelchair, and has evaded all attempts to approach.

Indeed, Bob! But there's more-The Barrel Embassy has informed us that's actually Cranky Kong, and given the nature of his last ranting phonecall to them, he wants to drive in MKL! And while his license to drive is technically expired, we require no such thing to admit a driver! Indeed, some of our best racers never drove a kart before their first race!

Not supposed to say out loud, Jim! Cranky Kong, however, seems to be our next racer! In his advanced age?

Indeed, his age is quite advanced! A history lesson is hardly needed, Bob! But here's one anyway! Cranky Kong, now known as DK senior, the grandfather of the current Donkey Kong. Back in his day he was a circus performer known for having a bitter feud with Mario of the Mushroom Kingdom-kidnapping his girlfriend and scaling unfinished metal structures in wild chases around New Donk city. Now he mostly spends time in his rocking chair, occasionally dabbling in alchemy and telling long winded rambling stories!

It seems old people do love to hear themselves talk, eh Jim? They just go on and on and on without stopping! Though to be fair, on our original point, Mario did insult him in his circus acts, and later kidnapped his son! I think the feud was at least partially justified!

But what did any of that have to do with him vandalizing greenhouses with an army of killer bees later on?

Not sure, Jim! Also, that might have been his son, DK Jr! Who is definitely not the same as the current DK! No matter the generation, it seems the Kongs have never needed a reason for showing up and causing trouble!

Who does, Bob? You know, he has shown some decayed skill on the track-is it possible Cranky Kong raced Mario in the earliest incarnations of MKL?

Back in the days of the great Cheese Prohibition, when Karts were first designed as getaway rides-to evade Shyguy patrols and smuggle illicit goods to Underground Cheese-easies run by the Mouser Mafia?

Those really were the days, Bob! Before the great Moon Coin market crash, a Lakitu could fuel up a cloud for hardly more than the price of a canteen of fresh raindrops and drive it across the Mushroom Kingdom with a girl in tow! Why my great grandfather once traveled from Shyguy Falls to Beanbean fields with a chest full of moonster cheese in the boot of his cloud, things got dicey when the Flyguys showed up, Snufits in tow blazing tiny cannon balls...

~The screen slowly fades into a commercial break about Kong Dental Cream

[Egan_BW]

hee ho! I didn't read all the rules! hee, I'll just manage without...
hee, I use Dirty Weapons! Ethics are for the weak!

[Naturegirl1999]

Poltwrgust 21
Item Boost
Armor Boost
1 Coin remaining

[Dwarmin]

Hey-ho hello racing fans! Here's a sneak preview of our opening track-it should look familiar! It's Luigi's raceway, now known as Luigi's Waterway! In its heyday, it was the premier venue for opening MKL seasons-it's straightforward lanes making for a fast, uncomplicated races. It's only hazard, a lone Chomp staked to the back first curve, steadily grew larger and larger on a diet of foolish rookies Karts. After the destruction of the Great Mushroom Dam in the last Koopa War, large parts of low lying Mushroom Kingdom were flooded-for years, the track remained a water hazard for nearby Mario Golf tournaments!

With the resumption of a new league, came revitalization for abandoned MKL properties! The water was drained and fed into a nearby river, the track cleaned up. Ol' Chompy was de-rusted and spit polished-he had now grown so big the entire back end of the track was repurposed into his new 'play area'! A track addition was also added off the finishing line-the new 'pit stop' area!

Luigis Waterway is now bordered by shallow streams to either side of the track, protected by useful guardrails-barring 'Weegees Watering Hole' adjacent to the finishing line-but racers both foolish and unlucky can bypass them, potentially ending up in the drink! Ol' Chompy, now bigger and cannier than he was when he was a young chomping cannonball, remains the sole obvious hazard-but he now threatens more sections of the track, and is particularly fixated on anyone who steals his precious item boxes in the inside loop.

Here's to another season of MKL!


Not Shit Map still courtesy of freeformscholar (with some additions by me!)


...

Jack Frost
Coin -1 (Now 4)

Dirty Weapons
Featherweight
Module: Zorro's Rapier
A solid weapon shifted from the Metaverse into the real one-Zorro's Rapier allows for extremely canny attacks, but leaves it user vulnerable to raw brute force of those who have no appreciation of subtlety and wit. MKL has deemed such an item in violation of its rules, but what gentleman  (or gentlejack) ever obeyed the rules that stand in the way of his ambitions?


...



And our second to last racer seems to have arrived. He certainly looks like he belongs here! Let's give a big hee-ho-hello to JACK FROST!

He may look like he's from here, but he definitely isn't, Bob!

His exact origin is murky, but Jack Frost hails from Personaverse Earth, where he is variously known as a demon, or a cognitive shadow, a reflection of the dreams-and nightmares-of that worlds inhabitants. Jack Frost is emblematic of the Magician Arcana, the positive of which is of those who take action of their initiative, have significant confidence in their own abilities, and a strong willpower to succeed. Reversed, these strong aspirations and desires may turn into nothing more then dreams-eventually impacting ones ability to distinguish between the world they want to bring into being, and the world that is, a particularly bad combination with the Magicians impulsive and often thoughtless nature toward others.

What's with the magical mumbo jumbo, Bob? And he sure looks real to me! What's he doing to the vending machine in the lounge?

Shadows may come from dreams, but they can develop their own personalities-this one seems particularly strong willed! Given the relative newness of our worlds connection, it should come as no surprise this is the first of his type we've had as a MKL racer! I for one am interested to see what this little guy will bring to MKL! And he's so darn cute! You could use him to sell Ice Cream!

Great idea, Bob! But won't we run into licensing issues? Our notes say he's already an ice cream brand on his Earth-and he even comes in different flavors!

Once the moneys in the bank, Jim, does it matter?

I guess you have a point, Bob! But I'd rather live the life of a virtuous beggar than a kindly thief! Take from no man and allow nothing from yourself to be taken, isn't that the way to live?

Maybe if you're a loser, Jim! Life is like Kart Racing-it's about getting ahead, not keeping pace! And to get ahead-somebody has to fall behind! Now let's go to commercials! We've got a new sponsor known as BURGER-KUN who would love to get to know the public!

[Dwarmin]

Poltergust 21
Item Boost
Armor Boost
1 Coin remaining

Rotoms attempt to purchase a 3rd module draws attention from the shopkeepers-Salt T. and his brother Sweet T.



Salt T: "Woah, woah! Rookie Racer! We got a rookie Racer here! Everyone watch out, he's gonna drive aggressively into chain chomp on the first lap!"

Sweet T: "Relax, brother! Everyone has to start somewhere! Hey Rookie, let me fetch the rulebook for you...man, this thing is heavy! And they've sent us like a dozen revisions in the last few days alone!"

Drivers start play with a base Kart and 5 Coin. The rules allow each Kart to be augmented with up to TWO Modules per race- a player may own any number of Modules, but only two may be installed for each race. Modules, unfortunately, are inherently unique, unstable, and react unpredictably with Karts. When you buy a Module, you may choose the Perk- however, there is always a randomly associated Hiccup that is permanently tied to that Module. Modules cannot be resold, although they can be traded between Players.

Sweet T: "...so you see, there's little reason for you to buy three modules on your first race, as you can only use two. It's better to save your coin so you can get into the next race-it costs you 1 coin for drivers fees! Though with someone like you, it's natural you'll be the winner and make it all back."

Salt T: "But hey, if you wanna go broke, we'll take your coin!"

Sweet T: "No pressure! Take your time and make your choice about which ones you'll carry with you!"

Salt T: "If you try to leave the shop, the bom-omb attached to your purchases will explode!"

...

During this time of decision making, Rotom is accosted by a giant rat in sunglasses who was lurking in the back of the shop in a hole in the wall. He looks pretty cheerful.

"Pssst! Hey kid! That's some nice modules you got there...be a shame if you could only have TWO, and not all three? Amiright?"

[Naturegirl1999]

((Sorry for the blurry ness, my resizer tends to do that when shrinking pictures))

Edit: here’s a more pixelated but less blurry Rotom

[Dwarmin]

((It is pretty blurry! I snagged this one, do you like the look of it better?))

[Naturegirl1999]

((It is pretty blurry! I snagged this one, do you like the look of it better?))

((Yes, thank you, this makes more sense for it to just possess the kart anyway))

[Naturegirl1999]

[glow=Lightblue ,2,300]whoops, I’ll give the Poltergust back, sorry about that
*turns to rat* unless you want it?[/glow]

[Dwarmin]

Salt T: "Right, sure, now let's get your purchases rung up so you can scram!"

Sweet T: "Thank you for your patronage, Rookie Racer! We're looking forward to your success!"

...

"Woah-hoh, don't bring attention to me, I'm just browsing! Totally innocently! But I'll leave you my card if you're ever in the business of getting...business done!"

Mouser scurries back to his hole in the wall as Salt T. throws a boot at him. A somehow evil card floats down to the floor.

Mousers Honest Automotive Shenanigans and Goofs
Totally legal
Help for kart racers of any stripe!

Office: SubCon (Dream Bomb Factory)
Seller: Mr. MouZ

...

Later, in the Mouser Mafia den...

"...I hope the boss isn't mad, that pokemon robot thing was too careful for me! But look, I sold a premium Zorro's Rapier today to this fat little icecream man! He's totally without ethics! Yeah, ethics are for rubes! Me and all my mousies HATE Ethics!"

...

whoops, I’ll give the Poltergust back, sorry about that
*turns to rat* unless you want it?

Rotom
Coin -3 (Now 2)

Item Boost
Poor Handling
Module: Team Rocket 'Itemgetter'
A poorly made black market imitation of the sleeker Silph Co. Itemfinder, this one seems to function well in directing your kart to more valuable item boxes, but is amazingly heavy for its size-tossing off your karts finetuned racing balance. It seems they saved costs by using cheap materials, and possibly stolen ones as well.

Armor Shell
Ghost Kart
Module: Spell Tag
In some lands known as an 'Ofuda', this simple slip of paper usually adorns shrines and temples as a talisman against misfortune-when affixed to a kart, it provides spirituals protection against bad luck. Unfortunately the spell tag comes at a price-inviting good luck require a balance, attracting ghosts to empower its blessing. Spirits covet such things to increase the power of their attacks, and it attracts their attention.

[Dwarmin]

And with that, all spots are filled for the 1st race! We'll be beginning soon as I lock down the rest of the first course, it's about 90% done. I'll send you all a PM when things are winding up.

Sign ups are still open for the next race! If we get another set of players, we can do a full season-the best of both races will go to the 3rd and the best of all races will go to the cup.

[Egan_BW]

hee, what a shiny glinty-thing! Sure it could pierce a heart a lot better than a thrown shell... and it'll be useful in cart racing, too! hee ho, they won't know what hit 'em till they look it up in the rulebook! Yeah, the rules-persons will know, but by then I'll be too famous and handsome for them to do anything!

[SuperDino85]

”Gwahaahaa!! I’m so excited, I can’t wait to start burning rubber, and maybe my opponents if I have time!”

[Fluffe9911]

"All of you shall eat Waluigi's dust! WAAAAA!!!"