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Author Topic: Dwarf Fortress Gladiator Tournament VIII  (Read 37391 times)


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Re: Dwarf Fortress Gladiator Tournament VIII
« Reply #255 on: July 14, 2023, 04:28:13 pm »

AGH!  Did I miss the gladiator tournament?  I'm so sorry, my memory is SO terrible and I forgot about it  :(
EDIT: Just in time for Round 1, it turns out!  I'll bet 30 gold on my boy Wine, 20 on Slappybara, and 10 on Gromp Gromp, leaving me with 40 gold left!
You can only bet on 1 gladiator per round


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Re: Dwarf Fortress Gladiator Tournament VIII
« Reply #256 on: July 14, 2023, 05:50:22 pm »

Oh, oops.  30 on Wine, then.
"This was made for me..." -Knarfle
idk i dont know how to quote


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Re: Dwarf Fortress Gladiator Tournament VIII
« Reply #257 on: July 14, 2023, 11:59:16 pm »



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Re: Dwarf Fortress Gladiator Tournament VIII
« Reply #258 on: July 15, 2023, 01:30:11 am »

« Last Edit: July 15, 2023, 01:34:56 am by veoviscool12 »
"Why Smotheredtoads?" "Well, I didn't check where I was tossing my bedroll one night, and... it's in the name, really."


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Round 1
« Reply #259 on: July 15, 2023, 05:46:11 am »

Fight 1A: Agea Velites su Theramachea the Gremlin vs Estu Amazon the Dwarf
Gamelog: ​​

   For our very first match of the arena, we have Agea Velites su Theramachea (managed by Headless). Agea claims to be a champion from the faerie land of Theramachea, sent by their ruler Lady Maeve. Is she truly a great warrior? Or is this some sort of faerie prank we’re just too dwarven to understand? Her performance today will show all!

   For her opponent, we have Estu Amazon (managed by CobaltNinja). Estu is a dwarf raised by goblins, and with a name bestowed upon him by humans. A true representative of multi-culturality, here to participate in the one activity that unites all living beings: shanking each other. He was a bit startled to find that he would be competing in a gladiatorial arena (always read the fine print!), but should he win, he wants enough gold to sleep on for the rest of his life.

   The two fly at one another at the sound of the bell, and after an initial clash, Estu is the one who lands first blood. Bring his silver warhammer down on the gremlin’s diminutive foot, he turns it into mush, and topples her onto the floor. Agea quickly returns the favor though, stabbing her bronze dagger into his foot, leaving him hopping around while howling before he collapses too.

   The gladiators crawl on their bellies towards one another, engaging in a vicious exchange, where due to their mutual skill (or lack thereof), neither lands a single blow on the other. However, Estu find an opening on Agea’s right leg, and takes advantage of it, shattering both her thigh and shin. Agea goes limp in agony, and Estu readily applies his warhammer to her head, turning it into a bloody mess. Congratulations to Estu Amazon!

Fight 1B: Queen Regina Formicarium the Queen Ant Woman vs Bughead the Antman Drone

Queen Regina Formicarium (managed by PaperPlinkPlonk) is welcomed to the arena by the dutiful cheers of a hundred of her worker-children. Queen Regina preens in their presence, displaying the splendor of her silk robes, and the shining crown that’s been worked into her copper helm. Who knows why a queen would want to dirty her hands in the arena, but we’re happy to have her!

Bughead (managed by Astelon) is a gladiator returned from the dead from last year. His last sight was the famous Foul Blendec known as the Reaper of Lovehandled, as he was cleanly bisected by its halberd. We checked him with several guard dogs for the rot of undeath, but there appears to be none to be found. Who knows what deity’s mysterious design he’s intended to fulfill?

Bughead takes to the air on wings, and flits around the much larger queen (10x in fact). She seems bemused by the apparent show of rebellion, but Bughead’s killer instinct seems untouched by the chill of the grave. With a punch and a stab, Queen Regina’s legs are both taken out, and she falls to the ground. She attempts to ward him off with her copper spear, but despite her efforts, her skill is unmatched to this are a veteran. Bughead lands several blows on her legs and arms, perforating her half a dozen times.

As she defends herself, the Queen does manage to stab off one of Bughead’s arms, but it isn’t the one holding his weapon, and he merely continues his grisly work. Working his way along the Great Mother’s body, he scores a blow on her upper left arm, causing her to drop her spear. All the Queen can do now is flail around with her remaining limbs, and hope to catch this stinging annoyance before he deals her death by a thousand stabs!

But catch him she does! Grabbing one of Bughead’s hands, she violently piledrives him to the ground. His right wing snaps off on impact, and his head is simply turned into paste. Congratulations to Queen Regina Formicarium!

Fight 1C: Yeti Soon to Become Spaghetti the Yeti vs Peekot the Human

   Yeti Soon to Become Spaghetti (managed by WholesomeShadow) wasn’t really submitted to us with anything other than a name unfortunately. His managers seem to be a rather secretive bunch of dwarves from the North. But we can only guess that this yeti was captured by them, and brought to our arena in the name of entertainment. So let’s give him a warm welcome!

   Peekot (managed by p_the_d) is a former maritime mercenary here to support his village. Armed with a sharp stick and a prodigious amount of hand to hand combat, one has to wonder whether he ever saw anything like a yeti on the high seas. The anxious look on his face would suggest no.

   But when the bell sounds, he still bravely charges forward, his footsteps masked under the thundering approach of Yeti Soon to Become Spaghetti. He lands a solid kick to the yeti’s shin, but it barely seems to perturb the great beast. The yeti then begins to swing with his great arms, attempting to latch on and put his brute strength to work. Peekot desperately tries to avoid being caught, but such a defensive game can only be played for so long.

   Yeti Soon to Become Spaghetti snags Peekot by his left hand, and smashes him into the floor. Peekot appears stunned, and the yeti wastes no time, getting on top of him and wrapping his enormous furry forearm around Peekot’s neck. Peekot struggles violently at first, but his movements steadily grow weaker and weaker, before they finally cease. Congratulations to Yeti Soon to Become Spaghetti!

Fight 1D: Bruis Waegn the Bat Man vs Ine the Impala Man

   Bruis Waegn (managed by croc) has startled more than a few of our visitors while he’s been in town. Apparently, standing in dark alleys and speaking in a raspy voice is a bit spooky to folks. That ratty blanket he wears as a cape certainly doesn’t help their impression of him either. But now, holding a magnificent steel crossbow with the poise of one who knows how to use it, perhaps he can show that there is something impressive about himself.

   Ine (managed by dr00) is an impala man out to get the recognition that he believes he deserves. After being cast out from the herd due to an unimpressive showing during the bachelor trials, he has now armed and armored himself with a copper longsword and copper armor. Will his martial training and skills be enough to woo the ladies?

   Ine rapidly bounds across the arena, attempting to close the distance before Bruis Waegn can get too many shots off. Unfortunately, the Bat Man lands at least two solid hits, both to his left upper arm. Thankfully, Ine retains his hold on his weapons, slashing at Bruis’s leg and arms once he gets in range, both toppling him to the ground and depriving him of his crossbow and bolts. The bleeding Bat Man begins to lunge at Ine with his fangs, but is unable to land a hit on his bounding foe.

   Ine quickly brings the fight to its conclusion, perforating Bruis twice in the chest and through his precious cape, before dealing a final coup de grace to decapitate him. Congratulations to Ine, you have advanced to the next round!

Fight 1E: Kligus the Kobold vs Ligir DustBand the Wolf Man

   Kligus (managed by delight) hefts her obsidian short sword uncertainly. Cave crocodiles are one matter, but the teeth on the enemy before her look just as sharp, if less numerous. At least her obsidian sword ought to be sharper than either of those things, if she can just hit him with it…

   Ligir Dustband (managed by Eric Blank) smirks as he surveys his foe. Not even half his size and gripping a wooden club studded with rocks? It’ll be the easiest meal he’ll have ever caught. Certainly beats trudging along caravans waiting for something exciting to happen.

   At the sound of the bell, Kligus charges Ligir, who curiously stands his ground. As she draws near, the wolf man snarls ferociously, sending Kligus running the other way, screaming in terror. Ligir runs after his prey, and after a few missed swipes, cuts open her right thigh, preventing her from running away. He then proceeds to chop her up with his iron sword, sending limbs flying as Kligus desperately tries to protect herself. Until she runs out of limbs to protect herself with that is, and Ligir claims his victory. Congratulations to Ligir!

Fight 1F: Butcher Bart the Human vs Logan the Wolverine Man

   Butcher Bart (managed by SamJF) is certainly one of our odder gladiators this year. Festooned in some sort of skin suit of his own design, and wielding a carving knife and fork, I certainly wouldn’t want to be left in the same room as him. Feels like he’s sizing up everything and everyone he runs into for their cuts of meat.

   Opposing him is Logan the Wolverine Man (managed by mightymike). Logan has had a foul curse placed on him by an evil emperor, amplifying his most negative and destructive emotions. His crime for this punishment? Attempting to rescue the beautiful sorceress Jean from said evil emperor. Here’s to hoping he can overcome it!

   As the battle begins, the two charge at one another, but Logan’s curse takes hold. Beholding the macabre vision of a man in a skinsuit and wielding cutlery charging at him, Logan’s resolve breaks, and he begins to run from Butcher Bart. Butcher Bart takes full advantage of this, placing two stabs with his fork and knife into Logan’s right arm and leg respectively. This anatomical precision both immobilizes Logan, and deprives him of one of his iron daggers.

   Logan seems to snap out of his curse in response to the pain though, spinning around with his remaining dagger to bash Butcher Bart in the left thigh. The impact twists the leg awkwardly, sending the skinsuit clad butcher to the ground with Logan. Logan continues to slash and bite at Butcher Bart, but the knife and fork put up a surprising defense.

   They then prove equally keen at offense, as the Bart takes off both Logan’s right and left arms with his knife. Butcher Bart launches himself at Logan, stabbing the snapping and snarling wolverine man in the belly, chest and head, over and over, tearing apart his leather armor. Eventually, Logan expires, and Jean’s hero will never return to her. Congratulations Butcher Bart, your anatomical expertise was on full display for all of us to see!

Fight 1G: Corvid the Mantis Woman vs Frunkus the Leopard Gecko Man

   Corvid (managed by eerr) stretches her limbs and poses dramatically for the crowd as they eat up the performance with cheers. Her rosy pink color and flower like ornamentations have made her a real favorite. Let’s see if she’s as capable at fighting as she is at showmanship!

Frunkus (managed by Shagoli) calmly licks an eyeball clean as he inspects the competition. With no weapons apparent on his opponent, it would appear that his patchwork of scavenged armor will be perfectly safe against any kicks or punches. And if anyone gets any closer than that, they’ll be treated to his good old stabber!

Corvid takes to the air immediately, attempting to claw at Frunkus with her enlarged forelimbs. However, his armor means her blows merely scrape off of it. After honing in on his flying target, Frunkus lashes out with his bronze dagger at Corvid’s narrow waist. The mantis woman falls to the ground, and takes a few teetering steps before her front half bends away from her bottom half, dumping insect ichor all over the arena floor. Congratulations to Frunkus!

Fight 1H: Canxio the Human vs Sharpfist the Hyena Man

Canxio (managed by Canxio) had been a wandering drifter for a good long while before gracing our tournament grounds. He had sworn vengeance on the killer of his father, but after finding out that he had succumbed to cancer before he could kill him, his life lost its meaning. That meaning was resupplied last year though, as he watched Papi Penetrator easily dispatch Molorus, the former champion. It’s his determination to have a rival again, and rise to the top to face him.

But first, he’ll have to get through Sharpfist (managed by BecauseISaid). This Hyena Man is borderline psychotic in his attachment to his iron dagger, as well as in his willingness to use it. Thankfully, at the arena, such personality traits are considered perfectly normal, and we hope they’ll only grow stronger. Best of luck!

Sharpfist and Canxio charge at one another, with Sharpfist swinging first, but Canxio responds with a rapid parry and riposte that opens up Sharfist’s belly, spilling his entrails all over the place. Sharpfist barely seems to notice though, hacking off Canxio’s left foot, and stabbing him in the arm and spine, causing Canxio’s body to go limp. Sharpfist seems to go berserk in his excitement at having a captive foe, and begins to wildly slash and stab at Canxio, sending his left arm flying, and poking hole after hole in him. Eventually, Canxio goes limp, and Sharpfist hefts his dagger in triumph. Congratulations Sharpfist! Now hold still, those intestines need to go back inside of you…

Fight 1I: Sylvia Welernay the Human vs Knifin’ Around the Hoary Marmot Woman

   Sylvia Welernay (managed by BlackGriffin23) is a Councelor from the Scarlet Empire, sent here as their annual representative to our happy little event. Believe it or not, she came willingly, not in chains, as so many of our other “volunteers” from other nations do. Still she doesn’t seem too happy about it, standing rigidly as she is in her suit of iron armor. You’d almost think there’s just an armor stand in there!

   For her opponent, we have Knifin’ Around (managed by Rendentare). We haven’t gotten much out of her, but between those powerful whistles ( and the gusto with which she waves that dagger of hers, we can only assume she’s out for blood.

   Unfortunately, bloodshed doesn’t seem to be on the menu today. Sylvia’s armor prevents Knifin’ Around from having much luck, while the much more agile marmot women dances around Sylvia’s copper halberd. A few exploratory slashes and stabs from Knifin’ Around tear up the Scarlet Empire representative’s cape, but don’t do much damage.

   Oh, but what’s this? A sharp jab from Knifin’ Around to the inside of Sylvia’s forearm appears to have knocked the halberd out of her grasp! The armored woman is now disarmed, but she merely switches to lashing out with her hands and fists. This doesn’t seem to make a difference to Knifin’ Around’s agility though, as she merely continues to adeptly avoid them, while setting the arena ringing with the sound of metal on metal as she stabs away.

   The stalemate takes a downward trend for Sylvia though, when Knifin’ Around lands a harsh slash to her left shin, awkwardly bending the leg inward, and sending her to the ground. This seems to trigger some latent predatory instinct in the homicidal marmot, as she pounces on her foe, and begins to punch, stab, and even bite the set upon noblewoman. Eventually, Sylvia passes out from exhaustion and her injuries, and Knifin’ Around pulls her helmet loose to get a smooth decapitation. Congratulations to Knifin’ Around!

Fight 1J: Lerush Idar the Wolf Man vs Wine the Plump Helmet Man

   Lerush Idar (managed by Lucius Ral) cuts a strange figure. Unlike his swaggering Wolf Man kinsman, Ligir Dustband, Lerush is practically silent, in both words and action. Rumors float around of the pursuit of some quest for a rich and powerful mistress. She’d certainly have to be to afford the ornate suit of iron armor he’s equipped with. And yet, she seems to have skimped on the weaponry…or perhaps Lerush is simply deadly enough without an implement? We shall see!

Wine (managed by laserwofl07) is even quieter than Lerush Idar. He hasn’t got a mouth afterall. But he showed up with a weapon, some gear, and a fully completed application, so who are we to say no to a willing participant?

The two mysterious warriors charge at one another, with Wine landing the first blow, temporarily ignoring his pike to kick at Lerush’s shin. The mushroom man’s kick merely bounces off the armor though, and Lerush responds with a powerful punch that fractures the mycelium of his left arm, forcing him to drop his buckler.

Wine wisely switches to stabbing with his pike, but the iron weapon merely scrapes off of Lerush’s armor, as the wolf man savagely takes out one of his legs, before taking off his remaining working hand, leaving him defenseless. Plump Helmet Man body parts go flying as Lerush savages his downed foe, before finishing him off with a chomp that tears apart his chest. Congratulations Lerush, your devotion to your mistress has been shown!

Fight 1K: Ozordur the Tick Man vs Nijinsky the Human

   Ozordur (managed by Inarius) has been the talk of the town as he boasts of his skill with the whip. Honed in distant copper mines on the backs of Kobold laborer, the tick man is eager to demonstrate the power of the weapon that has breached dwarven armor again and again.

   His secondary interest is music though, which is fortunate for his opponent, Nijinsky (managed by Salmeuk). The poor fellow thought this was some sort of bardic dance-off, not a death match. Thankfully it looks like the guards at the gate have set him straight. Perhaps our two musicians can have some nice chats in Armok’s hall once they get there?

   But first, one has to advance over the corpse of the other! The two charge at one another, with Nijinsky drawing a short sword and Ozordur uncoiling a silver whip. Nijinsky, for all his bardic trappings, seem to have learned a thing or two from tavern brawls though, as he bowels over the smaller tick man, and begins to stab and slash away at him. The tick man mine overseer attempts a counter-attack, but Nijinsky is relentless, stabbing one of his arms until it hang limply and drips ichor.

   Ozordur finds his footing again, but Nijinksy barely lets him enjoy it before he cuts one of his legs out from beneath, and continues to take several more of his arms offline. Eventually, the flow of ichor from Ozordur’s stumps ceases, and the tick man slumps to the ground like a puppet with its strings cut. Congratulations Nijinsky! Perhaps in a few more rounds you can chat about music with him.

Fight 1L: Kill the Gremlin vs Evil Death Roll the Reptile Man

A small, maddened green figure eagerly tugs against the chain around its neck, held in place by a straining dwarven guard. Kill (managed by Wolfkey), has apparently been named so because that’s all it says while waving around the oversized steel battle axe that it filched from somewhere.

Opposing this maddened gremlin is Evil Death Roll (managed by kosmossen), who strums a few strings on his axe-guitar as he coolly examines the frothing maniac before him. Not that much worse than the average fan, he thought. And this one he can beat up without any legal issues!

At the ding of the bell the dwarf guard drops Kill’s leash and runs for cover. Thankfully the Gremlin seems entirely focused on the target in front of it, and rushes forward screaming “KILLLLLL!” while waving it’s axe around. Surprisingly, there seems to be some method behind the madness, as Kill and Evil Death Roll trade several blows with no decisive hit on one another. The Reptile Man eventually finds an opening though, tearing open the gremlin’s left shin, leaving Kill to scrabble around on the ground.

Kill’s enthusiasm seems undiminished, but Evil Death Roll approaches with a cool and calm demeanor, chopping off the Gremlin’s left leg, and cracking with bone in Kill’s left arm with another strike. As Kill continues to flail around, Evil Death Roll plants the head of his axe-guitar in Kill’s chest. Kill gives one last spasm, before finally expiring. Congratulations to Evil Death Roll!

Fight 1M: Tirin Umejar (Furfoot) the Hare Woman vs Skitterleap the Rat Woman

   Tirin Umejal (managed by digitaldryad) bounds out of her arena gate, and begins to give a few demonstration kicks to the crowd. The sun glints off of the shining steel high boots that cover her feet and shins, drawing oohs and ahs from the dwarven section of the crowd. This Hare Woman promises to win the tournament through the power of her fearsome kicks.

   Interestingly for us today, she has been matched up against another martial artist, Skitterleap (managed by ixn). In contrast to the hare woman, Skitterleap is clad only in a simple robe and sandals. It looks like she’ll be relying purely on her skills from a lifetime of challenging people to duels along the road to survive. This battle will just be the first of many if she intends to prove the worth of her ambitions to her (very large) family.

   At the ring of the bell, the gladiators charge at one another! Skitterleap lands the first blow with a punch to the left arm, but Furfoot draws first blood with a scratch to her right arm in return. As the fight progresses, Furfoot seems unable to land any solid strikes on Skitterleap, while the rat woman takes every opportunity she can to land blow after blow against her leaping foe. The deadlock continues, with neither gladiator able to land a disabling blow on the other, until Skitter leap chomps down on the exhausted Furfoot’s right arm.

   Furfoot collapses to the ground from a combination of weariness and pain, while Skitterleap rabidly shakes her around by the right arm. Blood sprays all over the arena and the two gladiators, and by the time Skitterleap lets go, bones are sticking out of Furfoot’s mangled arm. Skitterleap doesn’t end there though, delivering a harsh chop that cracks against Furfoot’s left arm, drawing another wail of pain from the hare woman. Furfoot finally passes out after a few more wild swings, allowing Skitterleap to unleash a fusillade of punches against her head. After several minutes, this appears to have had little effect but bloodying the hare woman’s head. Skitterleap then switches tactics, placing a chokehold on Furfoot’s throat. As the hare woman ceases to draw breath, the bell rings, announcing Skitterleap as the winner. Congratulations!

Fight 1N: Zglbrk the Unbreakable Jumping Spider Man vs Munke the Gorilla Guerilla
Gamelog: (this was too big for pastebin)

   Zglbrk raises his sword and bucklers to the crowd, drawing cheers of excitement from them. The fact that they can’t understand the chittering noises that he’s making has absolutely no effect on their entertainment at seeing a gladiator specimen with more than the usual set of limbs! This enthusiastic fellow is armed with just 1 iron short sword, and 5 cedar bucklers.

   Hopefully, that will be enough of a defense against the massive Munke the Gorilla Guerilla (managed by Enemy Post). Yes folks, not a gorilla man, but instead a fully fledged gorilla. We’ve been assured that he completely understands the stakes that he’s gotten himself into, and is eager to smash people into paste. Also, his keepers say he really likes banana paste, and they’ll probably have to spend any winnings they get on bananas to fuel his appetite.

   Munke pounds his chest and charges while roaring at the diminutive Jumping Spider Man, but Zglbrk merely steadies himself, and absorbs the pounding of Munke’s fists with his bucklers. His iron short sword lashes out from the protective swarm of his bucklers, slicing deep into Munke’s right hand and foot. No matter what Munke does, his strikes land against one of Zglbrk’s bucklers, filling the arena with the meaty slaps of flesh against wood.

   Zglbrk’s strikes largely land against Munke’s mail shirt, but another cut to his right hand deepens the previous cut there, and leaves the enormous ape unable to rise from the ground. While Munke swipes at Zglbrk with his massive arms, the Jumping Spider Man continues to exploit the holes in his downed foe’s defenses to poke some more holes in the gorilla, targeting his exposed hands and feet. Eventually Munke passes out from exhaustion.

   And then something truly bizarre begins to happen. For what feels like hours, Zglbrk strikes again, and again, and again at Munke’s head with his iron short sword. As Munke is protected by an iron helm, the sword simply bounces off repeatedly with a metallic ring. After the first couple of minutes, several spectators begin to stuff hankies and bits of cloth into their ears, while the more sensitive animal men leave. As time progresses, Zglbrk’s sword begins to become chipped and dented. Finally, at one swing, the whole blade shatters, leaving Zglbrk holding a hilt. The jumping spider man barely pauses though, throwing it aside, and continuing his punishment of Munke with his bucklers. However, those seem even less well equipped to damage the mountain of muscle that is a gorilla, and one by one, the wooden bucklers shatter into wooden shards.

   Eventually, Zglbrk is left completely unarmed. As Munke beings to stir, Zglbrk punches and bites with his fangs. As his fanks sink into Munke’s head, Munke awakens, and gets one good bite on Zglbrks chest, drawing some ichor. Zglbrk responds with a shake of his head, snapping Munke’s neck. Munke begins to wheeze for breath, and attempt to viciously snap with his teeth against Zglbrk. Unfortunately for Munke, Zglbrk easily dodges around the ailing Munke, before he finally suffocates from his grievous injuries. Congratulations to Zglbrk the Unbreakable! Unfortunately your weapons were not as tough as your title.

Fight 1O: Boofy the Ant Man Drone vs Just A Bird Man Without A Bird Plan (Jabmwabp) the Peregrine Falcon Man

   Boofy (managed by Boofy) is here to show that it's not just bee men who can fly and sting. With his platinum pick, he aims to jam the hefty spike on that weapon into all the places he can reach on his opponents.  No one is ever going to be laughing at him again!

   His opponent today is another flyer, Just A Bird Man Without A Bird Plan (AKA Jabmwabp, managed by potatoalienof13). From what he told us, a bird plan consists of being a bird brain, and not grabbing all the necessary things that you need, like say, armor. However, that silver scourge looks plenty nasty, so perhaps he’ll be fine in the end.

   Both gladiators soar into the air as the fight begins, and exchange a stunning flurry of blows! Pick and scourge rebound off of shield and one another, as the two fighters soar around one another, before backing off and charging in again. Jabmwabp scores first blood, smashing apart one of Boofy’s hands with his scourge. Boofy seems to treat this as a worthy sacrifice though, smashing Jabmwabp in the chest with his pick. Jabmwabp attempts a retaliatory attack, but only further mangles the limb of Boofy he previously disabled.

   The two gladiators then seem to abandon all pretenses of self-preservation, as Boofy first hacks at Jabmwabp’s right hand forcing him to drop his shield, while he himself has a a leg taken out with enough force to send him to the ground. As Jabmwabp comes swooping in with a kick, Boofy smashes his pick into the Peregrine Falcon Man’s left hand, disabling it, and forcing him to drop his scourge. The platinum pick continues its arm to smash into Jabmwabp’s right thigh, bringing him down to Boofy’s level. Boofy begins to savage the downed bird man, smashing his pick again and again into his body.

   A decisive blow is scored when the pick sinks into Jabmwabp’s belly, and the Peregrine Falcon man retches up his breakfast, before collapsing on the ground. Boofy beings to hack away at his head, while Jabmwabp lies in an expanding puddle of bile and blood. Eventually, Jabmwabp bleeds out, and the puddle ceases to grow. Congratulations Boofy, your viciousness has rivaled that of hornets today!
Fight 1P: Gromp Gromp the Roach Man vs Horof Dreadhoof the Minotaur

   Gromp Gromp (managed by Cardinal Man) hails from the untamed rainforests. Once, he lived in fear of the creatures that ran in the undergrowth. But now that he has mastered the whip, they live in fear of him! Seeking new foes to conquer, and glory to add to his and his tribes’ name, he has arrived in our arena!

   Horof, of the Dreadhoof family (managed Nibudd) seeks to regain the right to properly use that name again. Disgraced due to his aversion of pain, he was banished from the family labyrinth and lands. Only the blood of fallen enemies will wash away the stains of his sins, and allow him to rejoin them.

   Gromp Gromp lands the first blow with his whip against Horof’s thigh, but the blow fails to do much damage to the buff bovine. Horof responds with a massive blow of his bronze great axe that leaves one of Gromp Gromp’s arms dangling by a few bits of chitin, and then follows through by taking off another hand. The roach man continues his attack, but Horof merely allows the whip to tangle itself against his axe, before pulling the roach man in and goring one of his legs. Gromp Gromp falls to the ground, and a moment later, Horof’s massive axe falls as well, parting his head from his body. Congratulations to Horof! One step on your journey is now complete.

Fight 1Q: Diago Pastor 53rd the Roach Man vs Urist McGladiator IV the Dwarf

Diago Pastor 53rd (managed by aspy523) fights to honor the memory of his dearly departed brother, Carlos Pastor the 113th. Going against the traditions of this knife crazed family, he wields a steel spear with nimble roach man hands. Can he prove to his family that the art of the spear is just as worthy as the path of the knife, and honor his brother's legacy?

Not if our next contestant has anything to say about it, brother. Urist McGladiator IV (managed by 69420AnarchyWillWin42069 ) is another slab of muscle and fighting spirit drawn from the illustrious McGladiator clan of tournament gladiators. As with all his kin before him, this dwarf fights to be the cream of the crop, and to dominate the ring. Hefting his iron warhammer, he certainly looks ready to rumble!

The fight commences, and Diago Pastor 53rd wastes no time in laying into his opponent; turning Urist McGladiator IV into fleshy swiss cheese with several successful stabs, knocking him prone, and dodging expertly away of the injured dwarf's clumsy attacks. Diago Pastor 53rd goes to town on the stricken dwarf, mangling and tearing into his body almost completely unchallenged, until the severity of the situation seems to click in the dwarf's mind. He makes a few fumbling attacks at the roach man, all of which fail to connect as he’s been torn apart by his incessantly darting speartip. Finally, after a final stab to the left leg, Urist McGladiator IV bleeds out at the roach man's feet.

Congratulations Diago Pastor 53rd, you've managed to make this fight look like a one sided beatdown! Hope your family back home was watching, because that was a fine display of the spear’s merritt!

Fight 1R: Borberroorb The Thirsty Dark Gnome vs Rasgrid the Dwarf Bard

Borberroorb The Thirsty (managed by Bralbaard), twirls his steel dagger with confidence; seemingly unaware of the gravity of the situation he finds himself in. Is this obliviousness, or the effects of a drunken stupor brought about by his recent booze heist ambitions?

Facing him, Rasgrid the Bard (managed by Miuramir) hefts his iron battle axe with a passionate zeal that only the spirit of a true revolutionary can conjure. A dwarf born of privilege, but disenchanted by the ways of the upper classes after a nasty forgotten beast attack, he's drifted from his highborn status in recent times in order to stand up for the working class who toil day and night for the nobility. Naturally, his political tunes got him on the nobility's bad side, and thus he finds himself in his current predicament by their scheming ways. Can his passion and fighting spirit carry him to victory? Let's find out!

The two fighters charge, and strike at each other with aggression, yet it is Rasgrid The Bard who lands the first hit, knocking Borberroorb to the floor with a hack to the left foot. The dark gnome better get a thirst for blood equal to that of his fondness for liquor, or he'll surely be a goner! The little fellow lashes out in a flurry of dagger thrusts and slashes, but is unable to land any hits, as the dwarf bard hacks bloody chasms into his diminutive body. His ribs are shattered, his lower leg carved up, and his lower arm battered, all in a few instants, as Rasgrid the Bard presses his assault. This last strike is too much for Borberroorb, who passes out due to the battering. Victorious, Rasgrid seals the dark gnome's fate by decapitating him, and granting him peace.

Well done Rasgrid the Bard! You've proven that you have brawn to back your revolutionary spirit! Now rest, relax, and maybe compose a tune to your dead opponent, as soon you'll be testing your mettle in round 2!

Fight 1S: James "Mephit-One" Misayuki the Skunk Man vs Morris Sr the Goblin

James "Mephit-One" Misayuki (managed by Toybasher) fidgets like the fluffy ball of anxiety he is. Belying his nervous demeanor, this skunk man is on a quest to claim glory and ultimate victory in the arena, or perish in the attempt. Can he steady his nerves long enough to claim this coveted prize?

Or will it be Morris Sr (managed by DanVzare) the goblin wrestler who claims it? Confusingly, he is the father of Morris Jr from last year's tournament, who was in turn the nephew of Morris from the year prior. The honor of this clan has been tarnished by repeated failures, resulting in the closure of Morris Sr's martial arts dojo, and his banishment from the clan. Can this wrinkly old goblin redeem not just his honor, but the peculiar Way of The Crab? Or will he be another tragic death in his family history? There's only one way to find out!

The fight begins with a confusing spectacle, as Morris Sr grabs and releases many of James "Mephit-One" Misayuki's body parts. Is this showboating on the wrestler's part, or are we witnessing the mysteries of the Way of The Crab? The pervy old goblin proves so handsy, that the skunk man cries out in terror at his incessant graples. Pushing his anxiety aside, James "Mephit-One" Misayuki manages to land a few solid slashes to the goblin wrestler, and even dodges some of his attacker's jabs. Morris Sr isn't without his dirty tricks however, as after finally landing a solid punch, he bites the skunk man directly in the mouth! The retribution for this outrageous stunt is swift, and decisive, as James stabs the goblin in the left leg, causing Morris Sr to collapse in agony to the floor, losing consciousness as he does so. Helping him into his eternal sleep, James slashes him brutally in the head to make sure he doesn't get up.   

With the goblin unresponsive, our skunk man takes care to untangle himself from Morris's limbs, and tenderly pry his attacker's teeth off his face, before decapitating the goblin in one swift motion. With this final brutal act, Morris Sr lies dead, and another of the Morris clan is consigned to ignominious defeat. Congratulations, James "Mephit-One" Misayuki! Now please, get that mouth injury checked out, we don't want it to get infected!


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Round 1
« Reply #260 on: July 15, 2023, 05:46:33 am »

Fight 1T: Sweetteeth the Leech Man vs Nycteris "Nick" Nana the Bat Man

Sweetteeth (managed by Merrygin) slobbers and gnashes his teeth excitedly as he senses another warm blood sack in his presence. Decked out in beautiful black bronze armor, this ravenous mouth attached to a fleshy noodle has but one goal; to feast on fresh blood. He's certainly come to the right place, but one wonders if the taste of mortal blood will truly sate him? After all, he's had many a belly full of demon blood, courtesy of his prior host. I suppose now's our chance to find out, as much as it is his!

Meanwhile Nycteris "Nick" Nana (managed by DeKaFu) doesn't have such base desires. In fact, he doesn't even know how he got here, nor does he particularly want to be here. All he wants to do is survive. As the bat man loads his steel crossbow, will this simple desire to live be enough to outlast his opponent's appetite, and secure victory as well as his life?

The bell rings, and the duel begins with a pair of clangs, as steel bolts strike Sweetteeth in the gut. Two bolts protrude from the black bronze greaves, but the injury proves a mere inconvenience, as the hungry leech man charges into his prey. Yet Nycteris "Nick" Nana is able to dodge Sweetteeth's opening lunges, until he takes a nasty bite to the right arm, and a much more gory one to the face! As the batman's left cheek collapses into bloody ruin, the leech man thrashes him about by the head, causing some terrible damage, and eliciting a cry of terror from Nycteris. The bat man isn't going to give up his cherished life that easily though, and he shoots the rampaging Sweetteeth in the right hand, bruising the muscle and damaging it's protective black bronze gauntlet!

In revenge, SweetTeeth bites his foe in the gut, before barrelling into him, and knocking him prone. A few more bites and punches strike at the wounded Nycteris, but the bat man puts up a cool, calm defense, raining steel bolts all over the leech man's body, and turning him into a pincushion. Yet it's not enough, as Sweetteeth's chattering fangs crush Nycteris's left paw. The subsequent head thrashing by the leech man knocks the bat man prone once more, and severely damages his ankle and leg. This bite and shake technique is repeated on Nycteris's right arm, causing him to lose hold of his remaining steel bolts!

Sweetteeth comments on how he has improved his biting (side note. oh sweet Armok i never want to see that bloody mouth move like that ever again), inspiring the stricken Nycteris to bite the leech man in return! He is determined to stay alive and outlast this gluttonous leech man, but Sweetteeth bites the batman in the gut and thrashes his head, tearing his foe's lower spine. All these bloody appetizers prove too tempting for Sweetteeth, as he bites Nycteris's right arm, and sucks greedily from the wound, gulping down thick pints of warm, salty bat man blood.

From here Sweetteeth largely repeats his bite and head shake method, slowly pulping and tearing Nycteris into a bloody mess. In return, Nycteris lashes out with fists, bites, and crossbow bashes, but unfortunately for him, the strength of his blows are dulled by the leech man's thick armor. Though his output of attacks is admirable, especially given the pummeling he's taken, it is Sweetteeth who seems to do more damage, with many head thrashes damaging the batman's spine even further. After a similar attack to his head, Nycteris falls unconscious. A further flurry of blows causes him to drop his crossbow, as his severely mangled spine cannot execute any of his mind's commands any more. Sweetteeth displays his bloodlust by drawing out the fight as long as possible, savoring his fallen foe's death with several brutal bites to the head, followed by several more thrashes.

At long last, Nycteris "Nick" Nana dies, his skull a broken, torn mess after so many bites. Well fought, and congratulations to Sweetteeth! You've certainly earned your fill of blood today!

Fight 1U: Squirtplank the Beaver Man vs Faurine Lethirami the Elf

Squirtplank (managed by Martelleus) twirls his iron scimitar with the panache typical of a roguish character such as he. He dreams of securing plunder by sailing the seas, yet the contraption he describes to achieve this vision, a 'boat', does not exist in our world, so far as this humble announcer is concerned. Perhaps after securing booty and riches in this tournament, he will put his earnings to use in commissioning the 'boat' of his dreams!

But first he has to make it past Faurine Lethirami (managed by Mudequipy). This unambitious elf has chosen perhaps the riskiest way of getting out of her comfort zone, by joining the tournament! Will her luck hold out, or has she pushed it too far? As the elf draws her iron bow, lady luck makes her blessing known.

The match begins, and an iron arrow flies straight into Squirtplank's neck, just above the protection of his leather armor! He drops his scimitar into the dirt with a sickening gasp, as the arrow has damaged his spine. Despite this grievous injury, the beaver man grits his teeth, and proceeds to drag himself across the arena floor into melee range with Faurine, who's nerve seems to waver at the sight of such iron will. Several more arrows turn the piratical beaver man into a crimson pincushion, with several metal shafts protruding from his torso and limbs. Undaunted by the massive injuries he’s sustaining, the beaver man makes a few spirited bite attempts, which all miss the nimble elf. Faurine Lethirami's aim, even in such close quarters, proves true, as she dumps arrow after arrow into the struggling Squirtplank. Several puncture his spine and lungs, causing him to gasp ineffectually for air. One of these arrows proves too much for his strained respiratory system, and he collapses, dead of suffocation, at the elf bow woman's feet.   

Congratulations, Faurine Lethirami! Luck has seen fit to help you on this day, to say nothing of your astounding accuracy with your bow! 

Fight 1V: Osouf Amir the Wolf Man vs Carabella the Fast the Human

Next up, we have Osouf Amir (managed by Thazzeus)! Nobody knows what to make of this wolf man, as his manager insists that his background will be revealed in due time. All we know for sure is that he's armored head to toe in bronze armor, and wields a copper pike. If he fights half as fierce as he looks, then his competitor is in for a rough fight!

Carabella the Fast (managed by RandomFastom) meanwhile, loads her steel crossbow with an amused smirk. A firm believer in the doctrines of ranged warfare, and with a disdain for armor, she dreams of using her tournament earnings to fund her own Military-Workshop complex. But has a lifetime of snowball fights with her villager friends prepared her for the carnage of a one on one fight? We're about to find out!

The gladiators are off, and Osouf is quickly dealt a crippling blow to the leg, as a steel bolt penetrates his bronze greaves effortlessly, and chips the bone beneath. As the wolf man cries out at this cruel twist of fate, another bolt finds its home in his other leg, leaving him essentially crippled on the arena floor. Another bolt strikes his right arm, and with that, Carabella's ranged advantage comes to an end, as Osouf manages to drag himself in stabbing distance of her. The stabbing doesn't last long however, as Carabella effortlessly dodges Osouf's opening thrusts, reloads, and shoots him in the left arm! With all his limbs now damaged, the wolf man drops his copper pike in the blood rapidly pooling beneath him. His wolf man instincts kick in however, and he lunges at the woman with his fangs, tearing the fat of her left arm with a savage chomp! Osouf unleashes a torrent of attacks, but these are all dodged by Carabella, who slowly, methodically, reloads her crossbow and fires at point blank range into the crippled wolf man. Shot after slow shot results in metallic twangs, and wet thuds, as the steel bolts pierce Osouf's bronze plate, and bury themselves in the soft flesh beneath. The slow bombardment proves so devastating, that it tears the wolf man's mail shirt to shreds! 

A man can only take so much punishment, and Osouf finds his limit after another steel bolt punctures his mangled left leg. Slipping into unconsciousness, he gives Carabella free reign to continue her calculated barrage of fire. A bolt destroys his spine, another pierces his skull, and yet the wolf man can do nothing but periodically regain consciousness, before losing it again. These fits of wakefulness and bodily harm are finally ended for good, with a final bolt to the right leg. Osouf the wolf man dies of suffocation, his nervous system shot to bits by the victorious Carabella!

Amazing work by Carabella! Seems that all those snowball fights have given her cold hearted calm and lethal accuracy, even when facing a fully armored brute! She may have been right in her disdain for heavy armor after all!

Fight 1W: Mr. T the Troll vs Prickle Rick the Echidna Man

Next up we have two fighters of wildly differing sizes. Prickle Rick (managed by Salvadaddy) is the first of this pair, but I wouldn't mention the size difference to him if I were you. No, this echidna man fights to prove that his race can go toe to toe with all the others, no matter their size! Will his determination and iron armor carry the day, and prove the naysayers wrong?

Hulking on the opposite side of the ring is Mr. T, the troll (managed by /u/Leoniidass). A member of the goblin G-Team, he looms over the little echidna man menacingly, hefting a wicked bismuth bronze maul. At first glance these look to be long odds (no pun intended) for Prickle Rick, as this is shaping up to be a showdown of our very own David and Goliath!

The carnage begins, as Prickle Rick stabs Mr. T in the left leg, tearing the fat! The echidna man even manages to block a retaliatory strike with his delicate feather wood buckler! Prickle Rick's mobility is soon crushed however, as Mr. T catches him square in the foot with his maul. Though Prickle Rick's iron armor deflects some of the damage, there is immense power behind his troll opponent's swing, and the blow causes immense internal damage to his leg and spine! As he falls over, he wills the fear away, and continues assaulting the towering Mr. T with his spear. The momentum is on the troll's side now, however, and another crushing maul strike to the left arm causes the echidna man to lose his buckler! Even as he cries out in panic, Prickle Rick cuts the size advantage of his opponent by stabbing him in the left leg. As Prickle Rick falls to the floor in pain, he continues raining down punishing blows on his enemy, forcing him to drop his spear. If this wasn't bad enough, Mr. T shatters the echidna man's spine with a mighty maul strike to the left paw! This troll knows how to leverage his size advantage and blunt weapon with maximum efficiency!

With his mobility, buckler, and spear now gone, Prickle Rick is in deep trouble. Determined to do right by his species, he nobly struggles against his dominating foe, but by now there is little his attacks can do. Mr. T's maul strikes him in the head, and again in the arm, causing it to collapse entirely into a pulped stump. Another blow catches him on the nose, causing it too to explode in a shower of gore. This brutal disfigurement enrages Prickle Rick, but Mr. T is not done yet, as the troll buries the head of his maul in the echidna man's upper chest. He wrestles it away, as a horrific wet wheeze can be heard from Prickle Rick, whose lungs are now pierced by the shattered remains of his ribcage. The echidna man is almost unrecognizable now, as Mr. T bludgeons him to death. In the end it's a strike to the left arm, which shatters it, and ends Prickle Rick's crusade to prove his specie's fighting prowess.

Congratulations to Mr. T! Despite suffering a mobility wound, you kept your cool, and demolished your opponent with great prejudice!

Fight 1X: Logem Branchsyrup the Wolverine Man vs Parmesan Dorothy Grimsley Rigmarole the Rat Woman

Logem Branchsyrup's (managed by kesperan) broken mind dreams of the mythical adamantine. Hailing from the great white north, this ex-maple syrup farmer puffs on a stogie as he mulls over his strange visions of this blue metal, the acquisition of which is now the only quest his amnesiac mind is devoted to. Time to show these folks your claws, mr. wolverine man, because you've got some stiff competition ahead of you!

Parmesan Dorothy Grimsley Rigmarole (managed by Nekkowe) the rat woman is on a quest herself, but a decidedly less mysterious one. She dreams of funding her civil engineering studies! With possibly the purest, most respectable goal of any of our competitors, the only real mystery is where such a humble student procured so much copper armor, and that shiny copper halberd? Time will tell if her grueling higher education grind has sufficiently hardened her for brutal hand to hand combat, or if she, like many other struggling students, will burn out in spectacular fashion.

The two beastmen waste no time in getting up close and personal. Lightning quick blows of sword and halberd strike out, yet Parmesan proves better off after this opening exchange; knocking Logem to the ground with a stab to the right leg, and suffering only a cut to the right arm for her troubles. As the rat woman lands a few more opportunistic blows, Logem finally lands a punishing hit of his own, lopping off his opponent's left leg and sending it sailing through the air still wearing its copper boot! The delimbing continues, as the wolverine man severs Parmesan's right hand with another swipe of his iron short sword. Perhaps it is the grievous injuries, or crushing student debt, but Parmesan Dorothy Grimsley Rigmarole seems to succumb to hopelessness, as Logem lands more wounding blows. The Rat woman blocks a few with her halberd, and forces the injured wolverine man to scramble away multiple times, but Logem is whittling his opponent down. With another skillful strike, he manages to knock the rat woman unconscious with a savage blow to the right leg, which shatters her bone.

Logem wastes no time in capitalizing on this success, and decapitates Parmesan Dorothy Grimsley Rigmarole with a swift swing of his sword! As his opponent's head sails away, he stoically pulls out another cigar in celebration. Congratulations to Logem! Through grit and skill at arms, you've made it one step closer to attaining the adamantine you seek!   

Fight 1Y: She Who is Grey vs Stimraug

‘She Who is Grey’ (managed by Veoviscool12) stands quiet and ready on her end of the arena. The massive grizzly bear woman wears a vicious expression on her face, an echo of the tragedy she suffered when losing her cub to a wolf attack. Now twisted into vengeance, she dons the pelts of those unfortunate enough to receive her wrath and wears iron gauntlets to augment her natural claws. Her intentions are clear, she’s here for lupine blood.

Opposite of this terrifying bear woman is Stimraug (managed by stimraug), a far more modest Armadillo Man, barely half the height of Grey. He joined the tournament to prove his right to rejoin his clan members – a right he lost after refusing to partake in what he considered unjust violence. Though his motivations are more humble, his posture shows confidence as he practices jabs and parries with his dagger. Occasionally twirling and flipping the weapon, he seems quite fond and familiar with this dagger in particular.

The bell rings and Stimraug doesn’t waste a second closing the gap! After a determined sprint he leaps at Grey’s face and thrusts the dagger at Grey’s throat, making it clear that he isn’t planning to draw this out. Grey makes no effort to dodge! Her rigid yet terrifying expression doesn’t change a bit as she responds with a swipe from her ironclad paw. The exchange is quick and bloodless, with Stimraug’s blade barely trimming the hairs on Grey’s neck, and Grey’s paw grabbing the air beneath Stimraug’s feet. It’s clear that Stimraug will need to adjust his style for such a tall opponent, and Grey will need to not underestimate this armadillo man’s vertical leap.

Not even a moment after Stimraug plants his feet back on the ground, Grey turns to take a second swipe! In a blink, Stimraug curls up and rolls barely out of reach, seamlessly uncurling and sweeping the dagger across Grey’s attacking paw. A clang is heard as the dagger glances off of the iron gauntlet. Grey repeats her attack with her other paw, but Stimraug is prepared to punish repetition. With the same maneuver, he rolls out of harm's way and this time aims for Grey’s unprotected foot. It’s a precision stab! The dagger sinks deep into Grey’s rear paw! Already off balance from her one-two swipe, Grey falls over.

Stimraug isn’t one to miss opportunities and without a thought he immediately slashing the other foot, this time deep enough to disable the appendage entirely! Surely a planned tactic to bring the towering bear woman down to his level.

Grey’s expression finally changes from seething internal rage to outward defiance and she roars viciously, trying to drown this pain with unbounded ferocity. Yet this single moment of distraction from the fight is all the opening Stimraug needed, cutting Grey’s mighty roar short with a decisive and fatal stab to the head. Dagger embedded in her temple, Grey goes quiet and falls limp on the sandy ground.

Congratulations, Stimraug! Continue to display such skill and you just may reclaim your solidarity with the Malevolent Mountains Clan!

Fight 1Z: Cupuaçu (The Sharp Rain) vs Gunch Lord

A youthful Capybara Man stands proud and eager on one side of the arena. He wears a fine soldier’s uniform made of black cloth and a unique bone amulet. Cupuaçu (managed by Lemon) carries himself with a stoic and deliberate demeanor. Trained by a legendary capybara woman swordmaster, but only after being refused for most of his childhood for being the ‘runt of the litter’, Cupuaçu shows his long and serious martial training in the way he moves. Every muscle is positioned and tensed with intention, and his hand rests upon the pommel of his sheathed iron short sword in a non-threatening yet very prepared way.

Opposite to Cupuaçu, both in position and in demeanor, is the cardinal man Gunch Lord (managed by coolguy65535). Nothing like a soldier, this avian savage stands hunched forward with eyes locked on the capybara man. Wearing nothing but the tournament issue loin cloth and an expression that says “I already won this fight”, Gunch Lord taps his adamantine dagger against the air, impatient to claim his victory.

The bell rings and the cardinal man, Gunch Lord, dashes in to attack Cupuaçu right away! Just before connecting, Gunch Lord gains some altitude with his wings to attack downward. This is sure to confuse most fighters who are unlikely to have experience with flying opponents. But Gunch Lord may be out of his league here. As he darts downward with his dagger extended, Cupuaçu denies the strike entirely and expertly bats the dagger away with his shortsword! Then he punches Gunch Lord in the face, knocking him right out of the air!

Hearing the crowd roar in excitement at the dominating skill of Cupuaçu, Gunch Lord lets out an indignant snarl and moves in for another attack, this time staying planted on the ground, to prevent being knocked around so easily. He swings the dagger at Cupuaçu but again he’s parried! Cupuaçu’s return strike is then parried in kind by Gunch Lord, who is no longer underestimating his opponent! Looks like Gunch Lord isn’t just a bloodthirsty bird man after all; parrying a short sword with a dagger is no easy feat. He cracks his bruised neck and shakes off the punch he took earlier, getting serious.

Cupuaçu decides to resume the fight by making the next attack, changing his stance to a defensive one and thrusting his sword at maximum range, but the overly cautious strike misses! Gunch Lord side-steps the blade, closing the gap and stabbing Cupuaçu in the rib cage! Cupuaçu hacks and struggles to regain his breath, obviously suffering a punctured lung now. His resolve is strong, though, and Cupuaçu strikes at the cardinal man to re-establish some distance. But Gunch Lord flaps his wings once and reminds Cupuaçu that he’s fighting in three dimensions, dodging upward instead of back. Still in dagger range, Gunch Lord stabs at Cupuaçu again, but Cupuaçu is willing to make trades and blocks the dagger with his off-hand, suffering a grievous stab wound.

Cupuaçu swings, then  stabs, but whiffs both attempts to get the winged Gunch Lord back at a distance. Gunch Lord bites down on Cupuaçu’s left arm and latches on, ensuring the swordsman cannot shake him. Cupuaçu swings one more time, failing again to shake the annoying bird man. Hacking and gasping, and utterly assailed by this cardinal man, Cupuaçu recenters himself, exclaiming “I won’t survive these wounds if I don’t end this”. He takes a gamble, forcefully swinging Gunch Lord off of his arm, knowing it would open him up to attack. Gunch Lord takes the opportunity… but the gamble pays off. As Gunch Lord’s dagger pierces the air next to Cupuaçu’s head, Cupuaçu’s sword sweeps upward in a flash and Gunch Lord’s head falls three paces from his body on the arena ground.

Congratulations, Cupuaçu! Your determination and arduous training were not in vain!

Fight 1AA: Priest Ndrog vs Nostrotortoise

It’s a rare sight to see a priest in an arena, and yet to one side is indeed Priest Ndrog (managed by Quantum Drop). No ordinary clergy member, this priest hails from the human blood cults often regarded as mere rumor. He stands visibly frustrated yet dignified, wearing iron boots, gauntlets, and a helm over his leather armor. His posture is impeccable and proud. As he points his halberd to the ground before him, he mumbles words to himself with closed eyes.

And what’s more rare than a priest in an arena? Two priests in an arena! Standing on the other side of the arena is Nostrotortoise (managed by Ikana), a desert tortoise man wearing a copper mail shirt and leggings, and a copper helm. He wields an iron mace and an oaken shield burned with the symbol of a sun. He has arrived on a religious charge sent to him in a vision, Nostrotortoise fights on behest of his revered deity.

Mirroring the pious energy of Ndrog, Nostrotortoise bows his forehead and raises his iron mace to it, mumbling a prayer. While their energy may resemble each other’s, their garb betrays their differences. Ndrog wears a warrior’s uniform, fitted and maintained, while Nostrotortoise wears old armor and bares his feet, worn and dirtied. On warrior of action, the other of faith.

The bell rings, but neither warrior moves. The crowd’s cheers last mere moments before reducing to mumbles and inquisitive shouts. Nearly two minutes pass without so much as a glance between the fighters, both still consumed by their prayer. Eventually, Priest Ndrog finishes his prayer and looks up to face his opponent. Nostrotortoise remains in prayer for a few more moments, but Ndrog patiently waits for it to conclude. The crowd barks for action.

Now, both facing each other and acknowledging the battle at hand, they raise their weapons in a proper stance and begin pacing toward each other. Neither says a word, nor do they snarl or flaunt, they close the gap slowly with reverence and respect. Once in range, as if a second bell was rung but nobody heard it, Priest Ndrog immediately swings his halberd at Nostrotortoise! Nostrotortoise blocks the attack with his shield, but the strike was bait! Ndrog carries the blade of his halberd through the opening made by the block, cutting Nostrotortoise’s foot clean off!

Nostrotortoise falls to the ground. “How fragile we are,” he calmly exclaims, as if to Ndrog directly. Ndrog does not respond except by hacking the tortoise man’s other foot off as well. Another attack from Ndrog aims to kill, but Nostrotortoise didn’t just come here to die, and he blocks it with his shield! But Ndrog’s halberd is too mighty for a downed opponent, and he swings it again. The shield falls to the ground, rolling like a fallen coin, with Nostrotortoises severed arm beside it. “Third blood,” says Ndrog, loud enough for somebody in the audience to hear. Nostrotortoise slumps over, a pool of blood growing beneath him, until his breathing stops. Ndrog agrees “yes, fragile we are,” and turns to leave the arena.

Congratulations, Priest Ndrog. You were sent here as a death sentence, but you might draw enough blood to come out of it alive, and famous!

Fight 1BB: Slappybara vs Athra Acikadis

A capybara man named Slappybara (managed by diatere) stands on the west end of the arena, wearing a grimace that looks a little bit forced and bearing a great deal of scars. On second look, are those facial scars painted on? Anyway, Slappybara has entered the ring wielding peculiar “blue brass” knuckles, which the staff doesn’t seem to recall seeing on the ledger. They can always review that after the fight! Slappybara poses and flexes for the crowd, but the crowd responds mostly with “awwww!” and a child cries to his mother “can I be friends with the fluffy one?!”. Slappybara seems flustered at the response, and stamps his feet in protest.

Stumbling in from the east entrance is a reptile man, Athra Acikadis (managed by Lemunde) who doesn’t seem to know where to stand. He wears a copper helm and leather armor and gloves, which don’t appear intended for armed combat. Wandering before the adoring crowd, Athra points to himself wondering if they mean him. Only then does he realize that somebody else is here as well. Upon noticing each other, Slappybara trots into position on his side of the arena. As soon as Athra notices that he’s also standing in a marked out square, a bell rings!

Slappybara charges at Athra, yelling things in a clearly forced low voice, and Athra is completely startled! Athra reacts instinctively, biting the charging opponent in the right leg! Slappy jumps away from a second bite and begins shouting for help as the reptile man snaps at him repeatedly. The crowd breaks out in laughter! Athra bites down onto the “blue brass” knuckles on Slappybara’s right hand and latches on. Slappy tugs and pulls to free his hand from Athra’s grip.

Artha begins shaking Slappybara’s hand like a dog fighting for a rope. Blood spurts from Artha’s mouth as Slappybara’s hand is torn open and chewed! Athra may be confused, but his reptile man instincts seem good enough for gladiatorial combat!

After several minutes of getting shaken and mawed by Athra, Slappybara decides to turn the tables and bites down onto Athra, shaking him in return! Equal amount of damage is done in exchange, now both fighters are bloody and torn by this toothy skirmish, but it doesn’t end. Clouds of dust kick up around the tumbling gladiators as they roll about the arena, punching, biting, and shaking each other like rabid animals.

The two begin to slow their struggle as they both grow exhausted, eventually passing out on the ground. Perhaps the blood loss hasn’t helped! They shift in and out of consciousness, picking up where they left off each time, only to pass out again. Eventually, Slappybara is up and moving while Athra remains passed out, so he fights to drag himself onto the reptile man and expends the last ounce of his energy to punch Artha Acikadis in the head until he stops breathing. The fight goes to Slappybara, who passes out again and needs to be carted out of the arena!

Congratulations, Slappybara! You couldn’t hear that because you’re unconscious, but nonetheless!

Fight 1CC: Silent Slicer vs Beardbeard the Bearded Beard of Beards

A mass of hair… no, a dwarf!, stands on one side of the arena. Beardbeard, the Bearded Beard of Beards (managed by PlatinumJesus) is a dwarf of mythical repute, his travels known in a hundred different forms as poems and childrens stories. Unlike most fairy tales, however, he is alive and here in the flesh, and hair! Mostly hair. A mighty beard flows like a waterfall, its source a set of eyes and a nose, obscuring the dwarf’s entire form, decorated with all sorts of fine and peculiar ornaments. From it pokes the end of an iron dagger.

A much different opponent stands opposed to the beard. It’s ‘The Silent Slicer’, a jumping spider woman. In contrast to the flowing majesty of Beardbeard’s beard, this spider woman bristles with short hairs – and anticipation. She wields two copper short swords and clenches her other four fists, ready to fight. She skitters back and forth, excited and jumpy, hardly willing to await the bell.

When the bell rings, the two pace toward each other at a measured pace. Once in melee range, Beardbeard lets out an audible “hmph!” and takes a swing with his dagger! The jumping spider woman leaps over him, dodging the attack and landing behind him. She swings one of her swords at the dwarf, but Beardbeard is no fool and not ill-prepared. He turns around and parries the sword, returning a dagger strike of his own! ‘The Silent Slicer’ swings her second sword to deflect the dagger, barely in time.

‘The Silent Slicer’ does not let up, and lands a slicing blow on Beardbeard’s left calf with one sword, then again with the other! It’s a deep wound. Beardbeard falls to the ground and grunts loudly in frustration, but ‘The Silent Slicer’ shows no empathy, only accelerating her assault. She begins unleashing a flurry of blows and Beardbeard does all he can to manage the onslaught. She begins a long series of stabs and slashes, mixed with rapid punches that fill every opening! A stab to Beardbeard’s head! A parry of his jab! A stab to his hand! Another parry!

It’s impossible to keep track of The Silent Slicer’s many hands. One hand will lodge a sword into Beardbeard’s limb and a different one will tear it free, while the free hands deliver punches in between, like some kind of brutal mechanism of death!

Beardbeard is no novice, and manages to get some strikes in throughout this nightmare, but the spider woman parries or dodges each one, until she plunges both swords through Beardbeard’s gut! She rips them back into her possession and goes for the kill, stabbing at the dwarf’s head. Beardbeard the Bearded’s mighty beard is mighty indeed, and a stab is only able to deliver a flesh wound through all that hair! A slash is similarly mitigated by the glorious braids, but then another slash gives Beardbeard his final shave. Beardbeard collapses, his beard dyed a crimson red.

Congratulations, ‘Silent Slicer’! The uncanny skill you possess with your blades could take you far!

Fight 1DD: Beast of Spearimpale vs Marmota Monax

Marmota Monax (managed by Cut-More_Supreme), a name nobody has heard of, belongs to a groundhog man who stands to his side of the arena with a bloodstained black bronze pickaxe in hand. He wears a copper helm, gauntlets, and boots as well. His eyes to the ground, a stone cold expression is reminiscent of the grizzly bear woman’s from an earlier fight this round – the look of tragedy, and a vengeful thirst. Whatever vengeance his groundhog man miner is chasing, it’s clearly his singular pursuit.

Across the arena grunts and snorts ‘The Beast of Spearimpale’ (managed by memmet), a hellish Minotaur with nothing more than a copper shield to bear. Its bloodied hooves are proof of its vile nature. Its horns are curled and stained, resembling a banner of war. This beast carries an ominous and nigh supernatural presence. It’s as though the sun grows weaker, burdened to shine on such a monster.

The tournament seems distant and irrelevant in the shadow of these blackened souls, but the bell rings, reminding everyone of the matter at hand. Without hesitation, The Beast of Spearimpale stomps heavily on the sandy floor and explodes into a charge, covering ground like a fired bolt! Marmota seems to welcome the charge, as though debating with himself if he ought to let it land. But no, he sidesteps the charging Minotaur, attacking with his pickaxe as it darts past. The minotaur was holding his shield to that side, blocking the swing. A surprising amount of wit for such a hellish creature.

After running past the groundhog man, the Beast turns and prepares for another charge. It launches itself again, kicking up a wake of dust, this time faster somehow! Before Marmota can respond, he’s struck and tossed backward onto the ground! But he’s quick to return to his feet. The Beast, too close to charge again, lunges forward and strikes with its shield, bashing Marmota in the arm, then follows up with a kick to the other arm, the Beast’s hoof smashing it into a dangling lump of flesh!

Marmota Monax attempts to gain the offensive, but he misses his first strike and the Beast takes the opportunity to dominate. It bites at Marmota’s head! The copper helm is just rigid enough to slip from the minotaur’s teeth, but it twists Marmota’s neck violently. Marmota attempts once more to gain any kind of offense but misses again. The Beast immediately changes tactics and begins slamming the edge of its shield into Marmota’s ribs! An audible crack is heard and Marmota hacks and chokes! He falls to the ground in pain.

Not letting up, the Beast of Spearimpale brutalizes the groundhog man’s torso with blow after blow to ribs and guts, smashing through ribs and annihilating the abdomen and groin. The shield is jammed between two ribs, torn free, and the onslaught continues! Marmota is pinned on his back, hacking, retching, and laboring to even lift his pickaxe. As though milled into a paste, Marmot Monax’s midsection offers no more resistance to the brutal shield strikes, and the groundhog man goes completely limp!

Congratulations, Beast of Spearimpale! Though the darkened sun and demonic aura is concerning, your time in the arena will be glorious indeed!

Fight 1EE: Madame Spots vs Massive Mike

The Jaguar Woman, Madame Spots (managed by chipathingy) shrugs her shoulders as she wonders how her husband convinced her to bother with a gladiator tournament. She wears deer leather armor and an iron helm. The helm seems rather uncomfortable to her, as if she’s never needed to wear one before. Carrying an iron spear as a weapon, she seems aloof but her grip on that spear is proper, suggesting that she’s far more familiar with it than the helmet.

Opposing her is a large, brutish Troll whose name is chanted by a small band of goblin fans in the front row. “Massive Mike!” (managed by Thomasasia), they cheer, and the indeed massive troll boasts and grunts proudly in return. Wearing a copper mail shirt but no pants besides the tournament issue loincloth, this fighter looks like a bad smell, but also quite powerful, especially carrying his imposing iron greataxe. His goblin entourage shouts to him  “Duck and weave! Remember to duck and weave!”.

The bell rings and Madame Spots darts at Massive Mike, leaving him no time to think! Massive Mike ducks and the jaguar woman’s spear thrusts over his head. He swings his offhand at her, not yet readied with his great axe, but Madame Spots punishes this with a stab to his hand! Massive Mike reels back, bleeding, but quickly goes on the offensive with a brutish roar. He swings his axe, a miss. He throws a punch, another miss. Madame Spots stabs again, he weaves!

‘Shnnk’. The angered troll ceases. The tip of Madame Spot’s spear points like an arrow drawn straight through Massive Mike’s skull. The fight is over not 20 seconds after it began. The previously jolly goblins shout in disappointment, except for one, who greedily collects a few sacks of gold from the others.

Congratulations to Madame Spots! You have certainly wasted no time proving your worthiness in the tournament.

Fight 1FF: Zeps v Ruyava Alanaeyila

Wearing a full set of leather armor over her green tunic, Ruÿava Alanaeyila (managed by Zonalar) forgoes only a helm, and it’s no wonder why. The beauty of her complexion, her persuasive stance and enticing figure, Ruÿava hardly seems the type to hide her face behind armor. But she’s not here for a beauty pageant, she wields a black bronze spear and buckler with easy confidence. She seems disinterested in her foe across the arena.

That foe is Zeps (managed by Eris235), a cruel looking rat man wearing only the tournament issue loincloth and a scowl. With folded arms he grips an iron scourge. He seems unreasonably angry at Ruÿava, despite never knowing her, as if ready to dole out a punishment for some transgression.

The bell rings and Zeps lets out a snicker under his breath while approaching Ruÿava with an authoritative march. As he closes in, he brandishes his scourge, lifting it high, but before he can even begin his lashing, Ruÿava sidesteps the scourge and turns with stunning graze, plunging her spear into the sand behind Zeps. Zeps cries out! She’s cut the rat man’s tail clean off!

Zeps snarls and spins around to face Ruÿava. Enraged, he lashes at the elf woman who seems unconcerned with being struck, but perhaps she’s underestimated the cruel looking rat man. The scourge lands on her arm and rips through the leather armor, tearing into Ruÿava’s flesh and twisting her arm! She drops her spear! Another strike lands on her head, forever marring her beautiful visage! Ruÿava yells “you cut my FACE! You’re so annoying!” and strikes at Zeps unarmed, but the rat man proves to be much more skilled than she first thought.

Ruÿava forgets about her spear and persistently engages the rat man with her bare hands, but the fight goes one-sided as Zeps dodges each of her flustered attacks and returns with brutal lashing from his iron scourge. Her armor doesn’t hold up long as she tries to get ahold of the cruel rat man. Eventually the leather parts are sundered and Zeps begins ripping through the flesh on her arms, torso, and head. Ruÿava, still desperately trying to turn the tide but missing every strike, suffers both the scraping barbs and the heavy weight of the iron scourge! She gives into pain. With one, two, three heavy strikes to her head, Zeps caves in her skull.

Congratulations to Zeps! Your cruel punishments shall see you to the next round!

Fights 1A - 1P written by Mkhos
Fights 1Q-1X written by SlitherPapi
Fights 1Y - 1FF written by Tekkud


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Round 1 Betting Results
« Reply #261 on: July 15, 2023, 06:03:16 am »

Hello all! Betting results can be found in the spreadsheet on the betting page. Lemonade was the richest Urist this round, walking away with 182 gold! The three most on gladiators were Yeti Soon to become Spaghetti, Evil Death Roll, and Wine.

Round 2 betting opens now, and will be open until the 21st of July, 20 GMT. Feel free to participate even if you did not last round. Rules are here:

  • Betting is open both to the managers and the spectators of the tournament.
  • Every bettor starts out with 100 gold to be spent on the betting. You can't at any given moment put any more gold into a bet than you already have.
  • Every bettor can only put money on one gladiator per round.
  • Bets made after the official deadline for each round are not counted.
  • The system works in a way that allows those who bet on the underdogs (those who have less bet on them) to receive more gold than those who bet on the favorites, so go wild with your predictions!
« Last Edit: July 15, 2023, 06:12:23 am by Mkhos »


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Round 2 Upgrades
« Reply #262 on: July 15, 2023, 06:07:33 am »

All managers who were victorious in Round 1 will see their available amount of upgrade points to the far right of their gladiator in the spreadsheet.

Note about the algorithm: if you look at the numbers a bit closer, you can see that whenever the simple multiplication by 1.5 created a number that had something other than .5 in its decimal part, we rounded it up to the closest .5; so, .25 becomes .5 and .75 becomes 1. This was done to avoid infinite splintering of the points.

The Arena Personnel asks you to provide your upgrades as soon as possible. The deadline is the 21st of July, 12 GMT. We ask for your understanding on these matters; we need time to run and process the fights.

Please remember that your upgrades should be sent to The upgrades will later be revealed via a separate post.

Good luck and go with Armok!
« Last Edit: July 15, 2023, 06:09:34 am by Mkhos »


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Re: Dwarf Fortress Gladiator Tournament VIII
« Reply #263 on: July 15, 2023, 06:14:05 am »

I bet 50 gold on Madame Spots, again ! She delivered !


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Re: Dwarf Fortress Gladiator Tournament VIII
« Reply #264 on: July 15, 2023, 09:41:48 am »

I'll bet 25 gold on Zglbrk the Unbreakable, in matchup 2G


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Re: Dwarf Fortress Gladiator Tournament VIII
« Reply #265 on: July 15, 2023, 09:52:47 am »

i'll bet 45 gold on Evil Death Roll


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Re: Dwarf Fortress Gladiator Tournament VIII
« Reply #266 on: July 15, 2023, 09:58:10 am »

I thought I would I had never hear my daughter's escapades from some boy...
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Re: Dwarf Fortress Gladiator Tournament VIII
« Reply #267 on: July 15, 2023, 10:30:12 am »

Quick question: looking at Gunch Lord vs. Cupuaçu, why did Gunch Lord lose hold of their hood and dagger towards the very end? I don't understand the game mechanics behind this.


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Re: Dwarf Fortress Gladiator Tournament VIII
« Reply #268 on: July 15, 2023, 11:03:18 am »

Quick question: looking at Gunch Lord vs. Cupuaçu, why did Gunch Lord lose hold of their hood and dagger towards the very end? I don't understand the game mechanics behind this.

If you're talking about the combat log, that happens when a limb gets torn off. They lose hold of whatever was attached to that limb.


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Re: Dwarf Fortress Gladiator Tournament VIII
« Reply #269 on: July 15, 2023, 11:05:48 am »

My gladiator bit it, but he put up a good fight. I'll console myself with all my gold.

Let it ride! 182 gold on Beast of Spear Impale!
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