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Author Topic: TACTICUS - Gentlemen's Edition  (Read 6866 times)

xpCynic

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Re: TACTICUS - Gentlemen's Edition
« Reply #30 on: May 20, 2008, 11:26:00 pm »

I have next to no idea what's going on, but I'll spectate. Let's take a stab at this...10 bins of narrow iron greaves say the "Where there's adamantine, they pinch back" clause comes into play and Tekkud Minepants gets into a very awkward wrestling match with a tentacle demon.
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Impending Doom

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Re: TACTICUS - Gentlemen's Edition
« Reply #31 on: May 20, 2008, 11:54:00 pm »

Hmmm...

I bet seventeen barrels of elf tallow bisciuts, fourteen crystal glass goblets that menace with spikes of pitchblende and are encircled with bands of hoary marmot bone, and eight tower-cap barrels of sewer brew that the "Oh SHIT, there's something in there!" clause (As cited in the November 1989 issue of "Poor man's TACTICUS: House Rules for Dead-Beats", in an article by Uja Lalgiesme), which states that all dwarf-type units in proximity to exposed adamantine recieve -5 to their "Flee, damn you, FLEE" rolls will come into play.

[ May 21, 2008: Message edited by: Impending Doom ]

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Quote from: Robert A.Heinlein
Violence, naked force, has settled more issues in history than has any other factor, and the contrary opinion, that violence has never solved anything, is wishful thinking at its worst.

dresdor

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Re: TACTICUS - Gentlemen's Edition
« Reply #32 on: May 21, 2008, 10:00:00 am »

I'm willing to bet an Artifact steel mini-forge that menaces with spikes of adamantium that the "What's the worst that could happen?" rule from the "Shit you should never say because you know something really really bad will happen if you do, you stupid bearded twit" rulebook (abridged 1998 version, which is the only legal version since the Tactican Council of Trent in 2004 outlawed the revised abridged version aptly titled "Shit Happens") will come into play regarding a maimed kobold being left to die, namely that the kobold will utilize rule 23 listed in section 23 line 23 of the Kobold Compendium; Why Kobolds like the number 23.


And of course, I reserve the right to join or interfere with the game, in accordance to rule 1 of "The only rule that really matters in Tacticus betting; A Complete Idiots Guide."

Kidiri

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Re: TACTICUS - Gentlemen's Edition
« Reply #33 on: May 21, 2008, 03:46:00 pm »

I want to join as a watcher and place a little wager. I bet a masterpiece Steel short sword that menaces with spikes of red tourmaline and has a picture of a Dwarf and an Elf in Obsidian. The Dwarf is striking the Elf down. I bet this piece of Dwarven technology that the last kobold will be struck down by the flying vomit of Tekkud Minepants, thrown by none other than the penultimate kobold, after he (Tekkud Minepants, not the kobold) wanted to forsake the Adamantine and grab the hydra leather backpack. But, obviously, only if subsection par 22/7, section 155, paragraph 502 of the 'Hydra leather is shinier than Adamantine'-rule, as stated on  page 404 of 'The 1052 official rulebook' written by Bomrek and Urist 'Greavepants', 4th pocket edition with the infamous 'a woman's hole'/'a woman, sole'-typo.
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Sometimes, when my Dorfs are exceptionally stupid again, I wonder what exactly the [INTELLIGENT]-tag does.

Jualin

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Re: TACTICUS - Gentlemen's Edition
« Reply #34 on: May 21, 2008, 08:56:00 pm »

According to the inaction clause of section S, subsection C, sub-subsection R, sub-sub-subsection E, sub-sub-sub-subsection W, sub-sub-sub-sub-subsection E, clause D in "The A-to-T Manual of Pointless Categories and Obscure Demands", all butterflies within the playable area must now grab the nearest axe and decapitate something.
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dresdor

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Re: TACTICUS - Gentlemen's Edition
« Reply #35 on: May 21, 2008, 10:06:00 pm »

Due to the fact that two megabeasts have been in play (the dragon and the colossus) I evoke the  rule "He goes where he is needed, or whereever the hell he wants to" from page 27 of the Nist Akath expansion ruleset.  This allows Captain Ironblood, under my control, to spring out of ambush next to the dragon.  Unfortunately, this also brings one of each megabeast into play for every player who has not already placed a megabeast (Ironblood counts as a megabeast) according to the "Give them a fighting chance" rule from Nist Akath revised rulebook, page 27 subsection A (added when players started complaining about the Captain's uberness).

The Captain, brandishing his cabinet of course, gives the dragon one chance to flee before taking any other action.  Also, according to the "You think he cares about kobolds?" rule (Nist Akath expansion, page 27 subsection B) kobolds are the only unit that the Captain doesn't cause terror in (megabeasts included), and that's only because the Captain wouldn't waste his time on kobolds.

[ May 21, 2008: Message edited by: dresdor ]

Bricktop

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Re: TACTICUS - Gentlemen's Edition
« Reply #36 on: May 23, 2008, 05:53:00 am »

mmm...this seems to be an interesting game. I think I'll join...


First, things first, faction. The fortress faction of this game seems to be getting downplayed a little, so I'll be helping them. Of course, in accordance with the Pantshelm rules this gives me access to workshops but limits me to dwarves. It also forces the "Mind-numbing stupidity" rules (Pantshelm rulebook, chapter 14, section 37e, just below the picture of the burning kitten) onto all of my peices. Also, in accordance with the Pantshelm Revision: fortress rules revision all of my dwarves will suffer from minor psychosis and extreme manic depressiveness.


I'll place my 1st dwarf - a proficient brewer - to work in the brewery making dwarven beer. My second dwarf - a novice woodcutter - will be placed just within the forts entrance. However, I am exchanging his starting axe for an immediate Strange Mood.

**Rolls 5d8**

Ah, he seems to have a fell mood to create a weapon (as in accordance with the Random Mood Chart of Insanity in Pantshelm, chapter 57, section 879.34g


Also, as a side note the addition of a working fortress faction to the game makes all dwarves and kobolds in play completely attracted to any burning clothes currently in play. Since I beleive the booze stockpile is currently full of burning drunk (and his clothes), that forces a "Why the hell does he want a burning sock?!" roll on all dwarves and kobolds.

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Duke 2.0

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Re: TACTICUS - Gentlemen's Edition
« Reply #37 on: May 23, 2008, 07:43:00 am »

Yes! Reenforcements! Due to the "More if Better than Few" rule of the Pantshelm ruleset and the various sidenotes attached to it, I can consider any significantly large group of creatures as a megabeast as according to how proportionally smaller the creature is compared to a real megabeast. Thus I call upon a legion of 100 kobolds.

Of course, due to some of the cheaper rules regarding fire and the effects of which, my kobolds become un-stealthed and rush the fortress entrance in a grand zerg-rush.

I guess I should enforce the "Kekekeke" rule of "More is Better then Few" rule section charter SC. My kobolds are suddenly faster, hold twenty more gallons of blood, and rush any larger-sized opponent with ten units or more.

Sure I loose a few kobolds to mad axe-wielding butterflies, but thats a small price to pay for the horde!

Also, I have my grizzly down some drinks in the brewery and start to hide behind the still.

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Kidiri

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Re: TACTICUS - Gentlemen's Edition
« Reply #38 on: May 23, 2008, 11:01:00 am »

quote:
Originally posted by Bricktop:
<STRONG>Pantshelm</STRONG>

I thought you were playing the Pantsheim, Version 101 C, Kodor Datannazush-edition, seeing you can get away with the blatantly overpowered opening move as made in the final of the WTC of 1986, that ended, as we all know, in the explosion of Chernobyl's nuclear power plant.

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Veni, Vidi, Pompeii.
Soylent Green is kittens!
Sometimes, when my Dorfs are exceptionally stupid again, I wonder what exactly the [INTELLIGENT]-tag does.

dresdor

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Re: TACTICUS - Gentlemen's Edition
« Reply #39 on: May 23, 2008, 12:19:00 pm »

quote:
Originally posted by Kidiri:
<STRONG>

I thought you were playing the Pantsheim, Version 101 C, Kodor Datannazush-edition, seeing you can get away with the blatantly overpowered opening move as made in the final of the WTC of 1986, that ended, as we all know, in the explosion of Chernobyl's nuclear power plant.</STRONG>


haha!  noob!  Every true Tacticus player knows that it was the Urist Gambit being countered by the only use in history of the Komi non-alcohol dependant dwarf reverse gambit, the rules of which are so confusing and specific that the rule only every appeared in the Complete Ultimate Compendium of Tacticus Rules (which upon completion of the final page, collapsed into a black hole by it's own weight) and in the Abridged Complete Ultimate Compendium of Tacticus (The only copy of which was used in the First Annual Cherobyl Tacticus Championship).  

A true Tacticus Player would also know that the force of Russian Tacticus player Cherskolsky slamming the cover in defeat caused the reactor to go critical.

Kidiri

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Re: TACTICUS - Gentlemen's Edition
« Reply #40 on: May 23, 2008, 01:07:00 pm »

quote:
Originally posted by dresdor:
<STRONG>

haha!  noob!  Every true Tacticus player knows that it was the Urist Gambit being countered by the only use in history of the Komi non-alcohol dependant dwarf reverse gambit, the rules of which are so confusing and specific that the rule only every appeared in the Complete Ultimate Compendium of Tacticus Rules (which upon completion of the final page, collapsed into a black hole by it's own weight) and in the Abridged Complete Ultimate Compendium of Tacticus (The only copy of which was used in the First Annual Cherobyl Tacticus Championship).  

A true Tacticus Player would also know that the force of Russian Tacticus player Cherskolsky slamming the cover in defeat caused the reactor to go critical.</STRONG>


Well, that is why I'm only a Watcher... All of this happened even before I was born. I never had the chance of reading  either books. But this does explain why they did the Anti-kobold Incendiary  Double Stratosphere in the 68th move of the 3rd round, just right after the Hidden Interpolation of Vanity. I mean, who in their right mind would do this when the Pantsheim rules are applied? Unless version threepointfiveandthreequarters was used, it would take a fool or a genius to try and do that move.

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Veni, Vidi, Pompeii.
Soylent Green is kittens!
Sometimes, when my Dorfs are exceptionally stupid again, I wonder what exactly the [INTELLIGENT]-tag does.

Jualin

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Re: TACTICUS - Gentlemen's Edition
« Reply #41 on: May 23, 2008, 07:29:00 pm »

Egads man, what have you done?! By invoking his name, Cherskolsky gets one more turn, in accordance with "The Official Handbook of Flippery"! As he is now dead, he cannot take his turn, but it is well documented that having lost, Cherskolsky tried to invoke "The Boatmurdered Supplementary Handbook, Edition II", but failed due to the fact he was no longer playing. Well, no longer Mr. Cherskolsky, no longer...

A mysterious masterwork bauxite lever appears in the the middle of the farming room. The scorched marks on its red handle, vaguely in the shape of fingers, call out for those who would activate it.

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dresdor

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Re: TACTICUS - Gentlemen's Edition
« Reply #42 on: May 26, 2008, 09:45:00 pm »

Dear gods....not the boatmurdered ruleset....What have I done...

Sadly, according to rule 28 of "Awesome things in Tacticus" all awesome things attract each other first, and so the first target for the pull lever job of the mythical Boatmurdered lever is Captain Ironblood.  That means that he immediatly heads for the lever, and, being Ironblood, reaches it this turn.

Fortunately, due to the unique nature of the "F*ck the World Device" it requires another unit to be present to activate it and flood the map with magma.  The call goes out to the second most awesome unit on the board, the dragon in full plate. (According to rule 28 Section A of "Awesome things in Tacticus: When Awesome things collide")

Duke 2.0

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Re: TACTICUS - Gentlemen's Edition
« Reply #43 on: May 27, 2008, 12:56:00 pm »

Oh dear. Seems that my bear was a female. Due to spores in the air, she gives birth to a half-dozen bear cubs. These join in the terror-causing the kobolds are doing. Sure they can be killed by cats, but what will you do when there are hundreds of 'em?

Ooh, and now they stumbled upon the armory! Steel large daggers for all!

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Buck up friendo, we're all on the level here.
I would bet money Andrew has edited things retroactively, except I can't prove anything because it was edited retroactively.
MIERDO MILLAS DE VIBORAS FURIOSAS PARA ESTRANGULARTE MUERTO

Fox-Of-Doom

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Re: TACTICUS - Gentlemen's Edition
« Reply #44 on: May 27, 2008, 05:22:00 pm »

According to the 69th Edition of the rules set by 'The Titan's Fist', I put down 5,000 goldencoins of 1609 Arkgarn that Ironblood will strip naked and wrestle the dragon.
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