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Author Topic: TACTICUS - Gentlemen's Edition  (Read 6965 times)

DuncanFrost

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Re: TACTICUS - Gentlemen's Edition
« Reply #60 on: May 31, 2008, 12:08:00 pm »

You have made a mighty mistake! As I have been complimented at least once in the past on my Tacticus skill (as stated in the "You're A Vain And Selfish Bastard, Now Let's Play Tacticus" rulebook, I may now summon any unit used in a previous game of Tacticus. I summon the King Quadgremlin on top of the mechanical men, forcing them to take a Holy Shit, There's A King Quadgremlin On Top Of My Mechanical Men test (as stated in "Holy Shit, There's A King Quadgremlin On Top Of My Mechanical Men Tests: An Unneccesarily Specific Rulebook". If their strength added to the carp-modified dice roll is less than the Flab level of the King, they are all immediately crushed.
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Duke 2.0

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Re: TACTICUS - Gentlemen's Edition
« Reply #61 on: May 31, 2008, 03:02:00 pm »

Well, things aren't going will for the kobold survivors. Some were incinerated, but most got something odd done.

1. A kobold stumbled upon the magma lever, and due to the "More Ways to Kill a Fortress" guide 3'rd edition 3D version blue series, pulls it despite whatever dangerous problems happen to it. Thus magma, demons, curses and badass archaeologists cannot stop the kobold from turning off the magma flow.

2. Another one found a secret staircase to a tower at the top of the mountain. I lead twenty survivors up there, but they get detected by a cat on the way up. Thanks to how cowardly these guys are, they run in the opposite direction down into the fortress. Right into some magma.

3. Due to some odd rolls, a kobold got a strange mood and stole a sheet of paper. "Kobolds and their treasure" handbook by Mr Adom states that kobolds get random loot instead of an artifact for their strange moods. I have the kobold throw the paper away, the worthless thing. Of course, it was no ordinary paper. It was a scroll of genocide. It hits a door, and thus all doors are gone.

4. Three fell down the chasm. They found other kobolds plotting an invasion of the overworld, but convinced them to stop. All thats up there is magma and death. They go down and make a grand city in the deep. They construct homes for dwarves that fall down deep chasms.

5. Another kobold is encased in ice.

6. Another one can now breathe fire. Lacking the fire immune tag, he is more of a bomb than a maga-pest.

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Buck up friendo, we're all on the level here.
I would bet money Andrew has edited things retroactively, except I can't prove anything because it was edited retroactively.
MIERDO MILLAS DE VIBORAS FURIOSAS PARA ESTRANGULARTE MUERTO

Donnigan

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Re: TACTICUS - Gentlemen's Edition
« Reply #62 on: June 01, 2008, 12:32:00 am »

Well, occording the the optional rule supplement, Darn Them, not Darfur, whenever genocide is committed, A group of fifty elves from EAGAD(Elves Against Genocide And Dwarves) appears and immediately lays siege to the fortress.  Luckily for them, they arrive just as the last of the lava drains.  Unluckily, their chef Failed his inconvenient plot check by 6 and sneezes into a pile of Undead Elephant dust.

*Rolls*

And he also failed his fortitude save. According to Lethal Contagions and Why You Care, when any bipedal being becomes infected with something, it can automatically choose to die from it, rather than suffer the embarrassment of getting everyone sick, which this one does.  Unfortunately, he died into the local river.  Zombie Virus Checks for Everyone!

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hat exactly am I doing here?

 

quote:
Originally posted by Cthulhu:
<STRONG>Now you see, you gave me the idea to sleep in a brook, and a hippo bit my head off.</STRONG>

Kilowatt

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Re: TACTICUS - Gentlemen's Edition
« Reply #63 on: June 01, 2008, 06:51:00 am »

For an unknown reason, my clockwork force suddenly explodes. Violently. This causes a cave-in, making the brewery above collapse into the smoking pit of what is left of the mechanic's workshop.

Meanwhile, a soltary giant clockwork Eagle, with a clockwork spider riding on its back, alights on a cliff just above the main entrance.


code:

    #####..#########
    #####..#########
    ##........######
    #######.ES......
    ################
    ######///#######
    ######///#######

    / is the entrance
    . is the flooor
    E is a giant clockwork eagle
    S is a clockwork spider
    # is stone.



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DuncanFrost

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Re: TACTICUS - Gentlemen's Edition
« Reply #64 on: June 01, 2008, 02:28:00 pm »

Ah, the Urist McUristUristUrist Anti-Clockwise Turntable gambit, eh? I didn't see that coming. As my King Quadgremlin was about to land on them as they exploded, he loses 15d5 points worth of flab, leaving him with...

*rolls*

...0 flab points! This means I now have a King Quadgremlin skeleton with chunks of meaty flesh dangling off it, giving one point of ewwwwww damage to all within range.

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