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Author Topic: Death and Glory!  (Read 47541 times)

Kagus

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Death and Glory!
« on: February 28, 2008, 12:10:00 am »

Behold, for before you lies the newest and greatest mode of entertainment for any well-established gentleperson.  We have here a strong and sturdy young adventurer, ready to go forth and prove himself in the world, or die horribly to some strange or absurd cause.

But wait, there's more!  You, the audience, has control over what this misguided fellow does in his travels!  At intervals in the lives of this adventurer and the ones to take the spotlight once he dies, the referee will present you with a list of choices for the adventurer's actions.  The action taken by the adventurer will be dictated by which choice garnered the most votes.


But, what are we sitting around clucking like old hens for, let the games BEGIN!


Our first contender is Ñaniz Manydoor, a strong and very agile pup of a man, who is a talented axeman and shield user, but a mere novice in the ways of swimming.  He holds in his right hand a massive greataxe, and in his other hand manages to keep hold of a shield.  He waits in the town hall, eager to start off on his journey!

But where will his journey lead? Will he head north and search for the forest glades of the elves?  Go to the dwarven mountain halls to the northeast?  Test his mettle against the goblins to the east, or go straight to the mayor and ask for a might quest, fit only for a great hero such as himself?

Or will he run about in the woods doing tarzan impressions to attract the wolves?  


And what will lead to his gruesome and almost assured demise?  The bets are on, and the betting's hot!  Name your cause, and name your bet!  Ante up, boys!

Destination vote:
A) Elven forest retreat
B) Dwarven mountain hall
C) Goblin Fortress
D) Quest from mayor
E) Look for trouble
F) *___________

[ February 28, 2008: Message edited by: Kagus ]

Torak

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Re: Death and Glory!
« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2008, 12:13:00 am »

F. Gouge a child's eyes out, and run like hell.
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JoRo

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Re: Death and Glory!
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2008, 12:19:00 am »

I vote C: Goblin Fortress!  I love to hate those goblins.
quote:
F. Gouge a child's eyes out, and run like hell.

That's a good idea too.
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Fishersalwaysdie

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Re: Death and Glory!
« Reply #3 on: February 28, 2008, 06:06:00 am »

C.
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Sithlordz

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Re: Death and Glory!
« Reply #4 on: February 28, 2008, 07:34:00 am »

A. Break an elite bowelf's limbs, steal his kit and start a rambo-esque one-versus-a-hundred battle against the elves.
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Kagus

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Re: Death and Glory!
« Reply #5 on: February 28, 2008, 07:36:00 am »

That would last a single turn.  Since he doesn't have any skill with the bow, he'll shoot one arrow, and then everyone else gets a hundred moves against him since he's so slow.

Sithlordz

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Re: Death and Glory!
« Reply #6 on: February 28, 2008, 07:45:00 am »

I suppose.  I vote for E, then.
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Deon

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Re: Death and Glory!
« Reply #7 on: February 28, 2008, 08:33:00 am »

Guys, let's start from D.
Let the guy earn his name... And to be occasionally eaten by the GCS.

[ February 28, 2008: Message edited by: Deon ]

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Dark

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Re: Death and Glory!
« Reply #8 on: February 28, 2008, 09:38:00 am »

I vote B! He's got to go get himself some good steel weapons right? Who cares if you have an Iron Greataxe when you can have a *«≡Steel Battleaxe≡»*? I also bet that he dies trying to get said battleaxe.
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Kagus

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Re: Death and Glory!
« Reply #9 on: February 28, 2008, 10:13:00 am »

Next time around, maybe.


Hasn't been a whole lot of action, but the votes add up to goblin fortress, with gouging a child's eyes out and running like mad a close second.

Perhaps these things are not mutually exclusive...?

START!

Our first adventurer heads out the town hall's door, walking in towards town to find his juvenile prey.  Along the way, he disturbs some large cockroaches from their hiding places.  He picks a few up and puts them in his backpack for later, before setting a couple fires and moving on while the roaches roast.

Prowling the outskirts of town, the adventurer pokes his head inside each house he passes by, checking for his youthful prey.  Finding nothing in the first few houses, the adventurer is startled when he opens the door to the third house and comes face to face with a guard!  Luckily, the guard had no knowledge of our gladiator's future crimes, and merely told him to put faith in consolation.


Unfortunately, the town seems to be devoid of small, helpless children to mangle.  The adventurer, slightly crestfallen, settles for tearing out the eyes of a guard sleeping at home.

The adventurer drops his axe on the ground to free up a hand, and grabs the guard's head in preparation of some good old-fashioned gouging.

Not having any experience in the matter, however, our adventurer struggles mightily and is forced to adjust his grip several times (damn eyeballs are slippery), before finally managing to tear out the left eye.

The guard, who has been awake for most of the fumbling attempts now, simply stands and waits for the adventurer to continue his task, not lifting his pike to stop him.  And so, after much more fumbling, grasping, and slipping away, the second eye is removed with a soft *plop* as it leaves the socket, never to return.

His task completed, the adventurer turns to leave, only to find that the guard is following after him, a swath of blood trailing after him!  Our adventurer backs away, feeling mildly anxious about the pointy end of the guard's pike.

However, the guard spontaneously loses interest in our gladiator, and returns to his bed, promptly nodding off.  His bed turns a dark red color as the blood pouring from underneath his closed lids first soaks the pillow, and then moves down to cover the rest of the bedding.

The adventurer, relieved but also slightly confused, leaves the happily snoring guard and sets forth on a trek to the goblin keep.

The adventurer starts to make his way through the forest seperating him from his goal, when a loud rumbling interrupts his thoughts.  Our gladiator looks over to find an umbral ursine bearing down on him!  He quickly takes his combat stance, and awaits the charging black bear, allowing himself a quick smirk at the thought of this poor creature's fate in the coming battle.

The hero waits until the black bear is within range, and then executes an ancient axe technique taught to him by his aged teacher, wherein he strikes at the right rear leg of the bear, even though it is facing him full on!  The attack connects, and the bear's leg is badly gashed, causing red blood to drip down the black fur.  The bear, obviously startled by this unusual tactic, misses by a wide margin when attempting to slash our gladiator to ribbons.

Our hero, seeing his opening, charges at the bear and crashes into it while expertly cutting its liver while avoiding all other organs in the beast's upper body. The bear roars at the new pain, and rushes at our gladiator, bowling him over while simultaneously slashing with its mighty claw!  This swipe would have caused significant damage, had not our hero brought his shield up just in time to block the blow.  A loud thud followed by the scraping of claws on metal punctuates the creature's paw slamming into the shield of the adventurer.

The hero jumps on the opportunity availed by the bear's failed attack, and swings his mighty axe at the foul beast's head, slashing out its eye and splitting its nose, as well as sending it flying away from the force.

Our gladiator stands up, nonchalantly walks over to the prone and unconscious bear, and begins to hack off small pieces of the bear.  One blow sends a leg flying off into the trees, and the next opens up the bear's midsection and sends it flying once more, its entrails following along behind it.  

At this point, the bear wakes up again.

Just before the adventurer can land the fatal blow, the bear bleeds to death.  A good start, if not somewhat disappointing.  The gladiator remains intact, and continues on his way.

World = 0
Adventurers = 1

Vugor

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Re: Death and Glory!
« Reply #10 on: February 28, 2008, 09:53:00 pm »

owned!!!!
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Shadowslasher

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Re: Death and Glory!
« Reply #11 on: February 28, 2008, 10:27:00 pm »

This is hilarious! Keep going!
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Kagus

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Re: Death and Glory!
« Reply #12 on: February 29, 2008, 03:09:00 am »

The adventurer arrives at the goblin fortress of Doomedbook, and surveys his surroundings.

He has arrived at the bottom of a small cliff which encompasses him on all sides but the one leading to the goblins fortress.  He does not remember walking to this peculiar area in order to start his quest.  Perhaps he jumped.

The fact that he cannot remember leaping off the cliff would indicate that he must have hit his head, and so he checks for any unusual bumps.  Finding no more than the usual lumps, he shrugs and plans his next course of action.


Time for a new vote, good audience members!  Does the adventurer;

A) Stealthily pick off goblins around the outskirts of the fortress.
B) Enter one of the towers and attempt to clear it of goblins.
C) Seek out the leader and attempt to assassinate him.
D) Sneak around and throw rocks at people.
E) Find a less dangerous place to go and get stronger.
F) CHAAARGE!!!


This is a very dangerous place for an adventurer to be, and a potentially significant turning point in his limited life!  What thread will the fates pull upon?  Name his cause of death and place your bets, or take a chance and bet on his survival!

Sean Mirrsen

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Re: Death and Glory!
« Reply #13 on: February 29, 2008, 03:49:00 am »

I vote A.

And a sack of dog tallow biscuits on being strangled by a goblin child.  :)

Torak

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Re: Death and Glory!
« Reply #14 on: February 29, 2008, 09:15:00 am »

A. Include eye gouging after someone goes unconscious
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As you journey to the center of the world, feel free to read the death announcements of those dwarves that suffer your neglect.

One billion b-balls dribbling simultaneously throughout the galaxy. One trillion b-balls being slam dunked through a hoop throughout the cosmos. I can feel every single b-ball that has ever existed at my fingertips, I can feel their collective knowledge channeling through my veins. Every jumpshot, every rebound and three-pointer, every layup, dunk and free throw.
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