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[Snoopicus]

I was inspired by the current game of Tacticus going on, and decided that I would start a chain story. I will start the story out, and anyone may continue the story as long as they follow the rules laid out here.

You MUST leave your post open ended, so that someone else can continue it.

Your post must be under 100 words.

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Snoopicus starts out this story stark naked, with only one piece of equipment. "The Ham Sandwich of Life of Death". Its abilities remain mostly unknown, but there are several rules which govern its use/existance.

1) The sandwich may never directly harm or lead to the direct harm/death of its possessor. The exception of this rule is laid out in rule number 5.
2) The sandwich will never be made of anything but ham. To suggest otherwise, as in "Hey, is that a Tuna sandwich!?" will result in immediate death.
3) Rule 2 is superceeded by rule number 1.
4) Any creature or animal who intends to harm the bearer of the sandwich will be immediately overcome with a complete and unwavering desire to POSSESS the sandwich, and will attempt to do so by any means necessary (without damaging the sandwich of course).
5) The sandwich prefers to stay with its current owner (It trusts who it knows) but in order to prevent itself from being eaten, whenever the current owner attempts to eat the sandwich, they will immediately encounter a situation which requires them to divert their attention away from the sandwich. These situations must NOT be instantly fatal. The bearer must always have a chance to make it out of the situation alive (if it is dangerous), no matter how remote.

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Snoopicus smiles, as it is a beautiful day outside. He looks down, at his delicious Ham Sandwich. He goes to take a bite out of the sandwich when............

[nahkh]

.. he hear the sentries shout out an alarm. "Goblins! The greenskins are coming! Get the others, and get dressed, Snoop," the watchdwarf exclaims from atop the fortress wall. As the gates begin to close with a low rumble, Snoopicus glances mournfully at the Sandwich and ...

[EDIT: typos fix'd]

[ May 20, 2008: Message edited by: nahkh ]

[dresdor]

Realizes that he still has time to eat before the goblins come, but he finds himself really thirsty, so he takes a drink of dwarven beer, and tries to take a bite of the sandwich.

[Xotes]

When a giant rock falls right next to him due to falty construction, sending Snoopicus flying a few feet away. The sandwich is unharmed.

[Fox-Of-Doom]

Bob, the wife of Snoopicus, says, "Is that a +Dog Meat Biscuit, honey?" and explodes into a thousand pieces. Snoopicus is still content, for he is standing next to a sublime floodgate artifact. He is still hungry, and reaches towards the sandwich...

[Captain Xenon]

snoopicus cancels eat ham sandwich, interupted by kobold thief!

[ May 20, 2008: Message edited by: Captain Xenon ]

[xpCynic]

Suddenly, the kobold realizes how long it's gone without a hearty meal. It looks over at the delicious sandwich but in its koboldish naivete decides it's a -longnose gar biscuit-. Another chunk of the building falls, immediately crushing the kobold. Snoop, picking up the sandwich, ...

[PTTG??]

...hears the shift supervisor shout: "Hey, Snoop! Get up here and load these catapults! And bring me that +Pig Meat Biscuit+, I'm starving!" So Snoop runs up the stairs, sandwich in one hand, boulder in the other, just in time to...

[Impending Doom]

... see the shift supervisor get pulverized into a bloody smear by a collapsing pile of catapult projectiles. Since his shift supervisor is n't there to supervise him, Snoopicus now decides to...

[ May 21, 2008: Message edited by: Impending Doom ]

[Jools]

...attend a meeting, while the goblin force charges towards the walls. As they swarm round the Main Gates, Snoopicus yells at them "You're not on the agenda! You'll have to wait for Any Other Business!".

The goblins appear to all be yelling something about a Holy Ham Sandwich they seek, and so Snoopicus tucks his away safely in his pocket, and...

[Duke 2.0]

...A CHAMPION bursts fourth from the fortress door, rushing towards the goblins. With several mighty swings of his axe, the goblins are dead. Hurah! Looking down from his pile of corpses, he says...

[dresdor]

"Hey, can I have that *Plump Helmet Roast*?  I did just save your life."  

The spinning XXButterlyXX strikes the Champion in the groin.  It is pierced.
It is blistering.
It is burning.
Champion has died of extreme (and I mean extreme) pain.

Snoopicus shrugs and takes the opportunity to...

[Snoopicus]

Snoopicus reaches into his pocket to retrieve his delicious, ham sandwich, but realizes that he was naked at the time, and HAS NO POCKETS! He searches around fruitlessly for his oh so delicious ham sandwich.

Meanwhile...

[Xotes]

Jreengus occurred, right next to the Ham Sandwich. Upon spotting it, he snatches it up and, after licking his chops, moves to take a bite out of it...

[ May 21, 2008: Message edited by: Xotes ]

[Impending Doom]

...notices Snoopicus standing over him, with a look of pure rage on his face. Snoopicus Moves to snatch the ham sandwich back from the kobold...