Black screen. Somber and dramatic music. Beginning credits. "A Bay 12 production... Directed by Toady..." etc. etc.
Cue the narrator: They came from across the frozen wastes of the northlands to strike the earth...
As the narrator speaks, we see images in black and white of dwarves arriving at a mountain, unloading carts, setting up camp.
Narrator: They dug a glorious home...
Images of vast mountain halls, long pillared corridors stretching into darkness, crystal arches spanning over roaring rivers of magma etc.
Narrator: They forged legendary artefacts...
A dwarf stands up from his workbench, proudly holding up a leather thong, studded with spikes of adamantium.
Narrator: They threw legendary parties...
Wild party scene with dwarves drinking, throwing fist fights, drinking, throwing statues, drinking...
Music turns from sentimental to foreboding.
Narrator: Then came the darkness...
Goblin army arrayed before the gates, with ogres and stuff, and elephants with ballistae on their backs.
Narrator: A tidal wave of evil...
Hordes of goblins pouring through the main corridor, knocking down doors, pillars, everything from the sheer power of their bulk and momentum. Massive carnage because of traps, body parts flying, hundreds of goblins die, but the stream is endless.
Individual scenes of dwarves fighting and falling. Cut to black. Music turns sentimental.
Now in colour, mainly dusky blue light on the scene. Panning scenes over the dusty skeletons of the same dwarves from the previous scenes, still wearing their armor, still clutching their weapons.
Panning stops at two goblins squabbling over a dwarf's helmet, trying to prise a gem out of it.
Music turns subtly more dramatic. Cut to a close up of a hand, clad in a bronze gauntlet, taking a rusty pick from a skeletal hand. A loud rasping noise echoes through the (relative) silence as it drags against the rough rock floor, cut to the goblins, looking up at the noise.
Narrator: But now...
The spinning, flying pick strikes one goblin in the face, smashing it in. As the goblin falls, the Adventurer steps boldly up, brandishing an obsidian sword, the remaining goblin cringes and squeals.
Narrator: But now, everyone and their grandmother has come to get some...
Various scenes of unlikely adventurers blundering through the abandoned fortress, including one of a poorly equipped adventurer armed with a discarded arrow(!) at the head of three unarmed drunks, as well as one scene which shows a marginally better equipped peasant and an elderly woman wading through the gem storage (the crates having rotted and the gems spilled out knee-high on the floor).
Narrator: Now, everyone wants a piece of the action...
Various fight scenes, mostly of people in various degrees of equipment ambushing goblins, confused wrestling, a person strangling a cat, a dwarf adventurer getting swarmed by naked mole rats, goblins being thrown at other goblins, a rampaging dwarf ripping the arm off a goblin and beating seven other goblins to death with it...
Narrator: Now, losing is fun.
A human adventurer steps into a big hall full of goblins, ogres and other greenskins with a confident swagger, sword arm swaying leisurly at his side. He holds up his free hand as the gobbos all turn at him, surprised, and he holds up his thumb and index finger to indicate about an inch, shouting "I hear you guys have REALLY small di-"
Quick cut to a forest scene where an elven adventurer has just hit a dumbfounded ettin in the side with a blunt wooden sword to get his attention. The ettin turns around slowly, scratching his side where the wood sword hit, whereupon the elf steps back, brandishes the sword at the etting and shouts "Yo momma so UGLY her HEADS can't stand to LOOK at each other!"
Cut to black. Narrator: And now it's personal.
Cut to a scene in the middle of a clearing in a burning forest. A dwarven adventurer with a torch is standing in front of a half circle of very angry elves with bows. The dwarf shouts, "What'cha gonna do? Cry about it?"
Cut to the title.
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Topic: Dwarf Fortress - the Movie Trailer (Read 3301 times)