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Author Topic: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress  (Read 162183 times)

Frag_Dad

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #120 on: September 25, 2008, 09:47:58 pm »

I had a child go into a strange mood and claim a craftsdwarves' workshop. No worries, I thought, until he started requesting shells. Problem was, I hadn't caught a turtle for about 5 years, and all my shells had long since been used up. Desperately hoping for the merchants to bring some turtles with them, I waited in vain. This meant I just had to wait until the child went insane, which I thought was pretty harsh. Not as harsh, however, as the next bit - the child threw a tantrum and started chasing after my dwarves. There happened to be a dog wandering past at this point, which ran up and started tearing mouthfuls out of the child, leaving dwarf CHILD chunks all over my fortress floor. The kid wasn't having any of that, so he (incredibly) managed to kill the dog, and ran off to attack more dwarves. Well, next thing I know one of my marksdwarves, wandering past to pick up some equipment, whips out his crossbow and fired about 10 bolts into this little kid, then just wandered off to get back to what he was doing. There I am, horrified, as I see this poor kid being summarily executed in front of my eyes. Left me feeling pretty odd, I can tell you...
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..........., Recruit, has been struck down  x20

Shurikane

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #121 on: September 25, 2008, 10:19:05 pm »

It fucking happened again.  :(

Snatcher!  Protect the children!

Urist McWrestler: "Yar!"

Elf McBowman: "Yar from the other side of the corridor!"

*WOOSH*

Urist McWrestler: "MY EYE!"

Elf McBowman [Teamkills] Urist McWrestler
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Jude

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #122 on: September 26, 2008, 09:11:10 am »

I had a kid get in a possessed mood recently and ask for something I didn't have...then after a while I checked the shop again and he wasn't there anymore. I don't have any new artifacts, and the kid is no longer on my job list....I don't remember seeing him go insane or get struck down or anything, so I'm kind of mystified.
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Quote from: Raphite1
I once started with a dwarf that was "belarded by great hanging sacks of fat."

Oh Jesus

Shurikane

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #123 on: September 26, 2008, 10:07:29 am »

I had a kid get in a possessed mood recently and ask for something I didn't have...then after a while I checked the shop again and he wasn't there anymore. I don't have any new artifacts, and the kid is no longer on my job list....I don't remember seeing him go insane or get struck down or anything, so I'm kind of mystified.

He probably said "Candlejack" somewhere during his mood without knowi-
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GoldPanda

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #124 on: September 27, 2008, 06:37:21 am »

Funny/awesome moment:

Kobold thief gets spotted by the leader/woodcutter/axedwarf, who was in the middle of chopping down a tree. The first hit knocked the thief unconscious and broke his body. The second through fifth hits sent all four limbs flying. The final hit send the kobold's head flying past the ramps and down one Z-level, where it landed in front of the fortress entrance.

Funny/sad moment:

Leader Axedwarf: What materials do you need, my friend?

Secretive Craftsdwarf: *draws a picture of a shell*

Leader Axedwarf: Those are not easy to fetch, but I'll see what I can do.

All food besides the single turtle in the fortress was forbidden. Someone immediately ate the turtle. The shell was dropped on the chair and was snatched up by the strange mood dwarf.

Leader Axedwarf: What else do you need?

Secretive Craftsdwarf: *draws a picture of a shell*

Leader Axedwarf: ... Wait, two? Well, okay. I think the fisher dwarf just brought one in, but nobody's hungry right now. In the mean time, I'll station some soldiers outside your workshop in case things don't work out, okay?

While the fisher dwarf went back to fishing, the leader prepared the turtle himself. All food besides the prepared turtle was forbidden. After about half a day, someone got hungry again and ate the turtle. The shell was once again snatched up by the strange mood dwarf.

Leader Axedwarf: There... two turtle shells. Do you need anything else to complete your secret project? We have a lovely selection of un-cut gems, leathers, cloth, stone blocks, metal bars...

Secretive Craftsdwarf: *draws a picture of a shell*

Leader Axedwarf: *sigh* I'll send out the peasants to help the fisher dwarf look for turtles...

Urist McFisher: The river just froze over, sir. We can't fish again until it thaws next Spring.

Leader Axedwarf: ... Yeah, screw this. I'm gonna go make sure his coffin is ready.
« Last Edit: September 27, 2008, 06:40:02 am by GoldPanda »
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Shurikane

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #125 on: September 27, 2008, 07:42:40 am »

My dwarves are to build a wall that connect from one side of a channel to another.

Therefore, you can either first build the left part on solid ground, the right part on solid ground, or the middle part in midair.

Can you guess where this is going?






I actually lost my mason over it.
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Shurikane

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #126 on: September 27, 2008, 10:30:50 am »



Urist McDrawbridge: "...Ah screw it!"
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SimRobert2001

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #127 on: September 28, 2008, 03:40:34 am »

I once had some migrants move inot the screen, with a mob of goblins spawning nearby.  dwarf parts EVERYWHERE
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krumlink

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #128 on: September 28, 2008, 11:42:37 am »

What about pets being crushed under your drawbridge :)
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Jude

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #129 on: September 28, 2008, 12:06:12 pm »

I had a kid get in a possessed mood recently and ask for something I didn't have...then after a while I checked the shop again and he wasn't there anymore. I don't have any new artifacts, and the kid is no longer on my job list....I don't remember seeing him go insane or get struck down or anything, so I'm kind of mystified.

He probably said "Candlejack" somewhere during his mood without knowi-

Uhhhh

Huh?

Also, straight up depressing:

Military dwarf fights valiantly, results in losing an arm or a leg as well as a number of other red wounds. Lays in bed for a couple seasons, doesn't heal a bit. Eventually I realize that even if the poor guy ever gets out of bed, he'll never be a productive member of society again, and that's the worst fate of all for a dwarf, so I pull the plug (i.e., lock his door.) And wait for dehydration to do its dirty work :( :( :(

Then I re-assign his room to a newborn baby.  :-\
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Quote from: Raphite1
I once started with a dwarf that was "belarded by great hanging sacks of fat."

Oh Jesus

Ririka

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #130 on: September 28, 2008, 12:41:29 pm »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The game crashed 5 seconds after I took the screenshot.
I'm not going to play with random mods anymore.
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Call me Rika.
'I often don't know where my Luggage is, that's what being a tourist is all about,'said Twoflower.

mythmonster2

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #131 on: September 28, 2008, 02:12:25 pm »

... Carp... Demons... Whats next, Age of Two Unicorn Demons? Two Skeletal Giant Eagle Demons?
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Personally, I can't wait for doctors to get possessed and start surgically attaching axes to champion soldier's arms.
And neither can I...

Refar

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #132 on: September 28, 2008, 03:53:22 pm »

I just had a accident...

A Joung-Mother-Legendary-Miner was caught in a minor cave in and became unconcious for a few moments. In the meantime the baby crawled away (just a few tiles). But once the mother was back on her feet, she prefered to go take a gulp of booze rather than fetching the baby. After that she finished the mining job, ate, slept and attended a party... For some reason the "Seeking Infant" job was not triggered...

In the meantime the baby - quite a vital one - crawled around, left the fortress, and ultimately fell in a murky pool and quickly drowned (around the time the mother was sleeping). There wasn't a way to retrieve the corpse too, so it didn't get a proper burial.

At some time during the party, these terrible sad new reached the mother, and brought her so far dormant mothery insticts back online again.
She got upset, tantrumed and beeing quite tough legendary miner, and the only one with a weapon (her pick) in the room, she made a quick end to the party...

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Joutilas

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #133 on: September 29, 2008, 07:00:50 am »

In my previous fortress I didn't yet quite figure how fast animals breed if left alone. I brought plenty of breeding pairs with me on embark, and after discovering that a) milking cows isn't possible and b) butchering animals is a pain in the ass, I left them alone.

In the end I had a massive herd of 200 animals at my vagon. This was getting quite annoying, so I decided I needed something more organized.

I had my miners dig several small rooms into a separate part of the mountain face, with a hallway leading into them. Above the rooms, I channeled holes in each one and designated them as pit areas.

Once this was complete, I had the dwarfs haul the animals to the hole and toss them down to the room. Soon I had each animal type in a separate room. All of them naturally ganging up on the tightly closed doors. So I realize that I can't slaughter the animals without letting them all out.

Dissapointed, I leave the "barn" by itself and focuse on other things.

Some time passes and bang - my first goblin ambush! I'm getting slightly worried, as I haven't yet built any traps, nor do I have proper army. Doesn't look good for my poor dwarfs.

So I zoom on the ambushing squad to see where they are coming from.

Imagine my surprise when I notice that they are not approaching the undefended main entrance, but are instead inside the barn hallway, which is not even connected to the main fort.

So picture this: a full squad of bloodthirsty goblins skulking in an empty hallway.

Goblin a: "Gork, are you sure that diz iz the right way? Dez 'r no stunties around?"
Goblin b: "Imma sure, look at diz fancy masonry! Why'd anyboody build such a place, if notta keep  dey gold and shinyes! Now open dat door before dem stunties spot us!"

So the goblin ambushers have made their way inside my fortress undetected, and they find a door that is not locked. And what ensues?

S T A M P E D E!

Seeing an opportunity to escape the murky cave they've been imprisoned in, the horses swiftly make their way towards the light... and right into the baffled goblin squad. Carnage ensues. Crazed horses make short work on the goblins at the door, kicking them to their deaths.

Goblins recover from their intial surprise, and start hacking desperately at the stampede, but there is simply too many wild horses. The ambushing squad is soon reduced to a handful of goblins that are bleeding all over. Unfortunately for the horses, they happen to be armed with crossbows.

The surviving horses are finally outside. They are free, they feel the fresh air blowing, they can smell the grass, they can feel the touch of sunshine on their manes... No more pain, no more darkness!

And then the goblins start raining death upon them.

Alerted by the commotion, the defence forces of the fortress reach the animal storage section. They are greeted by the sight of a severely wounded goblin crossbowman reloading it's crossbow at the entrance. The goblin doesn't even have the time to feel surprised as a wrestler swiftly crushes it's spine.

Last of the invaders dead, the scale of the carnage is revealed. 29 horses, all dead. 10 goblins, torn apart, their remains scattered out in the bloody hallway. Out from the hallway, bloody trail leads towards a tiny hill. Dead horses lay scattered along the trail. Behind the hill, the dwards find a single named horse foal, covered in goblin blood and unconcious. In a few passes of turns, he passes on, towards the heavenly meadows, where his brothers and sisters are awaiting for him.


"This is a masterfully engraved picture of Goblins and Horses. The horses are stricking the goblins down."
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TakiJap

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #134 on: September 29, 2008, 02:45:39 pm »

I'm playing Rome mod and the first year of my first Roman settlement was a bit harsh.

Bad things started by my hunter getting seriously injured in a fight with boar. He was knocked out but got rescued and brought back to the barracks to rest. Unfortunately his constant pain and lack of sleep got him melancholy and he decided to kill himself. What did he do? He jumped to a small hole next to the starting wagon.

This was bad because I had no picks to dig a ramp for him so he died of thirst in that hole. Soon after that I noticed that every single roman was unhappy and a quick investigation revealed that everyone was very stressed for having fitnessed a decay of a friend. Yes, that's just beatiful he's rotting right next to my wagon, my forum romanum, the favorite hanging place of year 200, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Soon after that came the Gallic thieves.

Naturally my settlement is build on surface and every building is made out of wood. Building is slow even with two very skilled woodcutters and an expert carpenter so I only had one small barrack finished, no military though. There's also lot of hostile animals like those thieving monkeys, cougars and wolf packs, it's all very unprotected until enough buildings and some surrounding walls are built. So you can imagine I wasn't very happy when one of my two hatchets just got lost. Neither of my woodcutters were meant to drop them at any point and all they had done from the very beginning was felling trees, so I was a bit confused about the whole ordeal.

"Never mind", I thought, "I still have the other hatchet, now where is it? Oh, alright that other woodcutter has it, boy has he been sleeping long. Wait a second... What! When the f**k did he get stabbed in the eye! Oh God, how am I going to get him drop the hatchet?"

I didn't get him drop the hatchet so it was surviving on the natures terms until the caravan would arrive in about two seasons. Now this is when the wolf packs came.





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