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Author Topic: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress  (Read 163046 times)

Aqizzar

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #150 on: September 30, 2008, 08:37:11 pm »

I tried running a primitive dwarf challenge, just sever peasants, two pack animals, and an empty wagon.  Not wanting to suffer from stupid deaths, I gave everybody swimming skills - if my dwarfs are going to die in a river, it'll be because they died fighting, not floundering as they try to scale a wall.

The inevitable finally happened when one of my gatherer dwarves went to the river for some water, and was attacked and dragged in by a lamprey.  He managed to wrestle it into submission as he floated downstream.  The water running red, I checked his wounds, and he was missing his left eye.  A lamprey latched onto his face, drug him into the water, and sucked his eye out.

Where it gets really sad is that he finally managed to climb out, but he was the far side of the river from the other dwarves.  It was a four tile wide river.  Wagons have three logs.  My one-eyed, fish wrestling champion was left to found his own settlement thirty yards from his friends.
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Refar

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #151 on: October 01, 2008, 12:48:27 pm »

I was going to set my Legendary Mason on making stone Coffers / Repeat for the upcoming appartment complex overhaul...
Apparently i misread / coosen the wrong option...
By the time i noticed my mistake i have 112 Exceptional/Masterwork Marble Coffins...

I guess i will have skip to improving the appartments and let my Dwarves play "Civil War" instead...
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Shurikane

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #152 on: October 01, 2008, 01:38:54 pm »

I was going to set my Legendary Mason on making stone Coffers / Repeat for the upcoming appartment complex overhaul...
Apparently i misread / coosen the wrong option...
By the time i noticed my mistake i have 112 Exceptional/Masterwork Marble Coffins...

Oh man, I do that sort of mistake all the damn time.  :D
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Refar

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #153 on: October 01, 2008, 02:10:31 pm »

Yea, wasn't my first time either, but i usually notice it after one or two...

112 is enought to bury my complete population + some spare coffins for severed limbs  :D
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CyberCube

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #154 on: October 01, 2008, 03:16:50 pm »

At my first fortress, Mafollimul, or "Chambergolds", I had a pair of highly skilled military dwarves. Unfortunately, Edėm (Adept Swordsdwarf) damaged the spine of nearly everyone he sparred with, including Mebzuth (Legendary Marksdwarf). The only ones left sparring were the Captain of the Guard, who I had put in the fortress guard for some reason, and a macedwarf whose name I forget. Anyway, Edėm, Mebzuth, and that... macedwarf... guy had made it through several sieges unharmed. Mebzuth would fire a stream of crossbow bolts into the goblin leader, Edėm would run past him and take out the back row, and the macedwarf would throw up everywhere due to cave adaptation.

One of my early ambushes, before the recruitment of the previously mentioned macedwarf happened like this: all of my dwarves were on the red sand roof of the fortress performing various tasks, when suddenly goblins appeared out of nowhere and started shooting at them. They ran back and forth for a pretty long while, dodging the arrows until Edėm and Mebzuth finally managed to get out there and clean out all of the invaders. The amazing/funny part? None of the civilians were wounded, except for one peasant who got shot in the arm, and a stray war dog who got killed after the two arrived at the scene.

Later, I had assigned a lot of my dwarves to hunting (including Edėm so no more spines would be broken, hence why he ended up only being an adept in the end). One had a habit of losing his breath and giving up before he could kill anything. This turned out to be his downfall, as he was later knocked unconscious by a giant leopard. I thought he was going to die when a crossbow bolt killed the leopard from offscreen. I looked, and sure enough, it was Mebzuth, who immediately fled the scene shortly before a dwarf ran all the way across the sandy landscape to bring the wounded dwarf a bucket of water, and then another one came to retrieve the dwarf but not the bucket. Unfortunately, since this was an old but still 3-D version, the hunter kept passing out in his bed, eventually dehydrating.

Then came the second-to-last siege at Mafollimul. The siege was coming from the south, so I had the entire military (all three of them) positioned on the roof. They wiped out the first wave just fine, but that's when things went wrong. Mebzuth, possibly angry at Edėm for breaking his spine and then taking all the glory despite being less skilled, left. By the time I looked back at Edėm, Mebzuth was missing. As I looked for Mebzuth, it started to rain. Then I found him, outside, at the trade depot, enjoying a drink. In the rain.

Just before I got to order the other two to retreat for the moment, the macedwarf charged into the second goblin wave. Edėm went in to help him, but he got surrounded. The two were soon shot and killed by the third wave, ending a six year legacy of spine-breaking. Shortly after, the goblins found Mebzuth and killed him while he was still drinking. Then the goblins just... left. Like they knew what would happen to my fortress next. Sure enough, all of my dwarves were so depressed that their favorite dwarf superhero show had just aired its last episode that many of them started to go insane. Carnage ensued. Mothers killing their own children and then turning around to kill other children, people at the Eternal Party releasing the caged goblins, kids at the same party going berserk and immediately exploding upon attacking the crowd... the whole thing severely reduced the numbers of my fortress.

Then the goblins came back. They killed everyone except Iden, the clerk and last of my starting seven, as well as her baby, and a couple of prisoners who nobody let out even though their sentence was over. Iden ran around on the surface with her child for days, perhaps weeks without getting tired, before eventually running into the fortress and getting cornered in the stone/ore stockpile. She and her child were captured and executed. This left only the two prisoners, who slowly starved to death while the goblins went to the former zoo to party.

The moral of this story? There should be an easier way to spar without injury. ::) I mean, I was using metal weapons for all of the sparring after Mebzuth's, so that part was my fault, but Edėm and Mebzuth were training with their bare hands and wooden shields. I mean, come on.
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Efun

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #155 on: October 01, 2008, 03:49:07 pm »

Its great fun when my new recruits get killed....the smart ones dont spar....they wait for armor THEN spar.... weeding out the dumb and weak, saving the strong and smart!! :D
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Military dorfs are the busiest if their partner is also in the military, Military children are my forts future, also its hilariously tragic when a mother carrying her child into battle gets hit, and the baby dies....
I fixed that up for you.

Vaftrudner

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #156 on: October 01, 2008, 04:42:07 pm »

Its great fun when my new recruits get killed....the smart ones dont spar....they wait for armor THEN spar.... weeding out the dumb and weak, saving the strong and smart!! :D
Saving the lazy ;)

DI7789

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #157 on: October 01, 2008, 05:19:38 pm »

A slightly amusing moment, during a goblin ambush, one of the gobbos grabbed a swordsdwarf by the throat and strangled her until she passed out as his goblin brethren ran towards the rest of my military patrol (The patrol had stumbled upon the gobbos), who all wielded bows. As gobbo parts began to rain down on the landscape, the one suriviving gobbo was still strangling the life out of the swordsdwarf.

In a stunning moment of coordination, the five or so other dwarves with bows turned to face said goblin, all bowstrings taut

*WHOOSH*

The goblin was effectively ripped apart by the sheer force of arrows, blood rained down from the skies and body parts were reported as landing as far as somewhere in my (outdoor) mason's workshop. Unfortunately, the swordsdwarf's strangling proved fatal and she died en route to her bed in the barracks, she got funerary arena games though (Idea courtesy of here) in which many nobles died, their coffins were gleefully tipped into magma later on (Sadistic, I know, but they mandated materials we did not have and that really annoys me)
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Grishnak

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #158 on: October 01, 2008, 05:29:36 pm »

I have been lurking around this forum for quite some time, and never really had anything to post, but I will today.

Yesterday I was playing DF, on a new fortress going quite well for a change. I had recently finished a drawbridge and a moat outside of the entrance to my fort. Then deciding to trace out the front of the fort's outline 1 z level above, attempting to use a controlled collapse, (can you guess what happens?) the whole project goes wrong. I had 3 miner  dwarves, including 2 of my legendary miners, mining this out, when a collapse happens. All 3 dwaves fall into my moat, and 2 of my fisherdwarves are knocked out because of fishing out of the moat. Those 2 get up a second later, and 2 of the dwarves that fell into the moat get up and get out fast,(I had a staircase leading out of the moat, just in case) but one of the miners was knocked unconsious, with broken legs. Eventually he climbs out of the moat, and just starts laying on the staircase outside of the water. So one of my dwarves from inside of the fort comes out to help the poor guy in the fort.  Well, as stunned and laughing as hard as I was at the stupid mistake, forgot to un designate the channel digging up top. So, the other 2 miners had gone up and were getting ready to continue digging. With perfect timing, the 2 miners collapsed the ceiling above the drawbridge, the instant that the dwarf carring the injured miner had stepped on this (3 wide, 4 long) bridge, destroying the bridge, and knocking all FOUR of them into the moat, all unconcious. There was no other way out of my fort now, because the bridge was destroyed.

I ended up having to dig another exit out of my fort, and rebuild the bridge in order to save my dwarves.

Strangest thing is, none of them died, and are all healthy now. The initially injured dwarf recoverd close to a year later.
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krumlink

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #159 on: October 01, 2008, 09:25:41 pm »

A river filled with skeletal carp  :'(

They came out of the freaking river and killed all of my dwarves.
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Snoopicus

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #160 on: October 02, 2008, 03:15:13 am »

I was showing my girlfriend my latest trade depot / flooding death chamber. I had built the trade depot in the middle of a well traveled wide hallway. I surrounded it with walls, with one side being a drawbridge. I let the traders in, closed the wall, flooded the depot, and watched in glee as those STUPID ELVES died horrible deaths. My girl was fine with this so far - after all, what kind of respect does a girl have for wussy elves? NONE.

I pumped out the water and had my clerk flip the lever to drop the wall so we could collect our newly acquired positions. From one side of the screen a kitten appeared, and when my lady asked I explained what it was, etc.
Unfortunately, a kitten happened to be wandering by at just the wrong moment and... squish.

I will never forget the look of horror upon her face.
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John Johnston

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #161 on: October 02, 2008, 08:23:43 am »

The rag-tag band of recruits made their way to Saramgor Mesthos, trekking up the mountains for months to reach their goal.  As the fortress entrance finally came into sight, the lead member of the party jumped up, startled, and fled in terror, a herd of skeletal mountain goats at his heels.
One of the new arrivals was a wrestler, but fled in fear from the goats (don't ask me why), so another brave soul decided to have a go, and quickly tackled the first goat.  Surrounded by the whole herd of undead ungulates, our hero was battered and butted to the ground, swiftly becoming seriously injured and knocked unconscious.  The next dwarf in line rushed in to save the poor guy on the ground, and smashed several goats to bits before catching a flying hoof to the upper body, at which point he turned and ran.  The goat gave chase... and gave chase.  And gave chase.  And gave chase.  It chased up and it chased down, it chased north and south also, and every time it caught the poor fleeing dwarf it did some heavy duty butting.  In the meantime, the unconscious dwarf was recovered back into the fortress safely, but the goat and its prey were running round and round in circles.  Eventually, the running dwarf was so exhausted he collapsed, and the terrifying goat did him unto death, slowly.

The goat rejoiced in its new status as legendary dwarf killer for about ten seconds, after which it was killed by an ambushing squad of goblins.
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Randy Gnoman

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #162 on: October 02, 2008, 07:04:55 pm »

Mine's the result of a bug, but it's still incredibly entertaining.  For some reason, a bunch of my dwarves suddenly stopped recognizing a bunch of others as friends, and there was a massive riot.  Around 160 dwarves were eventually counted in the total causalities, including all children- that was fairly unfortunate.  Now, my dwarves treat immigrants like goblins.  But it's not just immigrants- it's all new dwarves.

So, when my newly elected Mayor gave birth to her new baby- she immediately began running in fear, as though it were an invading goblin.  Here's the kicker:  she was holding the baby.  After a long time of fleeing unsuccessfully, she did what any cornered dwarf would do:  she sucker punched her own baby and then kept running.

So there she was, running terrified of her own baby, which she was holding, through the crypts and tunnels beneath my city, pausing every now and then to smack it around a little, and spattering the floors and walls with blood here and there.  For the latter part of the struggle, the baby was unconscious.  Eventually, she must have ripped its throat out or something, because it bled out rather dramatically, and then the Mayor got an unhappy thought at having "lost a child to tragedy."
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Vaftrudner

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #163 on: October 02, 2008, 10:04:05 pm »

Mine's the result of a bug, but it's still incredibly entertaining.  For some reason, a bunch of my dwarves suddenly stopped recognizing a bunch of others as friends, and there was a massive riot.  Around 160 dwarves were eventually counted in the total causalities, including all children- that was fairly unfortunate.  Now, my dwarves treat immigrants like goblins.  But it's not just immigrants- it's all new dwarves.

So, when my newly elected Mayor gave birth to her new baby- she immediately began running in fear, as though it were an invading goblin.  Here's the kicker:  she was holding the baby.  After a long time of fleeing unsuccessfully, she did what any cornered dwarf would do:  she sucker punched her own baby and then kept running.

So there she was, running terrified of her own baby, which she was holding, through the crypts and tunnels beneath my city, pausing every now and then to smack it around a little, and spattering the floors and walls with blood here and there.  For the latter part of the struggle, the baby was unconscious.  Eventually, she must have ripped its throat out or something, because it bled out rather dramatically, and then the Mayor got an unhappy thought at having "lost a child to tragedy."
After reading post and post about everyday-things that occurs in any fortress, this redeemed the thread. One of the funniest things I've read. What actually happened, did they form a new civ that was enemies of the old dwarven civ?

Zeg

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Re: Funny but sad/disturbing moments in Dwarf fortress
« Reply #164 on: October 02, 2008, 10:13:01 pm »

So its year 4 of this fortress and I'm just starting to train my military, having relied on merchants and peasant dogpiles to survive up to now. I've got plenty of steel, so everyone is nice and armoured, but I haven't been pre-training them, so they aren't powerful at all really. But its fine...

A Dragon has arrived!

...

Lucky for me, the pathfinding for the dragon doesn't consider flying into my open top sparring pit, so I quickly organise my 4 barely trained hammerdwarves and 6 still recruit level macedwarves behind the one unlocked door.

The dragon runs up, taking a moment to trash my trade depot before busting in the doors. Steel armour takes the brunt of the first attacks well and everyone piles onto the dragon, bouncing around the walls of the room as it dodges. One dwarf gets bitten in the hand, but in dropping his weapon he wrestles the dragon down and holds it in place for everyone else to pound on.

I'm looking at the wounds and everything seems to be going well... for my dwarves anyway. Unskilled blugeoning is doing very little damage to the dragon. After a couple of minutes, everyone in the pile is heading for over-exertion, a couple of them having leveled up thier skills just from bashing away. The hand-bitten wrestler finally passes out, drawing in a couple of civilians to try and rescue him.

Urist McCheesemaker: "Hmm, whats this? A dragon? Move over boys..."

For some unknown reason, the cheesemaker wanders into the pile and starts wrestling the dragon too. While my 'military' are passing out around him, he proceeds to strangle the dragon to death.

Urist McCheesemaker: *dusts off hands* "Right, back to those cheeses..."

I guess this isn't so much a sad or disturbing story, other than its kinda depressing to have a cheesemaker with a kill list far more impressive than all the rest of my military forces. Clearly I now have to build him some kind of epic dragon slayers room or something.
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