An AAR written by Vaftrudner, illustrated by Heffa.New introduction:
For those who were wondering, I wanted to do something different by jumping straight into the action without a text like this, and since this is above all a playground for me and my AAR writing, I'm not playing this as a community/succession fortress. My writing is the same as all other games I've written about, picture-heavy, attempting to be humorous and poking fun at every oddness I encounter in the game itself. It's not an attempt to make a legendary epic story of win and greatness, it's supposed to be something light and entertaining. I do swear a lot, mostly because I've lived in Ireland for a time, I suspect
This might not be for everyone but I hope that you don't just consider me another /b/-tard. I was trying to introduce the characters one by one in the text itself instead of just throwing up seven screenshots in the old "I DARE you to read me!"-style, but since I (as usual) failed to do this in any good way and just made it more confusing, here's a list of the starting dwarves:Cog: Proficient grower/Leader with appraiser, JoI and all that
Lolor: Proficient miner/Proficient mechanic
Aban: Proficient stonecrafter/Carpenter/Miner
Mafol: Proficient weaponsmith/Proficient armorsmith
Deduk: Proficient mason/Building designer
Obok: Proficient brewer/Proficient cook
Kogan: Likes to chop heads off with her axe
Big thanks to Heffa and Pekkaman for pictures.
Old disclaimer: There will be no original content, except the pictures. Everything Vaftrudner writes is stolen, contains profanity and is about as dirty and meaningless as a night out in Dublin. Please leave your expectations at the door and you may have a real good time.Prologue by Kogan Betaneshtân
I was surprised when the Captain of the Guard came to speak with me. I still had about seventy years left on my sentence, and I didn't seriously think that anyone would consider my appeals. He was quite blunt - he told me that they would let me go, on the condition that I would accompany some colonists as a woodcutter. I considered telling him that the only thing I know how to do with an axe is cracking skulls, but thought better of it.
So he showed me the maps. The plan was to set up a mining colony on the other side of The Eerie Horns, right on the edge of The Helpful Blizzards. I'd heard about that region before I was locked up, the higher-ups refer to it as "an unfortunate chokepoint of minerals". Now, I don't pretend to be fluent in noble bullshit, but I know enough to translate that into "dwarves are going to die. A lot". They have to be real desperate for gold to actually send someone up to that hellhole. But of course I'd go if it meant I could lay my hands on some alcohol again. I was just about to accept when something hit me.
"Wait.. Why do you need a woodcutter? Last time I checked, there weren't any trees on a glacier, nor on a mountain made up of thirty fucktons of basalt!"
He just put on a friendly smile. I knew I was going to die. But screw it, as long as I don't have to spend the rest of my life in a nickel cage, anything's fine with me.
The guards escorted me out of my cage straight to a wagon the following day. The sun hurt, but at least I got my first proper barrel of dwarven ale in years. I was so used to being sober, I'd almost started to feel human. Well, they introduced me to the colonists and I was baffled. The expedition was led by a planter, Cog. I asked her what the fuck she was going to plant on a glacier, and she just smiled at me and said "Magma."
"What do you mean?" I asked her, but she just continued smiling.
"Fiery, hot. It'll burn the ice, yes."
So I turned to one of the miners, hoping that at least one of them had half a brain.
"Are we going to set up magma farming - just the seven of us?"
"No no! Not at all!", he answered. "Some will haul stuff instead!"
I swallowed hard. "Are you even sure there's magma there?"
"Well, yes, of course! That is, well, there better be, otherwise we'd die and what's the fun in that?"
I just climbed on the wagon, grabbed the steel axe and fell asleep holding it tight.