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Author Topic: All Dwarves Are Bastards (But Some Less So Than Others)  (Read 76042 times)

Jackrabbit

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Re: All Dwarves Are Bastards (But Some Less So Than Others)
« Reply #195 on: February 13, 2009, 06:42:47 am »

How do you get the goblins dumped? Don't dwarves shit themselves f they see goblins through glass?
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TheMirth

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Re: All Dwarves Are Bastards (But Some Less So Than Others)
« Reply #196 on: February 13, 2009, 10:59:07 am »

How do you get the goblins dumped? Don't dwarves shit themselves f they see goblins through glass?

I believe only glass windows are transparent in DF. I picture glass bock walls as such:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Translucent but you don't get more than a fuzzy idea of what's on the other side.
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OneMoreNameless

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Re: All Dwarves Are Bastards (But Some Less So Than Others)
« Reply #197 on: February 13, 2009, 07:36:17 pm »

How do you get the goblins dumped? Don't dwarves shit themselves f they see goblins through glass?
All the goblins are still in cages, so it doesn't matter either way.
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OneMoreNameless

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Re: All Dwarves Are Bastards (But Some Less So Than Others)
« Reply #198 on: February 14, 2009, 03:26:05 am »

- CHAPTER FORTY: Power Failure -

The Mad Scientist's Voice Log

14th Limestone
Hmm, after all the time and effort spent building the prison some dwarves are muttering we don't spend enough time beautifying our own fortress. There are other experiments I still have planned to run, but I suppose a small delay wouldn't hurt if it keeps them happy. I've ordered Bahl to finish digging the cinnabar out and soon this sandcastle will have an undeserved red carpet. It ... ugh, Urist.

"We need to talk."
I have tests to run, and you have stone to haul, so I wouldn't use that word.
"What, did you want to mime?"
... what?
"Nevermind. Look, I don't if you've noticed being out in the prison or your bedroom all day, but right now about half the fort thinks you're a Council traitor trying to provoke all out war with the goblins, kill us all by training an army from the prison, or have just forgotten your meds and have lost your mind. How do you respond?"
This is my laboratory, and if told everyone my intent it would bias the results.
"You don't know, do you."
Of course I do! I just ... don't ... remember right now. Look, I'm 95% sure I had everything figured out when I took these notes, and I'm nearly at the point where I can test our progress.
"I can't believe I'm saying this but ... Maddy, you need to give me your medication."
What?! I don't think so.
"You've said yourself you think clearer without it. You told me not long after the nobles arrived you suspected somebody was causing distractions and I don't think you just lost and found your medications by coincidence. I believe you, but somebody here IS working against us and they're afraid enough of what you learned to risk discovery."
You're just making things up for the sake of drama now. These are important experiments and I can't afford to risk losing control of these dwarves.
"Oh and that worked real well with ClearWater. You've built this fortress up enough that it practically runs itself. Let the Count take over as a figurehead if it will get him off your back. Hat and Warla are wise enough to make any real decisions. Cookie can easily keep everyone fed, Waylon can keep them entertained, Newb and the others can keep us safe, and if anyone can obsessively keep the place in order it's Sarek. This fortress doesn't need you as a leader anymore, Maddy, but what this race needs is a genius."
I ... I don't want to go back to her. Not again.
"But if you're following those notes then you clearly trust her. And wasn't it fun at the time?"
... sometimes, yeah.
"Well then. FUCK this dramatic scene, and start panicking about gremlins!"
The gremlins are all dead.
"Gremlin GHOSTS."
I don't think any ghosts could be more annoying than Crstyal.
"GIANT MECHA GREMLIN ZOMBIES. Yeesh, do I have to think of everything for you?"

16th Moonstone


(Maggarg is now a High Master Idler.)

Oh yes, and the Count has mandated the construction of tin items. Again. We still don't have tin, but I've asked Warla to request it next time merchants come if only to SHUT THAT IDIOT UP. My god, and they called me mad. I can't believe I'm letting him act as our leader. No Maddy, you must think in the long term. When you save every dwarf from exile you will be respected. Anyway, the log, yes. In order to give our mechanics and glassmakers something to do I've ordered more traps with glass cages. They spell out the phrase "TRAP!". I've also ordered Cookie to stop cooking. Five thousand is enough food.

27th Moonstone
Steinunn: "Maddy. We've had another fey mood. A, urgh, clothier."
Do they have a name?
Steinunn: "Uh, yes. I think it was Ast Us-"
THEN I DON'T CARE.
Steinunn: "Not the reason I would have said, but okay. Brutus has also spotted another group of humans and goblins attacking."
Do they have a ranged?
Brutus: "No, they won't. I mean, don't."
THEN I DON'T CARE.
Brutus: "One of Rika's war dogs will be killed ..."
DON'T CARE.
Brutus: "Maggarg is just sleeping again, I think-"
DON'T CARE.
Steinunn: "Then, the loot-"
DON'T. CAAAAAARE.
Steinunn: "So is she mad again or just indifferent?"
Brutus: "I have no idea."


(Maggarg is actually in love with Ruins now.)

4th Opal
I'm starting to install the next trap. The smell out here is awful, I need to build some kind of automated ... cleaning ... thing. This is an excellent idea, and I fully intend to pursue it once HOLY SOMETHINGORANOTHER one last human and goblin launched an ambush right next to Maggarg, he'll actually be forced to DO SOMETHING.


(More like, "The champion can't be arsed to work.")

Maggarg has drawn his short sword and the human has made his first attack. Maggarg is just dodging everything. He's attacking now, there's a blood everywhere and I can't quite see there's at least one flying limb in my way and the others are rushing in and ... Aha, nevermind. FALSE ALARM EVERYBODY, Strife made the kill. I can hear dwarves screaming though, I think there's another few goblins scaring the fishers from up on the cliff. Strife and Maggarg can deal with them. By which I mean, Strife and shortly after the exhunter will deal with them. That dwarf is never going to kill anybody. I should recruit him for the fortress guard. Ahahahahaha, Maggarg with authority, NO.

12th Opal
Oh, I LOVE this artifact. Musclelurched the fungi of virginity. It's a "bag". I should give it to Urist just to mock him.

19th Opal
The "TRAP!" is complete. Ackbar would be proud. Shortly after the last few cages were brought up I found one of Rika's war dogs locked in one. CONCLUSION: Dogs can not read. Now, to my water entry cleaner thing! I have had no previous experience in these kinds of constructions, but how hard could they be? First I'll need a power source, and sadly this time my guinea dwarves aren't going to cut it. I'll have a gearbox and two axles built, connecting to our old pump for the well, then design a windmill to be placed on top. NEWB!
"wut"
Get the military out there to protect Warla while she carries the wood out ... is ... that a snatcher?
"lol three in cages lolololol stupid fags"
Hmm. So snatchers ALSO can't read. This is valuable information!

2nd Obsidian
The construction of the windmill is finished, and it works exactly as planned! Even after the pump is automated, I'm estimating at least twenty unused power units from it. Water is splashing out of the well over the entrance and in retrospect maybe I should have installed an off switch before the axles. Eheh. HEY! Somebody kick that axle out before we flood the place! ... You know ... I really wish there was someway to use those spinning blades as a death trap, or power an automated wall crusher or SOMETHING. They're just too awesome to go to waste. Oh well, I guess I can use it to recharge Bahl sometime.


(Let's build a tower and drop Maggarg into the blades to see what happens!)

14th Obsidian
Alright, I'm done. The gearbox is connected to another lever in Warla's office and can be turned off at will. I just need someone to finish reconnecting the axle and ... EVERYBODY GET INSIDE! EVEN THE MILITARY, EVERYONE! Hurry hurry hurry, in an orderly manner! This is a REVERSE FIRE DRILL. No, Sarek, the workshops are fine. I don't care if you'll lose count, the sand isn't going anywhere. Look, just get inside and lock the floodgates behind you.

Alright! Now we just have to wait for the spreading water to clean all the vomit from our entrance! CARET UNDERSCORE CARET!

20th Obisdian
Colon open bracket, upon careful observation, it would seem the flow of water from the ocean through our tunnel is too slow to be pumped far enough to clean ANYTHING. All I've managed to achieve with this experiment is a five by five mudpit and a few squares of mist that nobody was there to enjoy. I could turn it off, but let's just leave it as is and call it a water features for the glass pyramid that I planned all along and you can't prove otherwise.
"Couldn't we just rewind the voicelog and check?"
Quiet you, Urist.

26th Obsidian
... them highly toxic for sieging goblins to consume, which is why I am therefore forced to conclude that stronger dwarves, from an evolutionary perspective, do not, in fact, shit. Further details I've recorded in file J12, which WAIT. Wait. Waitwaitwaitwaitwait. If that water features is still pumping, then there is controlled, constantly flowing water between the ocean and our fort. I could use this for waterwheels, to produce even MORE POWER which I could even use to pump another tunnel of water for theoretically infinitely available power to activate EVEN MORE PUMPS and with such an epic force of destructive might I could even ... even ... DRAIN THE OCEAN. Yes, if we dwarves aren't allowed to swim through the barrier then we will WALK UNDER IT by spreading out and EVAPORATING A PATH! I will be as a DWARVEN MOSES. EPIC WIN. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YES.

"Hi Maddy, I thought you should know, one of the cows in the TARDIS has died of old age."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!
"I'll uh, I'll come back later."

12th Granite
Construction is under waa-aaaay! There are three waterwheel being built over the water tunnel, just next to the ocean. To the right of these are gearboxes and axels connecting them together, and just to the right of those are three new pumps connected to the ocean. I'll need more later, but this is just a proof of concept. Warla was complaining about how tiring and dangerous it was running all the way around our fortress to build the wheels, so I've had little bridge built for faster access around the other side of my artificial river. All the children seem to love running back and forth over it for some reason, I hope they fall in, I can thoroughly test the growth of dwarven lung capacity.

19th Granite
The wheels, pumps and connections are all finished, although the water feature has been turned off to avoid them activating prematurely. All we're waiting for is for somebody to hook the last gearbox up to a lever inside. This is proving more difficult than I had imagined, because despite latent telepathic powers to know when the waves have pushed a mechanism half a metre away, nothing can stop dwarves getting UTTERLY BAMBOOZLED by it or just getting BORED and having to start over again.

You know what, the voices are right, and I missed their advice. I might as well start drowning the world ... because killing the top gearbox will stop the pumps running even with the others still going. ELFBANE! Pull that lever, we need to get the flow moving again!
"Are you sure this is a good idea, Maddy?"
Would it matter if it wasn't?
"Yes, actually, but okay I'll trust you." *ka-pull!*
... *nothing*
... *nothing*
.
.
.
*Nothing!*
"Well that was an anticlimax."
It just a needs a moment for the water to start flowing through, it'll work fine!
"..."
Actually, somebody seems to have screwed up when hooking the levers up, the gearboxes near the ocean seem to be disengaged. Try spam flipping it for a while until it evens out or something.
"..."
Okay, so maybe the flow just isn't FAST ENOUGH, but that's EASY to fix. I mean, all we have to do is build a new pump just south of the waterwheels and manually move the water out of way like that it saves us the need for a killswitch of course and there's already an access tunnel from where we were digging obsidian which can be mined up to that level and a walled enclosure on most sides using the solid part of the pump should keep the dwarf dry at least Ithinkwecanalwaysbuilditlongeracrosstheplaceifthere'saproblemandIguessthecagestrapsareinthewaynowbutwecantakethemdownitdoesn'treallymatterifthemessagespells"rap!"it'snotlikethegoblinsareblackoranythingsothatshouldbefinefineFINE!
"I'm not sure if you need more drugs or less drugs right now."


(If you look to the far right, you can just see Maggarg.)

7th Slate
... no that's fine, now just channel that square there so the pump can reach the water and WHY IS THERE WATER EVERYWHERE WHO TURNED THIS THING ON wait it's just the water rushing to fill that one square, it'll stop in a second ... right about ... about .. uh, whoops.


(In her defence, Maggarg was making very distracting funny faces at the time.)

KILLSWITCHKILLSWITCHKILL thank you exhunter, now somebody go build some MORE PUMPS because if this accident has taught me anything it's that more water movement is always better. Oh I just remembered, somebody go knock a few walls down from around the trapped entrance, wagons aren't going to fit through at the moment. Hey is it just me or does anybody else get the feeling time has suddenly mellowed out? No?

17th Slate


(These gearboxes are as useless as Maggarg.)

Um. Two of my waterwheels just fell apart. Elfbane, why did they do that?
"Now would be a bad time to mention that your windmill has also exploded, huh?"
It WHAT.
"There are only two options here, Maddy. Either you believe that these constructions fell down of their accord due to, pft, 'gravity' after toggling the gearboxes ... OR ... There is a traitor in our midst, afraid of what you have achieved, who sabotaged them."
Let me check the designs, I think I forgot to carry my zeroes somewhere around NEW PLAN EVERYBODY GET INSIDE!
"Maddy, what are you doing?!"
Start humming that boss fight music, Elfbane, we still have one waterwheel, three completed pumps and a sizable flooding cavern powering them. TURN ON THE POWER AND LET THE OCEAN DRYER DO WHAT IS MUST TO DESTROY THE BARRIER AND SAVE US ALL! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!


(Maggarg Maggarg Maggarg Maggarg Maggarg.)

7th Felsite
...
"..."
...
"... So the power from three clumped pumps wasn't anywhere near enough to do any more than lower the tide a bit, which means you've pretty much spent all that time and effort for a puddle, huh?"
(Yes, our traitor may have risked themselves to stop it, but I can conclude this much: Fate cannot be fooled, and the danger must be real ...)
"Maddy?"
Ahem. Well at least my other project has gone smoothly!
"Other project?"
Yes. I call it, a room full of chairs.


(Ruins!)
« Last Edit: March 24, 2009, 06:43:26 am by OneMoreNameless »
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Jackrabbit

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Re: All Dwarves Are Bastards (But Some Less So Than Others)
« Reply #199 on: February 14, 2009, 04:42:42 am »

Chairs hooray! Hows brutus doing with his legendary hammer?

And has anyone successfully drained the ocean before?
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Maggarg - Eater of chicke

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Re: All Dwarves Are Bastards (But Some Less So Than Others)
« Reply #200 on: February 14, 2009, 04:58:37 am »

Hey, if I mandated stuff I could be a noble.
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Strife26

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Re: All Dwarves Are Bastards (But Some Less So Than Others)
« Reply #201 on: February 15, 2009, 03:07:29 am »

A traitor?

The cow must have caught on, and been killed for it's trouble . . .

Ahhhhhh!!!

We need secret hatched tunnels to every room with hidden spying ports so that we can figure out who is behind this!
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OneMoreNameless

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Re: All Dwarves Are Bastards (But Some Less So Than Others)
« Reply #202 on: February 15, 2009, 04:42:21 am »

Brutus is just kind of militarying around, VERY occasionally sparring, safeguarding construction dwarves from ambushes and whatnot. He's still only dabbling with the hammer, despite having it for ages. He currently has two kills (one human, one goblin), about forty water coverings, and is ecstatic despite being married with five children.

As for the draining the ocean, no. It's just going to keep refilling. Draining or sealing off PARTS of the ocean is doable.
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Jackrabbit

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Re: All Dwarves Are Bastards (But Some Less So Than Others)
« Reply #203 on: February 15, 2009, 05:10:50 am »

That hapened in another fort as well. Nobody told me I had kids. Hell, I was awoman
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OneMoreNameless

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Re: All Dwarves Are Bastards (But Some Less So Than Others)
« Reply #204 on: February 20, 2009, 09:23:18 pm »

Update: So what with my water based projects in the last and next chapter, I've managed to crash my FPS from 55 down to about 7 without even finishing the project I'd hoped to do for Chapter 41. It's sort of mildly impressive as it is, but I really don't have the patience to finish it, it's not something I can just turn off, and I'm pretty much going to abandon this fortress now because it's too painful. I will still write up what I've done for the next chapter, but after that it'll be an entirely BS chapter finishing tying off the story. And probably a hiatus thrown in too, because I am kind of working on something I consider more awesome than this (polishing, preparing, and publishing a couple of serious fantasy novels via the internet) but there will be a Fort #4 eventually.

Sorry guys.

:-\
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Jackrabbit

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Re: All Dwarves Are Bastards (But Some Less So Than Others)
« Reply #205 on: February 20, 2009, 10:40:58 pm »

Nooooo!

I claim another Brutus for the next fort (still on military)! Find a way to kill this one!
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Strife26

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Re: All Dwarves Are Bastards (But Some Less So Than Others)
« Reply #206 on: February 20, 2009, 11:00:57 pm »

 :(

We drink to the sandcastle tonight!
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Maggarg - Eater of chicke

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Re: All Dwarves Are Bastards (But Some Less So Than Others)
« Reply #207 on: February 21, 2009, 06:07:04 am »

I claim another Maggarg for the next fort!
may he be as lazy as he is dim.
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muwahahaha

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Re: All Dwarves Are Bastards (But Some Less So Than Others)
« Reply #208 on: February 21, 2009, 06:04:26 pm »

Ah well, I'm happy that the fort goes down this way as aopposed to a whole plethora of others.

I would also like to clam a dwarf for the next fort please.

Marlkaris, M pref, but I'm not attached to it.
Starting perhaps as a crafter but when you start the military switch him/her to a swordsdwarf please.

Thanks!
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OneMoreNameless

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Re: All Dwarves Are Bastards (But Some Less So Than Others)
« Reply #209 on: February 21, 2009, 06:40:07 pm »



I'd also planned to build two loooooong floor / walled pipe thing OVER the ocean to pump more water out from the sides, and then maybe try and build a road or something through the middle.

Sidenote: I might as well mention, when I get around to doing the next fort it's planned to be in the most dangerous biome I can find, heavily military, and roughly 50% comprised of a compulsory nude lesbian mud wrestling army. So yeah, think about that before you try and claim in advance.
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