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Author Topic: Blockedlance - No More Stops Until Ragnarok!  (Read 417000 times)

BadSyntax

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #2055 on: September 29, 2010, 09:27:09 pm »

I feel your pain man. I got involved with a company called crescent sun studios or whatever (shows how much i gave a damn about it)
after 2 weeks
I quit
not long after...
 started making my own company
(currently hating that too. but not as much)
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Dasleah>   Snappleseed: if they threw up that's one hell of an orgasm

denisol

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #2056 on: October 01, 2010, 09:33:43 am »

greeting o great mister gimp . having finally finished reading this epic tale of scrifices and destruction i ask of you to give me a dwarf who prefferably be a miner . here is some background information . the young miner denisol arrived in blockedlance after hearing of its vast stores of addamantium . as time goes by he grows more and more greedy of it and suddenly ( now?) he snaps and starts mining deep and far , when he atlast reaches a new store of adamantium he blocks of the entrance so that noone execept him may see it and you know what. how does that sound? :D name him denisol
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MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #2057 on: October 16, 2010, 11:21:41 am »

In one of the many horrid and unfathomable Hells in Armok's infinite domain, a tortured human sat hunched over a computer, going blind in his one good eye from the eternal pulsing light of his computer screen.  He had been staring for so long into the light, he had almost become one with it.  He no longer saw the world around him.  His entire universe was the screen.

His vision blurred and his eyes began playing tricks on him.  He began seeing things that were not there.....or were they?

Twisting images....flashes of colors....and then the horrible visage of his master appeared....

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

BadSyntax

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #2058 on: October 16, 2010, 11:48:40 am »

In one of the many horrid and unfathomable Hells in Armok's infinite domain, a tortured human sat hunched over a computer, going blind in his one good eye from the eternal pulsing light of his computer screen.  He had been staring for so long into the light, he had almost become one with it.  He no longer saw the world around him.  His entire universe was the screen.

His vision blurred and his eyes began playing tricks on him.  He began seeing things that were not there.....or were they?

Twisting images....flashes of colors....and then the horrible visage of his master appeared....

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
you have no idea how hard I just laughed.
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MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #2059 on: October 16, 2010, 12:21:33 pm »

Chapter #16 - The Siege of Godlymirror

And so it was that the united dwarven and human army arrived at the capital of the Jade Irons, Nomonul....Godlymirror.



The human swordsmen and horsemen stood tall along the hilltops surrounding the mountain hall.  The mob of allied dwarves and humans completely blocked any chance of escape.  The attackers immediately set up position and began assembling their siege engines.  The defenders likewise manned the walls with great haste.

The nation of the Jade Irons was quite a formidable foe...



They had conquered two goblin dark fortress to the northwest of Godlymirror, and had cemented their rule over the highlands of the north.  Although these mountains overlooked the elven homelands, they were still of great value and the Jade Irons was truly the only dwarven land that could rival the majesty of Urist's Empire of the Ageless Matched Lashes.

They would have to be crushed mercislessly.



Their defense was formidable.  The Jade Irons fielded several battalions of dwarven champions.  They were defended by walls that were thicker than those around Blockedlance.  From atop these walls stood several detachments of marksdwarves. 

The attackers began their march to glory under a hail of bolts.



The allied human and dwarf attackers took casualties immediately.  Some were pierced straight through the brain or heart, and fell immediately.  Others carried on mightily with bolts sticking from limbs and torso.  As these heroes marched, they left a trail of blood behind them.

But the defender's missile fire did not go without a response.  The attackers rained crossbow and ballista fire down upon the tops of the walls and the undefended courtyard.  Marksdwarves fell from the top of the battlements into piles of gore.  The dwarves in the courtyard rushed forward, toward the safety of the high walls.  The walls however, would not offer protection for long, as the dwarves had brought several steam cannons.  These rare wonders had not been seen since the days of the demon wars.

The battle was joined.  Two mighty empires collided this day, and only one would remain.  Luckily...someone videotaped the whole thing....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ou2jW7Trtxc

The body pile grew higher and higher as the battle raged.  Blood flowed like rivers, and Armok was pleased....
« Last Edit: October 16, 2010, 07:58:05 pm by MrGimp »
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

magmaholic

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #2060 on: October 16, 2010, 12:24:59 pm »

rawr>:3
i really tought that we get yearly updates from this time on>:D
seems that i was wrong.
oh,and a war?
AWSUM!
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MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #2061 on: October 16, 2010, 07:27:52 pm »

As the fortified mountain hall of Godlymirror was assaulted mercilessly and repeatedly, back down south life went on at Blockedlance.



The fortress wealth, booze and population continued to grow.  Life was prosperous and secure under the fierce leadership of the great Empress of Dwarves.

The fields and groves (both above ground and below ground) were bountiful and lush, and all were now protected by the great outer walls.  (The outer walls are almost totally done, when theyre finally complete Ill show an up close shot of the gates and battlements.)



Unfortunately, there was a little trouble, however.

Eagle had grown addicted to exercising on his steel screw pump, and in his pursuit of getting pumped up, he flooded his cave.





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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #2062 on: October 16, 2010, 07:49:11 pm »

Back in the north, the allied forces had launched many assaults over the many months.  Further and further they marched through the fortifications.  The outer walls had crumbled, the town had been burned, nearly all the buildings had been leveled.  The tide of the battle swung in favor of the Imperial forces, and eventually, the remaining forces of the Jade Irons had fallen back to the king's keep, set deep against a mountainside.

The final assault began...



As the Imperial forces swept in, the 227 year old dwarven King (*explained later) Fikod Claspbrushes wept as his white bearded adviser explained to him the hopelessness of the situation.



The carnage of the last assault was the greatest by far, and most of the casualties lay on the side of the Jade Irons.  In the end it was only a handful of axelord champions who held off the oncoming Imperial Horde.  Among them, a few remaining ranged troops fired the last of their ammunition in desperation.






"By the Gods!  Who let this damnable elf up here?!" cried Gimli.




In the end, the valiant efforts of the Jade Irons' fighting men was all for naught.  Their fortified keep fell, their strength broken, their women weeping. 

The victorious dwarves and humans stood atop the walls and looked out over the glorious carnage.



The great Empress of Dwarves would be pleased....
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

Ninja Pichu

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #2063 on: October 17, 2010, 12:28:05 am »

More blood! MORE BLOOD! WUAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!
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I had to imagine some badass scarred up dwarf with a battleaxe blade strapped directly to his arm over the stump.

nbonaparte

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #2064 on: October 18, 2010, 07:34:04 am »

Ahahahaha, Gimli's reaction to Legolas, I love it.

CONTINUE.
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denisol

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #2065 on: October 18, 2010, 11:38:32 am »

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! ARRRRR , also poor eagle , well now he will at least get his swimming abit up .
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Ze Spy

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #2066 on: October 19, 2010, 09:59:55 pm »

i See that the Jade Irons Got what they Pissed Urist off For

In one of the many horrid and unfathomable Hells in Armok's infinite domain, a tortured human sat hunched over a computer, going blind in his one good eye from the eternal pulsing light of his computer screen.  He had been staring for so long into the light, he had almost become one with it.  He no longer saw the world around him.  His entire universe was the screen.

His vision blurred and his eyes began playing tricks on him.  He began seeing things that were not there.....or were they?

Twisting images....flashes of colors....and then the horrible visage of his master appeared....

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Can't , Stop , Laughing
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MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #2067 on: October 25, 2010, 12:20:10 pm »

The Tale of King Fikod

After the battle, King Fikod Claspbrushes of the Jade Irons was led all the way down south in chains.  They did not reach the distant mountain hall of Blockedlance until the year 269.  It is was in this great 69th year of the second century after the demon wars that news of the allied victory was brought to Urist, with the broken and defeated King Fikod brought as a juicy reward.

Fikod could not help but wonder what tortures awaited him.  Empress Urist seemed more interested in gloating and bragging to King Fikod.  She pointed out her wonderful temple and pyramid, and asked Fikod if there was anything like them in his lands.  Of course there were not. 

After massaging her ego and catering to her superiority complex, Urist demanded Fikod tell his tale.  How did his reign begin?  Did he have any heirs?  She wanted to know if anyone else needed to be killed in order to cement her rule over the new lands.  So Fikod began his tale at the beginning...



Fikod had become king when the old King Unib had died in battle against the goblins.  Oddly enough, these goblins had been led by a dwarf themselves...a corrupt demon worshipping fellow.  Urist was sad to know that she would never meet him.

Anyways, Unib had died in 109.  Fikod became King the following year, and immediately began crusading against the goblins.



It was quite a bloody reign.  And Fikod had even managed to kill an elf!




These goblins of the north must be incredible slave drivers to have such a mixed stew of demon-worshiping goblin loyalists.  Indeed, this was the source of Fikod's very hatred of the goblins.  This was the reason he had crusaded against them for so many years.  When Urist asked if Fikod had any heirs, he mentioned only one.  One lone heir who had died 74 long years ago...



King Fikod wept as he told the tale of his only son, Medtob Hermitpaddles.  Fikod's wife had only given him one son before she died at the hands of the goblins during a siege.  However, his lost love Minkot had lived long enough to see their son Medtob abducted by goblins!  He lived imprisoned in the dark fortress of Tepidmangled for some time, before being accepted into the community and given a job at the Midnight Palace.  His dwarven skills in mechanics aided the crude stupid goblins in their attempts at civilization, and Medtob even found love in the arms of an unknown creature!  When he was 17, his rash impetuousness got him into a brawl with a cyclops that he only narrowly survived.

Late in life, Medtob got into a dispute that ended with him murdering some damn elf.  It took several years, but eventually, a relative of that elf paid Medtob back for the favor.



And with that, the sole heir of the Jade Irons had died.  He had died before Urist had ever even set foot in Blockedlance.  Now before the Empress sat a broken King, dressed in filthy torn rags, marched until he was skin and bones, and forced to tell the story of his failings to the one who was about to take his life.

Fikdo was crying at this point, and shouted out, "So this is how my 229 years end, huh?"

"229 years?" asked the Empress.

"Yeah.....I was born in 40.  I know I should have died at least 59 years ago....but my hatred of goblins and elves has kept me going and going...."



It was then that Urist realized that this King was quite a dwarfy bastard.....other than the fact that he sat here broken and weeping of course......but still....considering his life, how could she do him the dishonor of summary execution?
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #2068 on: October 25, 2010, 01:32:16 pm »

As I said, it was 269...



In celebration of her great victory, and to celebrate this glorious year, Urist has locked herself away with every unmarried nobleman in the depths of her palace.  She vows not to return full time to her duties until she has found love!

No one really knew what her duties were, besides barking orders and controlling people through fear and murder...but if she wanted to party then she would party.



Throughout the year, in bouts of exuberant drunkenness, she proclaimed dwarven names for random nobles who happened to walk by....



Svarte




Denisol




Cain




Arbitrax


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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

Innominate

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Re: Blockedlance - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
« Reply #2069 on: October 25, 2010, 10:19:54 pm »

The only dwarfly execution for Fikod is death by gladiatorial combat. Preferably against he elf that murdered his son. Or the cyclops that almost did. Or a demonic agent of Armok.
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