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Author Topic: Dwarven Jokes  (Read 12333 times)

PTTG??

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Dwarven Jokes
« on: February 19, 2009, 06:00:28 pm »

Somewhere under the Frosty Points of Pointing, a Stonecrafter and a Miner stump into a bar and plunk themselves down on the +Felsite Thrones+. The bartender sets them up with enormous -Iron Mugs- of Dwarven Beer, and they begin to drink. For six straight hours, they hammer them back, the defeated and drained -mugs- piling up around them. Then the Stonecrafter finishes the last of his current mug, raises it to the cavern roof, and thunders "Hail Armok!" The enraged Miner slams his own empty mug down on the bar. "Did we come here to talk, or to drink?!?"
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A thousand million pool balls made from precious metals, covered in beef stock.

Mel_Vixen

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Re: Dwarven Jokes
« Reply #1 on: February 19, 2009, 06:37:16 pm »

A Group of dwarfes enters a tavern and theyr leader shouts. "Barkeeper! 7 short ones!" On this the Barkeeper: "I see but what do you want to drink."
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[sarcasm] You know what? I love grammar Nazis! They give me that warm and fuzzy feeling. I am so ashamed of my bad english and that my first language is German. [/sarcasm]

Proud to be a Furry.

PTTG??

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Re: Dwarven Jokes
« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2009, 06:41:38 pm »

A Group of dwarfes enters a tavern and theyr leader shouts. "Barkeeper! 7 short ones!" On this the Barkeeper: "I see but what do you want to drink."

That's one dead barkeep.
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A thousand million pool balls made from precious metals, covered in beef stock.

Strife26

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Re: Dwarven Jokes
« Reply #3 on: February 19, 2009, 06:44:56 pm »

I know what you're thinking- "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But, being this is an artifact crossbow, the most powerful weapon in the world and would cripple your heart and both lungs in one shot, you've got to ask yourself one question: Are you aware that I carry bolt stacks of 25? Toodles.
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This post likely did not make me any happier, tougher, smarter, or richer. Probably not a good usage of limited time and effort.

Awayfarer

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Re: Dwarven Jokes
« Reply #4 on: February 19, 2009, 07:34:30 pm »

An elf, a human and a dwarf walk into a bar. All three order drinks and all of them find a fly in their drink. The elf sighs in disgust and tells the bartender he wants a new drink. The human picks out the fly and drinks his beer. The dwarf picks up the fly and squeezes it, screaming, "Give me back my beer!"
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--There: Indicates location or state of being.
"The ale barrel is over there. There is a dwarf in it."
--Their: Indicates possession.
"Their beer has a dwarf in it. It must taste terrible.
--They're: A contraction of the words "they are".
"They're going to pull the dwarf out of the barrel."

Dareon Clearwater

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Re: Dwarven Jokes
« Reply #5 on: February 19, 2009, 10:11:01 pm »

Q: What do you call a bin full of stacks of 35 -Elf bone bolts-?
A: A good start.

Q: What's red and brown and has a hundred legs?
A: I don't know, but I made a sock out of it!

Q: You look like a mighty warrior indeed!
A: Life is, in a word, pregnancy.
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It's like you're all trying to outdo each other in sheer useless pedantry.

Skorpion

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Re: Dwarven Jokes
« Reply #6 on: February 19, 2009, 11:54:48 pm »

99 barrels of +dwarven beer+ on the pile, 99 barrels of +dwarven beer+! Take one out, pass it around 98 barrels of +dwarven beer+ on the pile! And so forth.

A unicorn walks into a bar. The bartender says "urist mcurist, bartender, cancels 'serve drink': interrupted by unicorn".

Dwarven education:
The cow says 'moo'.
The carp says 'om nom nom'
The cat says 'Fluffles cancels store item in stockpile: too injured'.
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The *large serrated steel disk* strikes the Raven in the head, tearing apart the muscle, shattering the skull, and tearing apart the brain!
A tendon in the skull has been torn!
The Raven has been knocked unconcious!

Elves do it in trees. Humans do it in wooden structures. Dwarves? Dwarves do it underground. With magma.

Foa

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Re: Dwarven Jokes
« Reply #7 on: February 20, 2009, 12:37:02 am »

99 barrels of +dwarven beer+ on the pile, 99 barrels of +dwarven beer+! Take one out, pass it around 98 barrels of +dwarven beer+ on the pile! And so forth.

A unicorn walks into a bar. The bartender says "urist mcurist, bartender, cancels 'serve drink': interrupted by unicorn".

Dwarven education:
The cow says 'moo'.
The carp says 'om nom nom'
The cat says 'Fluffles cancels store item in stockpile: too injured'.
No; "Urist McUrist, bartender, cancels 'serve drink': gets horn raped" .
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Mulch Diggums

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Re: Dwarven Jokes
« Reply #8 on: February 20, 2009, 01:28:16 am »

A Group of dwarfes enters a tavern and theyr leader shouts. "Barkeeper! 7 short ones!" On this the Barkeeper: "I see but what do you want to drink."

Heph wins the thread. Congradulations Heph. Thats the only joke here that made me laugh. =]
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ooooo! Swamp wiskey! Yeah!!

Ampersand

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Re: Dwarven Jokes
« Reply #9 on: February 20, 2009, 01:42:04 am »

So an elf walked into the fortress the other day, SO I STABBED HIM IN THE FACE.
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!!&!!

qwertilliopasd

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Re: Dwarven Jokes
« Reply #10 on: February 20, 2009, 01:45:08 am »

An elf,  a human and a dwarf are on a boat. Out of nowhere the human pulls out a barrel longland beer and throws it overboard. The elf and the dwarf ask the human why. The human responds "Back in my hometown, there are stockpiles full of the stuff. It is no loss." The elf and the dwarf look at each other. The elf then takes a bin of pig tail cloth out of its cloak and throws it overboard saying "we elves have so much cloth. Our stockpiles are overflowing." The dwarf strokes its beard in thought. It then says, "I know what we have too much of." and throws the elf off the boat.
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What does a hermit need coffins for?
The other six dwarves.  How do you think he got to be a hermit?

Jackrabbit

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Re: Dwarven Jokes
« Reply #11 on: February 20, 2009, 01:51:01 am »

an elf and a dwarf walk into a bar. The Elf was brained and died of internal bleeding but the dwarf just walked under it.

Moral: I hate elves.
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Rhodan

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Re: Dwarven Jokes
« Reply #12 on: February 20, 2009, 06:20:47 am »

A party of adventurers, an elf, a human and a dwarf, are riding their cart at high speed across the plains, chased by a pack of vicious wolves.  The horses run as fast as they can, but still the hungry wolves are coming closer and closer.
"We're too heavy!" the human shouts, "We have to dump the barrels of booze!"
"Already done." burps the dwarf, "Someone will have to sacrifice himself for the greater good!"
The human, realizing the importance of their mission and that he is the heaviest of the trio, jumps off the cart.  Some wolves stop to feast on his mangled corpse, but the others keep up the chase, still closing in.
"It's no good!" shouts the dwarf at his elven companion, "You're the lightest, make sure the message arrives safely!" and with that he jumps off.  The wolves stop to feast on the marinated dwarf, but those without a canopener continue to follow the poor elf, still too fast for the tiring horses.
Realizing there is nothing left to dump, the elf curses: "Argh, guess I'll have to use my longbow."
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Tormy

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Re: Dwarven Jokes
« Reply #13 on: February 20, 2009, 08:52:01 am »

How many Dwarves does it take to light a torch?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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Heron TSG

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Re: Dwarven Jokes
« Reply #14 on: February 20, 2009, 09:24:55 am »

"It's no good!" shouts the dwarf at his elven companion, "You're the lightest, make sure the message arrives safely!"

honestly, a dwarf that thinks an elf will be a better messenger? dwarves are stupid, but not THAT stupid.
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