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[Taal]

A party of adventurers, an elf, a human and a dwarf, are riding their cart at high speed across the plains, chased by a pack of vicious wolves.  The horses run as fast as they can, but still the hungry wolves are coming closer and closer.
"We're too heavy!" the human shouts, "We have to dump the barrels of booze!"
"Already done." burps the dwarf, "Someone will have to sacrifice himself for the greater good!"
The human, realizing the importance of their mission and that he is the heaviest of the trio, jumps off the cart. The wolves stop to feast on his mangled corpse, leaving the wagon free to continue travelling in complete safety.
"That did it! We're sa.." The elf cut short by a very dwarven hammer strike, exploding into gore.
"Damn hippy! We wouldnt have had to worry about the wolves if we didnt have to make the wagon out of stone!"

Fixed.

[Vaiolis]

99 barrels of +dwarven beer+ on the pile, 99 barrels of +dwarven beer+! Take one out, pass it around 98 barrels of +dwarven beer+ on the pile! And so forth.

Reminds me of another joke I heard before, can't remember where, but here it is...

99 barrels of beer in the pile, 99 barrels of beer! If one dwarf can get to the pile...

0 barrels of beer in the pile!

[Pruvan]

An Elf, a Human and a Goblin decide to commit suicide together. They climb to the highest point of the tallest fortress they can find and prepare to jump. Who jumps first?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I don't care, as long as they jump!

[roguester]

Urist walks into a bar and says to Libash the bartender "I bet you I can stand on one end of the bar and piss into a bucket at the far end."

"No way," says Libash "you can't do that."

"I have a *giant cave spider silk sock* decorated with turtles shell spikes that says I can."

"Alright, you're on" Libash says.

So Urist climbs up on the bar and Libash sets a bucket at the far end. Urist whips it out and proceeds to hose down the tavern. He soaks the bar, the floor, the obsidian thrones and the patrons on them, he evens gets it all over the barrels behind the bar.

At this point Mebzuth, master carpenter and woodcutter extraordinaire, flips out. He leaps to his feet. "A MASTERWORK HAS BEEN LOST!" he roars. "THAT IS ART DEFACEMENT" as he hurls his +steel battle axe+ in a random direction.

Geshud, armorer has been shot and killed.

[puke]

Q: You look like a mighty warrior indeed!
A: Life is, in a word, pregnancy.

laughing. out. loud.

[Splendiferous]

it takes a village to raise a baby,
but slaughtering 8 Giants, 5 Dragons, 3 trolls, and 600 goblins while strapped to his hammerdwarf mother's back is the only thing that'll turn him into a proper dwarf.

[Hawkfrost]

A party of adventurers, an elf, a human and a dwarf, are riding their cart at high speed across the plains, chased by a pack of vicious wolves.  The horses run as fast as they can, but still the hungry wolves are coming closer and closer.
"We're too heavy!" the human shouts, "We have to dump the barrels of booze!"
"Already done." burps the dwarf, "Someone will have to sacrifice himself for the greater good!"
The human, realizing the importance of their mission and that he is the heaviest of the trio, jumps off the cart. The wolves stop to feast on his mangled corpse, leaving the wagon free to continue travelling in complete safety.
"That did it! We're sa.." The elf cut short by a very dwarven hammer strike, exploding into gore.
"Damn hippy! We wouldnt have had to worry about the wolves if we didnt have to make the wagon out of stone!"

Fixed.

That made me laugh.


As did

A Group of dwarfes enters a tavern and theyr leader shouts. "Barkeeper! 7 short ones!" On this the Barkeeper: "I see but what do you want to drink."

[Armok]

These are funehy! 

[Akhier the Dragon hearted]

a dwarf and a elf where walking along and the elf complained about how his feet where killing him! so you know what i did?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I went right to it and helped them of course!

[Angellus]

A party of adventurers, an elf, a human and a dwarf, are riding their cart at high speed across the plains, chased by a pack of vicious wolves.  The horses run as fast as they can, but still the hungry wolves are coming closer and closer.
"We're too heavy!" the human shouts, "We have to dump the barrels of booze!"
"Already done." burps the dwarf, "Someone will have to sacrifice himself for the greater good!"
The human, realizing the importance of their mission and that he is the heaviest of the trio, jumps off the cart.  Some wolves stop to feast on his mangled corpse, but the others keep up the chase, still closing in.
"It's no good!" shouts the dwarf at his elven companion, "You're the lightest, make sure the message arrives safely!" and with that he jumps off.  The wolves stop to feast on the marinated dwarf, but those without a canopener continue to follow the poor elf, still too fast for the tiring horses.
Realizing there is nothing left to dump, the elf curses: "Argh, guess I'll have to use my longbow."

Epic win.

[Tormy]

The dwarf buys a horse!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A dwarf goes to a farmer one day and tells him, "I'd like to buy a horth."
The farmer is in a hurry to get somewhere but tells him, "Okay, I'll quickly show you this horse but I got to get going."
The dwarf looks at the horse and says, "Can I thee her eyeth? You can tell a lot about a horth from her eyeth." The farmer picks up the dwarf and the dwarf looks at the horse's eyes.
The dwarf then says, "Can I thee her feet? You can tell a lot about a horth from her feet." So he looks at the horses feet.
Then the farmer says, "Okay, I got to get going, do you want the horse or not?"
The dwarf says, "Just one more thing, can I thee her twat?" The farmer has had all he can take. He takes the dwarf, shoves him up the horses twat and spins him around a few times.
The dwarf falls out coughing and sputtering and says, "Maybe I should rephrath that. Can I see her run?"

[Angellus]

A Dwarf, a Kobolt and an Elf are sick of it, they all get the same stuff on their plate every working day, Dwarven wine cookies for the Dwarf, Cat tails for the Kobolt and Decimated war-corpse for the Elf.
They make a vow to each other, if they get the same stuff one more time they will commit suicide together.

The next working day arrives and they find their rations to be exactly the same as always, so as they said the same break they climb on top of the execution tower and pull the lever.

Shortly after the bodies have been found the wifes of the three stand next to the mangled corpses of their former husbands, the Kobolts wife and the Dwarves wife are crying and snobbing, 'If only he had told us he did not like it...'
The Elvish wife on the other hand just stares at her husbands corpse with a not understanding look in her eye, 'I dont get it, he always makes his own lunch.'

[GoreTaco]

A dwarf, his wife and son, and an elf go on stage to perform.
The dwarf soils himself and throws his <+cave spider silk thong+> at the elf.
It hits him in the head and explodes, spilling blood, skull fragments, and gray matter everywhere.
The dwarf son and father rape the bleeding neck hole and the ass of the elf's corpse while the mother wallows in the blood and excrement.
They all finish in one big "Tadaa!", and someone in the crowd asks "So, what do you call yourselves?"

They answer in unison, "The Philosophers!"

[Heron TSG]

A dwarf, his wife and son, and an elf go on stage to perform.
The dwarf soils himself and throws his <+cave spider silk thong+> at the elf.
It hits him in the head and explodes, spilling blood, skull fragments, and gray matter everywhere.
The dwarf son and father rape the bleeding neck hole and the ass of the elf's corpse while the mother wallows in the blood and excrement.
They all finish in one big "Tadaa!", and someone in the crowd asks "So, what do you call yourselves?"

They answer in unison, "The Philosophers!"

uh... [Barbarossa has mandated the construction of 1/1 punchlines]

[Angellus]

A dwarf, his wife and son, and an elf go on stage to perform.
The dwarf soils himself and throws his <+cave spider silk thong+> at the elf.
It hits him in the head and explodes, spilling blood, skull fragments, and gray matter everywhere.
The dwarf son and father rape the bleeding neck hole and the ass of the elf's corpse while the mother wallows in the blood and excrement.
They all finish in one big "Tadaa!", and someone in the crowd asks "So, what do you call yourselves?"

They answer in unison, "The Philosophers!"

uh... [Barbarossa has mandated the construction of 1/1 punchlines]

It's a MANDATE! KILL IT!