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Author Topic: Short story up for roasting!  (Read 1272 times)

Splendiferous

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Short story up for roasting!
« on: March 05, 2009, 12:01:05 am »

A little diddy I cooked up in four days during a 103 degree fever. it started out as a essay for my high school sophomore english class (I'm 16) and morphed into this monstrosity. It made it to third draft before I gave up and got better. I used to hate it, but kind of grew attached to it. I'm posting it here in the hope the you intelligent bastards can lambast me with all the calloused and hating criticism your over stimulated brains can muster.

and as a side note, this is NOT a religious piece. it deals with religious mythology in a (hopefully) impartial and detached manner. think of it more as a nathaniel hawthorne story. I am not trying display the catholic faith in any reverent or accurate manner. it is purely secular fiction.

feel free to be as mean-spirited as you can. just read the whole thing and bear the above in mind. thank you and enjoy!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

« Last Edit: March 05, 2009, 12:47:48 am by Splendiferous »
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"He returns once every thousand years! Or if the stars align! Or whenever he's bored."

inaluct

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Re: Short story up for roasting!
« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2009, 12:03:43 am »

Didn't read it; separate your paragraphs.
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Splendiferous

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Re: Short story up for roasting!
« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2009, 12:08:52 am »

is my formatting too daunting for you?

please restrict all criticism to the technical merit and artistic value.
thank you.
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"He returns once every thousand years! Or if the stars align! Or whenever he's bored."

wildmage

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Re: Short story up for roasting!
« Reply #3 on: March 05, 2009, 12:37:17 am »

Yes, the formatting is too daunting.

If you want people to genuinely read your works, you should make it easy for them to do so.  Ridiculing them for genuine criticism doesn't seem to be a good way to start off.

That's my feedback.
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Splendiferous

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Re: Short story up for roasting!
« Reply #4 on: March 05, 2009, 12:45:23 am »

yes... you're right. I apologize for my rudeness.
re-formatting shall commence presently.

EDIT: done.
« Last Edit: March 05, 2009, 12:49:37 am by Splendiferous »
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"He returns once every thousand years! Or if the stars align! Or whenever he's bored."