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Author Topic: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much  (Read 16238 times)

Icarus

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Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« on: April 16, 2009, 11:35:31 am »

We all have our stories of retarded dwarves, here's one of mine.
A giant wave of useless cheesemakers come to my fortress and I assign them to fortress guard since I didn't have any. Ignis promptly starts to spar and get a punctured lung. Instead of being a good wounded dwarf and staying in bed, he promptly walks around the fortress falling unconscious, refusing any medical care whatsoever. This I could tolerate because it meant the idiot would be dead soon and no one would care. After traveling to my royal dining hall in just under a year, he proceeds to grab a plump helmet stew from my nearby food stockpile. He then promptly falls unconscious again and drops his food in the hallway. The stew proceeds to rot and create a gigantic amount of miasma and there is nothing my dwarves can do about it since the stew is owned by Ignis. After waking up half a season later, Ignis, seeing his stew has rotted, proceeds to the stockpile once again to grab some cat biscuits. You can see where I am going with this.
For 2 years I deal with this before realizing why I had so many unhappy dwarves and gigantic miasma clouds.
Finally Ignis dies after 5 years of making my dwarves miserable. I dump his body under a drawbridge and set the nearby lever to repeat. I want to make sure the molecules of Ignis do not spread through the air and infect anyone.
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Duke 2.0

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Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2009, 11:39:08 am »

 How the heck did he not starve sooner?
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Buck up friendo, we're all on the level here.
I would bet money Andrew has edited things retroactively, except I can't prove anything because it was edited retroactively.
MIERDO MILLAS DE VIBORAS FURIOSAS PARA ESTRANGULARTE MUERTO

Icarus

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Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2009, 11:45:40 am »

I assume he nibbled on the meals before dropping them. I don't understand why he didn't die of thirst. Do people bring buckets of water to wounded that aren't in bed?
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Creamcorn

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Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2009, 11:52:36 am »

What does Ignis translate to?
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"OH NO! That carp is gulping at me menacingly, even though it cannot really threaten me from here on land!  I KNOW! I'll dodge into the water, where I'll be safe!"

kurisukun

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Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2009, 11:53:03 am »

If you'd designated a food stockpile all around him, everytime he woke up and dropped his food, it wouldn't rot.

At least, not as quickly.

Icarus

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Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #5 on: April 16, 2009, 12:10:54 pm »

Ignis is fire in latin. I ran out of names and just started using latin words to keep track of migrants. I have an artifact adamantite statue and was flooded with migrants.
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Tallefred

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Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #6 on: April 16, 2009, 12:14:48 pm »

Artifact adamantine statue... DO WANT.

How much is that worth?
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This is to make me recognizable.

Icarus

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Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #7 on: April 16, 2009, 12:32:57 pm »

Swiftmessiah, the Natural Girders
This is a Adamantine statue. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality. It is studded with Adamantine. This object menaces with spikes of human bone. On the item is an image of a dwarf in Sapphire.
It is worth 2150600 Dwarf Bucks
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salttotart

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Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #8 on: April 16, 2009, 01:03:32 pm »

What does Ignis translate to?

Latin for "fire." Dwarven for "dumbass."
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If this all doesn't fix it, your dwarfs are lazy. Apply magma.
"And thereafter, all dwarven children were taught to mind their stools, lest the toilet-fiends snatch their souls from their bottoms"
Try rubbing a cat on it, that seems to help.

Vampire Penguin

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Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #9 on: April 16, 2009, 01:47:27 pm »

What does Ignis translate to?

Latin for "fire." Dwarven for "dumbass."
Those words seem to be related in Dwarf Fortress...
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Katsuun

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Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #10 on: April 16, 2009, 02:32:10 pm »

What does Ignis translate to?

Latin for "fire." Dwarven for "dumbass."
Those words seem to be related in Dwarf Fortress...

The Equation that defines DF:
F+D=FA
Fire + Dwarf = Failure
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Quote
how would a Fortress based curse work?

Quote
Rocks fall, everyone dies.

Sans context.

Noble Digger

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Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #11 on: April 16, 2009, 02:35:51 pm »

Latin for 'fire' is dwarven for 'solution to problem' if you catch my meaning :)
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quib·ble
1. To evade the truth or importance of an issue by raising trivial distinctions and objections.
2. To find fault or criticize for petty reasons; cavil.

sonerohi

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Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #12 on: April 16, 2009, 05:16:27 pm »

No no no no no no, that's magma. Magma solves everything. Fire just ruins the booze.
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I picked up the stone and carved my name into the wind.

zchris13

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Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #13 on: April 16, 2009, 07:42:01 pm »

No no no no no no, that's magma. Magma solves everything. Fire just ruins the booze.
This here quote is sig quality. I may use it.
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this sigtext was furiously out-of-date and has been jettisoned

Raz

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Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #14 on: April 16, 2009, 08:37:17 pm »

The thread title makes me laugh so hard. The poor bastard. ;D
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"I can't wait to procrastinate!"
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