Bay 12 Games Forum

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  
Pages: [1] 2 3

Author Topic: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much  (Read 22856 times)

Icarus

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« on: April 16, 2009, 11:35:31 am »

We all have our stories of retarded dwarves, here's one of mine.
A giant wave of useless cheesemakers come to my fortress and I assign them to fortress guard since I didn't have any. Ignis promptly starts to spar and get a punctured lung. Instead of being a good wounded dwarf and staying in bed, he promptly walks around the fortress falling unconscious, refusing any medical care whatsoever. This I could tolerate because it meant the idiot would be dead soon and no one would care. After traveling to my royal dining hall in just under a year, he proceeds to grab a plump helmet stew from my nearby food stockpile. He then promptly falls unconscious again and drops his food in the hallway. The stew proceeds to rot and create a gigantic amount of miasma and there is nothing my dwarves can do about it since the stew is owned by Ignis. After waking up half a season later, Ignis, seeing his stew has rotted, proceeds to the stockpile once again to grab some cat biscuits. You can see where I am going with this.
For 2 years I deal with this before realizing why I had so many unhappy dwarves and gigantic miasma clouds.
Finally Ignis dies after 5 years of making my dwarves miserable. I dump his body under a drawbridge and set the nearby lever to repeat. I want to make sure the molecules of Ignis do not spread through the air and infect anyone.
Logged

Duke 2.0

  • Bay Watcher
  • [CONQUISTADOR:BIRD]
    • View Profile
Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2009, 11:39:08 am »

 How the heck did he not starve sooner?
Logged
Buck up friendo, we're all on the level here.
I would bet money Andrew has edited things retroactively, except I can't prove anything because it was edited retroactively.
MIERDO MILLAS DE VIBORAS FURIOSAS PARA ESTRANGULARTE MUERTO

Icarus

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2009, 11:45:40 am »

I assume he nibbled on the meals before dropping them. I don't understand why he didn't die of thirst. Do people bring buckets of water to wounded that aren't in bed?
Logged

Creamcorn

  • Bay Watcher
  • [FANCIFUL]
    • View Profile
Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2009, 11:52:36 am »

What does Ignis translate to?
Logged
"OH NO! That carp is gulping at me menacingly, even though it cannot really threaten me from here on land!  I KNOW! I'll dodge into the water, where I'll be safe!"

kurisukun

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2009, 11:53:03 am »

If you'd designated a food stockpile all around him, everytime he woke up and dropped his food, it wouldn't rot.

At least, not as quickly.

Icarus

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #5 on: April 16, 2009, 12:10:54 pm »

Ignis is fire in latin. I ran out of names and just started using latin words to keep track of migrants. I have an artifact adamantite statue and was flooded with migrants.
Logged

Tallefred

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #6 on: April 16, 2009, 12:14:48 pm »

Artifact adamantine statue... DO WANT.

How much is that worth?
Logged
This is to make me recognizable.

Icarus

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #7 on: April 16, 2009, 12:32:57 pm »

Swiftmessiah, the Natural Girders
This is a Adamantine statue. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality. It is studded with Adamantine. This object menaces with spikes of human bone. On the item is an image of a dwarf in Sapphire.
It is worth 2150600 Dwarf Bucks
Logged

salttotart

  • Bay Watcher
  • Ackbar is always right!
    • View Profile
Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #8 on: April 16, 2009, 01:03:32 pm »

What does Ignis translate to?

Latin for "fire." Dwarven for "dumbass."
Logged
If this all doesn't fix it, your dwarfs are lazy. Apply magma.
"And thereafter, all dwarven children were taught to mind their stools, lest the toilet-fiends snatch their souls from their bottoms"
Try rubbing a cat on it, that seems to help.

Vampire Penguin

  • Bay Watcher
  • Forced on the bandwagon.
    • View Profile
Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #9 on: April 16, 2009, 01:47:27 pm »

What does Ignis translate to?

Latin for "fire." Dwarven for "dumbass."
Those words seem to be related in Dwarf Fortress...
Logged

Katsuun

  • Bay Watcher
  • [Loli_Weaboo]
    • View Profile
Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #10 on: April 16, 2009, 02:32:10 pm »

What does Ignis translate to?

Latin for "fire." Dwarven for "dumbass."
Those words seem to be related in Dwarf Fortress...

The Equation that defines DF:
F+D=FA
Fire + Dwarf = Failure
Logged
Quote
how would a Fortress based curse work?

Quote
Rocks fall, everyone dies.

Sans context.

Noble Digger

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #11 on: April 16, 2009, 02:35:51 pm »

Latin for 'fire' is dwarven for 'solution to problem' if you catch my meaning :)
Logged
quib·ble
1. To evade the truth or importance of an issue by raising trivial distinctions and objections.
2. To find fault or criticize for petty reasons; cavil.

sonerohi

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #12 on: April 16, 2009, 05:16:27 pm »

No no no no no no, that's magma. Magma solves everything. Fire just ruins the booze.
Logged
I picked up the stone and carved my name into the wind.

zchris13

  • Bay Watcher
  • YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND~
    • View Profile
Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #13 on: April 16, 2009, 07:42:01 pm »

No no no no no no, that's magma. Magma solves everything. Fire just ruins the booze.
This here quote is sig quality. I may use it.
Logged
this sigtext was furiously out-of-date and has been jettisoned

Raz

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: Ignis I hate you so goddamn much
« Reply #14 on: April 16, 2009, 08:37:17 pm »

The thread title makes me laugh so hard. The poor bastard. ;D
Logged
"I can't wait to procrastinate!"
Pages: [1] 2 3