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[Vid_the_Impaler]

I spent a half hour tallying up the total for my trade goods and the caravan's trade goods that I wanted, and then was baffled when they said they wouldn't trade at a loss. It turns out I was totaling the weight of the items. The price wasn't shown because I had no broker, but I didn't know that. I thought I was looking at price.

[WafflesToGo]

I think we all have accidentally pressed abandon the fortress instead of save game a few times...I remember when I was new I pressed it 5 or 6 times before I learned better

[Aviator CJ]

I think we all have accidentally pressed abandon the fortress instead of save game a few times...I remember when I was new I pressed it 5 or 6 times before I learned better

I at one point somehow forgot the difference between save and abandon. So many forts lost, so much frustration, "how did I save them dammit?!"

[Vyro]

Every month in Spearsearches Megafortress starts the same. With a freshly drained corpse and an angry shout "WHO LET OUT THE VAMPIRE?! AGAIN!".
My immortal control room operator. Part-time ninja. Total Asshole.


An elite squad of swordsdwarves has a mundane engagement with a deadly dust Forgotten Bugaboo. The Godhammer malfunctions, dire straights situation. Then the entire squad lays happily farting purple clouds in the hospital, recovering from rotting Everything. My Militia Commander gets a "Splintman" nickname, having been strapped to several dozen splints after the same amount of surgeries - Frankenstein lives inside my Chief Medic. Surprisingly, they all live on. Then, with an easy hand, I sic the Swordscompany on a puny goblin ambush. Only to see them, slayers of hundreds, just stand there like lampposts and slowly get their asses handed to them. Snipers do intervene in time, no casualties suffered. No missing limbs, white all over. Guess them guys are just severely out of shape. A year later, same situation. Accidentally I check out the Health menu and what do I see there?
"Vision lost".
/facepalm
Guess what, soldiers. Hand over any shiny blue equipment. No, keep your exceptional steel armour, we've got enough of those. From now on, you are the Blind Guardians, the core of the Elite Meatshield Regiment. Congrats. Dismissed back to the central barracks.
In the hindsight, leaving them to train 24/7 was probably not so productive. But definitely very funny to watch.

[WanderingKid]

So I end up having to chain up some murderous psychopath of a dwarf who beats another dorf to death for no reason I can ascertain.  That alone isn't the facepalm.

About a season later, I realize I need a stonecrafter and in therapist this person has really good milking, too.  Excellent!  I set them up to do both, and I'm still not getting rock pots.  WTF?

Oh, right.  That's the 1 person in jail in the ENTIRE fort.  Nice work, overseer.

[Slayerhero90]

Forgot to pause. In the middle of winter. Where it snows. With no booze.

[MattStriker]

Guess what, soldiers. Hand over any shiny blue equipment. No, keep your exceptional steel armour, we've got enough of those. From now on, you are the Blind Guardians, the core of the Elite Meatshield Regiment. Congrats. Dismissed back to the central barracks.
In the hindsight, leaving them to train 24/7 was probably not so productive. But definitely very funny to watch.

On the positive side, you now have some very good trainers for the rest of your forces who probably won't cause too many unfortunate sparring accidents.

[Merendel]

Here are some facepalm moments from my most recent fort haveing to do with my first time playing around with a magma piston.

First palm.  Construction of the piston went well.  A few incidents with the caverns and a FB but I'd managed to smooth out the rough edges and get a fully functional magma piston setup.  I pull the fireing lever and watch the red goodness emerge and start filling my catchment area... then to my horror the smoke cleared and 1/3 of my piston was gone.   I didnt realize that during a cavein that piston was treated as a series of unconected 1x1 tile pillars, thought it was all 1 solid block.  Turns out 1/3 of my piston was on the last layer of floor above the magma sea and so those tiles crashed through and dissapeared into the SMR.

Palm 2.  Piston is repared if somewhat diminished and I fire it off agian.  Oh look one of the new bridges I built I must have used a non magma safe mechanism...  Now there's spilt lava everywhere that I have to wait for it to evaporate.

Palm 3.  Note to self, remember to hook up the piston support BEFORE letting the miners in to clean out the bottom of the piston.  A miner, a female hauler with baby in tow, and one of her older children that followed her in for some reason became dwarf pancakes.  Incidently her husband also became a casualty when the loss of 3 family members all at once drove him batshit crazy and the military had to put him down.

Palm 4.  Lock the damn door.  I'd manage to rig up a clever little setup with bridges and doors so only 1 tile of lava remains after the piston drops which vents down into a small evaporation room.   the miners can go in and start clearing out the botom of the piston as soon as the cavein dust clears.   Well after a few times I grew complacient and stoped locking the access door after the miners and haulers finished.  there was, afterall no reason for any dwarf to path into the piston room once they were done.   So I turn on the magma pumps and start filling the room with lava... and a child dwarf dashes down the stairs and opens the door trying to go into that room.  the child vaporizes and to add insult to injury one of his socks blocks open the door for several ticks leting quite a bit of lava out.  I had to bucket brigade from a couple Zlvls up to clear the lava out of the lower level.

Needless to say pistons can be quite a bit of !!FUN!!

[Sutremaine]

A giant toad wandered in as I was sealing off the last few sections of cavern, having placed sealable gaps in the fortifications already placed against the map edge. One lone dwarf was returning from putting a fortification up, and would have walked right past the toad. So I quickly picked them out and issued a move order for the tile they were standing on. The Construct Building jobs on the other dwarves were removed as they came up, allowing the military time to get down there and beat the toad to death. Mission accomplished, no casualties, I feel very smart.

Then the troglodytes come through, and chase everybody around. I order the military back down, and they swoop in just in time to intercept a troglodyte about to catch a dwarf. Hurrah! Then I notice the dead recruit, and panic for a moment as I think one of the military got killed. Turns out I'd forgotten to rescind the move order on the lone dwarf from before, and naturally as soon as a troglodyte came into view the dwarf charged, completely unarmoured and with no combat skill. Oops.

RIP Sibrek, migrated Spring 51, died Summer 51.

[nightwhips]

I just finished outfitting my baroness's rooms with brass furniture and a bunch of animals (bees, too). She just went insane because I missed a mandate. Now I have no one to use my menagerie.

Solution: I moved my mayor up there. Hopefully he'll be consoling lots of people amongst the screech of the coati and the humming of the bees.

[GrimDark_Majyyks]

I just now figured out that bridges can be made to raise southward by way of pressing (x). I have spent months thinking that bridges were incapable of elevating that way and have made very large expenditures of effort to accommodate this seemingly arbitrary limitation instead of simply paying mind to the fact that w, a, s, d, AND x are available options.

Seriously, I've spent this whole time inventing solutions and bending geography around a limitation that didn't exist.

[BFEL]

I just now figured out that bridges can be made to raise southward by way of pressing (x). I have spent months thinking that bridge were incapable of elevating that way and have made very large expenditures of effort to accommodate this seemingly arbitrary limitation instead of simply paying mind to the fact that w, a, s, d, AND x are available options.

Seriously, I've spent this whole time inventing solutions and bending geography around a limitation that didn't exist.

Ah thems were some fun learning experiences

Is it on-topic to facepalm at other people? Because I just got handed a succession fort and....by Armoks bearded concubine they messed that stuff up....I mean, TWO TRADE DEPOTS? NEITHER WAGON ACCESSIBLE? A room flooded via river and kept secure by an UNFORBIDDEN DOOR. THATS IT, THATS WHAT IS KEEPING THE FORT FROM DROWNING.

[VerdantSF]

I just now figured out that bridges can be made to raise southward by way of pressing (x). I have spent months thinking that bridge were incapable of elevating that way and have made very large expenditures of effort to accommodate this seemingly arbitrary limitation instead of simply paying mind to the fact that w, a, s, d, AND x are available options.

Seriously, I've spent this whole time inventing solutions and bending geography around a limitation that didn't exist.

Oh man!  Definitely one of the best in this thread .

[Drazinononda]

Noticed it was taking my haulers a long time to get the goblins from the cage traps to the mass pitting room, so I decided to replace my metal cages with wooden ones. I marked all the metal cages for melting and went about dropping one goblin at a time into the arena for my guardsmen to execute.

A few minutes later I notice a message: "dwarf cancels task, interrupted by goblin." I'd put hatches over the arena just to counter this exact problem! I zoomed to the message to see why the hatches weren't working and ended up at the main staircase instead.

And then I realized I should probably take the melt designations off of the cages that still have goblins in them

[GrimDark_Majyyks]

I just now figured out that bridges can be made to raise southward by way of pressing (x). I have spent months thinking that bridge were incapable of elevating that way and have made very large expenditures of effort to accommodate this seemingly arbitrary limitation instead of simply paying mind to the fact that w, a, s, d, AND x are available options.

Seriously, I've spent this whole time inventing solutions and bending geography around a limitation that didn't exist.

Oh man!  Definitely one of the best in this thread .

If I could, I would mod it such that the first ever southward-rising bridge built by dwarves in this world was the subject of any/all of my artifacts, especially since the map I figured it out on has housed like eight of my forts and four or five still-alive adventurers (and like eight dead ones hue hue{actually more like ten dead ones because two of the living ones aren't technically alive]).