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Author Topic: Face Palm moments you had in Dwarf Fortress  (Read 1508273 times)

Blackadder

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9795 on: June 21, 2016, 11:27:49 pm »

So, I've gotten into the game again recently, and was messing around with a few of the latest Masterwork mod settings. One of the DF Therapist options allows assigning labor to children.

Now, for a bit of background, from an ethics standpoint I am against both cheating in a video game, and child labor - however, being the dirty capitalist and efficient fortress manager that I am, I could not turn down the opportunity to squeeze a little profit out of the little snots. The trick is to make it seem like a game! Lost a finger? Go dive in that stockpile and find it! Make sure you grab any rats you see in the process, dirty bastards.

I digress. It seems that one of my newly enslaved hired laborers has decided to follow the illustrious career path of "murderous little piece of shit" and in the process took the lives of three of my peasant military drones. Granted, they were a far-cry from the slotted-spoon-wielding elite guardsmen who followed our (former) expedition leader and only grumbled occasionally. They -have- been grumbling a bit more now that Uzol has assumed the new position, in place of the freshly deceased (and quite overly-perfumed) former expedition leader.

Our diagnostician, recently appointed after a quick study of "Basic Anatomy for F*#@ing Dumbf*#$s" mentions some nonsense about a "Strange Mood". We just think it's the plump helmets. Worst form of mind control the Dwarven Empire has ever developed.
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Urist McWrestler: "Hmm, maybe if I bite his ear with my front top teeth, bite his foot with my front bottom teeth, and bite his right hand with my back bottom teeth, I can easily win this fight!"
It's not a real PARTY until the queen has a baby, picks it up, kills two goblins by punching THROUGH THE SKULL with her remaining hand, and then finishes off half a barrel of fungus wine while still nursing.

AzyWng

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9796 on: June 22, 2016, 08:30:49 am »

I digress. It seems that one of my newly enslaved hired laborers has decided to follow the illustrious career path of "murderous little piece of shit" and in the process took the lives of three of my peasant military drones.

Did they go nuts or something?

God damn your military drones must suck!
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pikachu17

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9797 on: June 22, 2016, 10:41:35 am »

Vampire maybe?
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Blackadder

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9798 on: June 22, 2016, 10:50:12 am »


Did they go nuts or something?

God damn your military drones must suck!

They were not yet armed, something I have now remedied - however I was impressed an unarmed child was able to kill three 50-80 year old dwarves in a wrestling match. Our children are now being kept in a secure prison daycare facility to prevent future incidents.
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Urist McWrestler: "Hmm, maybe if I bite his ear with my front top teeth, bite his foot with my front bottom teeth, and bite his right hand with my back bottom teeth, I can easily win this fight!"
It's not a real PARTY until the queen has a baby, picks it up, kills two goblins by punching THROUGH THE SKULL with her remaining hand, and then finishes off half a barrel of fungus wine while still nursing.

YetAnotherLurker

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9799 on: June 23, 2016, 04:21:11 am »

One of my roller-powered lead minecart grinders jammed because I threw about 60 greater badgermen on horses in at once. I now had 100-odd bruised and angry badgermen and horses stuck under my entrance bridge, with no safe way to let them out. Magma was considered and discarded, as I didn't want to go to the trouble of rebuilding everything after it all melts. So, I built an extension to my pump stack to turn the grinder pit into a drowning chamber. Only a few minor flooding problems, quickly contained, occur as I build a drainage system, and the test run successfully provides me with another few years' worth of horse meat and badgerite.

Fast forward a few years. I've replaced the rock-filled lead minecarts with lead-filled gold minecarts in an attempt to increase lethality and reduce jamming, and another 60+ mounted badgermen lay siege to my fortress. I drop them in as before, flip the switch to begin harvesting this year's crop, and go back to supervising my military as they hunt down a forgotten beast in the third cavern. After a while, I notice the siege still hasn't broken, so I take a look in the pit. All of the minecarts are piled in a line ending in a corner, once again there's 50 angry badgers and their horses in my pit. I take a closer look, and find, in the corner, "dead muddy cave wheat" instead of "Obsidian Track NE".

Looks like I'm going to have to rebuild everything anyway to make it plant-proof.
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Random_Dragon

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9800 on: June 23, 2016, 04:36:26 am »

Modding bug of the day: Phantom spiders and acorn flies having no fucking clue what they're made of to due a typo.
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Dirst

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9801 on: June 23, 2016, 12:47:30 pm »

Modding bug of the day: Phantom spiders and acorn flies having no fucking clue what they're made of to due a typo.
To be fair, I don't think real flies have any idea what they're made from either.
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Random_Dragon

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9802 on: June 23, 2016, 02:26:22 pm »

True, but do they know their bodies at least exist? o3o
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Repseki

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9803 on: June 23, 2016, 05:26:23 pm »

True, but do they know their bodies at least exist? o3o

Sounds like the subject of a Dwarven Philosophy book.
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Urist McColeTheo

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9804 on: June 23, 2016, 11:22:56 pm »

I used to think "potash" was some weirdly named food product made of potatoes so I considered Potash Makers useless.

Up until now I was pronouncing it "puhtash."
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YetAnotherLurker

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9805 on: June 24, 2016, 12:33:27 pm »

I spent quite a bit of time securing an area around a lake in the third cavern layer over 100 Z-levels below the core of my fortress to fish in, in hopes of acquiring some cave lobsters on the off chance shells are demanded by a mood. I just discovered that my fortress is home to aquifer turtles, and that they can be pumped with no problems.
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mscottveach

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9806 on: June 26, 2016, 07:34:25 pm »

I used to think "potash" was some weirdly named food product made of potatoes so I considered Potash Makers useless.

Up until now I was pronouncing it "puhtash."

And... uh... .what's the truth? (Asking for a friend.)
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Fleeting Frames

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9807 on: June 26, 2016, 07:40:03 pm »

I think the more relevant discovery was that Urist had an opportunity to pronounce it - e.g. to speak of potash making in DF with someone face to face.

Derro

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9808 on: June 27, 2016, 12:21:38 am »

I used to think "potash" was some weirdly named food product made of potatoes so I considered Potash Makers useless.

Up until now I was pronouncing it "puhtash."

And... uh... .what's the truth? (Asking for a friend.)

Potassium in nutrient forms.
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Random_Dragon

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9809 on: June 27, 2016, 12:59:56 am »

Well, my latest facepalm moment is the "is potash a potato" thing and the derp that has stemmed from it.

Technically it's any of several potassium salts, traditionally made by collecting wood ashes (hence, ashery), and soaking them in container filled with water to leach the salts out and evaporate the water. Which you'd typically do in a pot, ergo...
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