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[vadia]

I was looking for minerals -- iron or copper for armor/weapons. 

I looked to see how the search was going and my heart skipped a fraction of a beat when I saw he had gone through one of the candy veins.

I think I missed a circus visit by 1 tile.

[Mr Frog]

My fortress is built under an ocean, so I decided to build a mechanism that takes advantage of the ocean's hydrostatic pressure to flood my entire (very long) entrance hall in a single frame.

Another feature of my entrance hall is a box built into the ceiling with a pet on a rope overlooking the hall, used to watch for ambushers. Floor grates seperate the box from the hall itself, and the only way into the box is from deep within my fortress, so the pet is completely-safe from attackers.

Anyways, after getting all of the required floodgates, safety hatches and drain covers set up and linked, I opened the floodgate blocking the passage which was to conduct water from the ocean to my entrance hall and ordered a recent immigrant with no friends to carve a fortification into the side of the ocean basin. I didn't want to lose anyone important, you see.

As expected, there was a long stall as the my computer processed hundreds of units of water rushing from the ocean into my fort in a single frame.
    Immediately afterwards, several facts were brought to my attention:

• Pressurised water can and will flow upwards through gaps in the floor.
• Floor grates, to wit those seperating my observation post from the entrance hall below, do not stop this from happening.
• I had neglected to install any doors or other physical obstructions into the tunnel running between said observation post and the rest of my fortress.
• My entire fortress save for the farms and dining hall was now completely-full of seawater.

However, most of my fortress, including my miners, had been safely behind the dining room's doors when the deluge hit; I decided that savescumming was for the weak and that I would try to make the best of it.
    Then I realised that all of my food supplies, including seeds, were still in their stockpiles along with many gallons of pressurised seawater.
    Then I savescummed.

[Mr.Pylon]

I began to train up recruits using the 'caged goblin in an arena' method for the first time today, and it worked wonderfully at first! For several seasons my raw recruits, my useless migrants, my band of dabblers all whacked away at goblins with their wooden weapons, only receiving the odd bruised muscle and in one case a nasty goblin thief turned wrestler who shattered one hapless dwarf's elbow in a grapple.

So just after the last caravan came into my fort a siege shows up! Their ogres are dispatched quickly by my marksdwarves from their tower, and the goblin spearmen fell one-by-one to cage traps and my crack melee troops. Elated at the siege breaking without taking a single injury I rushed to restock my arena, but I saved the siege leader, a spearmaster, for my dining hall so that all the dwarves of Intensemirrors could chortle at his failure.

Once it was all over with and the recruits were ready a happy herbalist pulled the switch and... Urist McClothier has been struck down. What? I check my recruits but they're nowhere near the just-released goblins, where did... oh no.

In my haste to set up the arena I had linked all of my caged goblins.
Including the spearmaster's.
I hadn't dumped his equipment.
My militia was waaaaay at the other end of the fortress.

The spearmaster killed six more dwarves until a combination of a knee-shattered glassmaker and a tame cave crocodile managed to suffocate him and then rip his arms off. In the end I hadn't lost anyone important, the majority of the dead were without families and a quick scan showed only a few dwarves feeling unhappy about the incident. So with a sigh of relief I unpaused and began scrolling back to my recruits when... Urist McWhichWayDoIHoldThisSword? has been struck down. The fuck?

The recruits were slowly tromping in a circle trying to rather ineptly catch up to the four fleeing goblins, because every single one of them had had both their feet broken by punches and kicks. To make matters worse whenever one of the recruits got within range he would flail uselessly and then get another bone broken by the back peddling goblins. The Urist had wandered too close and had passed out from broken bone pain before getting his head caved in by a single stomp. A minute later my markdwarves showed up just in time to save the remaining five out of the original ten recruits from the by now probably expert striker and wrestler goblins.

From now on all recruits go in swaddled in steel, and I won't put goblins in the dining room.

[Xob Ludosmbax]

I haven't gotten a caravan in years due to being under constant siege.  Finally, I manage to clear out the hordes of undead and ambushers.  Only a few stragglers left which don't path to the fortress.  In the space of a few seconds, 4 large ambushes run into zombies and are unmasked, then the caravan & liason arrive between two of the squads, then a 50 strong zombie siege arrives. 

[IronTomato]

I was ordered to kill a giant in adventure mode, and i did so unscathed. I was later killed by an obese hippo.

[TheKaspa]

Digged the entrance hall between two water basins.
Channeled a moat that links the river two one of said ponds.
Digged a lateral tunnel to the hall and planned to install a floodgate to flood the hall in case of siege.
Channeled a moat between the ponds.
DfHack -> die

[IronEleven]

I've been playing this game for a little over a year now.  I only just now realized that you have to manually assign ammo to your military marksdwarves.

[Reudh]

In Spearbreakers, Aseaheru, a skilled hammerdwarf dehydrated to death at the bottom of the Dodge Me trap. He only had a broken arm, but evidently no one wanted to rescue him. What's more annoying was his legs weren't injured, so he could've just walked to the hospital.

[Burnup]

My best adventurer in a world with all peramiters top-notched explored all 9 of my abondoned forts, had 2\3rds of his things as artifacts the other 1\3rd being candy.

later became champion of all 14 civs, pushed back all dark towers/fortresses (NO EVIL LEFT..)

all of this with no more than 8 followers at any one time.
left this world due to his job here being done (went off the edge of the map)
Went to sleep on a glacier and woke up in the form of a seal being devoured by a polar bear...
then woke up as a Gorlak bothering ratmen (got blow darted to death)
Woke up as a fire imp sealed magma pool..

Cursed to forever search for his original form

really ? no shit..

[Komnos]

A legendary miner, one of my founding seven, decides to step outside the walls for Armok knows what reason.  The instant he steps onto the atom smasher gate, he stumbles into an ambush.  At this point, if he takes about two steps north, he'll have a line of cage traps between him and the gobbos.  So naturally, he charges straight south and gets flayed by a lasher.  He and a legendary carpenter (also one of the seven!) die seconds before my military manages to arrive and convert the goblins into meat confetti.

[person012345]

"The forgotten beast Aztong Basencim Avuz Arel has come! A gigantic three-eyed scorpion, it has a knobby shell and it belches and croaks. Beware it's poisonous sting!"

Sounds scary right?

"The flying <<goblin-cap blowdart>> strikes the forgotten beast in the cephalothorax, chipping the chitin and bruising the muscle and bruising the brain!"

Aztong Basencim Avuz Arel Corpse

It got one-shot by a serpent-man
/facepalm

[Nubshiggurath]

Registered to post in this thread.

I had a lot of !!fun with my second functional fort.

I embarked on a great site with a volcano and I just knew I had to make myself a lava-filled moat as defense. I build up my fort, economy is going great, everyone is ecstatic because of the 3 tile waterfall that flows through the dining room and the living area, all is good. I decide it is time for the lava moat, plan a fool(and dwarf!)proof way to make it, involving a multiple z-level spanning lava tunnel that has magma-proof floodgates (with magma-proof mechanisms too) and a line of fortifications and another row of magma-proof floodgates before reaching my moat, where it then drains through fortifications into a tunnel a few z-levels lower and proceeds to exit the map via a fortified side block. I see all this and am happy. All I need to do is channel in from the top to make my moat complete.

first facepalm: designating a 3*8 area to channel is not a good idea, Urist mcminer decided to stand in the middle and dig all around. Yay, first cave-in, no harm done tho, one guy dead and a few injured, I had the forethought not to open the lava yet.

I proceded to make a huge receding bridge over the moat, cackling evilly to myself as I imagined the goblin troops dropping in and melting in my glorious moat. At this point, I start training my militia (yeah, a bit late at 80+ dorfs), and all the def I had was this bridge and a raisable one in the entrance hall. I didn't make traps because LAVA MOAT. I finally open up the sluices and let the lava fill out, everything works perfectly, nothing can harm me, right?

So the first enemy to arrive outside of kobolds and goblin thieves? Nebo, Giant (not sure if this was there) Roc. In the description it says it is bigger than dragons. And, obviously, it flies.

*facepalm*

So I seal the fort, burrow all my civilians in, and wait. The Roc proceeds with no hesitation, to chase down every tame animal I had grazing and kill them savagely. Then I think, hey, maybe my barely trained military can beat this guy. So I open all bridges, wait for Nebo to come, who by this time had gotten a last name too. He comes flying in, I set my squad on him, and...

... all goes pretty well, one hammerdwarf dies but they beat the Roc back and he has cuts on his wings and stuff. I breath a sigh of relief, well, this should be manageable. The Roc is obviously afraid, now it has flown off and is 8 z levels up in the air in a corner. A whole season passes, I make a magma forge and start beating out iron weapons, squad is positioned in the entrance, I almost forget about Nebo Aredluthi.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, he decides to go apeshit and proceeds to rush in, kill half of my militia squad, then the other half, then most of the newly-conscripted wrestler squad I send against him, then finally a conscript miner takes him out while he is surrounded by wrestlers. Bodyparts everywhere, ALL my military dead, (okay one guy is left but he lacks arms and quickly succumbs to blood loss). I look at the numbers, down 20 dwarfs. F@#@$%. Well, I still have 80 left. Then I look into dwarf therapist. EVERY DWARF IS RED. A previously unimportant piece of information clicks as I remember looking through the militia member's relationships and there was a surprising number off both offspring and cousins, also grandparents.

*facepalm* and from here on, continuous facepalms

I conscripted the peasants into my military, not knowing that those where the grandchildren of my founders, and related to almost everybody in the fort. I issue orders to make coffins asap, and hope for the best. Somehow the dwarfs don't seem to be hauling the body parts to the refuse pile, but I put that down to grief.

Then someone starts a tantrum. One of the first things they do is push another dwarf off my bridge, into the lovely lava moat. Then another, then another tantrum. It is about 15-20 tantrums in that I realize that noone has touched the corpses still and I cant make graves for some reason. I look at my worsho- at the PLACE my workshop used to be, before a tantruming dorf destroyed it. Bodyparts start to rot and another 20 tantrums have to happen before I notice that there is an option to stockpile corpses. I put it outside, the non-tantruming dwarfs start hauling out bodies, but by now my fortress has lost as much as the Roc (full name Nebo Aredluthi Takruduslud by its death) had killed, and we are down to 60 PISSED-OFF dwarfs. Miasma is everywhere, even in my legendary waterfall-dining hall, and those dwarfs not tantruming are standing in a corner, waiting for their turn. At about 40 population, I notice a tantrumming dwarf had the consideration to destroy the bridge across the moat, I missed the fall so I don't know how many died in that (all that is in the moat is ashes). This sealed the fate of the fort, because the few sane dwarfs left (oh yeah, most became stark raving mad or insane) couldn't even get rid of the miasma-inducing body parts all over the main stairs.

I muttered a curse and ordered the wall holding back the lava to be dismantled, which was done by the last sane worker, a child who managed to run away from the initial lava but then turned around about 20 tiles later and WAITED FOR IT TO ENGULF HIM.

I like to think he did that knowingly, praising the gods that freed him of this horrible life.

[Niccolo]

I found the perfect embark for my planned fort - plenty of rock and even sand, something I can never find.

Aaaand then the Keas stole all of my food.

[Splint]

Better your food than your picks and axes (if your brought them premade.)

[Slyjoker87]

Carving out an UP/DOWN without realizing it opened into a cavern where a flying FB was lurking. To make matters worse, the FB -which I had forgotten about - was a nasty paralysis syndrome dust spewer. I was like "WTF how did he get in?" Then I saw the up/down. *facepalm*