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Author Topic: Face Palm moments you had in Dwarf Fortress  (Read 1414746 times)

rachiebird

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9795 on: June 16, 2016, 01:07:38 am »

I'd say it was probably the bit during the first year where I became confused about what symbol in the trade screen was meant to represent the item's value, and traded away all my rare gems for a zero-quality shirt and pair of socks.
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Bumber

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9796 on: June 18, 2016, 03:21:52 pm »

Breached the circus because I was beginning to question if my candy cane was actually hollow or not. FPS drops to ~5-10, and I order my military to the spire immediately. A minute later my cavern is burning down from all the flaming clowns. I go to check on my soldiers... and they're faffing about in the taverns with unreachable target!

I order them to move down to my forges, which are now being destroyed by clowns. Unreachable target! I order them to the top of the stairwell, which the clowns have not reached yet. Unreachable target!

A few clowns begin destroying all my workshops and burning masterworks. Eventually, a clown reaches the area below the taverns and one of my soldiers kills it with minimal injury. Eventually, the clowns finish destroying all my workshops, and engage some of my forces below the tavern. I manage to kill all of those while losing maybe 10 of my 40 soldiers (all of which are legendary.)

Only a handful of clowns are left. Two of the flaming ones are hanging out in the forge area, fruitlessly trying to deconstruct a floodgate in my obsidianizer. They're probably standing in the wrong spot. A few flying clowns are meandering about the caverns.

At this point, my FPS is stuck at 3 and the entire lower half of my fort is rekt. The remaining clowns are all unreachable due to the inaccessible stairwell. I lost a handful of civilians, but most were in the upper half when the clowns arrived. 20 of my 30 remaining soldiers are in the tavern, where they've always been. They never lifted a finger in defense of the fort.

At this point I decided to save-scum. I've been meaning to finish my magma moat, and that wasn't going to happen at the state my fort and FPS were in. It was a good trial run to know that I can actually beat the HFS as is. However, when I decide to open it for real, my squads will already be in position and do their f**king jobs!

The one good thing that came of this is that I've found a tile of the candy cane that goes straight down without hitting any SMR. This will be my stairwell when I decide to build Hell's Kitchen.
« Last Edit: June 18, 2016, 03:26:28 pm by Bumber »
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THE xTROLL FUR SOCKx RUSE WAS A........... DISTACTION        the carp HAVE the wagon

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YetAnotherLurker

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9797 on: June 19, 2016, 11:47:51 pm »

Turns out, starting a massive tree-chopping operation in the third cavern layer (Z32), planting some 300 tiles worth of crops in surface farms (Z154), buying out a human caravan, and butchering two dozen captive horses from the last siege, all at the same time, is a TERRIBLE idea. Especially when you only have 80ish citizens capable of work.

End result, a caravan and two dozen horses' worth of rotting meat and byproducts, every single quantum stockpile's feeder area clogged as "Store Item in Vehicle" jobs outnumber dwarves by 10 to 1, and an entire season's harvest withering in the fields.'

On the other hand, I now have a lovely pile of blood thorn and nether cap logs.
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Bumber

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9798 on: June 20, 2016, 01:49:01 am »

Climbing crundles. They interrupted a hauler, legendary blacksmith, and legendary carpenter, causing them to climb onto a shroom tree over the cavern lake. I thought that would be the worst of it.

I was wrong. The crundles climbed over to the dwarves and began a mid-climb fight. It drags on and my dwarves and a few crundles exhaust themselves and plummet into the water below. They all fall unconscious due to exhaustion and drown. The squad I ordered there to help had been just watching this take place (as I've come to expect of them,) not bothering to climb into the fight.

I have no idea what the legendaries were doing near that part of the caverns in the first place. They don't have hauling enabled. They were supposedly going to build a wall (near the unopened candy cane) when they were interrupted. Probably chased a fleeing crundle all the way.
« Last Edit: June 20, 2016, 01:53:52 am by Bumber »
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Reading his name would trigger it. Thinking of him would trigger it. No other circumstances would trigger it- it was strictly related to the concept of Bill Clinton entering the conscious mind.

THE xTROLL FUR SOCKx RUSE WAS A........... DISTACTION        the carp HAVE the wagon

A wizard has turned you into a wagon. Was this inevitable (Y/y)?

Blackadder

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9799 on: June 21, 2016, 11:27:49 pm »

So, I've gotten into the game again recently, and was messing around with a few of the latest Masterwork mod settings. One of the DF Therapist options allows assigning labor to children.

Now, for a bit of background, from an ethics standpoint I am against both cheating in a video game, and child labor - however, being the dirty capitalist and efficient fortress manager that I am, I could not turn down the opportunity to squeeze a little profit out of the little snots. The trick is to make it seem like a game! Lost a finger? Go dive in that stockpile and find it! Make sure you grab any rats you see in the process, dirty bastards.

I digress. It seems that one of my newly enslaved hired laborers has decided to follow the illustrious career path of "murderous little piece of shit" and in the process took the lives of three of my peasant military drones. Granted, they were a far-cry from the slotted-spoon-wielding elite guardsmen who followed our (former) expedition leader and only grumbled occasionally. They -have- been grumbling a bit more now that Uzol has assumed the new position, in place of the freshly deceased (and quite overly-perfumed) former expedition leader.

Our diagnostician, recently appointed after a quick study of "Basic Anatomy for F*#@ing Dumbf*#$s" mentions some nonsense about a "Strange Mood". We just think it's the plump helmets. Worst form of mind control the Dwarven Empire has ever developed.
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AzyWng

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9800 on: June 22, 2016, 08:30:49 am »

I digress. It seems that one of my newly enslaved hired laborers has decided to follow the illustrious career path of "murderous little piece of shit" and in the process took the lives of three of my peasant military drones.

Did they go nuts or something?

God damn your military drones must suck!
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pikachu17

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9801 on: June 22, 2016, 10:41:35 am »

Vampire maybe?
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Blackadder

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9802 on: June 22, 2016, 10:50:12 am »


Did they go nuts or something?

God damn your military drones must suck!

They were not yet armed, something I have now remedied - however I was impressed an unarmed child was able to kill three 50-80 year old dwarves in a wrestling match. Our children are now being kept in a secure prison daycare facility to prevent future incidents.
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Urist McWrestler: "Hmm, maybe if I bite his ear with my front top teeth, bite his foot with my front bottom teeth, and bite his right hand with my back bottom teeth, I can easily win this fight!"
It's not a real PARTY until the queen has a baby, picks it up, kills two goblins by punching THROUGH THE SKULL with her remaining hand, and then finishes off half a barrel of fungus wine while still nursing.

YetAnotherLurker

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9803 on: June 23, 2016, 04:21:11 am »

One of my roller-powered lead minecart grinders jammed because I threw about 60 greater badgermen on horses in at once. I now had 100-odd bruised and angry badgermen and horses stuck under my entrance bridge, with no safe way to let them out. Magma was considered and discarded, as I didn't want to go to the trouble of rebuilding everything after it all melts. So, I built an extension to my pump stack to turn the grinder pit into a drowning chamber. Only a few minor flooding problems, quickly contained, occur as I build a drainage system, and the test run successfully provides me with another few years' worth of horse meat and badgerite.

Fast forward a few years. I've replaced the rock-filled lead minecarts with lead-filled gold minecarts in an attempt to increase lethality and reduce jamming, and another 60+ mounted badgermen lay siege to my fortress. I drop them in as before, flip the switch to begin harvesting this year's crop, and go back to supervising my military as they hunt down a forgotten beast in the third cavern. After a while, I notice the siege still hasn't broken, so I take a look in the pit. All of the minecarts are piled in a line ending in a corner, once again there's 50 angry badgers and their horses in my pit. I take a closer look, and find, in the corner, "dead muddy cave wheat" instead of "Obsidian Track NE".

Looks like I'm going to have to rebuild everything anyway to make it plant-proof.
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Random_Dragon

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9804 on: June 23, 2016, 04:36:26 am »

Modding bug of the day: Phantom spiders and acorn flies having no fucking clue what they're made of to due a typo.
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Dirst

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9805 on: June 23, 2016, 12:47:30 pm »

Modding bug of the day: Phantom spiders and acorn flies having no fucking clue what they're made of to due a typo.
To be fair, I don't think real flies have any idea what they're made from either.
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Random_Dragon

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9806 on: June 23, 2016, 02:26:22 pm »

True, but do they know their bodies at least exist? o3o
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Repseki

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9807 on: June 23, 2016, 05:26:23 pm »

True, but do they know their bodies at least exist? o3o

Sounds like the subject of a Dwarven Philosophy book.
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Urist McColeTheo

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9808 on: June 23, 2016, 11:22:56 pm »

I used to think "potash" was some weirdly named food product made of potatoes so I considered Potash Makers useless.

Up until now I was pronouncing it "puhtash."
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YetAnotherLurker

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #9809 on: June 24, 2016, 12:33:27 pm »

I spent quite a bit of time securing an area around a lake in the third cavern layer over 100 Z-levels below the core of my fortress to fish in, in hopes of acquiring some cave lobsters on the off chance shells are demanded by a mood. I just discovered that my fortress is home to aquifer turtles, and that they can be pumped with no problems.
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