Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Broose]

Man sees woman being mugged. Saves woman and beats mugger intensly. Story follows the mugger who turns out to be a single parent struggling to make ends meet. Woman is actually an abusive, dominating wife and mother. Teaches us that everything is relative. Call it "What would you do for her?"

This is such a great idea.

I am reminded of a comic:

http://pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF106-Billy_the_Bunny.jpg

[Yanlin]

Man sees woman being mugged. Saves woman and beats mugger intensly. Story follows the mugger who turns out to be a single parent struggling to make ends meet. Woman is actually an abusive, dominating wife and mother. Teaches us that everything is relative. Call it "What would you do for her?"

This is such a great idea.

A good scriptwriter writes a good script. A great scriptwriter writes a good movie.

What looks good on paper, doesn't have to look as good on screen.

Just trust me on this. It just wont work. Not with my capabilities at least.

[Pleeb]

A good scriptwriter writes a good script. A great scriptwriter writes a good movie.

And combined with a good director you get a great movie. Need someone with vision, not just writing skills.

[Vactor]

Have you considered doing stop motion?  Unless you have a local group of very adept actors at your disposal it won't matter how good your script is, the delivery will undo it.  I had the most fun doing school projects using stop motion, using legos for broad shots, and adjustable action figures for closer shots.  This will allow you to put it into a larger variety of settings as well, depending on what you've got for action figures..  Also using legos allows for more dramatic landscapes, a patch of sand becomes a desert, a half buried rock a cliff face.

Also, as with short stories, IMO the best stories are the ones that have some sort of unforseen twist (unforseen either to the reader, or to the characters(Nightfall by Isaac Asimov)) only revealed at the end, rather than a slow exploration of a lesson to be learned.  (especially if there were clues along the way, that the reader dosen't pick up on, but in hindsight all of the clues fall into place(The Lurking Fear by H.P. Lovecraft)

[Yanlin]

A good scriptwriter writes a good script. A great scriptwriter writes a good movie.

And combined with a good director you get a great movie. Need someone with vision, not just writing skills.

I AM the director. So I know my capabilities.

You're also mistaken in your statement. A good director wont make a good movie from a bad script. He'll only bump it up to average.

Have you considered doing stop motion?  Unless you have a local group of very adept actors at your disposal it won't matter how good your script is, the delivery will undo it.  I had the most fun doing school projects using stop motion, using legos for broad shots, and adjustable action figures for closer shots.  This will allow you to put it into a larger variety of settings as well, depending on what you've got for action figures..  Also using legos allows for more dramatic landscapes, a patch of sand becomes a desert, a half buried rock a cliff face.

Also, as with short stories, IMO the best stories are the ones that have some sort of unforseen twist (unforseen either to the reader, or to the characters(Nightfall by Isaac Asimov)) only revealed at the end, rather than a slow exploration of a lesson to be learned.  (especially if there were clues along the way, that the reader dosen't pick up on, but in hindsight all of the clues fall into place(The Lurking Fear by H.P. Lovecraft)

I'm not that good with stopmotion.

[bjlong]

You have nothing? No plot? No characters? No setting?

Alright, in 15 minutes you can only set up 3 characters. Setting needs to be able to be expositioned, more or less, in two sentences (plus visual cues, like costuming.) Plot can be structured into three parts 3-7 minutes long: the setup (where you present the central conflict and its history), the turning (where you hint at how the conflict will go and build emotional tension) and the ending (which is where you resolve the conflict.) Of course you know all this, so... um... yeah. There you go.

Let's try to come up with something with a happy ending, here, because I spit in the face of true art.

Setting: Somewhere duels were regularly fought. 17-18th centuries Europe would work. (Costuming would be relatively easy for these times, too.)

Characters: The Duelist (Male lead: calm and calculating always, likes Rose); Henry (Duelist's foil: passionate with no skill in arms, perhaps aspiring lawyer, loves Rose); Rose (Romantic interest, loves Henry, very witty, has a good friendship w/UST w/Duelist)

Plot summary: Begins in media res, hilltop at dawn-ish. Duelist and Henry stand in a field of roses, wearing simple clothing, armed with knives. A referee or official is nearby. Some voice over opening philosophy, maybe, from Duelist.

Flashback to earlier times. We get a day or two in the life of Duelist. He claims that the only way for him to make money is by being a fighter, as he has no other marketable skills. Since it's peacetime, that means he duels in place of the wealthy or disabled, for money. (Note: this happened historically! Weird, huh?) He lives a very frugal life, in a small, dirty house. He has a tolerable relationship to Henry--some business stuff, perhaps, which shouldn't be out of the question--dueling laws were notoriously byzantine. Goes out of his way to talk to Rose, who disapproves of his lifestyle and lets him know it, but is willing to talk. At some point she says the line "I could never love someone with blood on his hands," possibly when talking about Henry.

At one point, Duelist's UST shows, and he corners Rose in a somewhat sensuous position. She protests, but not too loudly. Henry catches them, blames Duelist, and challenges him to a duel to the death. Perhaps some exposition, where we see that he really means it and won't back down for anything.

Back to present. We hear the challenge to a duel and the line "I could never love someone with blood on his hands" again, in voice over. The official starts the duel. Henry leaps in with a wild swing. Duelist ducks under swing, reaching down to crush a rose, and pushes Henry back as he stands up. Duelist throws rose petals in Henry's face, then runs from the duel. Henry then says that he'll let the Duelist run, but will kill him if he comes back, almost friendly now. Some more philosophy, maybe.

Possible lines:

(Beginning)

Duelist: Every now and then, we are given a choice--whether to hurt those who have hurt us, or to let them continue. To repay them for the flowers stolen, or to let them twist their knives in our wounds. It is human nature to choose the first--inevitably, all men do. I know--I have made a profession of hurting back, of killing. I am a duelist, settling disputes of "honor" for a tidy sum. This, however, this is my choice.

---

(Talking to Rose)

Duelist: So I've heard you fancy this Henry fellow.

Rose: None of your business, sir.

Duelist: Apologies.

Rose (somewhat playful): So you do know how to apologize. One wonders why you don't do that, rather than killing people who argue too much.

Duelist: Perhaps there's no money in it.

Rose: Perhaps if you'd studied law...

Duelist: Perhaps if I was Henry, you mean.

Rose: No! But now that you mention it, I might fancy him. Just a bit.

(Duelist looks upset)

Rose: What's wrong with that?

Duelist: Oh, just worried. He can't defend himself, you see.

Rose: Of course not! I could never abide a man with blood on his hands.

Duelist (even more upset, but hides it quickly): Hmm. Well, all the same, he should defend himself.

Rose: You're too worried. Besides, he has an unbridled passion about him--anyone who might try to fight him would surely be daunted.

Duelist: A hot head is soon lost.

Rose: Oh, no more of your silly proverbs.

---

(Henry discovering Duelist, Rose, after forcing them apart)

Henry: What the hell, man?! *slaps the Duelist* I thought you were a gentleman! I thought you trustworthy!

Duelist: I--

Henry: By God, what are you thinking? Infringing on her honor? Coward! I demand satisfaction!

Rose: Henry...

Duelist: A duel?

Henry: Yes, sir! To the death!

Duelist: I beg you to reconsider.

Henry: There is nothing--!

Rose: No, Henry, please don't...

Henry: There is nothing to reconsider!

Duelist: Very well, then, knives at dawn. I'll alert the official, he'll set the grounds.
---

If a rose garden is too much to find, then have the Duelist come on scene with a rose, which he can let drop to the ground before the fight begins. Otherwise, a simple pastoral scene could work--a farm, or a park.

[Yanlin]

I honestly don't like that script. The setting doesn't click with me.

But it is however passable. But fighting over the love interest is so cliche.

[Little]

It's cliche because it happens too much in real life.

[GruffyBears]

Everything's a fucking cliche. When it comes down to it, if you used that script with enough talent, the cliche would be irrelevant, it'd still appeal.

[Vactor]

a few more tidbits of advice:

write what you know

people care more about who a character is than what a character does.  what they do should reflect on who they are, not be who they are.

[bjlong]

Yanlin: Not much of a script. I gave you setting, plot, characters, and a few snatches of dialogue. Glad to hear you think it's passable as a script as is. Me, I would have wanted to refine it a lot more.

Seems you really won't be satisfied by anything posted, after looking over the topic--I'd recommend making your own script from scratch, rather than asking for help.

[Yanlin]

Yanlin: Not much of a script. I gave you setting, plot, characters, and a few snatches of dialogue. Glad to hear you think it's passable as a script as is. Me, I would have wanted to refine it a lot more.

Seems you really won't be satisfied by anything posted, after looking over the topic--I'd recommend making your own script from scratch, rather than asking for help.

Oh trust me. I've easily thought up about a dozen good ideas. NONE of which I could actually produce because of technical limitations, production limitations and budget limitations.

I am simply incapable of thinking in the way required to make short movies.

However, a friend was kind enough to provide me with a "Good enough" script idea and I am going to use that one.



The basic idea is a slapstick comedy about two idiots who live in a boarding school. It's the afternoon. They are hungry. So they sneak into the mess hall. A ton of comedic situations happen. You know how it goes. Oh and there's a continuity screw in there somewhere.

I decided to add a small stealth motif where they are sneaking around Sam Fisher style. I'll probably either use Bond music (Because everyone heard it.) or actual Splinter Cell music (It sounds so fucking good when sneaking is involved.)

Since the actual video is basically one of the 3 graduation projects I need to do to get my... I have no idea what to call it, but let's say diploma. Since the movie is not copyrighted and the idea itself is basically open domain as far as anyone is concerned, it's fair use. So I'm covered on the legal side. Or I could use original music recored by "the" school band.

The ending consists of them actually getting in the mess hall kitchen and stealing something to eat. When they get back to their dorms, after almost losing the Mac Guffin along the way... They discover it's rotten and unedible. Since they had such a hard time on the first run... They will not try again. Fin. Set up for sequel. Entire movie is pointless.

Frankly, I can see that working rather well with the tools at my disposal. It's not the best script, but it's the one that works best for my conditions.

I think I'll start writing it tomorrow or something. Right now, you guys can pitch title ideas!

[Luke_Prowler]

Silent but deadly?

[Yanlin]

Nah. The best idea I had so far was Bond styled. Because frankly, half the movie is a Bond reference.

"From the mess hall with love"