Oh Carp
“You there!” called out Mandy pointing at a dwarf in the group. “Come here would you, we need to talk.”
The dwarf, looking quite worried, reluctantly joined Mandy outside the room.
“Look, I don't know what you have heard but I can ass-”
“Hello Overlord.” said one of the other dwarves out in the hall.
“Do I know you?”
“Oh yes. I only brought you your food for nearly a season.” replied Art.
“Brought me my food? But only the.... Oh Carp.” sputtered Overlord.
“I'm afraid we are all out of carp, but we do have some absolutely lovely slugmen that we could see about introducing you to.” said Mandy.
“I'm well and truly down a pit without a pick arn't I? Why do the gods hate me?” said Overlord in a voice of toneless despair.
“So what ARE we going to do with her anyway?” asked Gear.
Mandy just shrugged, “I was thinking we could use a dedicated refuse hauler.”
“Sure we don't want to just dig a hole and leave him to starve in it?” asked Loki.
“No! Please! Haven't you already ruined my life enough?” pleaded Overlord.
“And just how did we ruin your life oh high and mighty Overlord of the Mining Prison?” asked Skuz.
“Do you honestly think I'd have come out to a place like this?” Overlord waved her arm at the surrounding fort, “If I was still in charge of Axegrind?”
“So why ARE you here anyway?” asked Mandy.
“That thrice cursed Athel said I could hide from my creditors here. Said it was the perfect place for me, why it was even near the fort I used to run so I should be somewhat familiar with the area!” ranted Overlord “If I see that lying daughter of a near sighted goblin and a camel again I will personally feed her a mining pick... sideways.”
“Well that much we have in common.” commented Mandy dryly.
“But as for you, I had plans for you if I ever found you. When you escaped, you triggered a riot that wound up destroying half the fort!” said Overlord
“Half the fort, destroyed? How? You had enough guards around that you should have been able to deal with anything. If we had even suspected they were so incompetent....”
“Bah! Fat lot of good a bunch of guards does you when someone causes a cave in that collapses most of their barracks! Why couldn't you have stolen the cart with the picks in it instead of the one with the axes?” said Overlord.
“The other cart had picks in it?” asked Gear looking stunned.
“Oh yes. So when one of the prisoners who had spotted you lot actually getting away with the other cart told the rest what happened, they all rushed the depot. We drove them back, but not before they got some of the picks in the other cart.” continued Overlord.
“I knew we should have taken the other cart!” shouted Art.
Mandy scowled, “Well we didn't. Now be quiet I want to know what happened next.”
Overlord looked at the scowling faces around her. “Ooooh.... so that's why you have a mostly wooden fort!” she laughed. “Ha! So there is some justice in the world after all. How did you like living like hu-” *Thwack* “OUCH!”
“Next time it won't be the flat of the axe. Now continue the story.” snapped Mandy.
Overlord muttered something under her beard but went on with the tale. “Well we drove them back but this time they kept on fighting us instead of just giving up after a bit like normal. We didn't realize why until there was a terrible crash and a huge cloud of dust swept over everything blocking our view. When the dust finally settled, there was a large pile of rocks and rubble where the barracks and part of the outer wall used to stand.”
“Just how long were you fighting them that they managed to do all that?” asked Mandy.
“Not long at all, I knew we had some really skilled miners among the ranks what with them spending all day chipping stone, but I had no idea they could dig that fast.” said Overlord.
“Well there wasn't much reason for them to dig fast for you.” commented Mandy. “So I take it the shame of having all those horrible criminals escape caused you to go into hiding and you wound up here?”
“Not quite.” said Overlord. “I did try and salvage the fort with the guards I had left. Unfortunately we couldn't quite get the bodies buried fast enough and the cave in had smashed our primary dining hall along with a fair portion of our booze supply. Hardly a week had gone past before the first dwarf snapped and started beating one of the cats to death with his sock. Then another started crawling around babbling and tossing off all her clothes before leaping off a cliff. After that I don't really remember much other than a seemingly endless stream of insanity and madness. I felt like I was living in one of those tales of Boatmurdered that my granny kept telling me as a kid. It was horrible.” Overlord stopped and stared quietly ahead for a while.
Mandy prodded her with the axe. “Well what then?”
“Not much left to tell. I abandoned the place as soon as it became apparent that I was the only sane one left. When I finally got back to the Mountainhome I had a notice of Exile for my troubles. Seems they did not much like having to send a full reclaim party. Then, if that wasn't bad enough, some dwarves whom I had borrowed money from decided that since I was going to be exiled, now was the time to collect.”
“Let me guess, one of those dwarves was Athel?” said Mandy.
“Me and my stupid White Jade Figurine collection.” muttered Overlord. “If I could have just left those alone, I'd have never needed to borrow that gold from her. She said I could just come here and she would consider the debt payed off. By the gods she must be having a grand laugh at my expense right now.”
“Well I have to say, hearing that pit has crumbled into ruin has put me in a much better mood.” commented Gear. There was a nodding of heads all around.
“So you won't throw me in a pit to starve?” asked Overlord.
“Well the year is still young, but you get to stay out of the pit for today Overlord.” said Mandy.
“Do you have to keep calling me that?” asked Overlord.
“Oh yes, especially since you don't seem to like it very much. Besides, none of us use our real names here.” said Mandy. “As for what you will be doing, we just had an attack by goblins and as much as I dislike the idea of arming you, you do have some experience with the guard, so welcome to the millitary.”
“Wha? But I was just a chisel pusher! I never even picked up an axe before!” sputtered Overlord.
“Who said you get an axe? You get a hammer. Something to symbolize the justice of the situation.” said Mandy grinning.
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Topic: Apexwhips - Convicts at large (Read 23184 times)