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[TamerVirus]

the "manna from heaven" the Israelites ate was almost certainly literally poop.

What would YOU eat if you were lost in the desert for years?

[Eric Blank]

The wildlife. As is available. Then again there isn't 2 million of me to feed.

[Loud Whispers]

Well, we pretty much know what that's called. It's also called "honeydew". It's the poop of insects which drink tree sap. Exactly like this "manna", honeydew is called honeydew because it condenses out on the ground in the morning.

Does your God know
Insects grow
In my pome?
BIG FIG WASP!

Jesus cursed the fig tree because the poor thing didn't have any fig wasps around it. Poor misunderstood fig tree

[Iduno]

"honeydew". It's the poop

That explains the quality of honeydew melons.

[Reelya]

Yeah, I never understood Jesus' fig tree rant.

Note that you can see the evolution of myth at work by comparing the versions as they evolved

The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. Then he said to the tree, "May no one ever eat fruit from you again".

In the morning, as they went along, they saw the fig tree withered from the roots. Peter remembered and said to Jesus, "Rabbi, look! The fig tree you cursed has withered!"

because it was not the season for figs.

Later version:

Early in the morning, as Jesus was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, "May you never bear fruit again!" Immediately the tree withered. When the disciples saw this, they were amazed. "How did the fig tree wither so quickly?"

The first version, guy ranting about fruit trees not having fruit out of seasons, and this being interpreted as something miraculous by wide-eyed followers, has some real Monty Python's Life of Brian vibes to it.

EDIT: I do get the point about the fig wasps, but it's not actually relevant here because the oldest gospel does point out that the disciples were well aware that it wasn't even fig season.

[Il Palazzo]

Later version:

Uh, wasn't the author of the gospel of Matthew using the gospel of Mark as a basis? I.e., the chronology should go the other way around?

[Ulfarr]

The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. Then he said to the tree, "May no one ever eat fruit from you again".

In the morning, as they went along, they saw the fig tree withered from the roots. Peter remembered and said to Jesus, "Rabbi, look! The fig tree you cursed has withered!"

because it was not the season for figs.

The all-loving-God, ladies and gents. Now available in petulant man-child flavour at your local church.

[scriver]

Later version:

Uh, wasn't the author of the gospel of Matthew using the gospel of Mark as a basis? I.e., the chronology should go the other way around?

As far as I know the gospels consisered most "authentic", ie most "in-their-own-wordsy", are the ones of Mark and John. But iirc I don't think anyone is considered directly based of of another one except Luke, which is basically directly transcribing Matthew.

But in the latin alphabet, wine startsh with an v.

Spoiler: Jesus got crucified jesus christ just let the man have some wine (click to show/hide)

The sacking of the temple market comes into a whole different light once you remember Jesus had an entourage of 4000 (or was it 40 000?) followers to feed. Some of which was Zealots, religious knife terrorists, and whose right hand man was called Iscariot, which some people translate to "the Long Knife" or something.

Edit: forgot you say Luke in English, not Lukas

[Reelya]

Later version:

Uh, wasn't the author of the gospel of Matthew using the gospel of Mark as a basis? I.e., the chronology should go the other way around?

sorry i pasted the names the wrong way around the first time, it's fixed now.

[scourge728]

Yeah, I never understood Jesus' fig tree rant.

Note that you can see the evolution of myth at work by comparing the versions as they evolved

The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. Then he said to the tree, "May no one ever eat fruit from you again".

In the morning, as they went along, they saw the fig tree withered from the roots. Peter remembered and said to Jesus, "Rabbi, look! The fig tree you cursed has withered!"

because it was not the season for figs.

Later version:

Early in the morning, as Jesus was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, "May you never bear fruit again!" Immediately the tree withered. When the disciples saw this, they were amazed. "How did the fig tree wither so quickly?"

The first version, guy ranting about fruit trees not having fruit out of seasons, and this being interpreted as something miraculous by wide-eyed followers, has some real Monty Python's Life of Brian vibes to it.

EDIT: I do get the point about the fig wasps, but it's not actually relevant here because the oldest gospel does point out that the disciples were well aware that it wasn't even fig season.

To be fair, if someone curses the tree and the tree just dies, even overnight, that seems pretty miraculous to me

[TamerVirus]

GOD
HATES
FIGS

[Kagus]

Probably some metaphorical yadda yadda about people who are only kind and generous when it's the appropriate time for it, and Jesus hating on the hypocrites or something...

But yes, this:

GOD
HATES
FIGS

is my favorite.

[Reelya]

To be fair, if someone curses the tree and the tree just dies, even overnight, that seems pretty miraculous to me

Oh lordy. I was looking this up to get more context and came across this doozy (google books). The two gospels don't match on whether the tree withered right away or overnight, so this theologian has it that there were two fig trees, and Jesus looked for figs on consecutive days, and not finding any each time, cursed a different fig tree. Apparently he leveled-up his cursing as the first fig tree cursing was overnight and it was only the second fig-tree cursing which was immediate.

[Kagus]

The one time Jesus actually had a second coming, and it was just to yell at trees...

Dreadful service, one star.

[BlackFlyme]

Found some of my old GameBoy stuff. No batteries in the Color or Advance, I can't find the chargers for the SP and the DS, and some of the games look to have been damaged though. At the very least, The Castlevania Adventure won't even start. But I know there's still more of it buried somewhere in boxes.

Also an old Conan cartoon on VHS. For kids. Wasn't expecting that alongside my Pokemans and Sonic cartoons.