The social confidant! I usually prefer to check in on people one-on-one over coffee or some other low-exertion activity, then work for group harmony (arranging the get-together, bringing supplies, keeping people included in conversations, etc) when we're all together. I still try to live up to the 'Den Mother' moniker they gave me years back.
Those one-on-ones, when you can really get to the meat & potatoes of what your friend is really feeling, work through some strife, or hash up new, inane in-jokes, those are my favorite.
Well, it's one of the safer ways to keep friends right now, anyways- fewer peoples' airs to breathe, less huffing and puffing, no shortage of anxieties to work through.
*fistbump* so many anxieties!
I'll admit that I rarely do the work to plan (except volunteering to do the scheduling part if someone's not sure about the "when," because my schedule is usually the most complicated and unusual). Most of my instigating socializing is in terms of regularly sending texts to everyone friendish on my contact lists, and once-monthly or seasonal events where I cook special food and host a get-together of 1 - 4 people. I also send people artwork presents or other small gifts in the mail frequently, but not regularly. Only when I feel like it. Other than that I'm just a cheerleader LOL. I cannot make things happen and have no interest in doing so.
What is the difference between acquaintance and friend? Length of time spent with them? How much is known?
*cracks knuckles*
it's big bro Veccie's week off and boy howdy am I ready to answer your question!
OK, first I will say that my family is a metaphorical dumpster fire and that I had to figure out social relationships mostly by myself
and through rigorously reading shonen manga and Homestuck, so my social tree may not be "normal."
THE PERSON YOU KNOW. You don't know much more about this person than their name and what they look like. Maybe this is the friend of a friend that you met at a birthday party or someone at work in another department. You have no meaningful experiences together and they only matter to you for their relevance to a social web you are part of. You do not like or dislike this person and probably have no real interest in them.
THE ACQUAINTANCE. This is a person who you have known for a while (in my case, I'd say probably at least a few months) but cannot have an emotionally warm relationship with for whatever reason. Maybe you are on different life stages/trajectories and that really matters to your relationship, maybe your politics are too different, maybe you have no meaningful common interests that give you joy, maybe this person has an enraging personal habit that is not objectively Wrong but which annoys you to the point that you tend to avoid them, or maybe they're that one barista you shoot the shit with at the coffee shop but aren't real friends with due to professional distance. But regardless. You know this person, apparently, and you probably talk sometimes. It's not likely that you laugh much together.
THE DISTANT FRIEND. You like talking to and seeing this person but you only do so once or twice a year. It's a formal relationship and you might bring a "hostess gift" when you see them; they have no idea what kind of tea you want and let you raid their entire stash, or make sure that there is a range of special food to try if you are visiting at their place. The point is, it's not casual. The conversation is about something like world events, the evils of health insurance companies, clever anecdotes, or an organization you both belong to peripherally. You don't talk about the things that matter the most to you personally together because you just don't see each other enough. Regardless, this person is definitely a friend because you feel so happy when you see them. In my case, I find that I often know at least one piece of more private information/"dirt" about this person. But you're not the person who they work that stuff through with.
THE BUDDY/THE SQUAD MEMBER. This person gives you a lot of joy, but your relationship is almost solely based on talking about or enjoying one particular common hobby, interest, or fandom. The relationship is comfortable and warm. You maybe have in-jokes and cuddle sometimes but in an emergency, you probably don't call this person first. They don't check on you regularly. They love you but not like that. Note that this dynamic changes somewhat when you are with your
SQUAD or
GROUP OF BUDDIES, where with more members the feeling of comfort, safety, and love stacks. This is your tabletop group, your martial arts crew, or your asshole childhood friends. It's about the regular meetings as a group rather than the intimate individual relationship. You might occasionally help each other with a concrete emotional issue but it's probably a long conversation once or twice a year. One or more of these might be a friendly rival.
THE MENTOR. This is the good boss or the professor who took a shine to you. They make sure that you have your basic needs in terms of food, housing, internet, and education met, help you advance in your career and meet important contacts, and might even nag you about wearing your bike helmet or help you pick a life partner. This person is more of a surrogate parent than a friend. You touch base with them every once in a while to confirm that you are all right. They love you, all right. You want to be just like this person one day!
THE INTIMATE FRIEND. These are the peers who, provided there are enough of them, hopefully keep you out of the therapist's office and/or bar. You have probably said "I love you" to this person before in some form, and might have pet names for each other. There is a reasonable likelihood that if you are of the opposite sex, outsiders will assume that you are married. The relationship transcends the things that you have in common and is more about your temperaments and the care you put into tending each other as individuals. You send each other gifts sometimes in order to express affection and reflect the value which they bring to your life. You have fought multiple times and the relationship survived. This is the person you go to when you have a problem that you can't solve on your own: recovering from abuse, transitioning genders, advice dealing with your romantic partner, anything that too big for you to deal with alone. These relationships do not fully form until at least a year has passed. You would recognize this person anywhere and might be able to pick up the relationship right where it left off even after a years-long break if you ran into each other again. These are the kinds of people who say "call me any time for any reason" and mean it.
THE FOIL. This is the person who, on every personality trait you can think of, is either exactly like you or exactly your opposite. Most of your interests are the same or similar. Your relationship, whatever it is, will definitely be intense and probably life-changing for both of you. You are regularly mistaken either for each other or for lovers. You pick up each other's body language and habits. You said either "I love you" or "I hate you" once and that was all that was necessary. You might bounce in and out of each other's lives periodically; you dream about each other and have imaginary conversations. Time and space are totally irrelevant to this relationship. Every interaction is a gift. You will always remember this person. They know you better than yourself.
Surprisingly, these do actually exist in real life outside of a romantic context. However, they are rare.
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Topic: [MILK] There were 12 eggs here what did you do with them? (Happy thread?!) (Read 14561744 times)