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[Kagus]

I'm having a little bit of a hard time processing the whole thing, although that might have something to do with it not really being "done" just yet.

So, the father is a friend of mine... And many years ago, he was together with a gal back in the UK. They had a kid together, and somehow managed to stick things out for a few years despite the mum being a bit awful. Then finally they split up, but since they weren't officially married when the child was born, he had no legal rights to custody. He tried fighting the courts for over a year, but no go. The last time he got to see her was when she was five. Beyond that, the mom blocked all contact.

Fast forward to 2019, and I ran into him at the bar. He was having a bit of a hard day, as he'd just realized it was his daughter's 18th birthday. She was an adult, and he'd never gotten to be a dad for her. To make matters more "real", a friend of ours had managed to dig up her Facebook profile, so he even had an adult face to go with the realization. ...it was a rough night for him.

And, for whatever reason, I couldn't really let the thing go. I looked her up myself (I was a bit inebriated at the time and didn't remember how her name was spelled, so I had to spend some time piecing it together again... Way to go, Drunk Tracy), and then spent a year or so wrestling with myself on whether or not I should do anything.

I knew that he almost certainly wasn't going to reach out to her... He didn't want to cause trouble for her with her mom, and for all he knew she felt that he'd abandoned her and would want nothing to do with him. That was a rejection he wouldn't have been able to take. Similarly, I felt like I couldn't ask him if he wanted help, because requesting his go-ahead would basically just put him in the same position conscience-wise.

Eventually, earlier this year, I took the plunge. I went behind his back and reached out to her. We talked for a while about the whole situation (which, coming from a complete rando on Facebook, must've been very weird for her), and she ended up expressing almost exactly the same misgivings that her dad was having. She was worried that he really didn't want anything to do with her, was afraid that if she did reach out to him that she'd get ignored or turned down, and that she didn't feel like she could handle that reality.

We got to the point where she said that she'd consider sending him a message. Which was all I could've asked of her, and more... ...but months passed, and I hadn't heard anything from either. It was apparently just a bit too daunting with only my reassurances that she'd be welcomed.


Last night, I eventually got to the point of opening up to him and explaining the whole thing. I knew I was risking our friendship, but I had to make sure that if there was a chance of making things right, that I would do whatever was required. I figured he'd probably be furious with me for going around him like that. And, heck, maybe there's a part of him that is... At the time though, he was mainly just overwhelmed by the window of opportunity to actually get in touch with his daughter, after he'd more or less given up hope of that ever happening. I showed him the transcripts of the conversation, that she really did want to talk to him, but that she was scared he wouldn't accept her.



He's going to send her a message today.

[hector13]

People can be so stupid sometimes.

It might just be me but surely having closure of the situation, one way or the other, is better than the uncertainty?

Ah well. You probably would have been better spending your time encouraging him to get in touch, but as long as he does get in touch I guess that’s the main thing.

[scriver]

I knew I was risking our friendship, but I had to make sure that if there was a chance of making things right, that I would do whatever was required. I figured he'd probably be furious with me for going around him like that.

Loving betrayals are the best betrayals

[EuchreJack]

Awh, I liked my plan better, in which Kagus slept with the recently 18 year old girl for a year, then explained it was all to build her trust so he could reintroduce her to his buddy the biological father.

"What do you mean you had hot sweaty sex with my 18 year old daughter for a year and a half?"
"I was just trying to win her confidence so I could reunite you two.  It wasn't even that good!"

Sorry if I'm trivializing this.  It's probably that I've seen so much of it, I have to deconstruct for my sanity or something.

I'd see if you can get them both into the same room together.  "Hey would you like to meet up with your relative? I've got tickets/reservations/etc."

[Vector]

wow, um, really incredibly gross my dude,


1 my fish are cute af 2 gonna get my hair cut 3 ordered a greek fisherman's cap to replace the old one 4 gonna get some cute fish enamel pins 5 put those on my blazer wear my cap disaster queer let's go

[None]

haaaaaaaaaaaaaats that sounds really fun holy cow

I got a bunch of help the other day getting code writing a really rudimentary game mod and now lua makes a little bit more sense to me. A coder I am not, but I still get to contribute to the community!

[TD1]

I just asked someone out!

Now here's to hoping I post about her response here...

[None]

Hooray for shooting your shot! It gets easier the more you do it, but it's thrilling in some way every time!

I had just a REALLY GOOD DAY today. The hair salon is partnered with the town's public garden and they're selling plants, so I got a basil on the cheap and repotted it (the pot might be too small, hopefully I haven't murdered it, but it was only two dollarinos if it fails to thrive) to live on my windowsill, there's a bookstore across that way that is SO FUCKEN' CUTE and I haven't been in there before and they've got old vault doors and shit and sell locally-made honeys and soaps and aghmaGUH it's amazing, and they've got like two book clubs and one of the current books is on the unspoken caste system of America and I am SO down to get more of that in my brain, and then I went magnet fishing and pulled up probably a hundred or maybe more pounds of various metal scrapnel (plates, pipes, hinges, etc) out of the river (literally buckets of the stuff) and talked to the kindly old man that lived in the property next to where I was tossing magnets; he told me about how he went to Japan some 12 years after the bombing of Hiroshima/Nagasaki (guy looked really, really good for his age) and how he'd made forays in Oceania while I fished around for the metal junk he kept snagging his fishing lines on, and an adolescent stopped for a bit to tell me about how his uncle magnet fishes and he hauled a working scooter out of the water once.

It's a little sad there's so much metal junk in that particular river, but by gosh, it'll keep me busy for return visits! I'm sunned and bushed but gosh darnit, what a day, I'm practically glowing.

[Bumber]

I'm practically glowing.

If the old man had visited Japan 12 years earlier, he might be too.

(Not sorry. XD)

[None]

i'd prefer he not be decaying, radioactively or organically, thanks, we had a lovely chatter and he brought a beer out for me and it's just so nice to socialize with strangers

[EuchreJack]

i'd prefer he not be decaying, radioactively or organically, thanks, we had a lovely chatter and he brought a beer out for me and it's just so nice to socialize with strangers

+1 to anyone that gives me a free beer wine.  Fuck gout.

[pisskop]

So between loans, 'borrowing money' from friends and family for a set monthly interest rate, and putting down some savings I've got around 25k for investing.

Gonna be either the best or worst decision of my life, but I quit my job to try full-time stock investing.

[EuchreJack]

Damn, I hope you make it!  Kinda the wrong year for it, I think, but I haven't been following that sort of thing lately. Which means at least my personal economy has been improving!

[pisskop]

Thanks!    Yea its been an up year for me too!  Congrats!

I made 20% of my investment last month.  If I keep that pace up I'm set to outearn my comissioned job I just quit.

[MaxTheFox]

Life is good.