I only debate when I know I'll win.
I enjoy debating when everyone else 'knows' I'll lose. Civil War debates? I'm stuck as the South, debating that Lincoln was a terrible choice for president. Crushed the opposition. Abortion? Pro-Choice in an incredibly conservative town. Crushed the opposition. Three famous Americans of the 20th century were stuck on a balloon and had to debate to see (according to the class and teacher) who would get the only parachute. The contenders? All were mighty champions of America that greatly benefited my wonderful country. Eleanor Roosevelt, womens' rights activist extraordinaire. Harriet Tubman, overrated member of the Underground Railroad.
Eric Pianka, Lizard Scientist. I was that last guy. I won.
Hard.I kid you not, I won by using my internet debating skills. and my knowledge of MS paint. I legitimately out-debated Harriet Tubman. She wasn't all that important to the Underground Railroad, and she didn't save nearly as many people as some did (There were 20 or more that saved more, and no less than three that evacuated ten times as many.) There was also that incident where she kidnapped a young girl to raise as her own. She couldn't refute any of my arguments (she barely researched anything, mainly relying on her American's fame.), and her only argument against me was that Erik Pianka once said that humans had an effect on the environment, and the only way to stop that effect is to kill all humans. (He jokingly recommended airborne Ebola, and thus he was called a bioterrorist.) Anyway, Eleanor Roosevelt was a tougher nut to crack. She was a great American, and honestly, I was in trouble. She too had few arguments against me, but I had even fewer against her. I was told by my teacher to attempt victory at any reasonable cost, however.
What was that you said? This is batshit insane demagoguery? Yes indeed. Character assassination was involved, and lots of it. You may think these pictures are unrelated, but I argumentatively proved their metaphorical meaning. The first refers to a statement I took WAY out of context. "Actors across the world are but one big family." So are dirty
communists, I said. What with their constant comradeship and all. The second picture is indeed Eleanor Roosevelt stabbing the Pope. (She once campaigned against providing government funding to religiously-affiliated schools.) The whole class except for me and a few friends were members of various denominations of Christianity, so it worked beautifully. One of Eleanor Roosevelt's more famous quotes was this. "A woman is like a tea bag. You don't know how strong she is until you put her in hot water", which I cited as this instead. "You don't know how strong (a woman) is until you put her in hot water." If that's not obvious cannibalism, I don't know what is.
My teacher was absolutely appalled. They were more appalled that my ending arguments actually made a sort of freakish sense. I completed every objective, refuted every argument, and decried my foes. Victory was mine, and the people of that alternate universe knew much about lizards the world over.
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Topic: [MILK] There were 12 eggs here what did you do with them? (Happy thread?!) (Read 14551715 times)